Sunday, June 26, 2011

Meet The Press - June 26, 2011

Guests:
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA)
Katty Kay
Matt Bai
David Brooks
******************************
Gregory: New Jersey just cut pension and
health care benefits for state government employees
- congrats Governor Christie!

Christie: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: Gov. could you work your
cost-cutting magic in Washington?

Christie: you’ve got to get three men
in a room and wrestle until the biggest guy wins

Gregory: interesting

Christie: Obama is too laid-back -
he needs to throw his weight around

Gregory: what about raising taxes?

Christie: be prepared for a shock -
people in New Jersey prefer
lower taxes over higher taxes

Gregory: holy shit!

Christie: no really

Gregory: has the Tea Party gone completely insane?

Christie: look it’s common sense -
as soon as a Democrat became President
the debt became a very very very important issue

Gregory: I see

Christie: this country is careening to
disaster over the debt!

Gregory: how did you succeed in
New Jersey but Washington can’t get a deal done

Christie: it’s all those fucking demagogues
- I would never do that

Gregory: you’re such a softie

Christie: I am cuddly

Gregory: do you hate unions

Christie: we’re helping unions by
saving their benefits

Gregory: give me your expertise on Afghanistan

Christie: I’m against nation-building

Gregory: the Federal Reserve says we
may be cutting spending too much which
would cause another recession

Christie: no we aren’t because the
United States is very big country

Gregory: we tried GOP policies and
the middle class is still hurting

Christie: but businesses are hiring in
New Jersey because we have certainty over taxes

Gregory: which GOP Presidential candidate
will win your highly coveted endorsement

Christie: I’m not sure there are so many different
crazies to choose from

Gregory: what about my favorite
Michele Bachmann?

Christie: she seems a little crazy to me

Gregory: you look for bigness in politicians

Christie: people want a politician to
look them in the eye and wag their finger at them

Gregory: what about the
Pledge of Abortion Allegiance

Christie: I’m anti-abortion except when I’m not

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

Christie: I’m not a fan of gay people
kissing and all that icky stuff

Gregory: you’re a tough-talking,
no-nonsense asshole

Christie: fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: you were mean to teacher recently

Christie: She questioned my ability to
run the state’s public schools - how dare
she ask me a personal question me like that

Gregory: you cultivate the image of a jerk

Christie: I’m loveable and sweet and
not blow-dried you bastard

Gregory: why are going to Iowa?

Christie: to brag about big things

Gregory: will accept an offer to run as Vice President

Christie: c’mon you’re not that stupid are you Fluffy

Gregory: I might be

Christie: I’m a nice guy - just don’t
question me about irrelevant things
like being a husband and a father

Gregory: why would you make a good President?

Christie: I’m a husband and a father

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Did Barack Obama make a
political decision to pull troops out of
Afghanistan instead of doing what is
best for America?

Reed: what unadulterated bullshit

Gregory: In the view of many Obama hates America

Webb: you are welcome to kiss my ass Fluffy

Gregory: but the Generals want more troops

Webb: They always do you idiot

Gregory: so should we have endless war?

Webb: China is expanding and we
must stop those Orientals!

Gregory: Liberals want to end the war
in Afghanistan now - that reminds me -
what is the mission there?

Reed: the mission in Afghanistan
is to leave Afghanistan

Gregory: but I still don’t understand
why Obama doesn’t end this wonderful war

Webb: we have to pull out slowly so
the Taliban doesn’t see us leaving

Gregory: what will happen there after we leave

Reed: there will be a nuclear war
between Pakistan and the Indians

Gregory: that’s interesting

Gregory: some say walking away and
hoping for the best will lead to
Sharia law in Oklahoma

Webb: actually keeping US troops in other
countries creates terrorism

Gregory: what about Libya?

Reed: we want to support the mission but
rebuke Obama for not asking Congress’s permission

Webb: we’re addicted to putting US troops
in desert lands as peacekeepers!

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: there is great criticism of President Obama

Brooks: from who - beside you

Gregory: Saint Christie who is wonderful

Brooks: Obama is a convenor - he trumpets
us into battle like Miles Davis

Gregory: that’s a great metaphor
because they’re both black

Brooks: are they?

