March 29, 2009
Guest: Sen. John McCain
Gregory: what do you think of Timmy Geithner?
McCain: I like his plan and I really really want it to work unlike Rush Limbaugh however I also want to say “Generational Theft!”
Gregory: oh c’mon I brought you on to bash Obama!
McCain: I’m not an expert - I’m just a humble senile former POW
McCain: but the government was very confused
Gregory: you’re calling *someone else* confused?
McCain: we need a special committee to find out why stocks don’t always go up
Gregory: did the Obama have too much outrage or not enough?
McCain: he wasn’t angry enough but also Bills of Attainder are bad
Gregory: that’s catchy - I’m amazed you weren’t elected President
Gregory: whisper sweet bipartisan nothings into my ear
McCain: Pelosi and Obama are acting like the Democrats won the election!
Gregory: do Republicans have any ideas at all?
McCain: we will someday - but in fairness Obama could have resigned and let me be President
Gregory: did Obama break his promise to govern as a Republican?
McCain: I dunno - but he’s mean to me
Gregory: Saint McCain you hate earmarks
McCain: I do
Gregory: President Obama lied!
McCain: Earmarks! Generation Theft! Healthcare! Pig Odor!!
Gregory: you seem upset
McCain: it’s all corruption - look at all the Republicans in prison!
Gregory: Truly Obama has failed
Gregory: you were bashed for saying the fundamentals are sound - wasn’t that very unfair to you?
McCain: to answer your challenging question - yes
Gregory: sir I demand you bash Obama’s big spending and raising taxes
McCain: ok - we must put our fiscal house in order
Gregory: truly you are brave
McCain: the Chinese are going force us to adopt their currency!
Gregory: wow that’s scary
McCain: I know!
Gregory: Obama says the GOP are total hypocrites
McCain: we need less spending now that a Democrat is President
Gregory: you’re wonderful - let me see the GOP budget
McCain: we’re working on it
Gregory: should we go into Afghanistan?
McCain: the best way to get out of Afghanistan fast is to double the number of troops there immediately
Gregory: what else?
McCain: tell the people a lot of American blood will be spilled
Gregory: what is victory there?
McCain: same as Iraq - a functioning puppet government that crushes it’s internal enemies
Gregory: Should we attack Pakistan?
McCain: yes also Iran, Syria and Alaska
Gregory: but Pakistan has nukes
McCain: that’s right - we can take ‘em for own our use!
Gregory: Should we invade Mexico?
McCain: Sure - Phoenix is now the kidnapping capital of the world
Gregory: ummmm…. What?
McCain: we should sent our best officials to solve this problem
Gregory: how can my Republican party recover?
McCain: reach out to all those brown people and let a thousand flowers bloom
Gregory: what about new ideas?
McCain: more pudding!
Gregory: who are the future leaders of GOP party?
McCain: Palin, Jindal, and Pawlenty
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: will you support Sarah Palin for President?
McCain: I wish that crazy-ass weirdo and her dysfunctional family well
Gregory: my goal as host of Meet the Press is to replace the current record holder for appearances on the show who is an elderly Republican U.S. Senator with an elderly Republican U.S. Senator.
Audience: Truly you are ground-breaker Dancin Dave