March 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Sunday, March 08, 2009
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