Monday, March 16, 2009

Meet the Press with Christina Romer & Eric Eric Cantor - March 15, 2009

Meet the Press
March 15, 2009
Christina Romer
Rep. Eric Cantor
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those

Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges

Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy

Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot

Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not

Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust

Gregory: so John McCain was right

Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer

Gregory: was Bush wrong?

Romer: we were all wrong

Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong

Romer: well sure

Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?

Romer: huh?

Gregory: has the stimulus failed?

Romer: give it one more week

Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough

Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse

Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?

Romer: no

Gregory: but I read he would

Romer: where?

Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!

Romer: idiot

Gregory: is it off the table?

Romer: which table?

Gregory: THE table!

Romer: oh that table

Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?

Romer: we’re all very angry about that

Gregory: so what are you going to do?

Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back

Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America

Romer: right

Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?

Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron

Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!

Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive

Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!

Romer: hey we have very high ethics

Gregory: [ sobs ]

Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!

Romer: you’re very silly

Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!

Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory

Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit

Romer: we’re working on admitting that

Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?

Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap

Gregory: what should consumers do now?

Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford


Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?

Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses

Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?

Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans

Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em

Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans

Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?

Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system

Gregory: so are you a socialist?

Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof

Gregory: interesting - is that all?

Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism

Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?

Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state

Gregory: fair enough

Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive

Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people

Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!

Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??

Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops

Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy

Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!

Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks

Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all

Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me

Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented

Gregory: that is a surprise to you?

Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America

Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?

Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation

[ break ]

Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?

Liesman: but things are better!

Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts

David Frum: I am expert on the Depression

Gregory: why is Obama bad?

Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough

Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid

Frum: true - but that’s no excuse

Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps

Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?

Liesman: sadly yes

Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley

Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!

Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?

Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much

Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?

Frum: that’s crazy talk

Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions

Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots

Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??

Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh

Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart

Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats

Gregory: so when will he be fired

Frum: next week

Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo

Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness

Gregory: and we’re done

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