April 29, 2012
Guests:
Ed Gillespie
Robert Gibbs
Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA)
Rachel Maddow
Hilary Rosen
John Castellanos
Brian Williams
Jason Sudekis
Fred Armisen
*********************************
Gregory: Joe Biden says Mitt Romney
would not have killed Osama bin Laden
Gillespie: to politicize government
decisions is so shameful
Gregory: Bush put the of the
World Trade Center in his ads
Gillespie: yes but the destruction of
those building was Bush’s finest moment
Gregory: Dick Cheney says John Kerry
would weaken America
Gillespie: yes but that doesn’t count
since that was eight years ago
Gregory: is America safer because
of President Obama?
Gillespie: no because Obama has
been fighting with Israel
Gregory: I see
Gillespie: also Obama has weakened
America and under Romney our
nation will be stronger
Gregory: why is Mitt obsessed
with the Soviet Union?
Gillespie: Russia is bad and scary!
Gregory: Romney says Obama is taking
our freedom by returning to the
tax rates of the 1990s
Gillespie: President Obama is a Marxist
who raised prices for electricity
Gregory: good god
Gillespie: President Obama caused
the recession 2007
Gregory: cripes
Gillespie: also he caused another
recession in 2010
Gillespie: Bush cut taxes for the rich and
we had a terrible recession
Gillespie: that never happened -
the Bush economy was totally awesome
Gregory: how much damage did the
primary fights do to Mitt?
Gillespie: Romney was strengthened by
taking on tough opponents like
Herman Cain and Rick Santorum
Gregory: is Mitt a severe conservative
or to the left of Ted Kennedy?
Gillespie: he just hates Obama
Gregory: anything else?
Gillespie: electricity! Eee-lectriii-cityyyy!
Gregory: ok
Gillespie: if people vote for Mitt Romney
our long national nightmare of
adding jobs and killing terrorists will be over
Gregory: should women have
personal freedom or not?
Gillespie: since Obama was sworn in
women have lost jobs
Gregory: that’s not an answer
Gillespie: things were really bad in 2009
- whose fault is that?!?
Gregory: um the guy who took office in 2009?
Gillespie: exactly!
Gregory: thanks for coming Ed
[ break ]
Gregory: Bob you guys are politicizing
the killing of Osama bin Laden
Gibbs: in 2008 Obama said he would go
into Pakistan and McCain and Romney
said he wouldn’t
Gregory: did he?
Gibbs: he said it would be foolish
Gregory: does Obama really believe
Romney wouldn’t go into Pakistan
to kill bin Laden?
Gibbs: he said he wouldn’t!
Gregory: but bin laden is a bad guy
Gibbs: well then maybe Mitt is
flip-flopping on that too
Gregory: ha ha
Gibbs: also Romney would have
killed General Motors
Gregory: your campaign is indecorous
Gibbs: get used to it Fluffy
Gregory: how do you fix the recovery?
Gibbs: Bush lost 6 million jobs
Gregory: if you go by the numbers maybe
Gibbs: Romney doesn’t create jobs
- he loots companies
Gregory: they’re lootable
Gibbs: Obama has added 4 million jobs
Gregory: only four million?
Gibbs: we need a vibrant economy built to last!
Gregory: Mitt Romney says women will vote
for the GOP because gas prices are high
Gibbs: the GOP message is ‘why didn’t you
clean up the mess we made fast enough!’
Gregory: what about gyno-Americans?
Gibbs: they don’t trust women to
make their own decision!
Gregory: why should anyone vote for Obama
when Jimmy Kimmel made a joke about him?
Gibbs: we inherited the worst crisis in
50 years and now we are finally
recovering from it
Gregory: I see
Gibbs: should we elect a guy who buys
companies and fires everyone?
Gregory: maybe
Gregory: no Fluffy!
Gibbs: thanks for coming Gibber
Gregory: Hillary Rosen you said Ann Romney
worked a day in her life and those
remarks destroyed America
Rosen: how about talking about policies?
Gregory: do you think America can ever
recover from what you said?
Rosen: I do think so Fluffy
Gregory: do you hate motherhood?
Rosen: Romney wants poor working mothers
to pay more taxes while he gives his
rich friends a tax cut
Rogers: women don’t care about their bodies
- they care about the national debt
Gregory: what do women want?
Maddow: women makes 77 cents for
every dollar than women make
Castellanos: that isn’t true
Maddow: no?
Castellanos: well maybe they are
but there are reasons for it
Maddow: so it is true
Castellanos: yes but men are
valuable scientists so the should make more
Maddow: let’s talk policy - like the Fair Pay Act
Castellanos: I wish you were smart
Rachel because you are adorable
Maddow: you are a condescending jerk
Castellanos: who cares about abortion
or fair pay - the real problem is that
Obama caused the recession
Rosen: abortion fights are real!
Rogers: who cares! Gas prices are high!
Maddow: why are the GOP cracking
down on rape victims rights?
Rogers: Democrats are the ones who
are obsessed with abortion!
Castellanos: who cares about the law in Iowa??
Maddow: people in Iowa you idiot
Castellanos: What is this place called Iowa?
Is that even a state? Is that a city in
Game of Thrones?
Rosen: Mitt Romney endorsed the Paul Ryan
plan and that would cut day care which
would actually hurt women
Rogers: Paul Ryan? Iowa?? What are these
people and places you are talking about??
I’ve never heard of them!
Gregory: tell me about how you killed bin Laden
Williams: the White House photographer
helped us re-construct the moment when
bin Laden bought it
Gregory: is getting Osama political?
Williams: sure but it’s totally awesome
Gregory: that's cool B-Dub
Williams: hey if the mission had failed
don’t you think that would be political too?
Gregory: oh noe
Gregory: why is politics comedy fodder?
Sudekis: because we all look at these guys
and say oh man we’re doomed
Gregory: what’s it like playing Mitt Romney
Sudekis: he is boring like an uncrusted
butter sandwich
Gregory: You are dorky white guy playing
Barack Obama
Armisen: hey oh!
Gregory: you guys are so so funny
Armisen: ho!
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet the Press
**********************************
Sunday, April 29, 2012
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - April 29, 2012
April 29, 2012
Guests:
John Brennan
Paul Krugman
Eric Schmidt
Carly Fiorina
George Will
******************************
Stephanopoulos: wow Lindsay Lohan
was in Washington last night!
Audience: woot
Obama: Bin Laden - still dead
Stephanopoulos: I’m scared
Brennan: you should be George
Stephanopoulos: really
Brennan: al qaeda is trying to
penetrate us
Stephanopoulos: oh god
Brennan: just look at the underwear bomber
Stephanopoulos: ew no thanks
Stephanopoulos: do the terrorists still
want to attack planes?
Brennan: sure 10 years ago that one time
Stephanopoulos: should I be terrified
about another 9/11
Brennan: al qeada has been nearly destroyed
Stephanopoulos: oh that’s good
Brennan: but you should till be scared
Stephanopoulos: did killing
Osama bin Laden help?
Brennan: we took down their leader!
Stephanopoulos: who runs al qaeda now?
Brennan: they are a franchise system
like McDonalds
Stephanopoulos: I've seen our flag
on the marble arch
Brennan: yes but our war on terror
is not a victory march
Stephanopoulos: halleluja
Stephanopoulos: would bin Laden still be
alive if Mitt Romney were President?
Brennan: Obama is gutsy and pulled the
trigger and it was awesome
Brennan: it was a divided room
Stephanopoulos: Biden was worried
because this was a big freaking deal
Brennan: sure but Obama was bold -
he really hates bin Laden!
Stephanopoulos: what worried you
about the raid
Brennan: we had no idea what was in that
compound - what if it was rigged with bombs?
Stephanopoulos: wow it sounds like
only Obama would have made such
a reckless decision
Brennan: [ palmface ]
Stephanopoulos: do you really believe
our drones haven’t killed any civilians?
Brennan: if we have I have asked not
to be told about it
Stephanopoulos: so sounds like we have
Brennan: sometimes you must kill innocent
people to save innocent people
Stephanopoulos: got it
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: how is the economy?
Will: Obama needs to bring us back to
the years when the recession hit
Stephanopoulos: sounds like a sound plan
Krugman: the private sector is back but
governments keep laying people off
Fiorina: it’s true big businesses are doing
well but we must restore small business
Stephanopoulos: big businesses are
creating many jobs not in America
Schmidt: we have got to get small
businesses online so Google can
steal their personal information
Granholm: so what’s the answer - besides
handing our government over to lunatics
Krugman: the third world has more growth
because of government intervention there
Walker: we should not cut spending
or raise taxes now but we should do it
later when our problems are solved
Will: The Bond Vigilantes are scary!!
Krugman: god you are an idiot
Will: Obama has failed to cure the
problems caused the Republicans!
Krugman: because this recession was different!
Fiorina: states that cut income
taxes always do better
Krugman: Carly is lying!
Fiorina: how dare you K-Thug!
Granholm: a state-by-state race to the
bottom is national disaster
Schmidt: we have a dire computer
programmer shortage
Stephanopoulos: shit
Walker: Obamacare costs more money
Granholm: no it doesn’t you idiot
Fiorina: close all tax loopholes
except for some of them!
Will: taxes is bad!
Krugman: [ palmface ]
***********************************
Guests:
John Brennan
Paul Krugman
Eric Schmidt
Carly Fiorina
George Will
******************************
Stephanopoulos: wow Lindsay Lohan
was in Washington last night!
Audience: woot
Obama: Bin Laden - still dead
Stephanopoulos: I’m scared
Brennan: you should be George
Stephanopoulos: really
Brennan: al qaeda is trying to
penetrate us
Stephanopoulos: oh god
Brennan: just look at the underwear bomber
Stephanopoulos: ew no thanks
Stephanopoulos: do the terrorists still
want to attack planes?
Brennan: sure 10 years ago that one time
Stephanopoulos: should I be terrified
about another 9/11
Brennan: al qeada has been nearly destroyed
Stephanopoulos: oh that’s good
Brennan: but you should till be scared
Stephanopoulos: did killing
Osama bin Laden help?
Brennan: we took down their leader!
Stephanopoulos: who runs al qaeda now?
