Guests:
Bill
Neely (NBC News)
John
Kerry (U.S. Sec. of State)
Sen.
Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Gov.
Jerry Brown (D-CA)
Mayor
Stephanie Rawlings-Blake (D-Baltimore)
Chuck
Todd
Kathleen
Parker
Tina
Brown
Harry Smith
John
Ridley (screenwriter '12 Years a Slave')
Gregory:
OMG one week after
the
Olympics Putin has sent
troops
to Crimea!
Audience: oh snap
Gregory:
this is a direct
challenge
to Barack Obama!
Audience:
of course
Gregory:
will Ukraine try to
annex
Crimea?
Neely:
Fluffy they pretty
much
already have
Gregory:
wow
Neely:
Russia are taking over
much
of the Crimea penninsula
Gregory:
Secretary Kerry will we
impose
costs on Russia for
invading
our best friend Ukraine?
Kerry:
this is in 19th
century thinking
Gregory:
it's like a bad game of Risk
Kerry:
we could even someday
ban
visas or freeze their assets
Gregory:
tough talk
Kerry:
look you just don't invade
another
country on phony pretexts!
Gregory:
yeah it's not like they
have
WMDs or something
Kerry:
zip it Fluffers
Gregory:
will NATO lob bombs
to
protect Kiev?
Kerry:
several committees are
meeting
right now to issue strongly
worded
denunciations
Gregory:
I see - what else?
Kerry:
we're allied with Japan
against
Russia!
Gregory:
should the US go to
war
to defend Ukraine?
Kerry:
no but the Russian President
had
a fucking galleon
Gregory:
that was pretty awesome
Kerry:
no – it was a kleptocracy!
Gregory:
but those cars were so cool
Kerry:
why would Putin ally himself
with
this corrupt jackass when he
could
back off and still keep his
navy
bases in Crimea
Gregory:
look am I going to get to
cover
a war from the safety
of
Washington or not?
Kerry:
don't be daft Fluffy
Gregory:
well what will
you do then?
Kerry:
Putin is in violation
of
the Helsinki Act!
Gregory:
you said this isn't about the
US
vs Russia and yet conservatives
say
Obama is a wimp
Kerry:
you are an idiot
Gregory:
but conservatives say Obama
didn't
override Republican objections and
bomb
Syria so Putin invaded Crimea
Kerry:
Hey Fluffy maybe you missed
it
but Obama got Putin's pet dictator
kicked
out of Ukraine and he fled
with
his tail between his legs
Gregory:
maybe but now Putin
is
pushing us around
Kerry:
hell by the time Obama is done
kicking
Putin's ass the ruble will be
worth
less than a bitcoin
Gregory:
isn't it true you support US
action
in Syria to train fighters there
who
don't know how to fire a gun?
Kerry:
Russia claims they are worried
about
Syrians but they support the
murderous
dictator there
Gregory:
Marco Rubio says we
are
not friends with Russia anymore
Kerry:
who cares what that child thinks?
Gregory:
is this a moment of truth for Bibi?
Kerry:
he's been courageous –
the
Palestinians also need to step up too
Gregory:
thanks for coming
Gregory:
Marco Rubio how do you
answer
the charge that Obama is
weak
and a wimp and basically terrible?
Rubio:
I must reluctantly admit
Obama
is another Neville Chamberlain
Gregory:
Bush looked into Putin's soul
and
then Putin invaded Georgia
and
Bush did nothing
Rubio:
Russia lied!
Gregory:
oh my
Rubio:
Russia is a government of liars!
Gregory:
please continue
Rubio:
Russians are all liars!
Gregory:
what if a Russian
said
'I am a liar'
Rubio:
Fluffy you just blew my mind
Gregory:
I ask you for blunt talk
– is
Russia an enemy of America?
Rubio:
they are an enemy of the
US
with regard to US national interests
Gregory:
but don't you think
Obama
is a terrible weak wimp?
Rubio:
we must be tough and not weak
Gregory:
I see
Rubio:
we must strengthen Kiev
Gregory:
should the US bomb Russia?
Rubio:
are you insane Fluffy?
Gregory:
just answer the
question
Marco
Rubio:
we should build a
missile
defense shield
Gregory:
please bash Obama
on
Venezuela
Rubio:
we must say we are
on
the side of the students
marching
in the streets
Gregory:
should students be
allowed
to vote?
