Sunday, April 25, 2010

Meet The Press - April 25, 2010

Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT)
Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL)

Gregory: Chris Dodd - Deal. . . or No Deal?

Dodd: America went for the big money
and lost $11 trillion

Gregory: oh noe

Dodd: Goldman Sachs broke into our house
2 years ago and we haven’t even changed the locks

Gregory: will the GOP ever support reform?

Shelby: it’s a very tedious process and
the bill is 13 million pages

Gregory: whoa

Shelby: we oppose the bill because it
doesn’t go far enough

Gregory: of course you do

Shelby: we will vote for the bill if the
Democrats give us what we want

Gregory: what do you want?

Shelby: to stop the bill

Gregory: ok

Shelby: sure all 41 Senators oppose reform
but we really want it I swear

Gregory: it turns out the Goldman Sachs bet
against the American economy!

Dodd: it’s wrong to get rich betting housing
prices will fall

Gregory: aha

Dodd: what if Congress went out of session
and another crisis occurred?!

Gregory: because the ones we have are not enough

Shelby: these Wall Street fuckers produce nothing and just play a big casino game with other people’s money - I’m outraged

Gregory: Banks give politicians contributions -
how is my point relevant?

Dodd: most Senators don’t sell their votes
for contributions

Shelby: that’s right - they sell them for sex

Gregory: Wall streets execs told me they really
want stringent regulation-

Dodd: bullshit Fluffy

Gregory: but they said their deals are so complex mere mortals cannot understand them

Dodd: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Geithner says the bill will end
‘too big to fail’

Shelby: it doesn’t go far enough - nothing is
too big to fail - what if we have to bail out reckless pizza parlors?!

Dodd: are you kidding - it goes so far the bill will have Congress inside their sphincters!

Gregory: this debate is about the role of government - some say it should government do its job and then there are Republicans

Dodd: Dogs were given credit cards!

Shelby: it’s true Bush’s Bureaucrats were a little lax

Gregory: Hey we’re all getting rich off the bailouts - maybe we should have more and more bailouts!

Shelby: no I hate American cars

Gregory: isn’t Toyota made in your state?

Shelby: is it?

Dodd: Dancing Dave that’s crazy - look at
Shanghai and Greece

Gregory: ummm

Dodd: Just calm down Fluffy

Gregory: who will look at banks and say “hey maybe you shouldn’t put $5 trillion on the Detroit Lions to win the SuperBowl”

Shelby: Big is not Bad but Bailout Big is Bad

Dodd: the problem is risk Greggers

Gregory: but I read a news article that said
you don’t hate hedge funds

Dodd: I don’t Fluffy - god, you’re dumb

Gregory: what will pass?

Dodd: my bill!

Shelby: I will vote against a bill that doesn’t go far enough which it never will

Gregory: what about this new Arizona law?

Dodd: well I’m sure the Small Government crowd is in favor of stopping people and jailing them if they don’t have their papers on them

Shelby: simple - just arrest everybody

Gregory: Is Obama a liability?

Dodd: he’s an asset Stupid

Shelby: I like Good Things more than Bad Things

Gregory: is he all right?

Dodd: He’s always like this

Gregory: well ok

[ break ]

Gregory: So Arizona has made walking down
the street without identity papers illegal - that’s kind of interesting

Brooks: sure it’s racist but the real problem is that Democrats are going to pass laws for purely political reasons

Gregory: this is very bad for Obama and the Democrats

Norris: indeed David is right - this Arizona bill is bad for Democrats but if Arizona does enforce this law that does seem kind of racist

Gregory: well it’s not like they will be pulling people over for being Hispanic - they will have a pretext first

Thomas: oh it’s fucking racist Fluffy

Gregory: Democrats don’t really want immigration reform because of health care

Burnett: Business only want Chinese and Indian immigrants

Thomas: John McCain used to be the Greatest Centrist Ever and now he is Gives Punditz a Sad

Gregory: Obama claims to want to reform Wall Street and yet he didn’t pull out a gun and start shooting them this week - isn’t that hypocrisy?

Brooks: This is who Obama is - he’s so fucking even-handed he’s like Shiva

Burnett: Financial reform can’t make Wall Street Smart instead of Stupid

Gregory: People dislike Goldman Sachs because they don’t understand what they do - they should hate them because they bet against the economy

Norris: Oh they’re just evil Fluffy

Gregory: so so so sad

Brooks: we should all thank Goldman Sachs for ending the housing bubble

Gregory: they bet against the market - that’s good for
capitalism but bad for society

Thomas: no the issue is they were defrauding their clients

Gregory: Mayor Bloomberg asks who will weep for Wall Street - what if they all move overseas and take all their wonderful jobs with them??

Burnett: Goldman will plead stupidity

Gregory: David Brooks you say Democrats have ruined America by creating a Small Government vs Big Government debate

Gregory: that is so sad why would Democrats do that??

Brooks: they are divisive - amazingly this benefits Republicans

Gregory: a lot of people like me hate government

Thomas: Obama is low in the polls considering he is the most popular politician in America

Gregory: The Wall Street Journal says we must a fight between those who say we must eliminate Medicare and those who say we should ban all brown people

Norris: A true uniter like Reagan would do both

Gregory: Obama should cut taxes and not
go after Wall Street

Burnett: The economy is growing - yay!

Thomas: no we need still to cut the debt

Norris: I give you four words - baby boomers
erectile dysfunction

Brooks: Democrats have had the worst year politically since the Social Democrats lost Weimar

Gregory: How terrible is Obama?

Brooks: he’s very terrible - he’s lost independents

Norris: but the GOP has gone completely insane

Brooks: true - but the GOP will do really well this year because there is a lot of disgust out there

Gregory: Obama is a liability isn’t he?

Thomas: he’s not insane enough - no one is listening to him

Gregory: what should he do?

Thomas: Move to the Mythic Center!

Gregory: Brilliant!