Sunday, January 06, 2008

New Hampshire - Democratic Debate - January 5, 2008

Democratic Debate
New Hampshire
January 5, 2008
Host: Charlie Gibson

Charlie Gibson: Obama will you attack al qaeda in Pakistan even if they will not agree?

Barack Obama: damm right

Gibson: you lost your voice

Obama: i'v been celebrating since Thursday

Gibson: fair enough

Obama: the 9/11 Commission agrees with me on attacking Pakistan

Gibson: that’s the Bush doctrine!

Obama: no Charlie -- that's when you pull UN inspectors out and invade a country cause dick cheney tells you to

John Edwards: i would attack pakistan but AQ Khan already spread this technology

Gibson: Khaaaaaannnnn!!!!!!!!

Edwards: i would rid world of all nuclear weapons

Gibson: Superman IV !!!!!!!!!

Bill Richardson: As President i would tell Musharraf to quit his job

Gibson: dood it's not an american colony

Richardson: that's they beauty of it

Gibson: would you agree with Macho Man Obama and use force?

Richardson: yes but first i would ask Musharraf nicely

Hillary Clinton: 10 years ago when i was co-president i almost did what Obama says we should do -- but I have a 10 point plan to address this subject

Gibson: of course you do

Clinton: [ YAWN ] after the missiles are launched i would call Pakistan and yell "Surprise!!"

Gibson: Punk'd!

Clinton: Musharraf is a true Democrat but he never learned to share his nuclear bombs

Richardson: we gave him $11 billion and he spent it on hookah and blow

Obama: why did we let Osama go and neglect Afghanistan? because we invaded the wrong country dood and of course we should talk to Pakistan -- but not hesitate to kill

Gibson: Hypothetical - an american bomb goes off in an american city -- what do you do??

Edwards: first send in the CSI crew to solve the crime, second be calm and not overreact like a woman or a black guy would

Obama: i wrote the federal law on loose nukes dood

Hillary Clinton: i would appoint a Nuke Czar to clamp down on ABC smuggling nukes into America

Gibson: sorry about that

Clinton: you are either with us or against us

Richardson: hey i was Sec of Energy and i personally stopped Wen Ho Lee from sending happy birthday e-mails from his work account

Gibson: you put him in solitary confinement for 6 months

Richardson: you should have seen the look on his face when we found those hard drives behind the copier

Gibson: Clinton and Obama -- go at it -- now!!!!

Clinton: look we all advocate for change but i've actually been through the change and mr. sexy here has not

Gibson: what’s wrong with Obama

Clinton: he changed his health care plan oh noes!

Obama: ha ha ha -- i like a single-payer system but we have an employer-based system so fuck

Gibson: social security?

Obama: make warren buffet pay for it all

Clinton: you are a big flip-flopper why you voted for funding for $300 billion for the Iraq war!!!!

Obama: back to health care of course i have a mandate for children like you have a mandate to pay for your child's food because they're minors you twit

Clinton: oh i guess that makes sense

Edwards: look Obama and I are really like the same person except i'm white - we both hate hillary and her status quo meanie attack machine

Gibson: you look different to me

Edwards: that establishment bitch is going after me and Obama who by the way is really just like me

Clinton: now hold on pretty boy i gave little kids and veterans health care you corn-pone breck girl bastard

Richardson: wow crazy people -- calm down Saddam was more fun than an evening with Hillary

Gibson: make you case Billo

Richardson: what happened to my excellent resume -- most presidents were once secretary of energy or UN ambassador

Edwards: well pedro your experience doesn't matter to the middle class people who have been suffering - and by the way I look 15 but i am in fact 55 years old

Gibson: can i see some ID

Obama: we need to enlist the people to fight for the change that any idiot would want

Gibson: the Surge worked -- you all suck!!!!