Brennan: they are a franchise system
like McDonalds
Stephanopoulos: I've seen our flag
on the marble arch
Brennan: yes but our war on terror
is not a victory march
Stephanopoulos: halleluja
Stephanopoulos: would bin Laden still be
alive if Mitt Romney were President?
Brennan: Obama is gutsy and pulled the
trigger and it was awesome
Brennan: it was a divided room
Stephanopoulos: Biden was worried
because this was a big freaking deal
Brennan: sure but Obama was bold -
he really hates bin Laden!
Stephanopoulos: what worried you
about the raid
Brennan: we had no idea what was in that
compound - what if it was rigged with bombs?
Stephanopoulos: wow it sounds like
only Obama would have made such
a reckless decision
Brennan: [ palmface ]
Stephanopoulos: do you really believe
our drones haven’t killed any civilians?
Brennan: if we have I have asked not
to be told about it
Stephanopoulos: so sounds like we have
Brennan: sometimes you must kill innocent
people to save innocent people
Stephanopoulos: got it
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: how is the economy?
Will: Obama needs to bring us back to
the years when the recession hit
Stephanopoulos: sounds like a sound plan
Krugman: the private sector is back but
governments keep laying people off
Fiorina: it’s true big businesses are doing
well but we must restore small business
Stephanopoulos: big businesses are
creating many jobs not in America
Schmidt: we have got to get small
businesses online so Google can
steal their personal information
Granholm: so what’s the answer - besides
handing our government over to lunatics
Krugman: the third world has more growth
because of government intervention there
Walker: we should not cut spending
or raise taxes now but we should do it
later when our problems are solved
Will: The Bond Vigilantes are scary!!
Krugman: god you are an idiot
Will: Obama has failed to cure the
problems caused the Republicans!
Krugman: because this recession was different!
Fiorina: states that cut income
taxes always do better
Krugman: Carly is lying!
Fiorina: how dare you K-Thug!
Granholm: a state-by-state race to the
bottom is national disaster
Schmidt: we have a dire computer
programmer shortage
Stephanopoulos: shit
Walker: Obamacare costs more money
Granholm: no it doesn’t you idiot
Fiorina: close all tax loopholes
except for some of them!
Will: taxes is bad!
Krugman: [ palmface ]
***********************************
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Meet The Press - April 22, 2012
Guests:
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
David Axelrod
Chuck Todd
Helene Cooper
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Jay Leno
Stanley Cup
***********************************
Gregory: OMG this campaign is getting dirty
- Obama said he wasn’t born with a
silver spoon in his mouth like Ricky Schroeder
Audience: ooh
Gregory: holy crap 11 members of the military
have been implicated in the Secret Service
prostitution scandal
King: I am shocked that agents went
to prostitutes - they should be fired and
elected to Congress
Gregory: wow
King: my staff is going to get the bottom
of these prostitutes
Gregory: good luck
King: we need to make sure these women
didn’t find out anything secret like
why we're in Afghanistan
Gregory: why should they have access
to information we don’t?
Issa: we are totally going to observe this investigation
Gregory: you’re a good man
Issa: I am told many of these
Columbians were foreigners
Gregory: shouldn’t we just fire
everybody in the Secret Service
Issa: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: these weren’t rookies -
what the hell were they thinking?
King: we must have a zero tolerance
policy for contact with foreigners
Gregory: what do you demand
of the President?
Issa: be hands-off and also personally
conduct the investigation
Gregory: should the Director of the
Secret Service be fired?
King: oh no - he has too many secrets
Gregory: you disappoint me
King: you should see that guy’s files
Gregory: maybe Congress should do
more oversight on the Secret Service
King: oh everyone watches porn at work
Gregory: a Secret Service agent posted on
Facebook that he was checking Sarah Palin out
Issa: woot
Gregory: and then this moron at the GSA
posted pics of him with champagne -
don’t they know people read Facebook??
Issa: we should encourage more of this
- that’s how we catch ‘em!
King: he should have posted them on Google Plus
then no one would ever know
Gregory: why the hell is Newt Gingrich
still getting Secret Service protection?
King: he is being threatened by
Tiffany collection services
[ break ]
Gregory: Is Obama hopping mad?
Axelrod: he was apoplectic about the GSA scandal
- but he loves the Secret Service
Gregory: Senator Sessions says Obama
should be protecting the Secret Service
Axelrod: that shocking because he’s usually
so supportive of the President
Gregory: was that sarcasm?
Gregory: I bet Comcast has problem employees too
Gregory: not me - I never rock the boat
Gregory: Obama leads in nearly every poll
but if you go inside the numbers he only
leads in 11 out of 15 categories
Axelrod: Romney wants to bring back
the Bush years - it didn’t fucking
the last time work
Gregory: so you won’t defend Obama?
Axelrod: he’s created millions of jobs Fluffs
Gregory: but not enough
Axelrod: the last quarter was the
best jobs quarter in six years
Gregory: this campaign is going to be
very mean - you called Mitt Romney out of touch!
Axelrod: He has an elevator for his cars Fluffy!
Gregory: who among us doesn’t have a
Carvelator™?
Axelrod: he wants to cut taxes for richest
Americans but double rates on student loans
Gregory: Karl Rove said Bush brought us
the war on terror so vote for him -
what’s your meaningless soundbite?
Gregory: the President is fighting for
the middle class
Gregory: But I don’t like Obama
Axelrod: well you’re not middle class
are you Greggers?
Gregory: I’m lower upper class
Gregory: when is Obama going cut Social Security?
Axelrod: he’s not
Gregory: but people are voting for
Mitt Romney because they hate Medicare
Axelrod: which people?
Gregory: the people I hang out with
Axelrod: there is a Reign of Terror on Capitol Hill!
Gregory: I get all my news from The Onion
Axelrod: that makes sense
Gregory: can you do big things?
Axelrod: not with the Tea Party
blocking everything
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: hey panel what about the Secret Service?
Brooks: I hate ego-centric people who think writing
for the New York Times makes them important
Cooper: Presidents are reluctant to go
after the Secret Service because they will
take a bullet for you
Todd: the media loves prostitutes
Gregory: prostitutes should be paid dammit!
Todd: The American people don’t trust
large institutions anymore
Dionne: the Secret Service scandal is
bad for progressives
Gregory: Barack Obama is going to divide
America by attacking Romney
Todd: people don’t like Romney but
they really dislike Republicans
Cooper: Is Mitt Romney a flip-flopper
or a right-wing extremist?
Brooks: I think both guys can lose the election
Gregory: at my cocktail parties we all
wonder why these guys won’t do big
things like cut Social Security!
Dionne: If Obama turns out young people,
women and blacks he’s got this
Todd: if Obama wins Hispanics he can win the West
Gregory: who will be the Vice President?
Brooks: someone really decent like Rob Portman
Cooper: McDonnell maybe boring too
but he can help with another swing state
Gregory: If Romney was serious about
the budget he would pick Paul Ryan
Dionne: Fluffy you are a moron
Todd: Senator Kelly Ayotte from New Hampshire
would be a real game-changer
Dionne: oh god
Gregory: I talked about Jay Leno
Leno: Al Gore is funny in person but
stiff on camera
Gregory: what about John Kerry?
Leno: he rode a motorcycle, drank a beer
and announced he was a regular person
Gregory: what about Mitt Romney
Leno: he exhibited many human-like qualities
Gregory: awesome
Gregory: speaking of inanimate objects
- welcome Stanley Cup!
Stanley Cup: hi Fluffy
Gregory: you are a very shiny object
Stanley Cup: I know what it takes
to get your attention
Gregory: you travel the world constantly,
are fondled by men and women, and
can hold 14 cans of beer
Stanley Cup: just like a Secret Service advance team
Gregory: thanks for coming
Stanley Cup: you’re welcome
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*********************************
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
David Axelrod
Chuck Todd
Helene Cooper
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Jay Leno
Stanley Cup
***********************************
Gregory: OMG this campaign is getting dirty
- Obama said he wasn’t born with a
silver spoon in his mouth like Ricky Schroeder
Audience: ooh
Gregory: holy crap 11 members of the military
have been implicated in the Secret Service
prostitution scandal
King: I am shocked that agents went
to prostitutes - they should be fired and
elected to Congress
Gregory: wow
King: my staff is going to get the bottom
of these prostitutes
Gregory: good luck
King: we need to make sure these women
didn’t find out anything secret like
why we're in Afghanistan
Gregory: why should they have access
to information we don’t?
Issa: we are totally going to observe this investigation
Gregory: you’re a good man
Issa: I am told many of these
Columbians were foreigners
Gregory: shouldn’t we just fire
everybody in the Secret Service
Issa: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: these weren’t rookies -
what the hell were they thinking?
King: we must have a zero tolerance
policy for contact with foreigners
Gregory: what do you demand
of the President?
Issa: be hands-off and also personally
conduct the investigation
Gregory: should the Director of the
Secret Service be fired?
King: oh no - he has too many secrets
Gregory: you disappoint me
King: you should see that guy’s files
Gregory: maybe Congress should do
more oversight on the Secret Service
King: oh everyone watches porn at work
Gregory: a Secret Service agent posted on
Facebook that he was checking Sarah Palin out
Issa: woot
Gregory: and then this moron at the GSA
posted pics of him with champagne -
don’t they know people read Facebook??
Issa: we should encourage more of this
- that’s how we catch ‘em!
King: he should have posted them on Google Plus
then no one would ever know
Gregory: why the hell is Newt Gingrich
still getting Secret Service protection?
King: he is being threatened by
Tiffany collection services
[ break ]
Gregory: Is Obama hopping mad?
Axelrod: he was apoplectic about the GSA scandal
- but he loves the Secret Service
Gregory: Senator Sessions says Obama
should be protecting the Secret Service
Axelrod: that shocking because he’s usually
so supportive of the President
Gregory: was that sarcasm?
Gregory: I bet Comcast has problem employees too
Gregory: not me - I never rock the boat
Gregory: Obama leads in nearly every poll
but if you go inside the numbers he only
leads in 11 out of 15 categories
Axelrod: Romney wants to bring back
the Bush years - it didn’t fucking
the last time work
Gregory: so you won’t defend Obama?
