Face The Nation
March 29, 2009
Guest: President Barack Obama
*****************************
Schieffer: the economy is clearly the most important thing right now - are we invading in Pakistan?
Obama: let me put it this way - i don't want to but i will
Schieffer: that sounds awesome
Obama: we have to get the people of Pakistan
on our side
Schieffer: what's your message to the people
of that nation?
Obama: we want to be your friend - so make war on the radical muslims or we will bomb you
Schieffer: isn't Pakistan a muslim nation?
Obama: that's why we also have a diplomatic approach
Schiffer: what's that?
Obama: sending them food, doctors, engineers
and 100 million bibles
Schieffer: but what if it doesn't work?
Obama: i know Bush failed but this is different
Schieffer: how so?
Obama: ‘cause I'm the President motherfucker
Schieffer: what about Afghanistan?
Obama: we are going to pour resources in there
- but not too many
Schieffer: so if we don’t succeed are you going send tens of thousands of more troops?
Obama: no I will declare failure and go home
Schiffer: how do we win there?
Obama: foreign aid and not just
military spending
Schiffer: can we leave Iraq now?
Obama: what are you kidding - no way
Schieffer: Mexico is getting crazy
Obama: well we’re sending them a shitload
of guns
Schieffer: so should we invade Mexico?
Obama: well let’s hold off on that decision til next month
Schieffer: should we bail out the U.S. auto industry?
Obama: maybe - but they have to promise not to
be such total fucktards
Schieffer: where’s my middle class tax cut??
Obama: it’s already in the stimulus bill for the next two years - just like I promised
Schieffer: really - that’s not the what the Republican
party told me to say
Obama: well Bobster maybe you should pay more attention
Schieffer: I want to ask you about the bonsuses
Obama: so ask me grandpa
Schieffer: the anger at AIG bonuses was terrible
- don’t you agree?
Obama: no I don’t Bobby
Schieffer: but but but the poor executives
Obama: fuck em
Schieffer: grrrrrrrrrr
Obama: However I am focused on recovering the whole U.S. economy
Schieffer: did you read the bankers the riot act?
Obama: I told them had working single moms are paying their bonuses so they should show a little fucking restraint
Schieffer: what did they say
Obama: they said ok - from now only $10,000 wastebaskets
Schiffer: are you like Thomas Jefferson - a guy who hates being President?
Obama: Hell to the no! I love being a consequential President!
Schiffer: Really
Obama: It’s Obama’s nation now - you all just live in it!
Schiffer: awesome
Obama: [ high fives Schieffer ]
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Meet The Press with John McCain - March 29, 2009
March 29, 2009
Guest: Sen. John McCain
***********************
Gregory: what do you think of Timmy Geithner?
McCain: I like his plan and I really really want it to work unlike Rush Limbaugh however I also want to say “Generational Theft!”
Gregory: oh c’mon I brought you on to bash Obama!
McCain: I’m not an expert - I’m just a humble senile former POW
Gregory: true
McCain: but the government was very confused
Gregory: you’re calling *someone else* confused?
McCain: we need a special committee to find out why stocks don’t always go up
Gregory: did the Obama have too much outrage or not enough?
McCain: he wasn’t angry enough but also Bills of Attainder are bad
Gregory: that’s catchy - I’m amazed you weren’t elected President
Gregory: whisper sweet bipartisan nothings into my ear
McCain: Pelosi and Obama are acting like the Democrats won the election!
Gregory: do Republicans have any ideas at all?
McCain: we will someday - but in fairness Obama could have resigned and let me be President
Gregory: did Obama break his promise to govern as a Republican?
McCain: I dunno - but he’s mean to me
Gregory: Saint McCain you hate earmarks
McCain: I do
Gregory: President Obama lied!
McCain: Earmarks! Generation Theft! Healthcare! Pig Odor!!
Gregory: you seem upset
McCain: it’s all corruption - look at all the Republicans in prison!
Gregory: Truly Obama has failed
Gregory: you were bashed for saying the fundamentals are sound - wasn’t that very unfair to you?
McCain: to answer your challenging question - yes
Gregory: sir I demand you bash Obama’s big spending and raising taxes
McCain: ok - we must put our fiscal house in order
Gregory: truly you are brave
McCain: the Chinese are going force us to adopt their currency!
Gregory: wow that’s scary
McCain: I know!
Gregory: Obama says the GOP are total hypocrites
McCain: we need less spending now that a Democrat is President
Gregory: you’re wonderful - let me see the GOP budget
McCain: we’re working on it
Gregory: should we go into Afghanistan?
McCain: the best way to get out of Afghanistan fast is to double the number of troops there immediately
Gregory: what else?
McCain: tell the people a lot of American blood will be spilled
Gregory: what is victory there?
McCain: same as Iraq - a functioning puppet government that crushes it’s internal enemies
Gregory: Should we attack Pakistan?
McCain: yes also Iran, Syria and Alaska
Gregory: but Pakistan has nukes
McCain: that’s right - we can take ‘em for own our use!
Gregory: Should we invade Mexico?
McCain: Sure - Phoenix is now the kidnapping capital of the world
Gregory: ummmm…. What?
McCain: we should sent our best officials to solve this problem
Gregory: who?
McCain: Matlock
Gregory: how can my Republican party recover?
McCain: reach out to all those brown people and let a thousand flowers bloom
Gregory: what about new ideas?
McCain: more pudding!
Gregory: who are the future leaders of GOP party?
McCain: Palin, Jindal, and Pawlenty
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: will you support Sarah Palin for President?
McCain: I wish that crazy-ass weirdo and her dysfunctional family well
Gregory: my goal as host of Meet the Press is to replace the current record holder for appearances on the show who is an elderly Republican U.S. Senator with an elderly Republican U.S. Senator.
Audience: Truly you are ground-breaker Dancin Dave
Guest: Sen. John McCain
***********************
Gregory: what do you think of Timmy Geithner?
McCain: I like his plan and I really really want it to work unlike Rush Limbaugh however I also want to say “Generational Theft!”
Gregory: oh c’mon I brought you on to bash Obama!
McCain: I’m not an expert - I’m just a humble senile former POW
Gregory: true
McCain: but the government was very confused
Gregory: you’re calling *someone else* confused?
McCain: we need a special committee to find out why stocks don’t always go up
Gregory: did the Obama have too much outrage or not enough?
McCain: he wasn’t angry enough but also Bills of Attainder are bad
Gregory: that’s catchy - I’m amazed you weren’t elected President
Gregory: whisper sweet bipartisan nothings into my ear
McCain: Pelosi and Obama are acting like the Democrats won the election!
Gregory: do Republicans have any ideas at all?
McCain: we will someday - but in fairness Obama could have resigned and let me be President
Gregory: did Obama break his promise to govern as a Republican?
McCain: I dunno - but he’s mean to me
Gregory: Saint McCain you hate earmarks
McCain: I do
Gregory: President Obama lied!
McCain: Earmarks! Generation Theft! Healthcare! Pig Odor!!
Gregory: you seem upset
McCain: it’s all corruption - look at all the Republicans in prison!
Gregory: Truly Obama has failed
Gregory: you were bashed for saying the fundamentals are sound - wasn’t that very unfair to you?
McCain: to answer your challenging question - yes
Gregory: sir I demand you bash Obama’s big spending and raising taxes
McCain: ok - we must put our fiscal house in order
Gregory: truly you are brave
McCain: the Chinese are going force us to adopt their currency!
Gregory: wow that’s scary
McCain: I know!
Gregory: Obama says the GOP are total hypocrites
McCain: we need less spending now that a Democrat is President
Gregory: you’re wonderful - let me see the GOP budget
McCain: we’re working on it
Gregory: should we go into Afghanistan?