Rubio:
yes but only in
Venezuela
and not here
Gregory:
isn't religious freedom
being
trampled under Obama?
Rubio:
imagine if you were a wedding
photographer
who hates gay people!
Gregory:
that's a tough one
Rubio:
look I don't hate gay
people
but I worry about florists
who
hate homosexuals
Gregory:
can you run for President
even
though you don't hate immigrants?
Rubio:
I am sorry about that but if
we
don't pass reform we'll never win again
Gregory:
will you run for President in 2016?
Rubio:
I heard you were a moron
Gregory:
thanks for coming
Gregory:
this is about Obama's
leadership
pure and simple!
Todd:
yes!
Gregory:
Ukraine is about
whether
Obama is a real man!
Todd:
so true!
Gregory:
I love it
Todd:
Obama could be
tougher but
he is a wimp!
Gregory:
yes!
Todd:
Obama must act!
Gregory:
Bush was tough
but
maybe he was too tough
Brown:
Putin outfoxes
Obama all
the time
Gregory:
ha ha
Parker:
Ukraine is really
about
Obama vs Putin
Gregory:
exactly
Parker:
we must be tough!
Gregory:
Obama must act but
if he
does he will be overreacting!
Rawlings-Blake:
what the hell
are
you talking about?
Parker:
because Obama must talk tough!
Rawlings-Blake:
then what?
Goldberg:
I asked Obama if not
bombing
Syria emboldened Iran
and
he said they fear me
Gregory:
but Obama is weak!
Goldberg:
he says Iran
buckled
under his manliness
Gregory:
but Putin attacked Crimea
Goldberg:
the White House sees
a
weak Putin panicking under
Obama's
massive swinging power
Gregory:
are the culture wars back?
Todd:
Democrats hope so – it helps them
Gregory:
the GOP wants to ignore
gays
and talk about Obamacare
Parker:
those mean Democrats
just
want to talk about abortion
Brown:
Jan Brewer told the zealots to stuff it
Parker:
I don't get how could you
defend
discrimination except
for
forbidding marriage
to
the wrong people
Blake:
I just want to say
Baltimore
is open for gays
Gregory:
I am in love with Rand Paul
Todd:
we all know that David
Gregory:
he told the party not to
call
Obama a subhuman mongrel
Todd:
brave stance indeed
Gregory:
but he did call Bill Clinton
a
sexual predator ha ha ha
Goldberg:
people once used
the
Bible to defend segregation
Gregory:
it's a good thing the
marriage
at Cana was totally straight
[
break ]
Gregory:
Jerry you had an epic
drought
and now you have
way
too much rain
Brown:
we've got flooding but
we're
still in the worst
drought
since 1850
Gregory:
yikes
Brown:
also we now have more
forest
fires and mudslides
Gregory:
sweet jesus
Brown:
you turned California around
– what's
the message?
Gregory:
fiscal responsibility and
getting
rid of Republicans
blocking
sensible laws
Gregory:
so you're saying
Obama
is a bad President?
Brown:
no Fluffy
Gregory:
you used to be 'Governor
Moonbeam'
and now you're respected
Brown:
I'm older and wiser but
just
as energetic and ambitious
Gregory:
are the culture wars
back
– please say yes
Brown:
the wars against gays
and
immigrants are over and we won
Gregory:
what about marijuana?
Brown:
a few hits a day is okay
Gregory:
I mean should it be legal
Brown:
we can legalize it but
not
as much as the potheads want
Gregory:
I guess not LOL
Brown:
I mean you can't have
a
great state if everyone is stoned
Gregory:
can anyone stop Hillary Clinton?
Brown:
no
Gregory:
Chuck that guy is hilarious
Todd:
you can't have everyone
stoned
when Russia invades Crimea!
Gregory:
omg
[
break ]
Smith:
you wrote the screenplay
for “12 Years a Slave”
Ridley:
Solomon Northrup's writing was phenomenal
Smith:
you learned a lot reading
his book
Ridley:
you learn how
brutal
slavery really was
Smith:
but Tavis Smiley is frustrated
because
the wasn't about the present day
Ridley:
I hope people will be moved
to
think about what's going on in
the
rest of the world today
Gregory:
panel does '12 Years'
win
the Oscar?
Parker:
maybe
Goldberg:
probably
Brown:
they said 'Lincoln'
would
win last year
Todd:
American Hustle was
based
on Abscam!
Gregory:
and that's another
episode
of Meet The Press
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