Samantha Power – U.S. Amb. to U.N.
Adm. Mike Mullen (Frm. Chair JCS)
Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT)
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI)
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI)
Todd: oh wow we're going to war again!
Todd: but Gen. Dempsey said he would
recommend U.S. if things changed!
Brian Williams: OMFG!!!
Lindsay Graham: we're all gonna die!!!
John Kerry: we're not going invade!
Gates: but we might have to!!
[ break ]
Todd: welcome Samantha –
how many countries have agreed
to invade Syria?
Power: the Saudis have offered
to put troops up in many of their
palatial barracks – seriously
they're literally palaces
Todd: why won't you just admit we
need to invade Syria because it's
what we all want
Power: not so Chucky
Todd: are we training the moderates
to fight ISIS – because a year ago
we wanted them to fight Assad
Power: well that was a year ago Todd
Todd: good point
Todd: do the moderates in Syria
want to fight Assad or ISIS?
Power: both – but they really hate ISIS!
Power: this problem is easily solved –
we will be giving them guns labeled
“TO BE USED TO FIGHT ISIS ONLY”
Todd: that should do it
Power: darn right
Todd: what do you
want from the UN?
Power: it's a great privilege for me
to be pushed aside when Obama
chairs a meeting of the UN
Security Council by himself
Todd: I'm sure
Todd: we left a vacuum in Libya
and created chaos – how do we
prevent the same thing in Syria?
Power: oh it's totally different –
we will be investing in these totally
trustworthy Syrian moderates
Todd: which is more dysfunctional
– the UN or the US Congress?
Power: the Sunday talk shows
[ break ]
Todd: Chris you voted against
the President's plan
Murphy: I support fighting ISIS
but only in Iraq
Todd: we spent billions of dollars
and years training Iraqi troops and it failed
Johnson: the Surge worked and
Iraq was fine which is why we
had to leave U.S. troops in Iraq
to prevent the country from falling apart
Todd: yes the Surge was finest moment
in history since Reagan saved that
Caribbean medical school being
overrun by zombies
Johnson: I just want to the
President to do more!
Todd: so you would support a
full-scale U.S. invasion of Syria?
– I'm a simple country lawyer –
I just know that ISIS is coming to
kill people in Wisconsin and we're all terrified
Murphy: cripes – we've got to have
a plan to getting the Sunnis and
Shia to get along
Johnson: you get right on that Chris
Todd: why does America care more
about peace in the middle east than
people in the middle east do?
Johnson: you cannot negotiate
with ISIS – they rape and
decapitate and crucify!
Todd: you had me at crucifixion
Murphy: oh my god
Todd: Chris clearly diplomacy
won't work – we need war
to save the middle east from war
Murphy: well then where the
fuck is Saudi Arabia?
Todd: Senators should the NFL
lose their tax-exempt status?
Johnson: who the hell cares –
we're mortgaging our children's future!
Todd: look at what we found
in the Meet the Press archives!
Sen. Charles Goodell:
only Congress can declare war!
[ break ]
Todd: Admiral don't we need
ground troops in Syria?! Say it!
Mullen: well maybe
Mullen: calm down Todd
Todd: but we can't build a coalition
if we don't promise to use our whole
military including nuclear weapons
Mullen: look General Dempsey gave
the only answer he could give when
he said if it were necessary he might
recommend some ground troops
Todd: but the disagreement with Obama!
Mullen: the media is blowing this
whole thing way out of proportion
Todd: in our defense the Beltway pundits
aren't demanding 100,000 troops just
like ten or fifteen thousand
Mullen: oh okay then
Todd: why did the Iraqi army flee from ISIS?
Mullen: Maliki put in a bunch of
weak generals and they fled so
naturally the troops did too
Todd: sweet jesus
Mullen: but I'm cautiously optimistic
if we bomb ISIS enough the Iraqi army will fight
Todd: who will join our coalition?
Mullen: the Saudis have a
big powerful air force
Todd: but will they use it?
Mullen: they damn well should
Todd: does public opinion influence
the military advice you give the President
Mullen: of course not – are you an idiot?
Todd: but what if your best
military plan is opposed by
the people – don't you have to
factor that in to a military plan?
Mullen: I have no idea what the
fuck you are talking about Todd
[ break ]
Todd: Neera what are you
hearing from progressives?
