Meet the Press
March 15, 2009
Rep. Eric Cantor
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those
Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges
Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy
Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot
Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not
Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust
Gregory: so John McCain was right
Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer
Gregory: was Bush wrong?
Romer: we were all wrong
Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong
Romer: well sure
Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?
Gregory: has the stimulus failed?
Romer: give it one more week
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough
Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse
Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?
Gregory: but I read he would
Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!
Gregory: is it off the table?
Romer: which table?
Gregory: THE table!
Romer: oh that table
Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?
Romer: we’re all very angry about that
Gregory: so what are you going to do?
Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back
Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America
Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?
Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron
Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!
Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive
Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!
Romer: hey we have very high ethics
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!
Romer: you’re very silly
Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!
Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory
Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit
Romer: we’re working on admitting that
Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?
Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap
Gregory: what should consumers do now?
Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford
Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?
Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses
Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?
Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans
Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em
Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans
Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?
Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system
Gregory: so are you a socialist?
Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof
Gregory: interesting - is that all?
Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism
Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?
Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive
Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people
Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!
Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??
Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops
Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy
Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!
Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks
Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all
Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me
Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented
Gregory: that is a surprise to you?
Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America
Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?
Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation
[ break ]
Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?
Liesman: but things are better!
Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts
David Frum: I am expert on the Depression
Gregory: why is Obama bad?
Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough
Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid
Frum: true - but that’s no excuse
Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps
Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?
Liesman: sadly yes
Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley
Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!
Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?
Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much
Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?
Frum: that’s crazy talk
Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions
Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots
Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??
Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh
Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart
Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats
Gregory: so when will he be fired
Frum: next week
Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo
Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness
Gregory: and we’re done