Gregory: I hate Obama because he
compromises and achieves stuff

Kay: the surge was a compromise that
failed and now he’s taking troops out too soon
- we didn’t gain anything except Bin Laden
which doesn’t count

Bai: Budget negotiations are in secret
which puzzles people

Brooks: Jesus Christie would solve
America’s budget problems

Gregory: Obama’s Jedi mind tricks
don’t work on him

Brooks: both parties think they win
if the economy crashes

Kay: Worldwide lenders are freaking out

Gregory: we don’t rule the world
like we did after World War Two
which gives me a sad

Brooks: Darn those shallow politicians

Gregory: hee hee there is great buzz about Giuliani!

Brooks: I say this with love -
you need therapy David

Bai: Iowa may not necessarily get to
decide our next President

Gregory: what!?

Bai: it’s a possibility

Gregory: Huntsmann said his kids
can’t believe he’s really running for President

Audience: they’re not they only one

Kay: he’s running as the Thinking Man’s
Republican but that’s very small group

Brooks: I love this guy

Bai: the GOP primary is not as
monolithic as people think

Brooks: he’s unusual and in a
GOP primary that is really saying something

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Kay: she’s beginning to look even crazier -
I didn’t think that was possible

Gregory: big news this morning was
made five minutes ago when Sen. Jim Webb
said we should invade countries to rescue Americans or not at all

Brooks: Obama is a big non-leading
convenor except when he doesn’t
consult anyone about war

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*********************************

This Week - June 26, 2011

Guests:
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-SC)
Anita Dunn
Chrysta Freeland
George Will
******************************
Amanpour: wow there’s all-time record
flooding in North Dakota - clearly god is angry
that New York legalized gay marriage

Audience: woot

Amanpour: Also Romney and Bachmann
are tied-up in Iowa and the government
will run out of money in August

Amanpour: Mitch will you crash the
world economy because you refuse to
close tax loopholes for rich people?

McConnell: borrow-and-spend politics are bad!

Amanpour: does that include Reagan,
Bush and Bush II?

McConnell: look Democrats and Republicans
agree that people like higher spending
and lower taxes

Amanpour: that is true

McConnell: damm right it is Diane

Amanpour: how about limiting tax
deductions for corporate jets?

McConnell: Christine I have tried to explain
to you that a tax hike like that is just not
possible in Washington DC today

Amanpour: if you say so

McConnell: we must cut entitlements!

Amanpour: going back to those luxury jets-

McConnell: raising taxes on corporate jets
would ruin this otherwise flourishing economy

Amanpour: what else is going on?

McConnell: we must destroy Medicare
in order to save it

Amanpour: what else do you propose?

McConnell: we must do whatever will
impress Moody’s and Standard & Poors

Amanpour: what can actually
pass the Congress?

McConnell: we can agree to cut a
billion dollars from Medicare

Amanpour: what other great ideas
do you have?

McConnell: a Constitutional amendment
to balance the budget

Amanpour: sounds like you’re
making great progress

McConnell: oh sure -
we’re debating all kinds of crazy ideas

Amanpour: could default cause a
worldwide depression?

McConnell: you know what would really
impress worldwide lenders - if we put
all old people on an ice floe

Amanpour: but you voted to cut the
tax break for ethanol

McConnell: Obama is big spender -
we need to be like Reagan and the Bushes
and be really really big spenders!

Amanpour: Jim the GOP has ruled out
tax increases so what can you do?

Clyburn: end tax gifts to rich oil companies -
is not a tax hike it’s closing loopholes!

Amanpour: but those poor oil executives

Clyburn: the GOP also wants to make
Medicaid recipients pay thousands more -
how is that fair?

Amanpour: what if you are on Medicaid
but also have a Gulfstream?

Clyburn: raising taxes has never
been on the table!

Amanpour: why not?

Clyburn: people hate high taxes -
they just want a fair low tax rate

Amanpour: so what’s the solution?

Clyburn: it’s time for the Republicans and
Democrats in Congress to agree that they can’t
accomplish anything and let the President just do it

Amanpour: I see

Clyburn: it’s very bipartisan to shuck all
responsibility and let Obama take all the blame

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: George Will can Obama save us all?

Will: the Balanced Budget amendment
will revolutionize America by finally making
raising taxes on rich people impossible

Karl: the elderly will soon start getting
letters that the GOP wants to shut the
government down over tax breaks for
wealthy corporations

Dunn: Obama has the pulpit but he’s not a bully

Amanpour: that much is clear

Dunn: if we default it will be the biggest
disaster for American since Bush was President

Amanpour: oh my

Freeland: liberals like Broadway Theater
and conservatives like Political Theater

Amanpour: makes sense

Freeland: if the US defaults there will be a
global economic crash that will make 2008
look like a gay pride parade

Amanpour: Romney and Bachmann are tied

Will: Rick Perry may fill that hole

Amanpour: what makes Perry so wonderful?