Axelrod: he’s created millions of jobs Fluffs
Gregory: but not enough
Axelrod: the last quarter was the
best jobs quarter in six years
Gregory: this campaign is going to be
very mean - you called Mitt Romney out of touch!
Axelrod: He has an elevator for his cars Fluffy!
Gregory: who among us doesn’t have a
Carvelator™?
Axelrod: he wants to cut taxes for richest
Americans but double rates on student loans
Gregory: Karl Rove said Bush brought us
the war on terror so vote for him -
what’s your meaningless soundbite?
Gregory: the President is fighting for
the middle class
Gregory: But I don’t like Obama
Axelrod: well you’re not middle class
are you Greggers?
Gregory: I’m lower upper class
Gregory: when is Obama going cut Social Security?
Axelrod: he’s not
Gregory: but people are voting for
Mitt Romney because they hate Medicare
Axelrod: which people?
Gregory: the people I hang out with
Axelrod: there is a Reign of Terror on Capitol Hill!
Gregory: I get all my news from The Onion
Axelrod: that makes sense
Gregory: can you do big things?
Axelrod: not with the Tea Party
blocking everything
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: hey panel what about the Secret Service?
Brooks: I hate ego-centric people who think writing
for the New York Times makes them important
Cooper: Presidents are reluctant to go
after the Secret Service because they will
take a bullet for you
Todd: the media loves prostitutes
Gregory: prostitutes should be paid dammit!
Todd: The American people don’t trust
large institutions anymore
Dionne: the Secret Service scandal is
bad for progressives
Gregory: Barack Obama is going to divide
America by attacking Romney
Todd: people don’t like Romney but
they really dislike Republicans
Cooper: Is Mitt Romney a flip-flopper
or a right-wing extremist?
Brooks: I think both guys can lose the election
Gregory: at my cocktail parties we all
wonder why these guys won’t do big
things like cut Social Security!
Dionne: If Obama turns out young people,
women and blacks he’s got this
Todd: if Obama wins Hispanics he can win the West
Gregory: who will be the Vice President?
Brooks: someone really decent like Rob Portman
Cooper: McDonnell maybe boring too
but he can help with another swing state
Gregory: If Romney was serious about
the budget he would pick Paul Ryan
Dionne: Fluffy you are a moron
Todd: Senator Kelly Ayotte from New Hampshire
would be a real game-changer
Dionne: oh god
Gregory: I talked about Jay Leno
Leno: Al Gore is funny in person but
stiff on camera
Gregory: what about John Kerry?
Leno: he rode a motorcycle, drank a beer
and announced he was a regular person
Gregory: what about Mitt Romney
Leno: he exhibited many human-like qualities
Gregory: awesome
Gregory: speaking of inanimate objects
- welcome Stanley Cup!
Stanley Cup: hi Fluffy
Gregory: you are a very shiny object
Stanley Cup: I know what it takes
to get your attention
Gregory: you travel the world constantly,
are fondled by men and women, and
can hold 14 cans of beer
Stanley Cup: just like a Secret Service advance team
Gregory: thanks for coming
Stanley Cup: you’re welcome
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*********************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - April 22, 2012
Guests:
Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)
Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY)
George Will
Donna Brazile
Matthew Dowd
Peggy Noonan
Keith Olbermann
************************************
Stephanopoulos: wow the GSA wastes
money and the Secret Service love
them some hookers!
Stephanopoulos: so it took a female
Secret Service agent to clean this up
Collins: maybe if there had a been
a woman down there this wouldn’t
have happened
Maloney: ya think!?
Stephanopoulos: were any underage
women involved?
Collins: that’s what Ted Nugent asked
when the Secret Service stopped by
Stephanopoulos: heh
Collins: why were they bringing strange
women to their hotel in the first place?
Maloney: good question Susan
Stephanopoulos: has this ever
happened before?
Collins: Supervisors were involved
so probably
Stephanopoulos: one of the agents Facebooked
that he was checking out Sarah Palin’s ass
Maloney: what an idiot
Collins: the GSA scandal is really bad!
Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney agrees
that Mitt Romney is awesome
Maloney: I would like to thank Susan
for voting for the Buffet Rule
[ high five ]
Collins: Most Americans look to the
GSA for moral leadership
Stephanopoulos: Why won’t you endorse
Mitt Romney?
Collins: who?
Stephanopoulos: He’s the Republican
nominee for President
Collins: oh in that case I guess I endorse him
Stephanopoulos: super
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: how about this
Secret Service scandal?
Will: no one is willing to say no to the Secret Service
Noonan: whatever happened to adultness?
Brazile: these guys are supposed to be
the best of the best - like Top Gun!
Olbermann: they are like priests only
they have sex with grown women
Noonan: it’s cool to be immature in America now!
Dowd: naturally Sarah Palin blamed Barack Obama
Dowd: sadly Americans have lost faith
in our three sacred institutions -
the Secret Service, professional athletes,
and the media
Brazile: let’s not throw out the baby
with the blowjob
Stephanopoulos: does it blowback to
all of government?
Olbermann: no
Noonan: Barack Obama sent a message
to blow taxpayer money
Dowd: no one is willing to tell the
American people that they suck
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Dowd: our government sucks too
Will: Solyndra!
Brazile: oh bite me George
***********************************************
Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)
Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY)
George Will
Donna Brazile
Matthew Dowd
Peggy Noonan
Keith Olbermann
************************************
Stephanopoulos: wow the GSA wastes
money and the Secret Service love
them some hookers!
Stephanopoulos: so it took a female
Secret Service agent to clean this up
Collins: maybe if there had a been
a woman down there this wouldn’t
have happened
Maloney: ya think!?
Stephanopoulos: were any underage
women involved?
Collins: that’s what Ted Nugent asked
when the Secret Service stopped by
Stephanopoulos: heh
Collins: why were they bringing strange
women to their hotel in the first place?
Maloney: good question Susan
Stephanopoulos: has this ever
happened before?
Collins: Supervisors were involved
so probably
Stephanopoulos: one of the agents Facebooked
that he was checking out Sarah Palin’s ass
Maloney: what an idiot
Collins: the GSA scandal is really bad!
Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney agrees
that Mitt Romney is awesome
Maloney: I would like to thank Susan
for voting for the Buffet Rule
[ high five ]
Collins: Most Americans look to the
GSA for moral leadership
Stephanopoulos: Why won’t you endorse
Mitt Romney?
Collins: who?
Stephanopoulos: He’s the Republican
nominee for President
Collins: oh in that case I guess I endorse him
Stephanopoulos: super
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: how about this
Secret Service scandal?
Will: no one is willing to say no to the Secret Service
Noonan: whatever happened to adultness?
Brazile: these guys are supposed to be
the best of the best - like Top Gun!
Olbermann: they are like priests only
they have sex with grown women
Noonan: it’s cool to be immature in America now!
Dowd: naturally Sarah Palin blamed Barack Obama
Dowd: sadly Americans have lost faith
in our three sacred institutions -
the Secret Service, professional athletes,
and the media
Brazile: let’s not throw out the baby
with the blowjob
Stephanopoulos: does it blowback to
all of government?
Olbermann: no
Noonan: Barack Obama sent a message
to blow taxpayer money
Dowd: no one is willing to tell the
American people that they suck
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Dowd: our government sucks too
Will: Solyndra!
Brazile: oh bite me George
***********************************************
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Meet The Press - April 15, 2012
Guests:
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-WI)
Chuck Todd
Savannah Guthrie
Harold Ford
Mike Murphy
Bill Cosby
*********************
Gregory: OMG President Hilary Rosen
attacked Ann Romney!
Audience: oh noe
Gregory: The Secret Service
went to prostitutes!
Audience: oh dear I hope President
Rosen is all right
Gregory: good morning Timmy -
let’s talk about only things
Mitt Romney wants to talk about
Geithner: ok
Gregory: Why is the recovery so slow?
Geithner: the business of America is
business and business is doing great
Gregory: I see
Geithner: the Bush recession was bad
and the crisis in Europe didn’t help
Gregory: why did my stocks go
down in last two weeks?
Geithner: don’t be so selfish Fluffy
Gregory: what about your own money?
Geithner: I invest all my money
in beanie babies
Gregory: Mitt Romney said Obama
fired 92% of women
Geithner: that’s utterly ridiculous
Gregory: is it?
Geithner: George W. Bush caused
a massive recession and men lost
their jobs in construction
Gregory: aha
Geithner: then Republicans got elected
and fired teachers which is ladies work
Gregory: we all feel that gas prices are
the most important thing ever
Geithner: gas prices go up when
the economy improves
Gregory: they do?
Geithner: also Iran saber-rattling
raises prices
Gregory: but Mr. Secretary that
it is uncertain!
Geithner: grow up Fluffy
Gregory: Obama raised the debt!
Geithner: Bush borrowed to pay for two wars,
tax cuts and a prescription drug giveaway
Gregory: but Tom Coburn says
we will be Greece in 24 months
Geithner: are you fucking serious Fluffy?
Gregory: you don’t see a debt crisis?
Geithner: not particularly
Gregory: but the debt!!
Geithner: hey if we followed Obama
proposals the debt would go down
Gregory: should we raise the debt ceiling?
Geithner: no if you want to wreck the economy
Gregory: income tax forms are too
long and complicated!
Geithner: believe me I know that
Gregory: why doesn’t the President reform
taxes instead of taxing poor rich people
Geithner: I’m sure you know we
have all kinds of proposals to
improve the tax code
Gregory: no one tells me anything
Gregory: the Buffet Rule would only
raise $5 billion a year
Geithner: just because Republicans oppose
something doesn’t make it a bad idea
Gregory: that never occurred to me
Gregory: Republicans says we should
cut taxes on rich people because
they are job creators
Geithner: we tried that - how did it work out?
Gregory: my taxes went down and
I bought a house on Martha’s Vineyard
Geithner: so we should raise taxes
on poor people?
Gregory: maybe
Gregory: Obama created an economic
recovery but it wasn’t big enough
Geithner: his policies got us out a worse
economic shock than the Great Depression
Gregory: so it’s s a success story?
Geithner: yes!
