Sunday, June 14, 2009

Meet the Press with Vice President Joe Biden - June 14, 2009

Meet The Press
June 14, 2009
Vice President Joe Biden
Joe Scarborough
Mike Murphy
Gregory: welcome back Jack

Biden: my name is Joe

Gregory: whatever

Biden: ok

Gregory: so did Members Only win the election in Iran or not

Biden: yeah he won like Bush won Florida in 2000

Gregory: so you’re saying he did win?

Biden: no you idiot

Gregory: but Ahmadinejad says he won

Biden: I find it unlikely he won Palm Beach considering he wasn’t even running in
the United States

Gregory: some would call that odd

Biden: The Supreme Leader has the final say

Gregory: the Ayatollah?

Biden: no buddy - Barack Obama

Gregory: Members Only seems emboldened

Biden: he protests a little too much I think

Gregory: Obama reached out and the Iranians
still voted for the Crazy guy

Biden: if you believe the so-called results

Gregory: well I do

Biden: yes I saw you dancing with Ahmadinejad

Gregory: just on “Iran’s Got Talent”

Biden: good luck on that by the way

Gregory: should Iran have nuclear power?

Biden: P5 + 1

Gregory: you sank may battleship!

Biden: you will stop their nukes?

Biden: God and Obama willing

Gregory: in that order?

Biden: not necessarily

Gregory: what about the lunatics in North Korea?

Biden: hell even the Chinese recognize
this guy is a total wacko

Gregory: what does he want?

Biden: who knows - we offered to
send him Madonna and A-Rod

Gregory: how did that go?

Biden: he asked for Angelina Jolie and
either Jon or Kate

Gregory: oh my

Biden: he’s a very tough negotiator

Gregory: you’re in charge of the
$800 million stimulus

Biden: frawsome baby!

Gregory: did you really create 100,000 jobs?

Biden: yes but they were all spades

Gregory: um what

Biden: but clean and articulate

Gregory: defend your job losses

Biden: hey we lost 300,000 jobs and
Bush lost 700,000

Gregory: but you’re still losing jobs

Biden: but losing them at a slower rate!

Gregory: so did you oversell the plan?

Biden: what if we did? it still worked

Gregory: but there are still
unemployed people in America!

Biden: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: regardless I still don’t like you

Biden: things are getting better

Gregory: that’s true - look at my hair

[ fluffs hair ]

Biden: we saved the fucking auto
industry for god’s sake

Gregory: but you haven’t spend enough

Biden: here Dave here’s 100 bucks

[ hands Dave a one hundred dollar bill ]

Gregory: wow a bennie gosh thanks jack

Biden: joe

Gregory: right

Biden: the spades are in the ground!

Gregory: oh dear

Gregory: OMG I just remembered
that the deficit matters!!

Biden: after 8 years this occurred to you

Gregory: exactly!

Biden: you are such a whore

Gregory: but the Washington Post
called for less spending!

Biden: what about the wars that
Fred Hiatt loves so much?

Gregory: well naturally not those wars

Biden: we’re going to repeal the Bush tax cuts

Gregory: which will make the debt worse!

Biden: are you huffing glue flufflyhead?

[ stops in mid-huffing ]

Gregory: um what?

Biden: get the hook on this clown

Gregory: how do you pay for
$1 trillion in health care??

Biden: we already pay for it dipshit

Gregory: but the taxes!

Biden: let the Democrats in Congress raise taxes

Gregory: we must save the insurance of course

Biden: fuck that shit

Gregory: do you want a public plan?

Biden: why not?

Gregory: Republicans say they can’t accept it

Biden: so what those fuckers in the minority

Gregory: but they have a majority of my heart

Biden: I think you are suffused
with Republican mitochlorians

Gregory: speaking of that it’s outrageous that you are increasing government and not giving free money to executives on welfare and regulating energy

Biden: so sad

Gregory: what achievements do you have to show?

Biden: we saved a million jobs fool

Gregory: what’s the exit strategy?