Will: he created jobs like Mitt
but loves non-gay fetuses like Michele

Karl: don’t forget Bachmann is from Iowa

Audience: she was Born This Whey

Dunn: the energy in the GOP is split between
with the Values Wackos and Budget Crazies

Freeland: Jon Huntsmann is an expert
on the Chinese Communist Central Committee

Will: well that should play well in the
Republican primary

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone
**************************************

Meet The Press - June 26, 2011

Guests:
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA)
Katty Kay
Matt Bai
David Brooks
******************************
Gregory: New Jersey just cut pension and
health care benefits for state government employees
- congrats Governor Christie!

Christie: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: Gov. could you work your
cost-cutting magic in Washington?

Christie: you’ve got to get three men
in a room and wrestle until the biggest guy wins

Gregory: interesting

Christie: Obama is too laid-back -
he needs to throw his weight around

Gregory: what about raising taxes?

Christie: be prepared for a shock -
people in New Jersey prefer
lower taxes over higher taxes

Gregory: holy shit!

Christie: no really

Gregory: has the Tea Party gone completely insane?

Christie: look it’s common sense -
as soon as a Democrat became President
the debt became a very very very important issue

Gregory: I see

Christie: this country is careening to
disaster over the debt!

Gregory: how did you succeed in
New Jersey but Washington can’t get a deal done

Christie: it’s all those fucking demagogues
- I would never do that

Gregory: you’re such a softie

Christie: I am cuddly

Gregory: do you hate unions

Christie: we’re helping unions by
saving their benefits

Gregory: give me your expertise on Afghanistan

Christie: I’m against nation-building

Gregory: the Federal Reserve says we
may be cutting spending too much which
would cause another recession

Christie: no we aren’t because the
United States is very big country

Gregory: we tried GOP policies and
the middle class is still hurting

Christie: but businesses are hiring in
New Jersey because we have certainty over taxes

Gregory: which GOP Presidential candidate
will win your highly coveted endorsement

Christie: I’m not sure there are so many different
crazies to choose from

Gregory: what about my favorite
Michele Bachmann?

Christie: she seems a little crazy to me

Gregory: you look for bigness in politicians

Christie: people want a politician to
look them in the eye and wag their finger at them

Gregory: what about the
Pledge of Abortion Allegiance

Christie: I’m anti-abortion except when I’m not

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

Christie: I’m not a fan of gay people
kissing and all that icky stuff

Gregory: you’re a tough-talking,
no-nonsense asshole

Christie: fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: you were mean to teacher recently

Christie: She questioned my ability to
run the state’s public schools - how dare
she ask me a personal question me like that

Gregory: you cultivate the image of a jerk

Christie: I’m loveable and sweet and
not blow-dried you bastard

Gregory: why are going to Iowa?

Christie: to brag about big things

Gregory: will accept an offer to run as Vice President

Christie: c’mon you’re not that stupid are you Fluffy

Gregory: I might be

Christie: I’m a nice guy - just don’t
question me about irrelevant things
like being a husband and a father

Gregory: why would you make a good President?

Christie: I’m a husband and a father

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Did Barack Obama make a
political decision to pull troops out of
Afghanistan instead of doing what is
best for America?

Reed: what unadulterated bullshit

Gregory: In the view of many Obama hates America

Webb: you are welcome to kiss my ass Fluffy

Gregory: but the Generals want more troops

Webb: They always do you idiot

Gregory: so should we have endless war?

Webb: China is expanding and we
must stop those Orientals!

Gregory: Liberals want to end the war
in Afghanistan now - that reminds me -
what is the mission there?

Reed: the mission in Afghanistan
is to leave Afghanistan

Gregory: but I still don’t understand
why Obama doesn’t end this wonderful war

Webb: we have to pull out slowly so
the Taliban doesn’t see us leaving

Gregory: what will happen there after we leave

Reed: there will be a nuclear war
between Pakistan and the Indians

Gregory: that’s interesting

Gregory: some say walking away and
hoping for the best will lead to
Sharia law in Oklahoma

Webb: actually keeping US troops in other
countries creates terrorism

Gregory: what about Libya?