Gregory: really??
Geithner: yes really Fluffy!
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG Vice President
Hilary Rosen attacked stay at home mothers!
Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted!
Gregory: of course
Bachmann: Ann Romney knows all
about suffering under high gas prices
Gregory: I see
Bachmann: women are paying thousands
of dollars in gas because of Obama
Gregory: wow
Bachmann: Obama attacked women!
Gillibrand: why are we talking about
Hilary Rosen when the Governor
of Wisconsin repealed an equal pay law
and Obama’s health insurance favors women
Bachmann: Romney is very smart
unlike Barack Obama
Gregory: ok
Bachmann: Dodd-Frank is costing
women jobs!
Gregory: fascinating
Bachmann: Obama has caused
high grocery prices!
Gregory: wow this is a such an
important conversation
Audience: oh absolutely
Gregory: but I would like to see
you two in a pillow fight
Gillibrand: I’m sure
Gregory: remember when Hilary Clinton
attacked women who bake cookies -
that was awesome
Gillibrand: if half the people in Congress
were women we sure as hell wouldn’t
be debating the evils of contraception
Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted
when Hilary Clinton attacked women
Gregory: uh-huh
Bachmann: Obama raised gas
prices on women!!
Gregory: yes I think we got it
Bachmann: 15 years from now America
will cease to exist if Obama is reelected
Gregory: is that so?
Bachmann: also Obama will throw old
women out in the streets
Gillibrand: I would like to respond to that
Gregory: no
Gillibrand: this a very weird tv show
Gregory: do you think of Ann Romney
is a bad person?
Gillibrand: the GOP want employers to
take health care away
Bachmann: no we want women to make
their own choices
Gillibrand: that’s absurd
Gregory: should the Secret Service
be going to prostitutes?
Bachmann: the White House made
David Vitter go to prostitutes!
Gregory: thanks for coming ladies
[ break ]
Gregory: what about the gender gap?
Murphy: idiot talk show hosts love
this stupid issue but no one else cares
Gregory: Queen Hilary Rosen shocked America!
Guthrie: I’m not sure the nation can
ever recover from Rosen’s remarks
Gregory: Romney wants to get rid
of Planned Parenthood
Todd: Romney wants to close the gender
gap by manufacturing a controversy
Gregory: but I love a good fake controversy
Murphy: Obama doesn’t want to talk about jobs
Gregory: Bachmann makes a good point
that the most important thing in America
is the price of gas
Ford: exactly - Michele Bachmann made
some really good points
Gregory: so true
Ford: also women were very insulted
by Emperor Rosen
Gregory: I love you Harold
Ford: Mitt Romney is poised
to make big gains!
Murphy: Obama is a failure because
the Supreme Court is reviewing
his heath care law
Todd: this will be a very negative campaign
Ford: Mitt Romney will probably
win if he talks about big issues
Gregory: Romney can seem almost
human on Saturday Night Live!
Murphy: it might be good idea but
remember Mitt Romney is not funny
Gregory: Is the George Zimmerman
case about race?
Cosby: it’s about guns!
Gregory: ah
Cosby: when you have a gun you
mean to kill somebody
Gregory: what about Barack Obama?
Cosby: Obama is Sisyphus!
Gregory: was Sisyphus Muslim or Kenyan?
Cosby: he inherited a massive recession
and people pretend it never happened!
Gregory: ok
Cosby: critics act like he had a surplus --
our political discourse is just pathetic and sad
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*******************************
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-WI)
Chuck Todd
Savannah Guthrie
Harold Ford
Mike Murphy
Bill Cosby
*********************
Gregory: OMG President Hilary Rosen
attacked Ann Romney!
Audience: oh noe
Gregory: The Secret Service
went to prostitutes!
Audience: oh dear I hope President
Rosen is all right
Gregory: good morning Timmy -
let’s talk about only things
Mitt Romney wants to talk about
Geithner: ok
Gregory: Why is the recovery so slow?
Geithner: the business of America is
business and business is doing great
Gregory: I see
Geithner: the Bush recession was bad
and the crisis in Europe didn’t help
Gregory: why did my stocks go
down in last two weeks?
Geithner: don’t be so selfish Fluffy
Gregory: what about your own money?
Geithner: I invest all my money
in beanie babies
Gregory: Mitt Romney said Obama
fired 92% of women
Geithner: that’s utterly ridiculous
Gregory: is it?
Geithner: George W. Bush caused
a massive recession and men lost
their jobs in construction
Gregory: aha
Geithner: then Republicans got elected
and fired teachers which is ladies work
Gregory: we all feel that gas prices are
the most important thing ever
Geithner: gas prices go up when
the economy improves
Gregory: they do?
Geithner: also Iran saber-rattling
raises prices
Gregory: but Mr. Secretary that
it is uncertain!
Geithner: grow up Fluffy
Gregory: Obama raised the debt!
Geithner: Bush borrowed to pay for two wars,
tax cuts and a prescription drug giveaway
Gregory: but Tom Coburn says
we will be Greece in 24 months
Geithner: are you fucking serious Fluffy?
Gregory: you don’t see a debt crisis?
Geithner: not particularly
Gregory: but the debt!!
Geithner: hey if we followed Obama
proposals the debt would go down
Gregory: should we raise the debt ceiling?
Geithner: no if you want to wreck the economy
Gregory: income tax forms are too
long and complicated!
Geithner: believe me I know that
Gregory: why doesn’t the President reform
taxes instead of taxing poor rich people
Geithner: I’m sure you know we
have all kinds of proposals to
improve the tax code
Gregory: no one tells me anything
Gregory: the Buffet Rule would only
raise $5 billion a year
Geithner: just because Republicans oppose
something doesn’t make it a bad idea
Gregory: that never occurred to me
Gregory: Republicans says we should
cut taxes on rich people because
they are job creators
Geithner: we tried that - how did it work out?
Gregory: my taxes went down and
I bought a house on Martha’s Vineyard
Geithner: so we should raise taxes
on poor people?
Gregory: maybe
Gregory: Obama created an economic
recovery but it wasn’t big enough
Geithner: his policies got us out a worse
economic shock than the Great Depression
Gregory: so it’s s a success story?
Geithner: yes!
Gregory: really??
Geithner: yes really Fluffy!
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG Vice President
Hilary Rosen attacked stay at home mothers!
Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted!
Gregory: of course
Bachmann: Ann Romney knows all
about suffering under high gas prices
Gregory: I see
Bachmann: women are paying thousands
of dollars in gas because of Obama
Gregory: wow
Bachmann: Obama attacked women!
Gillibrand: why are we talking about
Hilary Rosen when the Governor
of Wisconsin repealed an equal pay law
and Obama’s health insurance favors women
Bachmann: Romney is very smart
unlike Barack Obama
Gregory: ok
Bachmann: Dodd-Frank is costing
women jobs!
Gregory: fascinating
Bachmann: Obama has caused
high grocery prices!
Gregory: wow this is a such an
important conversation
Audience: oh absolutely
Gregory: but I would like to see
you two in a pillow fight
Gillibrand: I’m sure
Gregory: remember when Hilary Clinton
attacked women who bake cookies -
that was awesome
Gillibrand: if half the people in Congress
were women we sure as hell wouldn’t
be debating the evils of contraception
Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted
when Hilary Clinton attacked women
Gregory: uh-huh
Bachmann: Obama raised gas
prices on women!!
Gregory: yes I think we got it
Bachmann: 15 years from now America
will cease to exist if Obama is reelected
Gregory: is that so?
Bachmann: also Obama will throw old
women out in the streets
Gillibrand: I would like to respond to that
Gregory: no
Gillibrand: this a very weird tv show
Gregory: do you think of Ann Romney
is a bad person?
Gillibrand: the GOP want employers to
take health care away
Bachmann: no we want women to make
their own choices
Gillibrand: that’s absurd
Gregory: should the Secret Service
be going to prostitutes?
Bachmann: the White House made
David Vitter go to prostitutes!
Gregory: thanks for coming ladies
[ break ]
Gregory: what about the gender gap?
Murphy: idiot talk show hosts love
this stupid issue but no one else cares
Gregory: Queen Hilary Rosen shocked America!
Guthrie: I’m not sure the nation can
ever recover from Rosen’s remarks
Gregory: Romney wants to get rid
of Planned Parenthood
Todd: Romney wants to close the gender
gap by manufacturing a controversy
Gregory: but I love a good fake controversy
Murphy: Obama doesn’t want to talk about jobs
Gregory: Bachmann makes a good point
that the most important thing in America
is the price of gas
Ford: exactly - Michele Bachmann made
some really good points
Gregory: so true
Ford: also women were very insulted
by Emperor Rosen
Gregory: I love you Harold
Ford: Mitt Romney is poised
to make big gains!
Murphy: Obama is a failure because
the Supreme Court is reviewing
his heath care law
Todd: this will be a very negative campaign
Ford: Mitt Romney will probably
win if he talks about big issues
Gregory: Romney can seem almost
human on Saturday Night Live!
Murphy: it might be good idea but
remember Mitt Romney is not funny
Gregory: Is the George Zimmerman
case about race?
Cosby: it’s about guns!
Gregory: ah
Cosby: when you have a gun you
mean to kill somebody
Gregory: what about Barack Obama?
Cosby: Obama is Sisyphus!
Gregory: was Sisyphus Muslim or Kenyan?
Cosby: he inherited a massive recession
and people pretend it never happened!
Gregory: ok
Cosby: critics act like he had a surplus --
our political discourse is just pathetic and sad
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*******************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - April 15, 2012
Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Paul Gigot
Katrina vanden Heuvel
Cokie Roberts
Kevin Madden
Melody Barnes
********************************
Stephanopoulos: holy crap the
Secret Service was going to prostitutes -
only David Vitter can do that!
