Sunday, March 08, 2009

Meet The Press - March 8, 2009

March 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************

Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!

Graham: we need free and easy credit

Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?

Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!

Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash

Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun

Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!

Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?

Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick

Gregory: yes

Schumer: look he just took office you idiot

Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts

Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy

Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter

Schumer: like Saint Ronnie

Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again

Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!

Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!

Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!

Graham: right!

Schumer: well which is it?!

Graham: we need magic beans!!!

Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans

Graham: yay

Gregory: should we nationalize banks?

Graham: no this is very expensive

Schumer: unlike the Iraq war

Graham: you can't throw good money after bad

Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?

Graham: oh it will someday!

Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism

Graham: i like it

Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain

Graham: where we can pretend they never existed

Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner

Gregory: what happened

Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window

Graham: you can't throw good money after bad

Gregory: you already said that

Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie

Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks

Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain

Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?

Graham: no - just Democrat ones

Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle

Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses

Gregory: where's the reform??

Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now

Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too

Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city

Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?

Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush

Gregory: me as well

Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!

Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"

Gregory: he just calls me

[ great ]

Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???

Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough

Gregory: so we should be Republicans?

Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit

Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!

Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence

Gregory: we need national Viagra

Gregory: so what is causing all these problems

Burnett: the media

Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort

Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street

Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal

Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress

Gregory: so sad

Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business

Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America

Mort: I don't agree

Gregory: away with you!

Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?

Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?

Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail

Gregory: so sad

Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!

Gregory: no!

Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children

Gregory: exactly

Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies

Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?

Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?

Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience

Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good

Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8

Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice

Ahamed: we need people to be responsible

Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn

Gregory: you could teach him

Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital

Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera

Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot

Gregory: but i looove him

Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy

Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America

Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much

Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up

Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality

Gregory: we need a bigger bloat

Ahamed: the strong must help the weak

Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals

Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan

Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?

Newt: um no did I just say that?

Gregory: yes

Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period

Gregory: you're such an idea man!!

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