McCain: the best way to get out of Afghanistan fast is to double the number of troops there immediately
Gregory: what else?
McCain: tell the people a lot of American blood will be spilled
Gregory: what is victory there?
McCain: same as Iraq - a functioning puppet government that crushes it’s internal enemies
Gregory: Should we attack Pakistan?
McCain: yes also Iran, Syria and Alaska
Gregory: but Pakistan has nukes
McCain: that’s right - we can take ‘em for own our use!
Gregory: Should we invade Mexico?
McCain: Sure - Phoenix is now the kidnapping capital of the world
Gregory: ummmm…. What?
McCain: we should sent our best officials to solve this problem
Gregory: who?
McCain: Matlock
Gregory: how can my Republican party recover?
McCain: reach out to all those brown people and let a thousand flowers bloom
Gregory: what about new ideas?
McCain: more pudding!
Gregory: who are the future leaders of GOP party?
McCain: Palin, Jindal, and Pawlenty
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: will you support Sarah Palin for President?
McCain: I wish that crazy-ass weirdo and her dysfunctional family well
Gregory: my goal as host of Meet the Press is to replace the current record holder for appearances on the show who is an elderly Republican U.S. Senator with an elderly Republican U.S. Senator.
Audience: Truly you are ground-breaker Dancin Dave
The Chris Matthews Show
March 29, 2009
Matthews: OMG people don't hate Obama!!
Ignatius: Preznit Obama! Save us! Deliver us from ourselves!!
Matthews: but I'm amazed that people don't hate him!
Norah: true but he will fail soon enough
Kelly: Dems needs to answer to constituents and that means acting like Republicans
Sully: jesus Kelly the Republicans failed!!
Kelly: but they're the daddy party!
Sully: bullshit
Norah: the ConservaDems shredded Obama's budget!!
Matthews: explain it to me Noron
Norah: me no understand
Kelly: Obama is speaking to the enemy
Chris: the Taliban, North Korea, Hamas?
Kelly: Evan Bayh
Ignatius: Obama must crush all opposition
Sully: he must thrust forward again and again
Tweety: i love it!
Bayh: i have no testicles
Tweety: ha!
Sullly: no one can resist the handsome black man
Matthews: i know!
Kelly: i'm not so sure
Noron: he got one million dollars!
Sully: no one it's one hundred million
Matthews: he's a hard leader
Matthews: OMG we have to crush Afghanistan and Pakistan!!
Ignatius: he's narrowing the mission to taking away Al Qaeda's frequent flying tickets
Norah: it's deadly and getting worse
Tweety: we're getting in deep so we should stay and leave
Tweety: it's Vietnam!!
Kelly: Afghanistan is like baseball it has a spring training season
Sully: Obama is going to use Iran as his starting pitchers
?
Matthews: did he just defer to the brass
Ignatius: no he let Hillary and Petraeus fight it out and the winner got to decide policy
Tweety: wow who won?
Ignatius: Hillary kicked his ass
Tweety: this was always Obama's policy
Tweety: sullivan predict the future for me
Sully: I'm a gay brit with a beard not Karnack
Norah: Obama is going to attack Pakistan!
Ignatius: Iran is going to attack us!
Matthews: oh noe!
Kelly: Congress wants to hire an outside consultant to cut entitlements
Tweety: wow! that can't fail!
Sully: Iowa is going to legalize gay marriage which proves Republicans are right to argue for states' right
Matthews: ha! You're priceless!
Matthews: OMG people don't hate Obama!!
Ignatius: Preznit Obama! Save us! Deliver us from ourselves!!
Matthews: but I'm amazed that people don't hate him!
Norah: true but he will fail soon enough
Kelly: Dems needs to answer to constituents and that means acting like Republicans
Sully: jesus Kelly the Republicans failed!!
Kelly: but they're the daddy party!
Sully: bullshit
Norah: the ConservaDems shredded Obama's budget!!
Matthews: explain it to me Noron
Norah: me no understand
Kelly: Obama is speaking to the enemy
Chris: the Taliban, North Korea, Hamas?
Kelly: Evan Bayh
Ignatius: Obama must crush all opposition
Sully: he must thrust forward again and again
Tweety: i love it!
Bayh: i have no testicles
Tweety: ha!
Sullly: no one can resist the handsome black man
Matthews: i know!
Kelly: i'm not so sure
Noron: he got one million dollars!
Sully: no one it's one hundred million
Matthews: he's a hard leader
Matthews: OMG we have to crush Afghanistan and Pakistan!!
Ignatius: he's narrowing the mission to taking away Al Qaeda's frequent flying tickets
Norah: it's deadly and getting worse
Tweety: we're getting in deep so we should stay and leave
Tweety: it's Vietnam!!
Kelly: Afghanistan is like baseball it has a spring training season
Sully: Obama is going to use Iran as his starting pitchers
?
Matthews: did he just defer to the brass
Ignatius: no he let Hillary and Petraeus fight it out and the winner got to decide policy
Tweety: wow who won?
Ignatius: Hillary kicked his ass
Tweety: this was always Obama's policy
Tweety: sullivan predict the future for me
Sully: I'm a gay brit with a beard not Karnack
Norah: Obama is going to attack Pakistan!
Ignatius: Iran is going to attack us!
Matthews: oh noe!
Kelly: Congress wants to hire an outside consultant to cut entitlements
Tweety: wow! that can't fail!
Sully: Iowa is going to legalize gay marriage which proves Republicans are right to argue for states' right
Matthews: ha! You're priceless!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
President Obama Press Conference - March 24, 2009
President Barack Obama Press Conference
White House
March 24, 2009
*****************************
Obama: I want to remind people that it took George Bush years to fuck up America and it will take me time to fix it
Now first I threw a trillion dollars at you to build bridges and energy efficient Windows and Macs
Also I lowered interest rates to reinflate the housing bubble
I opened up credit markets by buying a huge toxic shitpile using your money
Finally, I have ordered all future emperors to go around naked and ask all Americans to stop fucking around with the stock market and get real jobs - wake the fuck America - D-Day was very nice but that was 50 years ago and it's time admit the goddam party is over
Now it's true I'm only one lonely talented black man
I'm very very angry about the bonuses - in fact my pulse rose to 72 beats per minutes and my cybernetic circuits overloaded
So I'm asking people to call the fuck down, and chill out
I got this!
AP: Should we welcome our new nerdy overlord?
Obama: darlin AIG is not a bank so the FDIC can't take it over like we all saw on 60 Minutes last week
AP: oh noe
Obama: this is why Timmy needs Super-Executive Plenary Authority to put your children to work in File Mines of Wall Street
AP: i don't trust the Government - look at Katrina, Iraq, Santa Claus
Obama: hey what can I say - Bush sucked
Todd: given this new ridiculous silly era of so called personal responsibility why don't meet some arbitrary condition of sacrifice from the american people?
Obama: Hey Goatee-boy maybe you didn't notice but people are already suffering
Todd: wha?
Todd: Call to action blah blah blah
Obama: I'll start with a little sacrificing right now Toddster if that's what you want
Todd: i'll be good
Tapper: Will you veto a budget without tax cuts, cap n trade and outlawing neckties?
Obama: i expect them to xerox it and sent it me
Xerox: No no no the word is photocopy!!!
Obama: i will fuck the polluters and by the way it promotes economic growth
Tapper: will you be my Twitter friend?
Obama: no you're an idiot
Tapper [ twittering ]
obama sez no to tweet me
Chip Reid: My Rush-loving Mom says you have proposed the most irresponsible budget in history
Obama: Chipper your buddies gave me a trillion dollar deficit
Chip: oh
Obama: here's what I do know Chipmunk - we have to invest in America and grow this economy or we'll never succeed
Chip: but the debt!