Stephanopoulos: most people think
we’re still in a recession
Geithner: true but the Bush recession
was really really bad
Stephanopoulos: every spring we slide
back into recession
Geithner: yeah but that was back when
Europe was in trouble
Stephanopoulos: Europe is still in big trouble
Geithner: we’re fucked
Stephanopoulos: you’re a real
ray of sunshine
Geithner: we’re all going to die someday
Stephanopoulos: Nouriel Roubini says
this recovery sucks
Geithner: but we’re making progress
Stephanopoulos: the recession is all
Obama’s fault
Geithner: that’s crap
Stephanopoulos: that could be true
Geithner: America is making more
energy than ever
Stephanopoulos: we’re not making jobs
Geithner: yes we are
Stephanopoulos: but not enough
Geithner: hey maybe you want
the recession back!
Stephanopoulos: Romney says
women lost 92% of jobs under Obama
Geithner: that’s incredibly stupid
Stephanopoulos: is it?
Geithner: Bush fired men and then
the GOP fired teachers
Stephanopoulos: but the number is accurate
Geithner: Republicans caused the
recession in 2008
Stephanopoulos: No!
Geithner: it’s true
Stephanopoulos: that’s not what I heard
Geithner: well it’s true and if we put
the GOPin charge it will happen again
Stephanopoulos: the Buffet Rule is bad
because it would only raise $5 billion
Geithner: that doesn’t make it a bad idea
Stephanopoulos: sure but why bother
Geithner: they can afford it
Stephanopoulos: won’t raising taxes
2% on billionaires wreck the U.S. economy
Geithner: no
Stephanopoulos: but they rich do so
much for us and ask so little return
Geithner: hey we still have a deficit
Stephanopoulos: I think I heard about that
Geithner: the rich pay less taxes than they
have in decades
Stephanopoulos: sweet
Geithner: should we raise taxes
on poor people?
Stephanopoulos: maybe
Stephanopoulos: in 2013 we face Taxmageddon!!!
Geithner: hey Obama wants to cut
taxes for the middle class right now!
Stephanopoulos: can you keep
gas prices down?
Geithner: no
Stephanopoulos: what’s the most
important quality in a Treasury Secretary?
Geithner: a total lack of charisma
and personal charm
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Timmy is worried
about the economy
Gigot: we’re growing but it’s really fragile
Roberts: a President benefits from
a strong economy!
Vanden Heuvel: expose the GOP
as roadblocks to adding jobs
Madden: Obama caused the recession
Barnes: lol you idiot
Vanden Heuvel: the economy will never
recover until homes prices are back
Gigot: Obama has failed the middle class!
Stephanopoulos: Obama challenged
Mitt Romney to release his tax returns
Madden: like most Americans he
needs until October to figure out
whether to hide his money in Switzerland,
Luxembourg or the Cayman Islands
Stephanopoulos: It’s a big decision
Roberts: he needs to tell a story where he
isn’t a out of touch rich guy
Vanden Heuvel: Romney looks like
the guy who fired you because
he probably fired you
Madden: Mitt is very worried about
the price people are paying for food
Barnes: lol no one thinks that
Madden: the Buffet Rule will not end the
deficit therefore we should not have it
Barnes: lol like cutting foreign aid you dweeb
Vanden Heuvel: 90% of income growth
has gone to the top 1%
Gigot: if you want the rich to pay more
taxes cut tax rates for the rich
Stephanopoulos: that is so brilliant
************************************
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Paul Gigot
Katrina vanden Heuvel
Cokie Roberts
Kevin Madden
Melody Barnes
********************************
Stephanopoulos: holy crap the
Secret Service was going to prostitutes -
only David Vitter can do that!
Stephanopoulos: most people think
we’re still in a recession
Geithner: true but the Bush recession
was really really bad
Stephanopoulos: every spring we slide
back into recession
Geithner: yeah but that was back when
Europe was in trouble
Stephanopoulos: Europe is still in big trouble
Geithner: we’re fucked
Stephanopoulos: you’re a real
ray of sunshine
Geithner: we’re all going to die someday
Stephanopoulos: Nouriel Roubini says
this recovery sucks
Geithner: but we’re making progress
Stephanopoulos: the recession is all
Obama’s fault
Geithner: that’s crap
Stephanopoulos: that could be true
Geithner: America is making more
energy than ever
Stephanopoulos: we’re not making jobs
Geithner: yes we are
Stephanopoulos: but not enough
Geithner: hey maybe you want
the recession back!
Stephanopoulos: Romney says
women lost 92% of jobs under Obama
Geithner: that’s incredibly stupid
Stephanopoulos: is it?
Geithner: Bush fired men and then
the GOP fired teachers
Stephanopoulos: but the number is accurate
Geithner: Republicans caused the
recession in 2008
Stephanopoulos: No!
Geithner: it’s true
Stephanopoulos: that’s not what I heard
Geithner: well it’s true and if we put
the GOPin charge it will happen again
Stephanopoulos: the Buffet Rule is bad
because it would only raise $5 billion
Geithner: that doesn’t make it a bad idea
Stephanopoulos: sure but why bother
Geithner: they can afford it
Stephanopoulos: won’t raising taxes
2% on billionaires wreck the U.S. economy
Geithner: no
Stephanopoulos: but they rich do so
much for us and ask so little return
Geithner: hey we still have a deficit
Stephanopoulos: I think I heard about that
Geithner: the rich pay less taxes than they
have in decades
Stephanopoulos: sweet
Geithner: should we raise taxes
on poor people?
Stephanopoulos: maybe
Stephanopoulos: in 2013 we face Taxmageddon!!!
Geithner: hey Obama wants to cut
taxes for the middle class right now!
Stephanopoulos: can you keep
gas prices down?
Geithner: no
Stephanopoulos: what’s the most
important quality in a Treasury Secretary?
Geithner: a total lack of charisma
and personal charm
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Timmy is worried
about the economy
Gigot: we’re growing but it’s really fragile
Roberts: a President benefits from
a strong economy!
Vanden Heuvel: expose the GOP
as roadblocks to adding jobs
Madden: Obama caused the recession
Barnes: lol you idiot
Vanden Heuvel: the economy will never
recover until homes prices are back
Gigot: Obama has failed the middle class!
Stephanopoulos: Obama challenged
Mitt Romney to release his tax returns
Madden: like most Americans he
needs until October to figure out
whether to hide his money in Switzerland,
Luxembourg or the Cayman Islands
Stephanopoulos: It’s a big decision
Roberts: he needs to tell a story where he
isn’t a out of touch rich guy
Vanden Heuvel: Romney looks like
the guy who fired you because
he probably fired you
Madden: Mitt is very worried about
the price people are paying for food
Barnes: lol no one thinks that
Madden: the Buffet Rule will not end the
deficit therefore we should not have it
Barnes: lol like cutting foreign aid you dweeb
Vanden Heuvel: 90% of income growth
has gone to the top 1%
Gigot: if you want the rich to pay more
taxes cut tax rates for the rich
Stephanopoulos: that is so brilliant
************************************
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Meet The Press - April 8, 2012
Guests:
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Gov. Kasich (R-OH)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-MO)
Archbishop-designate William Lori
Jon Meacham
Anne Graham Lotz
************************************
Gregory: America only added
120,000 jobs last month
Durbin: yes but at least we’re adding
jobs which is more than I can say for
the last Republican President
Gregory: Obama says he created four
million jobs and Ohio has a low
unemployment rate
Kasich: I am the best job creator
because I cut taxes and deregulated
Gregory: I’m sold
Kasich: we created jobs in health care -
thankfully there are a lot of sick people
Gregory: Obama says trickle down
economics is all wet
Kasich: we don’t play politics in Ohio -
we just cut taxes and we’re exploding!
Durbin: we must follow Saint Alan Simpson
and not Paul Ryan who we know is evil
because he didn’t support the
hallowed Simpson-Bowles plan
Kasich: just cut taxes
Gregory: I like it
Kasich: cutting taxes is a moral issue
because it keeps marriages together
Gregory: cool
Kasich: these are cold hard facts
Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama
believes in a government-centered society
Durbin: well he’s says a lot of stupid things
Gregory: but Mitt Romney is on to something!
Durbin: hey Fluffy we cut taxes and it
caused a fucking depression
Gregory: so we should cut taxes more!
Durbin: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but poor people are so greedy
Kasich: let’s modernize entitlement programs
Gregory: oh noe!
Kasich: look government has a
role to play in health care
Gregory: what!? [ swoons ]
Kasich: Greece invented democracy and
in Ohio we are determined to avoid that trap
Gregory: the GSA wastes a lot of money
Durbin: it’s outrageous and therefore we
will hold probably hearings at some point
Gregory: Jon you won’t endorse
any Republican for President
Kasich: I’m not stupid to tie
myself to any of these clowns
Gregory: will Romney ruin the GOP?
Kasich: probably but it’s good because
then I can run for President in 2016
Gregory: good luck
[ break ]
Gregory: Republicans say Barack Obama
is engaging in an unprecendented
war on religion
Meacham: that may be overstating the case
Lori: the contraception mandate is
an attack on religious liberty
Gregory: expand on that
Lori: We should not have to follow the
law if it conflicts with our religion
Cleaver: there’s not war on religion - good god!
Gregory: what’s wrong with requiring
insurers to follow the law?
Lotz: I don’t know any facts about this but
I assume Obama is attacking all religion
Gregory: you are uninformed
but opinionated - I like it
Lotz: anyone can know facts through
Google but I want our President to
be terrified of a vengeful God
Labrador: no law can ever conflict
with a religious belief ever
Gregory: well of course
Labrador: Obama is attacking religion
but also the media has a liberal bias
for bringing it up
Gregory: that makes sense
Labrador: MSNBC is mocking the
Mormon faith just because its origin
story is utterly ridiculous
Gregory: so sad
Labrador: the fact is any religion can
seem really peculiar which is why they
all must be respected
Gregory: of course
Meacham: I would just like to say that
like all Americans I love Billy Graham
Gregory: we all do
Lori: I must repeat my contention
that religious organizations should
not have to obey the law
Gregory: why doesn’t Mitt Romney
talk about his religion more?
Cleaver: who the hell cares - there is
no religious test for office
Gregory: I know that but let's face it
Mormons are fucking weird
Lotz: I know nothing about religion
or politics - the real issue is that Romney
cut taxes and Obama is a socialist
Meacham: Presidents are busy enough
without worry about without legislating
your father figure in the sky
Labrador: we must beat Obama!