Reed: we want to support the mission but
rebuke Obama for not asking Congress’s permission

Webb: we’re addicted to putting US troops
in desert lands as peacekeepers!

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: there is great criticism of President Obama

Brooks: from who - beside you

Gregory: Saint Christie who is wonderful

Brooks: Obama is a convenor - he trumpets
us into battle like Miles Davis

Gregory: that’s a great metaphor
because they’re both black

Brooks: are they?

Gregory: I hate Obama because he
compromises and achieves stuff

Kay: the surge was a compromise that
failed and now he’s taking troops out too soon
- we didn’t gain anything except Bin Laden
which doesn’t count

Bai: Budget negotiations are in secret
which puzzles people

Brooks: Jesus Christie would solve
America’s budget problems

Gregory: Obama’s Jedi mind tricks
don’t work on him

Brooks: both parties think they win
if the economy crashes

Kay: Worldwide lenders are freaking out

Gregory: we don’t rule the world
like we did after World War Two
which gives me a sad

Brooks: Darn those shallow politicians

Gregory: hee hee there is great buzz about Giuliani!

Brooks: I say this with love -
you need therapy David

Bai: Iowa may not necessarily get to
decide our next President

Gregory: what!?

Bai: it’s a possibility

Gregory: Huntsmann said his kids
can’t believe he’s really running for President

Audience: they’re not they only one

Kay: he’s running as the Thinking Man’s
Republican but that’s very small group

Brooks: I love this guy

Bai: the GOP primary is not as
monolithic as people think

Brooks: he’s unusual and in a
GOP primary that is really saying something

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Kay: she’s beginning to look even crazier -
I didn’t think that was possible

Gregory: big news this morning was
made five minutes ago when Sen. Jim Webb
said we should invade countries to rescue Americans or not at all

Brooks: Obama is a big non-leading
convenor except when he doesn’t
consult anyone about war

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
*********************************

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Meet The Press - June 19, 2011

Guests:
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)
Richard Engel
Doris Goodwin
Paul Gigot
*************************
Gregory: wow Obama and Boehner
played golf together

Audience: so heartwarming

Gregory: Senator will Democrats finally cut Medicare?

Durbin: no

Gregory: that’s very disappointing

Durbin: everything will be on the table

Gregory: so will you please consider cutting
Medicare benefits?

Durbin: maybe

Gregory: Lindsey are you willing to
create new revenue?

Graham: we will never raise taxes
but we might flatten taxes

Gregory: like what

Graham: like cut the ethanol gravy train
to pay off the debt

Gregory: Unions are rioting in Greece
- this terrifies me!

Durbin: calm down Fluffy

Graham: eek

Durbin: we’re borrowing too much from China

Gregory: what about raising the retirement age?

Durbin: no

Gregory: fuck you Dick - Medicare is not sustainable!!

Durbin: well fuck you too Fluffers

Gregory: Lindsey how do respond to
my assertion that the American people want
massive spending cuts?

Graham: Oh I agree - the people
really want Medicare cuts

Gregory: no one but me is willing to cut
Social Security and Medicare!!
[ grins stupidly ]

Graham: you are a silly person Greggers

Gregory: Boehner said Obama is ridiculous hee hee

Graham: the War Powers Act is unconstitutional

Gregory: oh that’s sad

Graham: if we leave Libya Egypt will be overrun,
the price of oil will double and Muamar “Mad Dog” Qaddafi
will run for the GOP nomination

Durbin: The Butcher of Bengazi is a bad guy
but Obama should still seek Congressional authorization
before starting a war there

Gregory: will Congress cut off funding
for the non-war in Libya?

Durbin: that would hurt the troops

Gregory: we have no troops there

Durbin: that’s baloney

Gregory: OMG we have no plan in Libya!

Graham: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but but but I have no idea
what’s going on

Graham: what planet are you on Fluffy?

Gregory: um Beltway-Earth

Gregory: is Mitt Romney another Jimmy Carter?

Graham: no because Carter was
actually elected President

Gregory: is Romney right that we should
not be in Afghanistan?

Graham: no - if we leave moderates will be
killed and Pakistan will be destabilized

Gregory: wow

Graham: 6,000 people are joining the Afghan
army every month

Gregory: Are we seeing isolationism
or war weariness?