Obama: is driven by structural problems that won't be solved by bombing third world nations
Chip: damm
Chip Reid: but the debt goes up up up!!
Obama: just like my popularity
Tapper: oh snap!
Obama: heh heh
Chip: but the Republicans-
Obama: oh shut up you little dickweed
Chip: how rude
Obama: i'm not going to lie to you - you're a moron
Chip: darn
Obama: and a hack
Lourdes, Telemundo: Will you invade Mexico?
Obama: Sure that sounds like a great idea with no downside
Bush [ at home ]
Shee-it - wha dinn ah think ah that!
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
Sheeee-it
Stars & Stripes: Bush fucked veterans but good - will you be any better?
Obama: we have to keep America safe and not waste money and everyone knows the Pentagon wastes money
McCain: no he hates America!
Obama: John McCain said that!
McCain: i did?
Obama: yes!
McCain: who am i talking to
Obama: i'm in your head!
McCain: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Ed Henry: Why did you wait to go public with the manufactured outrage the media demanded?
Obama: boy did you shellack your haid?
Henry: Speaking of GOP spin I just remembered that after 30 years the debt is important!!
Obama: you amuse me - but we can decide not improve our schools and get beat by India and Tuvalu or we can invest and improve America
Henry: i dropped out after third grade and it didn't hurt me none
Obama: your shoes are on the wrong feet Ed
Henry: mah feets?
Henry: but Cuomo Smash! Why you wait to Smash too?
Obama: am in the Journalism Special Olympics?
Q: the Commie Red Chinese think you spend too much!!
Obama: Look I met with Paul Rudd this morning and i told him our fiscal sitution is sound and that 'I Love You Man' was predictable yet amusing
Mike Allen: why do you want to kill all charities?
Obama: You bald inbred twit - the charity tax deduction benefits really rich people and maybe it's time to benefit the bottom 99%
Allen: will you rub my head?
Obama: this is a sick crowd
Allen: but no one will donate anymore!
Obama: well the don't sound too charitable to me
Allen: but are you calling the charities wrong?
Obama: yes
Allen: oh my
Obama: you know what hurts charities?
Allen: gun control?
Obama: Republican economies
Lourdes: ohh la snap!
Question: what do you say to people living under a bridge?
Obama: i tell them it's unacceptable and we are dealing with it by creating more programs and trying to fix the Bush economy
Straight Outta Compton: hey you're black
Obama: i know
Compton: tell us about 64 days of blackness in the White House
Obama: i am focused on the economy but thanks for the odd question
Wingnut: Do you even care about little frozen babies - baby killer!!!
Obama: Look wingnut - I'm trying to save lives and maybe you hadn't heard at Loony School but Bush threw those snowflake babies in the trash
Wingnut: the Holy Trash of Antioch!
Obama: I’m following the science
Wingnut: Science! The Nazis were scientists! What about the Bible?!
Obama: uh right
Brit: The Palestinians and Israelis have gone off the deep end - so how's that middle east peace looking now?
Obama: I truly can't believe the level of Fuckitude I have inherited
Brit: we should have never let that colony go
Obama: hey the Brits and Irish fought and made peace
Brit: i was talking about the American colonies
Obama: i have inherited some very naughty problems and yet I believe in slow, steady, patient progress - i saw a headline on CNN this morning "Geithner - Zero to Hero"
CNN: yeah!
Obama: and i thought it was stupid
CNN: awwww
Obama: Jake Tapper twittered that Iran didn't immediately respond to my overture
Tapper: [ Twitters ]
O-man sed my name
Obama: Look this is like a turning around are very very big sinking ship - so check in with me in four years
Tapper: but but
Obama: I said four years fuckers!!!
White House
March 24, 2009
*****************************
Obama: I want to remind people that it took George Bush years to fuck up America and it will take me time to fix it
Now first I threw a trillion dollars at you to build bridges and energy efficient Windows and Macs
Also I lowered interest rates to reinflate the housing bubble
I opened up credit markets by buying a huge toxic shitpile using your money
Finally, I have ordered all future emperors to go around naked and ask all Americans to stop fucking around with the stock market and get real jobs - wake the fuck America - D-Day was very nice but that was 50 years ago and it's time admit the goddam party is over
Now it's true I'm only one lonely talented black man
I'm very very angry about the bonuses - in fact my pulse rose to 72 beats per minutes and my cybernetic circuits overloaded
So I'm asking people to call the fuck down, and chill out
I got this!
AP: Should we welcome our new nerdy overlord?
Obama: darlin AIG is not a bank so the FDIC can't take it over like we all saw on 60 Minutes last week
AP: oh noe
Obama: this is why Timmy needs Super-Executive Plenary Authority to put your children to work in File Mines of Wall Street
AP: i don't trust the Government - look at Katrina, Iraq, Santa Claus
Obama: hey what can I say - Bush sucked
Todd: given this new ridiculous silly era of so called personal responsibility why don't meet some arbitrary condition of sacrifice from the american people?
Obama: Hey Goatee-boy maybe you didn't notice but people are already suffering
Todd: wha?
Todd: Call to action blah blah blah
Obama: I'll start with a little sacrificing right now Toddster if that's what you want
Todd: i'll be good
Tapper: Will you veto a budget without tax cuts, cap n trade and outlawing neckties?
Obama: i expect them to xerox it and sent it me
Xerox: No no no the word is photocopy!!!
Obama: i will fuck the polluters and by the way it promotes economic growth
Tapper: will you be my Twitter friend?
Obama: no you're an idiot
Tapper [ twittering ]
obama sez no to tweet me
Chip Reid: My Rush-loving Mom says you have proposed the most irresponsible budget in history
Obama: Chipper your buddies gave me a trillion dollar deficit
Chip: oh
Obama: here's what I do know Chipmunk - we have to invest in America and grow this economy or we'll never succeed
Chip: but the debt!
Obama: is driven by structural problems that won't be solved by bombing third world nations
Chip: damm
Chip Reid: but the debt goes up up up!!
Obama: just like my popularity
Tapper: oh snap!
Obama: heh heh
Chip: but the Republicans-
Obama: oh shut up you little dickweed
Chip: how rude
Obama: i'm not going to lie to you - you're a moron
Chip: darn
Obama: and a hack
Lourdes, Telemundo: Will you invade Mexico?
Obama: Sure that sounds like a great idea with no downside
Bush [ at home ]
Shee-it - wha dinn ah think ah that!
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
Sheeee-it
Stars & Stripes: Bush fucked veterans but good - will you be any better?
Obama: we have to keep America safe and not waste money and everyone knows the Pentagon wastes money
McCain: no he hates America!
Obama: John McCain said that!
McCain: i did?
Obama: yes!
McCain: who am i talking to
Obama: i'm in your head!
McCain: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Ed Henry: Why did you wait to go public with the manufactured outrage the media demanded?
Obama: boy did you shellack your haid?
Henry: Speaking of GOP spin I just remembered that after 30 years the debt is important!!
Obama: you amuse me - but we can decide not improve our schools and get beat by India and Tuvalu or we can invest and improve America
Henry: i dropped out after third grade and it didn't hurt me none
Obama: your shoes are on the wrong feet Ed
Henry: mah feets?
Henry: but Cuomo Smash! Why you wait to Smash too?
Obama: am in the Journalism Special Olympics?
Q: the Commie Red Chinese think you spend too much!!
Obama: Look I met with Paul Rudd this morning and i told him our fiscal sitution is sound and that 'I Love You Man' was predictable yet amusing
Mike Allen: why do you want to kill all charities?
Obama: You bald inbred twit - the charity tax deduction benefits really rich people and maybe it's time to benefit the bottom 99%
Allen: will you rub my head?