Clinton: of course we have great soldiers - forgive me Charlie but i don't think our goal in Iraq was to have 23 soldiers dying per month

Gibson: sounds like victory to me

Richardson: tell that to the mentally wounded dood

Obama: wonderful -- only 23 americans were killed what fun for journalists -- look we have to get the hell out of the nightmare it's a goddam civil war

Gibson: but the violence is down

Obama: only because the Democrats were elected in 2006

Gibson: wow you are good

Gibson: But what if The Generals came to you and said unless you a blow a goat on national television the terrorists win what will you do????

Edwards: fuck 'em i'm commander in chief

Richardson: we have to withdraw all our little soldiers

Clinton: we have leave soldiers in Iraq long enough not to be dying as they withdraw from the place where they are getting killed

NH Journalist: Hillary Clinton you are the staus quo and kinda bitchy

Clinton: you hurt my feelings!

NH Journalist: awwwwww sorry

Clinton: well fuck you

NH Journalist: ouch

Clinton: i like Obama

Obama: well baby i like you too

Clinton: we voted in 2000 for the guy we liked to have a beer with and whoa was that a fucking mistake

Gibson: I like evening cocktails with dick cheney

Clinton: i fucking embody change -- i happen to have ovaries --that's pretty fucking unusual for a President in this country

Obama: i was watching the football game so i don't what those lame ass jerks said about me - but i worked with Republicans

Journalist: but they said your are a liberal

Obama: well that's the problem - I'm trying to build a working national bipartisan coalition to solve all our problems

Richardson: i hired 80,000 kids under 12 in my state - but you know i was good friends with Saddam Hussein!

NH journalist: dood in 2000 gas was expensive so you sucked

Richardson: hey gas has gone up 300% since and i invented the air conditioner

Journalist: yeah but you're fat

Gibson: is Obama too young?

Richardson: sorry my hearing is gone

Gibson: you're kidding right?

Gibson: is Obama too young

Edwards: let me ignore that by talking about taking on corporations

Journalist: what have you ever done

Edwards: i wrote the patients bill of right with McCain and Ted Kennedy

Journalist: oooh mccain

Edwards: my damm mother and father worked in teh mill every day and it's person for me!!!

Obama: hey my mother died of cancer don't snap yo momma at me!!

Clinton: Obama voted for an energy bill that was filled with gifts to corporations and while Obama is clearly a beautiful man - I'm a lesbian who killed who vince foster to cover my affair with him -- but beauty is not enough

Gibson: r u Agent Change?

Clinton: i wrote some kid's rights bill in Arkansas

Gibson: i didn't want to get into this but i will -- god love all of you -- but you all suck and i hate you

Clinton: fuck you charlie - bill and i raised taxes and that doesn't just happen

Edwards: corporations are stealing money from our childrens!!!!

Obama: Eloquence matters!

Richardson: John Edwards you are too mean to get anything done -- I pledge to appoint Republicans to my cabinet

Edwards: oh i will unite and galvanize the american people but not the entrenched interests and you need a lawyer to go down in the trenches and i agree with Obama and Bill

Gibson: but not Hillary?

Edwards: who???

Gibson: carbon tax?

Obama: cap'n trade

Diane Sawyer: Arrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh

Clinton: we are entering a recession!

Gibson: i have just been informed by the Nielsen people that officially absolutely no one is watching this debate anymore

Clinton: weatherization!!

Gibson: housing crisis?

Hillary: amen!

Gibson: consumers spend us out of recession as we all know

Hillary: fuck you

Gibson: most college professors makes $100,000 per year each as we all know

[audience erupts]

{Gibson looks disdainfully over glasses]

Edwards: 200,000 veterans tonight are fucking homeless and here you are pretending the middle class are making $200,0000 per year

Gibson: i shouldn't have done that

Edwards: well let me say this: Fuck You with a Chainsaw Charlie Gibson!

Gibson: Take Backsies!

Richardson: i said whizzer white was awesome and i learned he was against against civil rights so I would take that back

Edwards: i teased Hillary about her jacket and tonight she looks hot

Obama: like Hillary i say we must bring people together and crush the Republican evil

Gibson: i want to the thank the Republicans for participating and when we come back we will have Diane Sawyer a Nixon acolyte and George Stephanopolous Bill Clinton's Triangulator!

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