Greg: preach it Labby
Labrador: it would be nice if Romney
would admit he was a Bishop in my
church instead of running away from it
Gregory: how can we get more people
to follow a narrow and intolerant
form of christianity?
Lotz: my daddy used radio and television
Gregory: I don’t trust any religion not on tv
Lotz: religion is not important we must
look at the policies of the candidate
Gregory: you make a good point
Lotz: but I would never vote for an
atheist because they would be not scared
of being ordered to kill their child by Yahweh
Lori: religion makes you moral except
for the occasional child molesting
Meacham: religion is very nice but
let’s not go overboard
Cleaver: all religions are inherently
arrogant and divisive
Gregory: why do people think Obama
is a Muslim and why would that be bad?
Labrador: I don’t think he is a Muslim
- I think he’s a socialist
Gregory: as a Jew I am reminded
we are all slaves
Lori: the true test for religious liberty
is whether a person can use their
superstition to avoid the law
Meacham: religious people won the
Civil war and led the civil rights movement
Lori: Fluffy your being Jewish reminds
me of how awesome Jesus is
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
***********************************************
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Gov. Kasich (R-OH)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-MO)
Archbishop-designate William Lori
Jon Meacham
Anne Graham Lotz
************************************
Gregory: America only added
120,000 jobs last month
Durbin: yes but at least we’re adding
jobs which is more than I can say for
the last Republican President
Gregory: Obama says he created four
million jobs and Ohio has a low
unemployment rate
Kasich: I am the best job creator
because I cut taxes and deregulated
Gregory: I’m sold
Kasich: we created jobs in health care -
thankfully there are a lot of sick people
Gregory: Obama says trickle down
economics is all wet
Kasich: we don’t play politics in Ohio -
we just cut taxes and we’re exploding!
Durbin: we must follow Saint Alan Simpson
and not Paul Ryan who we know is evil
because he didn’t support the
hallowed Simpson-Bowles plan
Kasich: just cut taxes
Gregory: I like it
Kasich: cutting taxes is a moral issue
because it keeps marriages together
Gregory: cool
Kasich: these are cold hard facts
Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama
believes in a government-centered society
Durbin: well he’s says a lot of stupid things
Gregory: but Mitt Romney is on to something!
Durbin: hey Fluffy we cut taxes and it
caused a fucking depression
Gregory: so we should cut taxes more!
Durbin: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but poor people are so greedy
Kasich: let’s modernize entitlement programs
Gregory: oh noe!
Kasich: look government has a
role to play in health care
Gregory: what!? [ swoons ]
Kasich: Greece invented democracy and
in Ohio we are determined to avoid that trap
Gregory: the GSA wastes a lot of money
Durbin: it’s outrageous and therefore we
will hold probably hearings at some point
Gregory: Jon you won’t endorse
any Republican for President
Kasich: I’m not stupid to tie
myself to any of these clowns
Gregory: will Romney ruin the GOP?
Kasich: probably but it’s good because
then I can run for President in 2016
Gregory: good luck
[ break ]
Gregory: Republicans say Barack Obama
is engaging in an unprecendented
war on religion
Meacham: that may be overstating the case
Lori: the contraception mandate is
an attack on religious liberty
Gregory: expand on that
Lori: We should not have to follow the
law if it conflicts with our religion
Cleaver: there’s not war on religion - good god!
Gregory: what’s wrong with requiring
insurers to follow the law?
Lotz: I don’t know any facts about this but
I assume Obama is attacking all religion
Gregory: you are uninformed
but opinionated - I like it
Lotz: anyone can know facts through
Google but I want our President to
be terrified of a vengeful God
Labrador: no law can ever conflict
with a religious belief ever
Gregory: well of course
Labrador: Obama is attacking religion
but also the media has a liberal bias
for bringing it up
Gregory: that makes sense
Labrador: MSNBC is mocking the
Mormon faith just because its origin
story is utterly ridiculous
Gregory: so sad
Labrador: the fact is any religion can
seem really peculiar which is why they
all must be respected
Gregory: of course
Meacham: I would just like to say that
like all Americans I love Billy Graham
Gregory: we all do
Lori: I must repeat my contention
that religious organizations should
not have to obey the law
Gregory: why doesn’t Mitt Romney
talk about his religion more?
Cleaver: who the hell cares - there is
no religious test for office
Gregory: I know that but let's face it
Mormons are fucking weird
Lotz: I know nothing about religion
or politics - the real issue is that Romney
cut taxes and Obama is a socialist
Meacham: Presidents are busy enough
without worry about without legislating
your father figure in the sky
Labrador: we must beat Obama!
Greg: preach it Labby
Labrador: it would be nice if Romney
would admit he was a Bishop in my
church instead of running away from it
Gregory: how can we get more people
to follow a narrow and intolerant
form of christianity?
Lotz: my daddy used radio and television
Gregory: I don’t trust any religion not on tv
Lotz: religion is not important we must
look at the policies of the candidate
Gregory: you make a good point
Lotz: but I would never vote for an
atheist because they would be not scared
of being ordered to kill their child by Yahweh
Lori: religion makes you moral except
for the occasional child molesting
Meacham: religion is very nice but
let’s not go overboard
Cleaver: all religions are inherently
arrogant and divisive
Gregory: why do people think Obama
is a Muslim and why would that be bad?
Labrador: I don’t think he is a Muslim
- I think he’s a socialist
Gregory: as a Jew I am reminded
we are all slaves
Lori: the true test for religious liberty
is whether a person can use their
superstition to avoid the law
Meacham: religious people won the
Civil war and led the civil rights movement
Lori: Fluffy your being Jewish reminds
me of how awesome Jesus is
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
***********************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - April 8, 2012
Guests: Rick Warren
George Will
Peggy Noonan
Chrystia Freelan
Michael Eric Dyson
David Chalian
*********************************
Tapper: wow Rick Warren has sold
30 million books - that’s almost as
many as The DaVinci Code
Warren: thanks Jake
Tapper: what’s the deal with God?
Warren: he’s all kinds of awesome
Tapper: why do horrible things happen
like the Black Death, the Holocaust
and Toddlers & Tiaras?
Warren: because people basically suck
Tapper: what’s wrong with America?
Warren: we’re selfish and short-sighted
which is why we need to cut spending
Tapper: what about ‘love thy neighbor’?
Warren: the Bible yammers on and
on about the poor but the best thing
to help the poor is to cut taxes for the
rich and build nuclear weapons
Tapper: the Bible does mentions
the poor quite a lot
Warren: I’m fundamentally about the
freedom to be poor if that’s your choice
Tapper: you hate contraception
Warren: no government should tell
people do things if it is against their religion
Tapper: you said every single American
is not better off than they were 4 years ago
Warren: that isn’t true but it could be
Tapper: who’s to blame?
Warren: everyone and by everyone
I mean Barack Obama
Tapper: noted theologian Andrew Sullivan
says Jesus was a gay man who
looked like Brad Pitt
Warren: Newsweek hates the church
just because religion is responsible
for numerous atrocities
Tapper: so unfair
Warren: there is a terrible trend of not
trusting large corrupt institutions in America
Tapper: on noe
Warren: it’s not news that churches
are arrogant and corrupt so stop talking about it
Tapper: Is Mitt Romney a Christian?
Warren: no because Mormons don’t
believe in the holy trinity
Tapper: what is the State of Union spiritually?
Warren: people are just too mean
Tapper: I’ve noticed that
Warren: I blame people for blaming people!
Tapper: polls show people don’t
want religion in government
Warren: we should not ban religious
people from public life
Tapper: how brave of you to say
Warren: you don’t think gay people
should have the same rights as everyone else
Warren: I don’t have the right to
change the word of God I just interpret
it whether it's shellfish, slavery or the gays
Tapper: got it
Warren: I also think premarital sex is wrong
Tapper: um I think your members
have had premarital sex
Warren: I’m aware of that
Tapper: so why not permit gay marriage?
Warren: because gays sap our bodily fluids
Tapper: what about Tim Tebow?
Warren: America was great 300 years
ago when people like Tim Tebow could
pray before a good witch burning
Tapper: Can Jews go to heaven
Warren: no - but I don’t judge I just
follow Jesus’ cruel arbitrary orders
Tapper: Why is your God so mean?
Warren: because all people are evil but a
few people are saved from eternal torture
if they sign the right loyalty oath
Tapper: got it
Warren: God doesn’t grade on a curve -
all you have to do is swear fealty to Jesus
Tapper: do dogs go to heaven?
Warren: oh sure all dogs go to heaven
Tapper: cats?
Warren: some of them
Tapper: what do you mean?
Warren: American shorthairs but not Persians
Tapper: so in heaven dogs yes, cats maybe, Jews and Muslims, no
Warren: that’s right Tappy
Tapper: you lost weight
Warren: I baptized 500 people in one day and
I realized ‘good god Saddleback is full of fat people’
Tapper: have you thought about
baptizing them posthumously
Warren: I was a Purpose-Driven Eater!
Tapper: how did you get thin
Warren: I went on the Daniel Plan
Tapper: what’s that
Warren: lock yourself in a lion’s den
Tapper: Happy Easter dude
[ break ]
Tapper: Can Obama tie the Ryan Plan
as an albatross around Mitt Romney’s neck?
Will: that loser Romney already did it for him
Freeland: it will be good to have national
debate over social darwinism vs the
Heritage foundation’s health care plan
Chalian: sadly it will be a negative campaign
Noonan: In the green room we were drinking
and talking about how Obama is campaigning
harder than Mitt Romney and he has a job
Dyson: Romney is sending his wife
out do anthropological studies and
report back on what women want
Tapper: we only added 120,000 jobs in March
Will: Obama caused the recession 2007
Chalian: blah blah Obama blah jobs blah
Freeland: um what
Noonan: this all so sad
Dyson: at least we’re adding jobs -
if you want to lose jobs please elect
another Republican
Noonan: sigh
*******************************************
George Will
Peggy Noonan
Chrystia Freelan
Michael Eric Dyson
David Chalian
*********************************
Tapper: wow Rick Warren has sold
30 million books - that’s almost as
many as The DaVinci Code
Warren: thanks Jake
Tapper: what’s the deal with God?