Obama: this is a sick crowd
Allen: but no one will donate anymore!
Obama: well the don't sound too charitable to me
Allen: but are you calling the charities wrong?
Obama: yes
Allen: oh my
Obama: you know what hurts charities?
Allen: gun control?
Obama: Republican economies
Lourdes: ohh la snap!
Question: what do you say to people living under a bridge?
Obama: i tell them it's unacceptable and we are dealing with it by creating more programs and trying to fix the Bush economy
Straight Outta Compton: hey you're black
Obama: i know
Compton: tell us about 64 days of blackness in the White House
Obama: i am focused on the economy but thanks for the odd question
Wingnut: Do you even care about little frozen babies - baby killer!!!
Obama: Look wingnut - I'm trying to save lives and maybe you hadn't heard at Loony School but Bush threw those snowflake babies in the trash
Wingnut: the Holy Trash of Antioch!
Obama: I’m following the science
Wingnut: Science! The Nazis were scientists! What about the Bible?!
Obama: uh right
Brit: The Palestinians and Israelis have gone off the deep end - so how's that middle east peace looking now?
Obama: I truly can't believe the level of Fuckitude I have inherited
Brit: we should have never let that colony go
Obama: hey the Brits and Irish fought and made peace
Brit: i was talking about the American colonies
Obama: i have inherited some very naughty problems and yet I believe in slow, steady, patient progress - i saw a headline on CNN this morning "Geithner - Zero to Hero"
CNN: yeah!
Obama: and i thought it was stupid
CNN: awwww
Obama: Jake Tapper twittered that Iran didn't immediately respond to my overture
Tapper: [ Twitters ]
O-man sed my name
Obama: Look this is like a turning around are very very big sinking ship - so check in with me in four years
Tapper: but but
Obama: I said four years fuckers!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
60 Minutes with Barack Obama - March 22, 2009
60 Minutes
March 22, 2009
Host: Steve Kroft
Guest: President Barack Obama
******************************
Kroft: Were you surprised by the anger at AIG?
Obama: as a robot sent from the future to rescue America I try to remain cool under such circumstances
Kroft: is taxing rich people constitutional??
Obama: shockingly yes
Kroft: but this could affect thousands of innocent white people!!!
Obama: yes I know it’s a tragedy
Kroft: should you fire Tim Geithner
Obama: no way he’s my scapegoat - I mean my negro!
Kroft: why do people keep failing your high standards
Obama: they’re white and used to failing upwards
Kroft: rich people met your plan with a tepid response
Obama: yes I noticed
Kroft: why don’t rich people love your plan?
Obama: they want free money with no strings attached
Kroft: Do Wall Street people trust you to do the right thing and give them trillions for failing
Obama: I was thinking maybe Wall Streeters could get by on, say, 100 times what a teacher makes
Kroft: oh no my friends will quit Wall Street if you pay them less than $150,000 a year
Obama: I am playing the World’s Smallest Violin for them
Kroft: awwww
Obama: gosh am I anti-Wall Street for pointing out that maybe these dicks don’t deserve millions for being the world’s biggest fuck-ups??
Kroft: were you surprised at the depth of Bush’s Depression?
Obama: even I was shocked at the level of his Suckitude
Kroft: Can America still fail?
Obama: there are some institutions that are so big that failure would destroy America
Kroft: like what
Obama: like Rush Limbaugh
Kroft: So the American experiment might crash and burn over greed and credit default swaps?
Obama: I won’t let than happen
Kroft: no?
Obama: not before I find out what’s happening on “Lost”
Kroft: Are we doomed
Obama: I give us 50/50
Kroft: is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Obama: interest rates are negative 10 percent so that’s good
Kroft: will you bailout the auto industry?
Obama: [ laughs ] if I give tax money to those people that I will crucified
Kroft: why are laughing - are you drunk?
Obama: Believe me I wish I was
Kroft: [ takes stiff drink ] you should dude - that’s how I get through the day
Obama: as I muslim I can’t drink
Kroft: Who should we bomb next?
Obama: either Pakistan or Alaska
Kroft: Cheney said if you don’t electrocute testicles we will be attacked again
Obama: that ignorant asshole has nearly wrecked America - he hasn’t made American safer he’s just rewarded Osama bin Laden
Kroft: George Bush released terrorists from Gitmo which is your fault
Obama: of course
Kroft: what should we do with shoplifters?
Obama: the ones who used to work for George Bush?
Kroft: no the regular ones
Obama: um, didn’t Cheney preside over the largest terrorist attack ever?
Kroft: but torture scares people into not attacking us!
Obama: sure maniacal terrorists totally use that logic
Kroft: you run the United States of America - what’s that like?
Obama: typically I open with a little nookie, talk to the Bombing and Empire Committee, and then the America is Fucked Team
Kroft: nice
Obama: I have a short commute to hell so that’s good
Kroft: do you like being President?
Obama: yes I spend most of the day calling old high school friends and say “what are you up to? I’m the motherfucking President!!”
Kroft: what’s the most difficult decision?
Obama: to attack a mountainous desert nation far away
Kroft: did we invade new mexico?
Kroft: what’s hardest about being President?
Obama: cleaning up George Bush’s incredible mess
Kroft: speaking of Bush - do you ever read?
Obama: I do actually - like I read the PDB every day
Kroft: to cover your ass?
Obama: no I’m actually interested
[ outside ]
Obama: this one crazy-ass swing set!
Kroft: are the kids having fun?
Obama: the kids love it and Michelle is gardening!
Kroft: we’ve come so far since slaves tended the grounds
Obama: don’t tempt me Steverino
Kroft: do you ever get lost in the White House?
Obama: It’s like a goddamm game of Clue
Kroft: is this a prison or the White House?
Obama: we’ve got a black man in the White House and Bernie
Madoff in 24-hour lockdown in NYC
Kroft: it’s a crazy world!
**************************************
March 22, 2009
Host: Steve Kroft
Guest: President Barack Obama
******************************
Kroft: Were you surprised by the anger at AIG?
Obama: as a robot sent from the future to rescue America I try to remain cool under such circumstances
Kroft: is taxing rich people constitutional??
Obama: shockingly yes
Kroft: but this could affect thousands of innocent white people!!!
Obama: yes I know it’s a tragedy
Kroft: should you fire Tim Geithner
Obama: no way he’s my scapegoat - I mean my negro!
Kroft: why do people keep failing your high standards
Obama: they’re white and used to failing upwards
Kroft: rich people met your plan with a tepid response
Obama: yes I noticed
Kroft: why don’t rich people love your plan?
Obama: they want free money with no strings attached
Kroft: Do Wall Street people trust you to do the right thing and give them trillions for failing
Obama: I was thinking maybe Wall Streeters could get by on, say, 100 times what a teacher makes
Kroft: oh no my friends will quit Wall Street if you pay them less than $150,000 a year
Obama: I am playing the World’s Smallest Violin for them
Kroft: awwww
Obama: gosh am I anti-Wall Street for pointing out that maybe these dicks don’t deserve millions for being the world’s biggest fuck-ups??
Kroft: were you surprised at the depth of Bush’s Depression?
Obama: even I was shocked at the level of his Suckitude
Kroft: Can America still fail?
Obama: there are some institutions that are so big that failure would destroy America
Kroft: like what
Obama: like Rush Limbaugh
Kroft: So the American experiment might crash and burn over greed and credit default swaps?
Obama: I won’t let than happen
Kroft: no?
Obama: not before I find out what’s happening on “Lost”
Kroft: Are we doomed
Obama: I give us 50/50
Kroft: is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Obama: interest rates are negative 10 percent so that’s good
Kroft: will you bailout the auto industry?
Obama: [ laughs ] if I give tax money to those people that I will crucified
Kroft: why are laughing - are you drunk?