Tanden: they're worried we're
going to have another fucking
disastrous middle east war
Todd: Iraq fatigue is the new Vietnam fatigue
Stanton: Congress doesn't want to
have anything to do with this clusterfuck
Todd: I have decided that the
military strategy won't work
Walter: Obama's economic success
is getting lost because everyone in
America is terrified they will be
killed by terrorists
Todd: Congress are running re-election
ads warning about terrorists –
it's 2004 all over again!
Ponnuru: Republicans are backing the
President and Democrats are backing
their leader but if the war goes south
they will turn on him viciously –
you can count on it
[ break ]
Todd: Republicans are always
in favor of tax cuts – or are they...??
Todd: we sent Kevin Tibbles out into
the wild in search of the most elusive
creature on earth after the giant squid
– the Republican in his natural habitat
against tax cuts
Tibbles: Chuck I am here in Kansas
where I found Republican mad
at a Republican Governor for
cutting taxes too much
Tibbles: social services have slashed
and the schools suck and the deficit
is through the roof
Tibbles: Colorado also slashed
taxes and it was also a disaster
Republican voter: I'm a Republican but
these tax cuts have gone too far –
I'm voting for the Democrat this year
Republican voter: it's driving us into bankruptcy!
Republican voter: I still support
tax cuts – you have to give the
free market time to work!
Todd: Grover are you worried that
tax cuts are becoming unpopular?
Norquist: tax cuts work and they are popular!
Todd: taxes cuts don't cause
economic growth and raising taxes
doesn't hurt growth
Frank: in the golden age of the
1950's taxes were very high
Todd: like 90%!
Frank: but Gov. Brownback really cut
taxes a lot and it's hurt public schools
Todd: no one saw that coming
Frank: people in Kansas are
very proud of their public schools –
they even teach evolution as something
that might have happened
Norquist: liberals are very angry at
Kansas because it's been so successful
Todd: I see
Norquist: also Democrats
are sex-crazed perverts
Todd: but the tax cuts didn't work
Norquist: maybe – but many small
business in Kansas are paying no taxes
at all – you can't argue with that
Todd: but they didn't work
Norquist: nevertheless they are great
Stanton: Grover do you ever
feel guilty for ruining America?
Norquist: no because Reagan was
a saint and communism is bad
Todd: a Democrat was in a strip club
when he was 26 so all the
public schools must close
Frank: back in the 1990s when he was single!
Todd: sorry there was nakedness involved
Frank: this country is sliding into
oligarchy and we're talking about strip clubs!
[ break ]
Todd: OMG the election is really
Starbucks Nation vs. Chick-fil-a Country
Audience: oh god
Todd: 4 out of 5 voters in election 2014
live on farms, love guns, hates gays,
despise coffee and eat at chick-fil-a
Todd: in Colorado the Democrats
are all in Boulder or are pot-smoking hippies
while the Republican voters live in the
woods and subsist on squirrels and roadkill
Todd: likewise Democrats in Iowa all
have PhDs and eat caviar and live in
rich fancy towns like Des Moines while
the Republicans are ignorant hicks who
sign their names with an X and spend
all day castrating pigs
Audience: hmmm tough choices
Todd: the elections are only six weeks
away and Democrats are running
away from Obama and his terrible
available health care and 6% unemployment
Panel: ha ha
Todd: a parade of Democrats up for election
are saying they will take on Obama and
are firing guns randomly for some reason
Audience: who doesn't love
a politician with a gun
Todd: when Republicans ran away
from the President they lost –
is this a bad strategy?
Ponnuru: it never works
Tanden: in polls voters always saying
they want Washing to get things done
and compromise and then
they elect extremists
Todd: Mark Pryor is running away
from Obama but he needs black voters
Ponnuru: Obama won Colordao
and they hate Obama now –
although to be fair they are
probably high on the pot
Tanden: I predict Democrats will win Colorado!
Todd: voters can detect phony bullshit
Tanden: Republicans are unpopular
too – people are anti-Washington
Todd: why does the media keep
pretending Joe Biden is running?
Tanden: because he might
Todd: no he won't
Stanton: Biden is media crack
Todd: are we all phonies?
Ponnuru: it's either talk about Biden
and his gaffes or only talk about
Hillary for two years
Todd: Joe Biden is like Dubya –
no one is offended by his constant gaffes
Audience: it's good to be an old white man
Todd: hey audience next time
we're gonna have a brand new set!
Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet the Press