Warren: he’s all kinds of awesome
Tapper: why do horrible things happen
like the Black Death, the Holocaust
and Toddlers & Tiaras?
Warren: because people basically suck
Tapper: what’s wrong with America?
Warren: we’re selfish and short-sighted
which is why we need to cut spending
Tapper: what about ‘love thy neighbor’?
Warren: the Bible yammers on and
on about the poor but the best thing
to help the poor is to cut taxes for the
rich and build nuclear weapons
Tapper: the Bible does mentions
the poor quite a lot
Warren: I’m fundamentally about the
freedom to be poor if that’s your choice
Tapper: you hate contraception
Warren: no government should tell
people do things if it is against their religion
Tapper: you said every single American
is not better off than they were 4 years ago
Warren: that isn’t true but it could be
Tapper: who’s to blame?
Warren: everyone and by everyone
I mean Barack Obama
Tapper: noted theologian Andrew Sullivan
says Jesus was a gay man who
looked like Brad Pitt
Warren: Newsweek hates the church
just because religion is responsible
for numerous atrocities
Tapper: so unfair
Warren: there is a terrible trend of not
trusting large corrupt institutions in America
Tapper: on noe
Warren: it’s not news that churches
are arrogant and corrupt so stop talking about it
Tapper: Is Mitt Romney a Christian?
Warren: no because Mormons don’t
believe in the holy trinity
Tapper: what is the State of Union spiritually?
Warren: people are just too mean
Tapper: I’ve noticed that
Warren: I blame people for blaming people!
Tapper: polls show people don’t
want religion in government
Warren: we should not ban religious
people from public life
Tapper: how brave of you to say
Warren: you don’t think gay people
should have the same rights as everyone else
Warren: I don’t have the right to
change the word of God I just interpret
it whether it's shellfish, slavery or the gays
Tapper: got it
Warren: I also think premarital sex is wrong
Tapper: um I think your members
have had premarital sex
Warren: I’m aware of that
Tapper: so why not permit gay marriage?
Warren: because gays sap our bodily fluids
Tapper: what about Tim Tebow?
Warren: America was great 300 years
ago when people like Tim Tebow could
pray before a good witch burning
Tapper: Can Jews go to heaven
Warren: no - but I don’t judge I just
follow Jesus’ cruel arbitrary orders
Tapper: Why is your God so mean?
Warren: because all people are evil but a
few people are saved from eternal torture
if they sign the right loyalty oath
Tapper: got it
Warren: God doesn’t grade on a curve -
all you have to do is swear fealty to Jesus
Tapper: do dogs go to heaven?
Warren: oh sure all dogs go to heaven
Tapper: cats?
Warren: some of them
Tapper: what do you mean?
Warren: American shorthairs but not Persians
Tapper: so in heaven dogs yes, cats maybe, Jews and Muslims, no
Warren: that’s right Tappy
Tapper: you lost weight
Warren: I baptized 500 people in one day and
I realized ‘good god Saddleback is full of fat people’
Tapper: have you thought about
baptizing them posthumously
Warren: I was a Purpose-Driven Eater!
Tapper: how did you get thin
Warren: I went on the Daniel Plan
Tapper: what’s that
Warren: lock yourself in a lion’s den
Tapper: Happy Easter dude
[ break ]
Tapper: Can Obama tie the Ryan Plan
as an albatross around Mitt Romney’s neck?
Will: that loser Romney already did it for him
Freeland: it will be good to have national
debate over social darwinism vs the
Heritage foundation’s health care plan
Chalian: sadly it will be a negative campaign
Noonan: In the green room we were drinking
and talking about how Obama is campaigning
harder than Mitt Romney and he has a job
Dyson: Romney is sending his wife
out do anthropological studies and
report back on what women want
Tapper: we only added 120,000 jobs in March
Will: Obama caused the recession 2007
Chalian: blah blah Obama blah jobs blah
Freeland: um what
Noonan: this all so sad
Dyson: at least we’re adding jobs -
if you want to lose jobs please elect
another Republican
Noonan: sigh
*******************************************
Sunday, April 01, 2012
April 1, 2012
Host: Savannah Guthrie and Joe Scarborough
Guests: Rick Santorum
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Harold Ford, Jr.
Mika Brzezinski
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Jon Meacham
**************************************
Guthrie: OMG Wisconsin may finally
push Rich Santorum out of the race
Guthrie: welcome Frothy
Santorum: thanks Savannah
Guthrie: why should people vote for you?
Santorum: I’m a blue collar guy who happens
to earn a million dollars a year as a lobbyist
in Washington D.C.
Guthrie: I see
Santorum: it’s amazing that I have not
dropped out considering everyone hates me
Guthrie: will you drop out when you lose Wisconsin?
Santorum: This primary is like David vs Goliath
if Goliath was a rich unprincipled robot and
David was a unpopular repressed weirdo
Guthrie: you’re not even winning in your home state
Santorum: I don’t expect to win the Beltway
Guthrie: I mean the commonwealth
of Pennsylvania
Santorum: Oh that place
Guthrie: you literally can’t win the nomination
Santorum: a lot of the delegates are unbound
which is sounds kinky but is awesome
Guthrie: why are you still running?
Santorum: most Republicans want a conservative
and I’m all they have left
Guthrie: even Marco Rubio thinks you could
wreck the party’s chances in the fall
Santorum: we chose the most electable nominee
in 2008 and John McCain got killed against Obama
Guthrie: so when will you drop out or are just insane
Santorum: Republicans will have more money
in the fall if I stay in the race
Guthrie: really?
Santorum: only one incumbent Democrat has
lost to a GOP challenger and that was Jimmy Carter
and I people thought was Reagan racist and stupid
which is what people say about me too
Guthrie: you make excellent points Frothy
Santorum: Mitt Romney authored a government
takeover of health care!
Guthrie: all the party genius party elders like
Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio have endorsed Romney
Santorum: those guys are idiots
Guthrie: aren’t you a member of the Establishment?
Santorum: no I was a bomb-throwing
U.S. Senator challenging those who opposed
coal and oil companies
Guthrie: I see
Santorum: I fought for the little guy from
my office on K Street
[ break ]
Guthrie: Senator are you going to make
news this morning!?!
Johnson: yes I am endorsing Mitt Romney
because he has great business experience
Guthrie: squeeeee!!
Johnson: Obama knows nothing!
Guthrie: so you really like Romney
Johnson: no I hate him - my endorsement
is just a recognition that Romney has
the most delegates
Guthrie: I see
Johnson: Barack Obama has failed to
cut Social Security!
Guthrie: OMG the Supreme Court is going
to overturn Obamacare!
Schumer: that’s crapola Guthry
Guthrie: is it
Schumer: Justice Scalia said the federal
government can regulate medical marijuana
just because potheads iz bad!
Guthrie: It looks like you might lose Kennedy’s
support for the Administration action
Schumer: it wasn’t just the Administration silly person
Guthrie: but the Commerce Clause prevents
the government from operating
Schumer: guns near schools don’t affect
interstate commerce
Guthrie: but how could a Con Law Professor
President get it so wrong
Schumer: every conservative justice has upheld
the law and by the way the mandate has always
been a conservative idea
Guthrie: Solicitor General Verrilli drank water
during his argument so the entire health care
system must be changed
Schumer: if you don’t buy broccoli you
don’t change the market for food
Guthrie: you said health law would be
popular and you got it wrong
Schumer: no I didn’t
Guthrie: but some people would like
it repealed in part
Schumer: what the holy fuck does that mean
Guthrie: I don’t know
Guthrie: Will Mitt Romney be the nominee?
Schumer: I hope so because he endorsed the
Ryan plan which would destroy the
nation as we know it
Guthrie: thanks for coming you unpopular idiot
Schumer: you’re welcome you stupid bint
[ break ]
Scarborough: Tom I heard you talked
to a taxi driver in New Zealand
Friedman: America has lost the ability
to do big things
Scarborough: so tragic
Friedman: Democracy creates Rube Goldberg
unperfect things
Scarborough: why don’t Americans
love Obamacare?
Friedman: because Obama doesn’t
explain the merits of the law
Brzezinski: people made fun of the
oral arguments ha ha ha
Brooks: the mandate violates fundamental liberty
Ford: the mandate is a Republican idea!
Brooks: I love the mandate and we are all
in this together so towns and villages should
each have their solution to health care
Meacham: we have judicial review because
of the French Revolution
Scarborough: isn’t Obama a loser
Meacham: yes he is
Scarborough: what about Mitt Romney
Ford: he is also a loser
Scarborough: could Obama run against
an activist court?
Ford: why not
Scarborough: 50% of peope dislike Mitt Romney
Friedman: only because people are
getting to know him
Meacham: Obama is another Jimmy Carter!
Scarborough: sing me more of that sweet music Jon
Brzezinski: Mitt Romney seems like an
unprincipled rich out-of-touch jerk which
is not fair because he is not a jerk
Brooks: some of his beach houses
don’t have carelevators
Brooks: Donald Trump and the Kennedys
charmed people even though they were rich
Brooks: Romney just need to hang out with
Sam’s Club Republicans for three months
Meacham: unlike FDR or JFK Mitt Romney
is an impersonal unemotional dork
Meacham: Ronald Reagan said
"the camera never lies”
Ford: but he was lying
Brzezinski: true
Scarborough: Obama went after oil companies
Friedman: the world is getting like Albuquerque
- hot flat and crowded
Scarborough: ha
Friedman: we should raise gas taxes
which make Americans embrace solar energy
and the metric system
Scarborough: Harold you want Obama to work
with energy companies and stop attacking
our adorable algae making oil barons
Brzezinski: are you fucking serious Harold
Ford: we must applaud our wonderful
free market oil companies
Brzezinski: what a joke you are
Scarborough: Tom please tell the aboriginals
in New Zealand we found the only conservative
Democrat in America on Meet The Press
[ painful laughter ]
Scarborough: and that’ another episode of Meet The Press
**************************************************
Host: Savannah Guthrie and Joe Scarborough
Guests: Rick Santorum
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Harold Ford, Jr.
