Sunday, January 08, 2017

Meet The Press – January 8, 2017

Sen. John McCain
Sen. Lindsey Graham
Ashton Carter – U.S. Secretary of Defense
Rep. Donna Edwards
Andrea Mitchell
David Brooks
Rick Santelli

Todd: omg Vladimir Putin committed
crimes to denigrate Hillary Clinton 
and elect Donald Trump

Todd: Putin stole John Podesta's
risotto recipe and gave it to wikileaks!

Trump: boy do I love WikiLeaks!

Todd: the Kremlin celebrated their big win!

Trump: why is everybody
always attacking Russia?
It's like Russia Russia Russia!

Trump: the CIA has no idea
about anything those big dummies

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senators
John McCain and Lindsey Graham

Johndsey: hi todd

Todd: Trump says criticizing
Russia is just a witch hunt

McCain: that's crazy

Graham: he thinks discovering
Russia hacked the election
will undermine his Presidency

Todd: he's right

Graham: but not even Democrats
are saying he's not going to 
get to be the President

Todd: he gets the big round office 
and everything!

Graham: there's no doubt that 
Podesta's e-mails were stole by 
Russia and given to wikileaks

Todd: and now ISIS is enjoying
some sweet creamy risotto

Graham: soon Trump will be
the leader of all democracies

McCain: dear god

Todd: what is wrong with Donald Trump?

Graham: he's worried these
revelations about Russia
make him look like Putin's stooge

Todd: he's doing just fine on his own

Graham: as a democracy we cannot
ignore foreign interference in our elections

Todd: right – so we should 
stop being a democracy

Graham: that's not what I meant

Todd: oh okay

Graham: all I ask is for Donald Trump
to show some integrity and leadership
and defend America

Todd: that seems like a lot actually

Graham: the KGB celebrated Trump's win!

Todd: high fives all around

McCain: it's obvious they committed
all kinds of crimes to elect this crazy person

Todd: was Trump was in 
contact with Moscow?

McCain: we need to find out!

Todd: will we?

McCain: no because the GOP
doesn't want to know the answer

Graham: we should have a big
investigation and get to the bottom of this

Todd: wherever it leads?

Graham: yes!

Todd: golly

Graham: I tell my Republican friends
if you are gleeful about this you are
hack and you are not a patriot

McCain: you tell 'em Linds

Graham: we should hit them where it hurts!

Todd: kick to the groin?

Graham: no I was thinking
of oil and gas sanctions

Todd: we support democracy
so aren't we just as bad?

McCain: Todd you simpleton they
are taking down our electric plants

Graham: ooh snap John

Todd: Trump seems to really
really like Vladimir Putin

McCain: he's slaughtering Ukrainians!

Graham: I want to punch Putin!

McCain: you go Lindsey

Graham: ooh I would
give him such a smack

Todd: I bet he's nervous now

Graham: I want to see U.S. soldiers
in the Baltics and seamen in tropics

Todd: admit it – wouldn't Hillary be better

McCain: no because of 
Benghazi and Wikileaks

Graham: no because I really
want tax cuts for rich people

Graham: if he bashes Russia
then he will be a hero

Todd: judge Barack Obama for me

McCain: he's the first black President
proving there is no more racism in America

Todd: I thought as much

McCain: but he didn't bomb
Assad which made me sad

Graham: Michelle is very dignified

Todd: say something bad about him

Graham: he's weak America and let evil thrive

Todd: what else?

Graham: he's weak

Todd: any other words?

Graham: also weak

Todd: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Conway: sure Russia tried to 
hack the election to try to elect 
Donald Trump but they did not 
succeed in electing Donald Trump

Todd: so he plans plans to punish Russia

Conway: I didn't say that!

Todd: okay

Conway: Nyet! Nyet!

Todd: so panelists Trump is finally
accepting that Russia hacked

Mitchell: no he's not – only Kelly Conway did

Todd: close enough

Mitchell: it's not just hacking –
it's about fake news

Todd: are you talking about me

Mitchell: whether they 
succeeded isn't the issue

Todd: although they did

Brooks: Trump's ego won't let
him admit he won with Putin's help

Todd: or anyone else's

Brooks: but this is really about
the post WWII order

Brooks: they see Russia as an ally of
Christian autocracy against radical Islam

Santelli: when a crime is committed
no one ever asks 'who did it?'