Graham: we may be able to drawn
troops by 2016 - if we never leave

Durbin: I opposed invading Iraq and
supported invading Afghanistan but I didn’t
vote for endless war all around the world

Gregory: give war a chance

[ break ]

Gregory: Welcome back to America Richard Engel!

Engel: The last time I was in the U.S.
the three most popular things in America
were AOL, Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods

Gregory: Will Jon Bolton run for President?

Todd: Mitt Romney is the clear front-runner

Gregory: he is very handsome

Todd: the people may demand Rick Perry
save the GOP

Gregory: electing a Texas Governor always works

Gigot: Texas is creating most of America’s jobs
and preventing most the country’s gay abortions

Goodwin: The primaries are almost a year
away but if Pawlenty can’t stand up to Mitt Romney how can he stand up to Obama?

Pawlenty: Romney is just like Obama!

Goodwin: Romney is tanned, rested and ready

Engel: he got confused about Afghans and Afghanis

Villaraigosa: what planet are these people on?
Forget Afghanistan we need to rebuild this country!

Gregory: so you would take the money
for war and spend it on schools and bridges

Villaraigosa: Fuck the beltway bubble
- we got real problems!

Gregory: there is real war-weariness

Engel: well sure 10 years of pointless
wars will do that

Gregory: what’s happening in Libya?

Engel: nothing much - but if the US
pulls out NATO is dead

Gigot: look everyone knows these GOP
candidates are only opposing wars because
there’s a Democrat in the White House

Gregory: Bob Gates says we have no idea
what our role in the world should be

Goodwin: it is confusing

Engel: that trend will continue because we
will be involved in many small wars

Gregory: that’s good news

Todd: Obama needs to sit down with
Dick Lugar and Jim Webb and explain to them
where Libya is and why we are attacking it

Gigot: Obama needs to sell the Libya war by
saying they have balsa wood planes capable
of reaching Midwestern cities and dropping
pictures of Anthony Weiner in his underwear

Greg: that would certainly do it

Gregory: Doris do some sex scandals require
Democrats to resign while Republicans don’t?

Goodwin: Weiner had to resign because
it was a distraction because the media wouldn’t
let it go

Todd: he didn’t have any friends on Capitol Hill

Gregory: David Vitter doesn’t have to resign

Todd: he wouldn’t survive a Vitter-Twitter scandal

Gregory: let’s talk substance - did Obama
cause the recession in 2007?

Villaraigosa: that’s crap - Bush inherited
a surplus and blew it

Greogory: I declare Obama cannot blame Bush

Gigot: that’s right - the bad economy is
all Obama’s fault

Todd: people want government do more
and also slash the debt

Gregory: what specifically do people
want government do?

Todd: Something!

Gregory: I talk to a lot of businessmen
and they want the government to create
jobs for them

Engel: People around the world
don’t care about what happens in the US but they
do fear our massive military

Gregory: should we would really slash
spending during a recession?

Goodwin: amazingly we suddenly
had to cut the debt immediately when a
Democrat got elected

Villaraigosa: Gridlock! Partisanship! Shrill debate!

Engel: the USA borrowed a trillion dollars from China to kill a bearded guy in Waziristan

Audience: awesome

Gregory: the big headline today is
Lindsey Graham says Mitt Romney is moving
to Obama’s left and is soft on the war on terror

Gigot: the GOP is pro-war and always will be

Gregory: Rick Perry is trending

Todd: If Romney raises $50 million
Rick Perry will have National Day of Prayer and
Asking For Money

Gregory: Obama is on twitter - his tweets are going to be
signed “B.O.” while the dog’s will
be signed “Bo”

Audience: excellent

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press
************************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - June 19, 2011

Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Husain Haqqani (Pakistan Ambassador to U.S.)
David Ignatius
Liz Cheney
******************************
Amanpour: hey we’ve been bombing
Libya for 90 days

Audience: woot

Amanpour: Senator McCain are you worried
that the GOP has suddenly discovered isolationism?

McCain: indeed they are putting party politics
over the good of then nation

Amanpour: wow

McCain: but Obama is also to blame for
deferring to those cheese-eating French

Amanpour: what about the War Powers Act?

McCain: John Kerry and I are on top of that

Amanpour: will we be at war there
for the standard 6 months to 10 years?

McCain: Yes! Predators are in the fight!

Amanpour: are the GOP Presidential
candidates isolationists?