Obama: Believe me I wish I was
Kroft: [ takes stiff drink ] you should dude - that’s how I get through the day
Obama: as I muslim I can’t drink
Kroft: Who should we bomb next?
Obama: either Pakistan or Alaska
Kroft: Cheney said if you don’t electrocute testicles we will be attacked again
Obama: that ignorant asshole has nearly wrecked America - he hasn’t made American safer he’s just rewarded Osama bin Laden
Kroft: George Bush released terrorists from Gitmo which is your fault
Obama: of course
Kroft: what should we do with shoplifters?
Obama: the ones who used to work for George Bush?
Kroft: no the regular ones
Obama: um, didn’t Cheney preside over the largest terrorist attack ever?
Kroft: but torture scares people into not attacking us!
Obama: sure maniacal terrorists totally use that logic
Kroft: you run the United States of America - what’s that like?
Obama: typically I open with a little nookie, talk to the Bombing and Empire Committee, and then the America is Fucked Team
Kroft: nice
Obama: I have a short commute to hell so that’s good
Kroft: do you like being President?
Obama: yes I spend most of the day calling old high school friends and say “what are you up to? I’m the motherfucking President!!”
Kroft: what’s the most difficult decision?
Obama: to attack a mountainous desert nation far away
Kroft: did we invade new mexico?
Kroft: what’s hardest about being President?
Obama: cleaning up George Bush’s incredible mess
Kroft: speaking of Bush - do you ever read?
Obama: I do actually - like I read the PDB every day
Kroft: to cover your ass?
Obama: no I’m actually interested
[ outside ]
Obama: this one crazy-ass swing set!
Kroft: are the kids having fun?
Obama: the kids love it and Michelle is gardening!
Kroft: we’ve come so far since slaves tended the grounds
Obama: don’t tempt me Steverino
Kroft: do you ever get lost in the White House?
Obama: It’s like a goddamm game of Clue
Kroft: is this a prison or the White House?
Obama: we’ve got a black man in the White House and Bernie
Madoff in 24-hour lockdown in NYC
Kroft: it’s a crazy world!
**************************************
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Meet the Press - March 22, 2009
Meet The Press
March 22, 2009
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-Calif.)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-Penn.)
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (D-NYC)
*******************************************
Gregory: explain the economy to me muscle-man
Schwarzenegger: ve need da bridges and da roads and to vill da potholz
Rendell: we need a Supertrain!!
Gregory: sexy!
Rendell: also sewage plants
Dave: ewwww
Rendell: hey - when you gotta go you gotta go
Bloomberg: for 30 years we put off all the big decisions and now it's time to do the hard work and admit the party is over
Gregory: ok that's fine but hasn't Obama failed?
Bloomberg: no he hasn't you dancing pinhead
Gregory: did Obama hand you a trillion dollars?
Rendell: no but he did serve us Iced Tea
Gregory: Look Americans are used to being promised a free lunch - are they really willing to pay for the things we need??
Schwarzenegger: vhy nawht?
Gregory: what about the light rail being built by hedge funds?
Schwarzenegger: eees a krate investment!
Gregory: ok let's a talk reality - the US government is projecting a huge deficit - we can't afford new bridges!
Bloomberg: sure we can dancing dave - we invest now for the future and turn around the economy at the same time
Gregory: no no no we can't afford it
Bloomberg: you silly right wing shill
Rendell: i agree with Mike that you are a moron
Gregory: the Asbury Park Press said we should put the guys in AIG in prison - also that Bruce rocks!!!!
Schwarzenegger: ah doan care about zee prizon ah just vant to rebilt gullyvornia
Gregory: but the people are angry Conan!!
Rendell: I can tell you people in my state are very angry
Gregory: about teh bonuses?
Rendell: no because they are forced to live in Pennsylvania
Bloomberg: Obama is a workaholic
Gregory: so he is like George Bush
Bloomberg: no i said WORKaholic
Gregory: oh sorry
Gregory: let me quote David Brooks for balance - he said we shouldn't get mad because bonuses are less than the US GDP
Schwarzenegger: vee vill turn crisis into uppodunity lak vee deed in zee Derminator
Gregory: Obama says we should not yield to politics of the moment and then said channel the anger to do something constructive- isn't that breaking your promise?
Rendell: i heard you were an idiot
Gregory: we need to give AIG more money - Obama must defend them even though NBC spent a week stoking the anger
Bloomberg: as the richest person in New York I am quite optimistic
Gregory: there is rampant anger in America!!! Obama must stop the anger the media created!!!
Bloomberg: truly you are a wonder of nonsensical ravings
Rendell: you should appear on Wanking with the Stars
Schwarzenegger: i zuport geither - vee mast accentuate zee bositif
Bloomie: i support timmy as well
Rendell: me too
Gregory: ok ok ok - but it is a political fact that Obama has failed
Rendell: how do you know that
Gregory: Rush Limbaugh said so
Bloomie: Obama is pacing himself
Gregory: Steroid boy people hate you
Schwarzenegger: ess naht a tumor!!
Gregory: huh?
Schwarzenegger: vee mast but beeple to verk - arbeit mach free
Gregory: i don't eat at Arby's
Bloomberg: if we don't get more money from Albany i will personally throw Shelly Silver off the Brooklyn Bridge
Dave: not David Patterson?
Bloomie: too easy
Rendell: by July Americans will feel great and take lunch pails to work
Gregory: Obama joked about the special olympics - so bad!
Gregory: Gov this must hurt you especially since you are a muscle-bound cretin
Schwarzenegger: zats raht peepel laffed at me ven i vas a skinny boy in Owstria
Gregory: that's so sad
Schwarzenegger: i showed zem - i became vamus and zen bowled in zowth affrica and gott beat by Nelzon Mandela
[break ]
Gregory: finally America is going to buy toxic assets from the big banks
Burnett: yes thank god - then the banks will be freed from their mistakes as they should be
Gregory: but the banks might lose a penny - so taxpayers must give them more
Brokaw: some guy sent me an e-mail saying Wall Street misses the days of free money
Gregory: what investors want is clarity
Burnett: that and money for nothing
Gregory: well of course
Burnett: it's unacceptable that they may have to pay taxes on they money they stole
Brokaw: Obama needs to do more and farther and faster - 100 days is too short
Gregory: we must hold Obama to a higher standard than anyone ever
Burnett: right
Brokaw: exactly
Burnett: i spent all weekend talking CEOs and they all like Timmy Geithner - but miss Hank Paulson and his free money
Brokaw: most of us have 2 or 3 houses and need at least one more
Gregory: of course
Brokaw: Obama's questionnaire is 60 pages!
Gregory: what is with all this populist rage that the media is talking about??
Gregory: Pastor Meachem says this just like Hitler and WWII
Brokaw: it turns out Bush and all businessmen were liars
Gregory: wow Obama is really worse than I thought
Brokaw: Citigroup gets free money and single moms are getting screwed
Gregory: the invisible hand is giving us the reach around
Gregory: it’s the invisible hand job
Burnett: the Gilded Age is giving us a Golden Shower
Brokaw: Obama and the GOP need to step up their game like the kids in the NCAA
Gregory: mo' money!!
Burnett: why are people so mad at the thieves?
Gregory: dunno
Burnett: people want Obama to sieze the anger and then give Wall Street trillions
Gregory: NBC spent a week stoking this anger but isn't this 90% tax bill wrong
Brokaw: it's demagoguery - that's what tommy friedman told me!
Gregory: i agree
Brokaw: Wall Streeters deserve a lot of money -- after all they really want it
Brokaw: i went out and talked to the little people out in the rest of America outside of Wall St. and DC
Gregory: who did you talk to?