Todd: um really?

Santelli: the media is being so unfair!

Santelli: no one talked about 
the hack at the time!

Santelli: this is about Hillary's 
private e-mail server!

Todd: whoa Rick slow down
we can only take so much bullshit

Edwards: the next time it might Republicans

Brooks: Putin guys murders journalists!

Santelli: you all just hate Trump

Mitchell: that's not true Rick

Brooks: yes it is but that's not the point

Santelli: we hacked Angela Merkel
everybody does it!

Mitchell: you sir an idiot

Santelli: there were no headlines at the time!

Santelli: it's all kabuki theater!

Santelli: the CIA are a bunch of liberals!

Mitchell: who is this lunatic

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Secretary Carter

Carter: nice to be here Chet

Todd: John McCain calls
Russia's hacking an act of war

Carter: well it's very serious

Todd: how should we respond

Carter: it's a secret but it's very clever

Todd: why won't Obama attack Russia?

Carter: well first we had to have a written report

Todd: Trump says “stupid” 
people don't like Russia

Carter: Putin is very hostile to the U.S.

Todd: is Russia an ally against ISIS?

Carter: no not at all they lied

Todd: really?

Carter: yeah we're doing it all on our own

Todd: well good luck

Carter: U.S. troops are on the 
Tigris river today

Todd: say hi to Hammurabi for me

Carter: will do

Todd: Obama's Syria red line was the
most important world event since the
Peace of Westphalia

Carter: that might be overstating it

Todd: but there would be World Peace
if not for Obama's red line

Carter: the Russians are evil dipshits

Todd: should we bomb North Korea?

Carter: no Chuck

Todd: but I'm bored

Carter: we have 28,000 troops in
Korea with the slogan 'Fight Tonight'

Todd: but there's a big NFL game tonight

Carter: I didn't mean that literally

Todd: would we shoot down
a missile from North Korea?

Carter: you betcha

Todd: the Fort Lauderdale
shooter was a troubled vet

Carter: we take PTSD very seriously

Todd: have we done enough?

Carter: no

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: time to crunch some numbers!

Todd: people with Obamacare
care voted for Trump

Todd: an Iowa country had a 50 %
drop in uninsured and still voted
overwhelming for Trump

Todd: same thing in Ohio

Todd: the GOP has no choice but
to pretend to repeal the ACA

Todd: but then they may take
away people's health care

Rand Paul: we have to replace 
not just replace

Corker: yes we must do both simultaneously

[ break ]

Santelli: your health care
coverage will not be interrupted
so stop worrying you losers

Santelli: competition will solve all this!

Mitchell: if Republicans repeal the
ACA they will lose billions in tax revenue

Todd: lucky for us repeal will take years

Brooks: there's no proof of that

Santelli: people will have worse
health care but so what

Edwards: if they had replacement
for Obamacare they would have a
replacement for Obamacare

Todd: can Trump make a deal
to fix the ACA with Chuck Schumer?

Mitchell: Trump just called him a clown

Todd: what is a GOP version of Obamacare?

Edwards: Obamacare is the Republican plan

Santelli: cars have tires so stop whining

Brooks: the GOP won't 
commit political suicide

Todd: are you sure?

Todd: Democrats made a mistake
when the didn't bring Republicans
into the health care process

Edwards: that's not what happened Charles

Santelli: I predict you will see compromise

Todd: I fucking love compromise!!

Todd: ha ha ha the Murdoch paper
NY Post want Hillary Clinton to run
for Mayor of New York

Mitchell: they just hate Bill Di Blasio

Mitchell it's a trial balloon

Brooks: she should go on 
Celebrity Apprentice

Todd: I love that idea!

Todd: we have a conflict of interest
because that show is on NBC

Todd but let's talk about it anyway

Todd: Trump is in a twitter feud
with Arnold Schwarzenegger
bashing the show

Todd: but he's still the executive
producer so he's trashing his own show

Santelli: yeah maybe not do that

Mitchell: and he sent that tweet
just before he got the security briefing!

Todd: he's a tweeting machine

Brooks: just ignore him

Mitchell he's the damn incoming president

Todd: Trump is interfering 
with U.S. businesses

Santelli: it's okay when a Republican does it

Mitchell: we haven't even talked
about Trump's ethics issues!

Todd: sorry we're out of time

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press


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