McCain: there’s always been a strain of isolationism
in the GOP that seem to pop up whenever a Democrat is President

Amanpour: that’s true

McCain: you know yokels like Bachmann
and Cain would be the first to attack Obama if
Qadaffi had killed 700,000 people

Amanpour: but is there a vital national interest?

McCain: Reagan invaded Grenada because
those medical students were about to graduate
and come here

Amanpour: what about Libya

McCain: Barack Obama had to bomb
Libya because of Pan Am 103 and that German disco

Amanpour: the GOP candidates have
suddenly realized Obama has gotten us bogged
down in a useless war in Afghanistan

McCain: I don’t what the hell Mitt Romney
is talking about

Amanpour: few people do

McCain: the surge worked!

Amanpour: so I’m told

McCain: I admit Afghanistan is a big mess
but the Taliban are very mean

Amanpour: should we just leave?

McCain: we need to invade Eastern Afghanistan
but give the show one more season to gets its ratings up

Amanpour: I see

McCain: It’s a Crocker!

Amanpour: Pakistan arrested the informants
who helped the U.S. get Osama bin Laden

McCain: because we abandoned
Pakistan years ago!

Amanpour: ok

McCain: we’ve poured billions in Pakistan
and we’re not getting a good return
on our investment

Amanpour: it’s the Lehman Brothers of Central Asia

McCain: we need to stay there forever

Amanpour: what do you think of the
GOP Presidential candidates?

McCain: they’re all appeasing isolationist idiots

Amanpour: thanks for coming Grumpy

[ break ]

Amanpour: why is Pakistan so mad about the
U.S. military action on the soil?

Haqqani: we’re just trying to find out
what happened

Amanpour: It looks like the people who
helped catch the world’s worst terrorist
are being punished

Haqqani: oh no not at all

Cheney: the Pakistanis were embarrassed -
but let’s not be too hard on them we love
those crazy guys

Ignatius: Americans were shocked that
Pakistan allowed bin Laden to live in their country

Haqqani: that’s bullshit David

Ignatius: but the Pakistanis were shocked
that we violated their sovereignty

Amanpour: aren’t we in more danger
from terrorism than ever?

Cheney: We are at war - it’s very naive to think
we cannot police the world

Amanpour: really?

Cheney: if Michelle Bachmann is elected
we will surely be attacked again

Amanpour: the American people seem
to be tired of war

Cheney: Obama is soft on attacking on
Libya and Herman Cain is just crazy

Amanpour: that’s fascinating

Cheney: Obama creating a terrible deficit

Amanpour: I though deficits don’t matter

Cheney: who said that?

Amanpour: do you know where the terrorists are?

Haqqani: if Americans are tired of the
war imagine how people in Afghanistan feel

Ignatius: Obama has concluded that killing
terrorists is working but nation-building is not

Cheney: no we must never pull troops
out of Afghanistan!

Amanpour: easy there Liz

Cheney: Attack! Bomb! Kill!

Amanpour: we’ll take a break

[ break ]
***************

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Meet The Press - June 12, 2011

Guests:
Rick Santorum
Debbie Wasserman Schultz (DNC)
Reince Priebus (RNC)
Rick Santorum
Mayor Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Mike Murphy
Richard Wolffe
Kim Strassel
********************************
Gregory: wow breaking news this morning
Rep. Weiner is entering wanker-rehab

Wasserman Schultz: he’s a putz and needs to go

Gregory: what’s the problem

Wasserman Schultz: he’s just creepy

Gregory: a leave of absence is not enough?

Wasserman Schultz: he needs to resign and if
he doesn’t we will pinch him in the House coatroom

Priebus: Anthony Weiner has turned Washington DC into a circus!

Gregory: really?

Priebus: we have high unemployment and
Anthony Weiner won’t leave!

Wasserman Schultz: Vitter went to fucking
prostitutes and you didn’t call for his resignation

Priebus: why are we talking about Vitter’s
prostitutes when we have high debt?!?

Gregory: good point Debs -- tell me what is Anthony Weiner’s
state of mind?

Wasserman Schultz: he’s a remorseful jackass

Gregory: interesting

Wasserman Schultz: If jobs are so important
why is the GOP so obsessed with Weiner’s
dick and banning abortion?