Brokaw: the CEO of GE Jeff Immelt
Burnett: can we reinflate the bubble?
Gregory: we can if we blow really, really hard
Brokaw: god knows you are trying your best Dave
*******************************
Author: Culture of Truth
March 22, 2009
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-Calif.)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-Penn.)
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (D-NYC)
*******************************************
Gregory: explain the economy to me muscle-man
Schwarzenegger: ve need da bridges and da roads and to vill da potholz
Rendell: we need a Supertrain!!
Gregory: sexy!
Rendell: also sewage plants
Dave: ewwww
Rendell: hey - when you gotta go you gotta go
Bloomberg: for 30 years we put off all the big decisions and now it's time to do the hard work and admit the party is over
Gregory: ok that's fine but hasn't Obama failed?
Bloomberg: no he hasn't you dancing pinhead
Gregory: did Obama hand you a trillion dollars?
Rendell: no but he did serve us Iced Tea
Gregory: Look Americans are used to being promised a free lunch - are they really willing to pay for the things we need??
Schwarzenegger: vhy nawht?
Gregory: what about the light rail being built by hedge funds?
Schwarzenegger: eees a krate investment!
Gregory: ok let's a talk reality - the US government is projecting a huge deficit - we can't afford new bridges!
Bloomberg: sure we can dancing dave - we invest now for the future and turn around the economy at the same time
Gregory: no no no we can't afford it
Bloomberg: you silly right wing shill
Rendell: i agree with Mike that you are a moron
Gregory: the Asbury Park Press said we should put the guys in AIG in prison - also that Bruce rocks!!!!
Schwarzenegger: ah doan care about zee prizon ah just vant to rebilt gullyvornia
Gregory: but the people are angry Conan!!
Rendell: I can tell you people in my state are very angry
Gregory: about teh bonuses?
Rendell: no because they are forced to live in Pennsylvania
Bloomberg: Obama is a workaholic
Gregory: so he is like George Bush
Bloomberg: no i said WORKaholic
Gregory: oh sorry
Gregory: let me quote David Brooks for balance - he said we shouldn't get mad because bonuses are less than the US GDP
Schwarzenegger: vee vill turn crisis into uppodunity lak vee deed in zee Derminator
Gregory: Obama says we should not yield to politics of the moment and then said channel the anger to do something constructive- isn't that breaking your promise?
Rendell: i heard you were an idiot
Gregory: we need to give AIG more money - Obama must defend them even though NBC spent a week stoking the anger
Bloomberg: as the richest person in New York I am quite optimistic
Gregory: there is rampant anger in America!!! Obama must stop the anger the media created!!!
Bloomberg: truly you are a wonder of nonsensical ravings
Rendell: you should appear on Wanking with the Stars
Schwarzenegger: i zuport geither - vee mast accentuate zee bositif
Bloomie: i support timmy as well
Rendell: me too
Gregory: ok ok ok - but it is a political fact that Obama has failed
Rendell: how do you know that
Gregory: Rush Limbaugh said so
Bloomie: Obama is pacing himself
Gregory: Steroid boy people hate you
Schwarzenegger: ess naht a tumor!!
Gregory: huh?
Schwarzenegger: vee mast but beeple to verk - arbeit mach free
Gregory: i don't eat at Arby's
Bloomberg: if we don't get more money from Albany i will personally throw Shelly Silver off the Brooklyn Bridge
Dave: not David Patterson?
Bloomie: too easy
Rendell: by July Americans will feel great and take lunch pails to work
Gregory: Obama joked about the special olympics - so bad!
Gregory: Gov this must hurt you especially since you are a muscle-bound cretin
Schwarzenegger: zats raht peepel laffed at me ven i vas a skinny boy in Owstria
Gregory: that's so sad
Schwarzenegger: i showed zem - i became vamus and zen bowled in zowth affrica and gott beat by Nelzon Mandela
[break ]
Gregory: finally America is going to buy toxic assets from the big banks
Burnett: yes thank god - then the banks will be freed from their mistakes as they should be
Gregory: but the banks might lose a penny - so taxpayers must give them more
Brokaw: some guy sent me an e-mail saying Wall Street misses the days of free money
Gregory: what investors want is clarity
Burnett: that and money for nothing
Gregory: well of course
Burnett: it's unacceptable that they may have to pay taxes on they money they stole
Brokaw: Obama needs to do more and farther and faster - 100 days is too short
Gregory: we must hold Obama to a higher standard than anyone ever
Burnett: right
Brokaw: exactly
Burnett: i spent all weekend talking CEOs and they all like Timmy Geithner - but miss Hank Paulson and his free money
Brokaw: most of us have 2 or 3 houses and need at least one more
Gregory: of course
Brokaw: Obama's questionnaire is 60 pages!
Gregory: what is with all this populist rage that the media is talking about??
Gregory: Pastor Meachem says this just like Hitler and WWII
Brokaw: it turns out Bush and all businessmen were liars
Gregory: wow Obama is really worse than I thought
Brokaw: Citigroup gets free money and single moms are getting screwed
Gregory: the invisible hand is giving us the reach around
Gregory: it’s the invisible hand job
Burnett: the Gilded Age is giving us a Golden Shower
Brokaw: Obama and the GOP need to step up their game like the kids in the NCAA
Gregory: mo' money!!
Burnett: why are people so mad at the thieves?
Gregory: dunno
Burnett: people want Obama to sieze the anger and then give Wall Street trillions
Gregory: NBC spent a week stoking this anger but isn't this 90% tax bill wrong
Brokaw: it's demagoguery - that's what tommy friedman told me!
Gregory: i agree
Brokaw: Wall Streeters deserve a lot of money -- after all they really want it
Brokaw: i went out and talked to the little people out in the rest of America outside of Wall St. and DC
Gregory: who did you talk to?
Brokaw: the CEO of GE Jeff Immelt
Burnett: can we reinflate the bubble?
Gregory: we can if we blow really, really hard
Brokaw: god knows you are trying your best Dave
*******************************
Author: Culture of Truth
The Chris Matthews Show - March 22, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
March 22, 2009
Matthews: OMG the AIG bonuses!!! If Obama continues to take all this criticism he will only be elected 4 times like FDR!!!
Kay: Obama is too aloof and out of touch with the public - you can tell because he was just elected President in a landslide
Klein: the little people are angry - the rest of us are smart
Parker: Obama should have known that one penny out of $1,000 was spent on bonuses
Whitaker: Obama has stoke the angry but recall that eventually they guillotined Guillotine
Matthews: Populism is bad! Also we need to get the bad guys!!
Kay: Obama appears to support Geithner
Matthews: where's my money!! I want my money back!!
Klein: Um Chris.. George W Bush took your money
Matthews: When do I get my money back??!!
Klein: Reagan presided over a recession 2 years in!!!
Whitaker: yeah but he was a wonderful white cowboy
Matthews: Matthews Meter - Is Obama finished?
Kay: sure because AIG is a black hole that sucks in all US money
Klein: no that's stupid
Parker: He's toast
Whitaker: and he's black
Matthews: If we have another Depression are at least going have dancing singing newsboys and good music??!!
Old Guy: look I'm a poor man's woody guthrie!!
Matthews: we lost a newspaper this week
Kay: did you look under the couch?