Mika Brzezinski
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Jon Meacham
**************************************
Guthrie: OMG Wisconsin may finally
push Rich Santorum out of the race
Guthrie: welcome Frothy
Santorum: thanks Savannah
Guthrie: why should people vote for you?
Santorum: I’m a blue collar guy who happens
to earn a million dollars a year as a lobbyist
in Washington D.C.
Guthrie: I see
Santorum: it’s amazing that I have not
dropped out considering everyone hates me
Guthrie: will you drop out when you lose Wisconsin?
Santorum: This primary is like David vs Goliath
if Goliath was a rich unprincipled robot and
David was a unpopular repressed weirdo
Guthrie: you’re not even winning in your home state
Santorum: I don’t expect to win the Beltway
Guthrie: I mean the commonwealth
of Pennsylvania
Santorum: Oh that place
Guthrie: you literally can’t win the nomination
Santorum: a lot of the delegates are unbound
which is sounds kinky but is awesome
Guthrie: why are you still running?
Santorum: most Republicans want a conservative
and I’m all they have left
Guthrie: even Marco Rubio thinks you could
wreck the party’s chances in the fall
Santorum: we chose the most electable nominee
in 2008 and John McCain got killed against Obama
Guthrie: so when will you drop out or are just insane
Santorum: Republicans will have more money
in the fall if I stay in the race
Guthrie: really?
Santorum: only one incumbent Democrat has
lost to a GOP challenger and that was Jimmy Carter
and I people thought was Reagan racist and stupid
which is what people say about me too
Guthrie: you make excellent points Frothy
Santorum: Mitt Romney authored a government
takeover of health care!
Guthrie: all the party genius party elders like
Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio have endorsed Romney
Santorum: those guys are idiots
Guthrie: aren’t you a member of the Establishment?
Santorum: no I was a bomb-throwing
U.S. Senator challenging those who opposed
coal and oil companies
Guthrie: I see
Santorum: I fought for the little guy from
my office on K Street
[ break ]
Guthrie: Senator are you going to make
news this morning!?!
Johnson: yes I am endorsing Mitt Romney
because he has great business experience
Guthrie: squeeeee!!
Johnson: Obama knows nothing!
Guthrie: so you really like Romney
Johnson: no I hate him - my endorsement
is just a recognition that Romney has
the most delegates
Guthrie: I see
Johnson: Barack Obama has failed to
cut Social Security!
Guthrie: OMG the Supreme Court is going
to overturn Obamacare!
Schumer: that’s crapola Guthry
Guthrie: is it
Schumer: Justice Scalia said the federal
government can regulate medical marijuana
just because potheads iz bad!
Guthrie: It looks like you might lose Kennedy’s
support for the Administration action
Schumer: it wasn’t just the Administration silly person
Guthrie: but the Commerce Clause prevents
the government from operating
Schumer: guns near schools don’t affect
interstate commerce
Guthrie: but how could a Con Law Professor
President get it so wrong
Schumer: every conservative justice has upheld
the law and by the way the mandate has always
been a conservative idea
Guthrie: Solicitor General Verrilli drank water
during his argument so the entire health care
system must be changed
Schumer: if you don’t buy broccoli you
don’t change the market for food
Guthrie: you said health law would be
popular and you got it wrong
Schumer: no I didn’t
Guthrie: but some people would like
it repealed in part
Schumer: what the holy fuck does that mean
Guthrie: I don’t know
Guthrie: Will Mitt Romney be the nominee?
Schumer: I hope so because he endorsed the
Ryan plan which would destroy the
nation as we know it
Guthrie: thanks for coming you unpopular idiot
Schumer: you’re welcome you stupid bint
[ break ]
Scarborough: Tom I heard you talked
to a taxi driver in New Zealand
Friedman: America has lost the ability
to do big things
Scarborough: so tragic
Friedman: Democracy creates Rube Goldberg
unperfect things
Scarborough: why don’t Americans
love Obamacare?
Friedman: because Obama doesn’t
explain the merits of the law
Brzezinski: people made fun of the
oral arguments ha ha ha
Brooks: the mandate violates fundamental liberty
Ford: the mandate is a Republican idea!
Brooks: I love the mandate and we are all
in this together so towns and villages should
each have their solution to health care
Meacham: we have judicial review because
of the French Revolution
Scarborough: isn’t Obama a loser
Meacham: yes he is
Scarborough: what about Mitt Romney
Ford: he is also a loser
Scarborough: could Obama run against
an activist court?
Ford: why not
Scarborough: 50% of peope dislike Mitt Romney
Friedman: only because people are
getting to know him
Meacham: Obama is another Jimmy Carter!
Scarborough: sing me more of that sweet music Jon
Brzezinski: Mitt Romney seems like an
unprincipled rich out-of-touch jerk which
is not fair because he is not a jerk
Brooks: some of his beach houses
don’t have carelevators
Brooks: Donald Trump and the Kennedys
charmed people even though they were rich
Brooks: Romney just need to hang out with
Sam’s Club Republicans for three months
Meacham: unlike FDR or JFK Mitt Romney
is an impersonal unemotional dork
Meacham: Ronald Reagan said
"the camera never lies”
Ford: but he was lying
Brzezinski: true
Scarborough: Obama went after oil companies
Friedman: the world is getting like Albuquerque
- hot flat and crowded
Scarborough: ha
Friedman: we should raise gas taxes
which make Americans embrace solar energy
and the metric system
Scarborough: Harold you want Obama to work
with energy companies and stop attacking
our adorable algae making oil barons
Brzezinski: are you fucking serious Harold
Ford: we must applaud our wonderful
free market oil companies
Brzezinski: what a joke you are
Scarborough: Tom please tell the aboriginals
in New Zealand we found the only conservative
Democrat in America on Meet The Press
[ painful laughter ]
Scarborough: and that’ another episode of Meet The Press
**************************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - April 1, 2012
Guests:
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
************************************
Stephanopoulos: wow Paul Ryan has endorsed
Mitt Romney - lock this baby down!
Stephanopoulos: Representative Ryan Democrats
say your plan would cripple America
Ryan: the American people want someone who
isn’t campaigning all the time - Mitt Romney
Stephanopoulos: but all Mitt Romney does
is campaign for President
Ryan: only if you could conceive what he has
been doing lately as ‘campaigning’
Van Hollen: the Ryan plan would slash
investment in America and reward
the richest Americans
Stephanopoulos: Paul you called America’s
military Generals big liars
Ryan: oh yeah I like totally misspoke I didn’t
mean to say that out loud
Stephanopoulos: that makes sense
Ryan: Obama is a hypocrite because he
spends more money on everything but wars
which we must always fight
Stephanopoulos: I can’t argue with that
Ryan: let’s hurt the wealthy by lowering
the highest rates
Van Hollen: the Ryan plan doubles down on
tax cuts for rich which would raise the debt
Stephanopoulos: what’s wrong with that
Van Hollen: they make up the difference by
raising rates on poor Americans!
Ryan: we have a debt crisis so therefore
we must cut taxes!
Stephanopoulos: the President’s lawyer didn’t
address Tea Party concerns before
the Supreme Court
Van Hollen: our health care system is broken
and Obamacare fixes it by requiring people
to buy health insurance
Ryan: Obama took over health care and the
Founders never intended to let the government
make you buy something!
Van Hollen: that’s how they do it Massachusetts!
Ryan: what would people in Boston know
about the Founding Fathers!?
Van Hollen: ok let’s go with single payer then
Ryan: Obamacare will ruin our great health care system!
Stephanopoulos: do you have an alternative
Ryan: we have a plan to give people with
preexisting conditions health insurance
and also free unicorns
Stephanopoulos: Obama has raised gas prices
Van Hollen: free market - ever heard of it?
Ryan: oil on public lands would be given
away free to Americans!
Van Hollen: no it wouldn’t
Ryan: American-made energy is awesome!
[ break ]
Will: we learned this week that there are five justices
who have swallowed tea party rhetoric about Obamacare
Stephanopoulos: for a different perspective let’s
turn to hate-filled lunatic Ann Coulter
*********************************************
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
************************************
Stephanopoulos: wow Paul Ryan has endorsed
Mitt Romney - lock this baby down!
Stephanopoulos: Representative Ryan Democrats
say your plan would cripple America
Ryan: the American people want someone who
isn’t campaigning all the time - Mitt Romney
Stephanopoulos: but all Mitt Romney does
is campaign for President
Ryan: only if you could conceive what he has
been doing lately as ‘campaigning’
Van Hollen: the Ryan plan would slash
investment in America and reward
the richest Americans
Stephanopoulos: Paul you called America’s
military Generals big liars
Ryan: oh yeah I like totally misspoke I didn’t
mean to say that out loud
Stephanopoulos: that makes sense
Ryan: Obama is a hypocrite because he
spends more money on everything but wars
which we must always fight
Stephanopoulos: I can’t argue with that
Ryan: let’s hurt the wealthy by lowering
the highest rates
Van Hollen: the Ryan plan doubles down on
tax cuts for rich which would raise the debt
Stephanopoulos: what’s wrong with that
Van Hollen: they make up the difference by
raising rates on poor Americans!
Ryan: we have a debt crisis so therefore
we must cut taxes!
Stephanopoulos: the President’s lawyer didn’t
address Tea Party concerns before
the Supreme Court
Van Hollen: our health care system is broken
and Obamacare fixes it by requiring people
to buy health insurance
Ryan: Obama took over health care and the
Founders never intended to let the government
make you buy something!
Van Hollen: that’s how they do it Massachusetts!
Ryan: what would people in Boston know
about the Founding Fathers!?
Van Hollen: ok let’s go with single payer then
Ryan: Obamacare will ruin our great health care system!
Stephanopoulos: do you have an alternative
Ryan: we have a plan to give people with
preexisting conditions health insurance
and also free unicorns
Stephanopoulos: Obama has raised gas prices
Van Hollen: free market - ever heard of it?
Ryan: oil on public lands would be given
away free to Americans!
Van Hollen: no it wouldn’t
Ryan: American-made energy is awesome!
[ break ]
Will: we learned this week that there are five justices
who have swallowed tea party rhetoric about Obamacare
Stephanopoulos: for a different perspective let’s
turn to hate-filled lunatic Ann Coulter
*********************************************
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