Priebus: Weiner’s online masturbatory fantasies
have stopped all jobs legislation, halted business
at the Supreme Court and rerouted
millions of seamen

Gregory: Let’s talk jobs

Wasserman Schultz: Obama turned the
economy around

Gregory: no he didn’t - I asked around

Wasserman Schultz: we’ve had 15 months
of job growth

Gregory: that’s not possible since I don’t like him

Priebus: Obama caused a Great Depression
- what a disaster Obama is!

Gregory: so true Reince

Priebus: Americans care about the debt!

Gregory: can Republicans do anything
to create jobs?

Priebus: we need to cut the debt

Gregory: how about cutting my taxes Debbie?

Wasserman Schultz: we could cut the
capital gains tax

Gregory: now you’re talking

Wasserman Schultz: also cut spending

Priebus: Obama lost jobs!

Gregory: Obama is in a dead heat with Mitt Romney

Wasserman Schultz: yeah but he’s a flip-flopping weasel

Priebus: I’m from Wisconsin and the
GOP is wildly popular there

Gregory: that's awesome

Priebus: are you better off than before
the Bush Depression started?

Wasserman Schultz: I’m from Florida and voters
are rejecting the extreme GOP there

Gregory: how is Gabby Giffords doing?

Wasserman Schultz: I ask her a question and she responds in full coherent sentences

Priebus: wow I even can’t do that with Sarah Palin

[ break ]

Gregory: what do you think of Obama?

Santorum: he hates freedom because he
doesn’t think Americans can choose health insurance for themselves

Gregory: do you think the current health
insurance system works well?

Santorum: we need a bottom up system

Gregory: have you ever googled yourself?

Santorum: Obama will put government
price controls on Medicare!

Gregory: oh my

Santorum: Obama is pushing grandma off a cliff -
we want to empower grandpa to fly off that cliff

Gregory: People in your own state hate you

Santorum: true but I stood up for the
crazy unpopular things I believe in

Gregory: like what?

Santorum: I was one of the first to call for
repealing Social Security

Gregory: anything else

Santorum: Seniors needs to control costs
by themselves

Gregory: would you raise the retirement age?

Santorum: we should have a price inflation index!

Gregory: let’s cut the bullshit Rick - who are you and what are you?

Santorum: I have had the courage to call for ending federal entitlements, I supported war with Iran and Syria, I hate gay people, and I love pina coladas, walks on the beach, and men who aren't afraid to cry - and fetuses

Gregory: what do you think of Mormons

Santorum: they’re very fine nice wackos

Gregory: what about Romney and Huntsman?

Santorum: they are nowhere near as crazy
as me and yet I won in a blue state

Gregory: until you lost

Santorum: only because of the recession
Obama caused in 2006

Gregory: in 2002 you said the last thing
we need to worry about deficits

Santorum: yes but we had Bill Clinton’s
surplus to spend

Gregory: I see

Santorum: also that was right after the 9/11 attacks

Gregory: That interview was a year and
three months later

Santorum: look when you’re in a
recession and fighting wars you can’t
care about the debt - but things are different now

Gregory: America - what went wrong?

Santorum: I love the smell of
sulphur in the morning

Gregory: I think I follow you

Santorum: the NLRB is shipping jobs overseas

Gregory: interesting

Santorum: I have a secret plan to bring
jobs to America

Gregory: businesses have so much cash -
why do they need more tax cuts?

Santorum: they don’t believe Obama
will let them be profitable

Gregory: you said in public schools kids get only
weird socialization

Santorum: Public schools are nothing but psychotic Stalisnist camps -- kids are forced to spend all day with people the same age and socio-economic class - what the
fuck is up with that??

Gregory: would home schooling fix that?

Santorum: kids need get out of that stuffy classroom with boring factory wrote learning

Gregory: and do what?

Santorum: kids need to interact with adults in the private sector -- why not have kids intern in our finest corporations?

Gregory: would you allow abortion in
cases of rape or incest?

Santorum: hell no - put those doctors
in prison for life

Gregory: women too?

Santorum: no those little ladies don’t
know what they are doing

Gregory: what about female doctors?

Santorum: they have those?

Gregory: so I’ve heard

Santorum: well Fluffy I will put a stop to
that nonsensical social engineering

[ break ]

Gregory: Is Santorum for real ?

Murphy: no he’s all forth

Gregory: What about Weiner?

Reed: he has to resign so Democrats can talk about the the Democrats' failure to create jobs

Strassel: Charlie Rangel also refused to resign - such impertinence!

Wolffe: even if he survives how effective can he really be?