Matthews: no it went out of business
Kay: oh then i'd look on the internet
Matthews: OMFG the internet killed the newspaper i loved and held in my hands is dead
Klein: it's a daily act of devotion and an addiction
Matthews: Our Lady of WaPo and Heroin
Whitaker: the Seattle Post is going to survive - it will just go from 210 reporters to one teenager with a blog
Kay: In Britain newspapers are loss leaders for inbred royalist psychopaths
Parker: in the US they are non-profit centers for conservative lunatics
Matthews: but the beauty of a newspapers I am exposed to extreme weirdness which you can't get on the Internet
Klein: no - I still have a blog
Matthews: no wait I am going to show you a demonstration of something cool I did when i was a paper boy
[ rolls newspaper in a tight tube, masturbates on tv ]
Klein: wow
Kay: oh my god
[ fap fap fap fap fap ]
Matthews: let's you do that with the Huffington Post
Parker: words fail me chris
Chris: tell me something I don’t know
Kay: 100,000 people are dying in Darfur
Klein: I miss Ron Silver - he was crazy but he wuz mah fwend
Parker: Blue Dogs love Obama
Whitaker: AIG owed billions to French and German banks
Chris: mein gott!
Matthews: winners of AIG scandal?
Kay: Jon Stewart and Colbert
Klein: Sarah Palin
Parker: Rush Limbaugh
Whitaker: whoever runs against Chris Dodd
Matthews: Andrew Cuomo! Cuomo Smash!!
March 22, 2009
Matthews: OMG the AIG bonuses!!! If Obama continues to take all this criticism he will only be elected 4 times like FDR!!!
Kay: Obama is too aloof and out of touch with the public - you can tell because he was just elected President in a landslide
Klein: the little people are angry - the rest of us are smart
Parker: Obama should have known that one penny out of $1,000 was spent on bonuses
Whitaker: Obama has stoke the angry but recall that eventually they guillotined Guillotine
Matthews: Populism is bad! Also we need to get the bad guys!!
Kay: Obama appears to support Geithner
Matthews: where's my money!! I want my money back!!
Klein: Um Chris.. George W Bush took your money
Matthews: When do I get my money back??!!
Klein: Reagan presided over a recession 2 years in!!!
Whitaker: yeah but he was a wonderful white cowboy
Matthews: Matthews Meter - Is Obama finished?
Kay: sure because AIG is a black hole that sucks in all US money
Klein: no that's stupid
Parker: He's toast
Whitaker: and he's black
Matthews: If we have another Depression are at least going have dancing singing newsboys and good music??!!
Old Guy: look I'm a poor man's woody guthrie!!
Matthews: we lost a newspaper this week
Kay: did you look under the couch?
Matthews: no it went out of business
Kay: oh then i'd look on the internet
Matthews: OMFG the internet killed the newspaper i loved and held in my hands is dead
Klein: it's a daily act of devotion and an addiction
Matthews: Our Lady of WaPo and Heroin
Whitaker: the Seattle Post is going to survive - it will just go from 210 reporters to one teenager with a blog
Kay: In Britain newspapers are loss leaders for inbred royalist psychopaths
Parker: in the US they are non-profit centers for conservative lunatics
Matthews: but the beauty of a newspapers I am exposed to extreme weirdness which you can't get on the Internet
Klein: no - I still have a blog
Matthews: no wait I am going to show you a demonstration of something cool I did when i was a paper boy
[ rolls newspaper in a tight tube, masturbates on tv ]
Klein: wow
Kay: oh my god
[ fap fap fap fap fap ]
Matthews: let's you do that with the Huffington Post
Parker: words fail me chris
Chris: tell me something I don’t know
Kay: 100,000 people are dying in Darfur
Klein: I miss Ron Silver - he was crazy but he wuz mah fwend
Parker: Blue Dogs love Obama
Whitaker: AIG owed billions to French and German banks
Chris: mein gott!
Matthews: winners of AIG scandal?
Kay: Jon Stewart and Colbert
Klein: Sarah Palin
Parker: Rush Limbaugh
Whitaker: whoever runs against Chris Dodd
Matthews: Andrew Cuomo! Cuomo Smash!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Tonight Show with Barack Obama - March 20, 2009
The Tonight Show
Host: Jay Leno
Guest: President Barack Obama
March 20, 2009
*********************
Leno: pleeze welcome our new Black Overlord, Barack Obama
[ band plays theme from the Odd Couple ]
Obama: I am in the House and I am the motherfuckin President!!
Leno: you still look like a young black man and yet something is different about you
Obama: i am surrounded by white men with guns
Leno: well as a black man you should be used to that
Obama: that's true
Leno: things suck now you are president
Obama: well you know we're going to slowly and carefully make the right decisions
Leno: what's the fucking deal with AIG
Obama: they sold a trillion dollars of shit
Leno: oh
Obama: they owe more money than there is on planet earth
Leno: crazee
Obama: so they went bankrupt and gave themselves super-bonuses which is arrogant
Leno: you don't know a lot of white people do you
Leno: let's take away the bonuses and let them sue us
Obama: they wrote rules to give themselves the money by law
Leno: awesome
Obama: there were no checks and balances
Leno: what an odd notion
Obama: whacky
Leno: i hate the bonuses but I am scared that the government now can just tax white people for no reason
Obama: calm down jay - no one's takin your pimped out antique cars negro
Leno: OMG i am frightened as an american that people may have to pay taxes
Obama: well sure but we have to pay for the things that we want to keep the country running
Leno: all right - who's going to jail??
Obama: i hate to tell you this Jayster but white people made all this shit legal
Leno: no!
Obama: no it's true - robbing people from the porch of a country club with a gin and tonic in your hand is legal
Leno: really
Obama: look it up fucker
Leno: These fuckers make Mr. Potter look like a saint
Obama: it turns out that all of Bush's economic growth was all fake
Leno: really?
Obama: Reagan's too
Leno: wow
Obama: we need to steer idiots away from investment banking and to something they can handle like finger painting
Leno: Timmy seems kind of dim
Obama: he was in the financial special olympics
Leno: that's cute
Obama: but the buck stops with me
Leno: ha truman used that metaphor
Obama: no it's actually the last dollar the government has
Leno: where did all our billions go?
Obama: the banks invested it in bonuses, caribbean vacations and million dollar luxury offices for CEOs
Leno: problem solved
Leno: where should people put there money somewhere risky like a bank or safe like the mattress
Obama: well people still need new shit - like new cars - granted they will probably not be america but still Wal Mart will probably get richer
Leno: will we plug in our cars?
Obama: even better - Mattel makes one which runs by pulling it backwards on the carpet
Leno: wow
Leno: let me ask you a personal question - did you have sex in Air Force One
Obama: dude i can't answer that
Leno: c'mon
Obama: dude you know i did
[ high fives Leno ]
Leno: do you still bowl?
Obama: i bowl Full Retard
Leno: you're black - what about basketball?
Obama: we'll tear up the tennis courts which is a silly white sport anyway
Leno: do people lose to the President?
Obama: they do if they don't want to get shot
Leno: who are your Final Four?
Obama: Me, Biden, Hillary and Bill
Leno: awesome
Leno: what about the First Dog
Obama: we're working on it
Leno: you should get a lapdog
Obama: i already have the white house press corps
Host: Jay Leno
Guest: President Barack Obama
March 20, 2009
*********************
Leno: pleeze welcome our new Black Overlord, Barack Obama
[ band plays theme from the Odd Couple ]
Obama: I am in the House and I am the motherfuckin President!!
Leno: you still look like a young black man and yet something is different about you
Obama: i am surrounded by white men with guns
Leno: well as a black man you should be used to that
Obama: that's true
Leno: things suck now you are president
Obama: well you know we're going to slowly and carefully make the right decisions
Leno: what's the fucking deal with AIG
Obama: they sold a trillion dollars of shit
Leno: oh
Obama: they owe more money than there is on planet earth
Leno: crazee
Obama: so they went bankrupt and gave themselves super-bonuses which is arrogant
Leno: you don't know a lot of white people do you
Leno: let's take away the bonuses and let them sue us
Obama: they wrote rules to give themselves the money by law
Leno: awesome
Obama: there were no checks and balances
Leno: what an odd notion
Obama: whacky
Leno: i hate the bonuses but I am scared that the government now can just tax white people for no reason
Obama: calm down jay - no one's takin your pimped out antique cars negro
Leno: OMG i am frightened as an american that people may have to pay taxes
Obama: well sure but we have to pay for the things that we want to keep the country running
Leno: all right - who's going to jail??