Biden: NOW you fucking ask that question!

Gregory: you gave money to AIG

Biden: no Bush did that

Gregory: no that’s different
- he gave me a funny nickname

Biden: of course

Gregory: you’re meddling in the natural
order of legal bankruptcy

Biden: which is pure of course

Gregory: Chapter 11 is God’s Law

Gregory: you are only making unconditional demands on Israel

Biden: that’s total bullshit

Gregory: nevertheless I say it

Biden: what a silly person you are

Gregory: ok name me a demand
you made on the muslims

Biden: they have to stop bombing innocent Israelis

Gregory: tell me - is the President a bad man?

Biden: shut the fuck up stupid

Gregory: do you have President’s ear?

Biden: yes and they huge

Gregory: um what?

Biden: and clean

Gregory: ha ha

Biden: I used to say stupid things to Supreme Court nominees in Committee and now I get to say them in the Oval Office

Gregory: that’s better for us all

Biden: indeed

Gregory: what’s up with the GOP

Biden: a bigger bunch of idiots I have never seen

Gregory: George McGovern?

Biden: fair point but it’s not even close dood

Gregory: what is the deal with Dick
Cheney - does he wish America was attacked?

Biden: he’s not wrong just evil

Gregory: your son is in Iraq

Biden: it’s good for politics

Gregory: should he run for office

Biden: hell I ran when I was 29 why not

Gregory: please offer your paens to Saint Timmy

Biden: it was bittersweet because you are stupid but then again it’s easier to debate you

Gregory: thank you

Biden: god you’re dumb

Gregory: me am smart

Biden: Timmy was a blue collar guy

Gregory: with a 7 million dollar house on Nantucket

Biden: the awesome

Gregory: I miss him so much - he stood for all of us

Gregory: and next to debate Obama’s
policies - two Republicans

Biden: [ sobs]

Gregory: I miss Tim too

[ break]

Gregory: talk to me about the Democrats

Scarborough: I thought George Bush was a reckless spender but paying for health care is crazee!!!

Murphy: sounds to me like he opened to the door to surrendering to Republicans on health care

Scarborough: wow Biden thinks the
Iran election was fixed!

Murphy: so why engage - we should bomb them

Gregory: good idea

Scarborough: this fixed election is all Obama’s fault for promoting freedom in Cairo

Gregory: we were sold this hideous stimulus but Obama has only saved 300,000 jobs

Scarborough: even I think
you’re full of shit David

Murphy: Obama is responsible for
mortgage rates adjusting

Scarborough: nancy pelosi!

Gregory: ok, how can the three of us rescue the Republican party?

Scarborough: I wrote a book called “Bush Was a Fucking Idiot”

Gregory: sounds good to me

Scarborough: Bush was a big liberal you know

Gregory: fascinating!

Scarborough: conservatives believe in less
debt and less government power

Gregory: since when?

Scarborough: George Herbert Walker Bush was that kind of conservative

Gregory: no, he had record debt
and mocked the ACLU

Scarborough: Ok Reagan then

Gregory: no he was big spender, taxer
and grew government

Scarborough: Nixon

Gregory: Nope socially we he was a
big spending liberal

Scarborough: Eisenhower?

Gregory: Try again

Scarborough: Hoover!

Gregory: that’s your model?

Murphy: right - we need to emulate
Herbert Hoover

Gregory: and what else

Murphy: accuse Democrats of being almost as bad as Republicans

Gregory: someone at my kid’s soccer game called me a GOP whore

Murphy: wow who was it?

Gregory: sadly it was my son!

Scarborough: sharp kid

Murphy: in retrospect Republicans shouldn’t have spent three decades being lying,
incompetent and racist

Gregory: how interesting

Scarborough: we should probably stop
idiotic name-calling

Murphy: indeed

[strokes ratty beard ]

Scarborough: look our only real problem is that Republicans are acting fucking crazy

Gregory: well good luck with that
Posted by Culture of Truth

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