Murphy: he’s a dead man wanking

Gregory: According himself Newt is an outsider

Murphy: He will have a comeback and be
able to run his own campaign his own way -
only then will he completely fail

Gregory: I am fascinated by Giuliani and Bachmann

Strassel: Conservatives have felt slighted
and want a champion

Wolffe: Team Obama will target the GOP
candidates as even bigger failures than the
White House

Gregory: Obama is vulnerable!

Reed: He saved the automobile industry -
Obama has got to get attention for stuff like that

Gregory: maybe if he tweets it with a
picture of his underpants

Murphy: the economy is bad but every year
there are fewer white people which is bad
for the GOP

Wolffe: Team Obama is counting on
hispanics, blacks, young people, techies,
gays, geeks and nerds

Gregory: Top trending stories are
Weiner, Palin and some terrorists!

Wolffe: Democrats will pay a price for
Weiner because he didn’t go to a
prostitute which is ok

Strassel: the media are pointlessly obsessed
with Sarah Palin

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet the Press
**********************************

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - June 12, 2011

Guests:
Jake Tapper
George Will
Peggy Noonan
Donna Brazile
Robert Reich
Jonathan Karl
******************************************
Amanpour: good morning - the top Al-Qaeda
guy in Africa got killed - suck it terrorists!

Amanpour: also Anthony Weiner’s sex text messages
are drowning out the democratic message
in Washington while David Vitter does not
affect coverage of the Republican message
just because that's how it is

Wasserman-Schultz: what a dipshit

Amanpour: Weiner has paralyzed the
Democratic party

Will: he claims to have a disease so
he can’t be removed from office under
the Americans with Disabilities Act

Tapper: technically he hasn’t violated
the law like using a state helicopter for
personal use or going to a prostitute
which are very forgivable crimes

Amanpour: the Democrats' message is diluted

Brazile: no one can talk about the
federal budget or the debt or the U.S.
economy because of pictures of Weiner’s penis

Amanpour: that makes perfect sense

Brazile: his constituents deserve a full member

Noonan: this clearly proves the
End-of-Roman empire decadence of Washington

Amanpour: you’re calling someone else decadent?

Noonan: truly it's the Weiner Republic

Amanpour: good one Peggers

Noonan: the whole city has to come together
and say enough - no more can Democrats have sex

Amanpour: is Mitt Romney the
front runner for 2012?

Noonan: Whether Vain is the least bad choice

Tapper: Tim Pawlenty will be a truly
formidable opponent

Will: by 2012 one third of Americans
will be under water - and that doesn’t include
Michael Phelps

Pawlenty: we should be more awesome America

Amanpour: is Pawlenty really going to
save the GOP?

Will: compared to me he’s Elvis

Amanpour: true

Will: he should adopt Reagan’s sunny message
of borrow and spend which is full of win

Noonan: Republicans handed Obama 2 wars,
a jobs disaster, epic recession, and massive debt
- so let’s fire Obama and give them another chance

Gingrich: my lobbyists in DC tell me to
say I’m an outsider

Will: Newt is an egomaniacal bull in a china shop

Tapper: I spoke to several people this week
who hate Gingrich’s guts - and those were
his top staffers

Amanpour: holy crap the economy is really bad

Reich: consumers are losing their
home values and jobs so they won’t spend
money and if they don’t spend money there won’t be jobs

Shelby: this is a new day - we need to
help business more

Reich: consumers are scared -
we need to unterrify them

Karl: we tried stimulus and lowered interest rates -
what else can we do?

Reich: reform the bankruptcy system, a new jobs program-

Karl: but that’s not realistic

Reich: well that’s my fucking answer idiot

Shelby: we need to create certainty

Goolsbee: we created lots of jobs

Reich: you can’t go into an election year like this
- there’s deafening silence on jobs!

Shelby: Businesses are scared - they are worried about their children - we need certainty by which which I mean lower taxes and less regulating

Karl: OMG the debt and health care!!

Reich: Businesses don’t care about the federal debt

Karl: oh noes

Reich: why not have a new Works Progress Administration?

Shelby: good idea

Reich: really let’s shake on it

Shelby: the WPA didn’t end the Depression
- Word War Two did!!

Reich: yes Dick we all miss Hitler and his US jobs-creating program

Shelby: free markets are good

Karl: none of your proposals will happen

Amanpour: thanks for coming
********************************