Obama: i hate to tell you this Jayster but white people made all this shit legal
Leno: no!
Obama: no it's true - robbing people from the porch of a country club with a gin and tonic in your hand is legal
Leno: really
Obama: look it up fucker
Leno: These fuckers make Mr. Potter look like a saint
Obama: it turns out that all of Bush's economic growth was all fake
Leno: really?
Obama: Reagan's too
Leno: wow
Obama: we need to steer idiots away from investment banking and to something they can handle like finger painting
Leno: Timmy seems kind of dim
Obama: he was in the financial special olympics
Leno: that's cute
Obama: but the buck stops with me
Leno: ha truman used that metaphor
Obama: no it's actually the last dollar the government has
Leno: where did all our billions go?
Obama: the banks invested it in bonuses, caribbean vacations and million dollar luxury offices for CEOs
Leno: problem solved
Leno: where should people put there money somewhere risky like a bank or safe like the mattress
Obama: well people still need new shit - like new cars - granted they will probably not be america but still Wal Mart will probably get richer
Leno: will we plug in our cars?
Obama: even better - Mattel makes one which runs by pulling it backwards on the carpet
Leno: wow
Leno: let me ask you a personal question - did you have sex in Air Force One
Obama: dude i can't answer that
Leno: c'mon
Obama: dude you know i did
[ high fives Leno ]
Leno: do you still bowl?
Obama: i bowl Full Retard
Leno: you're black - what about basketball?
Obama: we'll tear up the tennis courts which is a silly white sport anyway
Leno: do people lose to the President?
Obama: they do if they don't want to get shot
Leno: who are your Final Four?
Obama: Me, Biden, Hillary and Bill
Leno: awesome
Leno: what about the First Dog
Obama: we're working on it
Leno: you should get a lapdog
Obama: i already have the white house press corps
Monday, March 16, 2009
Meet the Press with Christina Romer & Eric Eric Cantor - March 15, 2009
Meet the Press
March 15, 2009
Guests:
Christina Romer
Rep. Eric Cantor
************************
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those
Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges
Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy
Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot
Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not
Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust
Gregory: so John McCain was right
Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer
Gregory: was Bush wrong?
Romer: we were all wrong
Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong
Romer: well sure
Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?
Romer: huh?
Gregory: has the stimulus failed?
Romer: give it one more week
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough
Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse
Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?
Romer: no
Gregory: but I read he would
Romer: where?
Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!
Romer: idiot
Gregory: is it off the table?
Romer: which table?
Gregory: THE table!
Romer: oh that table
Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?
Romer: we’re all very angry about that
Gregory: so what are you going to do?
Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back
Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America
Romer: right
Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?
Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron
Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!
Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive
Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!
Romer: hey we have very high ethics
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!
Romer: you’re very silly
Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!
Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory
Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit
Romer: we’re working on admitting that
Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?
Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap
Gregory: what should consumers do now?
Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford
[break]
Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?
Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses
Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?
Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans
Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em
Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans
Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?
Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system
Gregory: so are you a socialist?
Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof
Gregory: interesting - is that all?
Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism
Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?
Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive
Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people
Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!
Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??
Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops
Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy
Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!
Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks
Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all
Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me
Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented
Gregory: that is a surprise to you?
Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America
Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?
Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation
[ break ]
Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?
Liesman: but things are better!
Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts
David Frum: I am expert on the Depression
Gregory: why is Obama bad?
Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough
Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid
Frum: true - but that’s no excuse
Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps
Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?
Liesman: sadly yes
Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley
Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!
Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?
Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much
Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?
Frum: that’s crazy talk
Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions
Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots
Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??
Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh
Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart
Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats
Gregory: so when will he be fired
Frum: next week
Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo
Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness
Gregory: and we’re done
March 15, 2009
Guests:
Christina Romer
Rep. Eric Cantor
************************
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those
Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges
Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy
Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot
Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not
Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust
Gregory: so John McCain was right
Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer
Gregory: was Bush wrong?
Romer: we were all wrong
Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong
Romer: well sure
Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?
Romer: huh?
Gregory: has the stimulus failed?
Romer: give it one more week
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough
Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse
Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?
Romer: no
Gregory: but I read he would
Romer: where?
Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!
Romer: idiot
Gregory: is it off the table?
Romer: which table?
Gregory: THE table!
Romer: oh that table
Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?
Romer: we’re all very angry about that
Gregory: so what are you going to do?
Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back
Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America
Romer: right
Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?
Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron
Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!
Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive
Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!
Romer: hey we have very high ethics
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!
Romer: you’re very silly
Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!
Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory
Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit
Romer: we’re working on admitting that
Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?
Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap
Gregory: what should consumers do now?
Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford
[break]
Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?
Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses
Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?
Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans
Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em
Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans
Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?
Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system
Gregory: so are you a socialist?
Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof
Gregory: interesting - is that all?
Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism
Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?
Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive
Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people
Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!
Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??
Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops
Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy
Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!
Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks
Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all
Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me
Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented
Gregory: that is a surprise to you?
Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America
Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?
Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation
[ break ]
Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?
Liesman: but things are better!
Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts
David Frum: I am expert on the Depression
Gregory: why is Obama bad?
Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough
Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid
Frum: true - but that’s no excuse
Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps
Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?
Liesman: sadly yes
Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley
Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!
Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?
Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much
Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?
Frum: that’s crazy talk
Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions
Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots
Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??
Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh
Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart
Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats
Gregory: so when will he be fired
Frum: next week
Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo
Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness
Gregory: and we’re done
The Chris Matthew Show - March 15, 2009
The Chris Matthew Show
March 15, 2009
Matthews: can Obama cure my illness?
Fineman: no he must explain how all lending works
Tweety: I love you - you’re the best! -- but you’re not bashing Obama enough
Burnett: did you know Banks are not America’s biggest lenders!
Tweety: who are?
Burnett: mafia loansharks
Tweety: Timmy Geither is confusing!!
Sorkin: Look who talking
Fineman: he’s too much of an insider - he’s a green eyeshade guy
Tweety: so who’s doing the White House public relations?
Fineman: Larry Summers
Tweety: oh no
Burnett: all we know is that it’s very important that the big bankers stay rich
Tweety: will Obama give me more money?
Sorkin: everyone thinks we should have a bigger stimulus
Fineman: it will never happen
Tweety: who will stop it?
Fienman: John Boehner and the Electric Randians
Tweety: what’s wrong with America?
Burnett: we borrowed too much money
Tweety: so let’s borrow more money?
Burnett: yes also let’s name some more airports after Ronald Reagan
Tweety: are we all bottoms now?
Burnett: not yet
Sorkin: Jon Stewart will get me for whatever I say
Tweety: don’t flatter yourself opie
Tweety: OMG Obama has abdicated all his power to Rahm Emmanuel!!!
Fineman: that’s right - Congress is writing all the spending bills!!
Tweety: I love it!!
Kornblut: it’s crazy just because Obama is trying to get things done
Tweety: but it’s not like Hillary with health care in 1993!
Tweety: Obama is scaring the money people!!
Sorkin: that’s all you ever say idiot
Tweety: Obama is doing everything which means he has given away all his power!
Fineman: he’s a stud but he needs to get on the road
Sorkin: you just complained that he was on the road too much!!
Fineman: that’s true -- but the point is that he sucks
Burnett: Wall Street thinks he’s doing a good job
Tweety: no no no!
Burnett: the good news Nebraska is hiring telemarkers and casinos in Iowa are doing well!
Fineman: If Franken finally the nasty pro-unions bill will pass
Kornblut: people love the troops which will be good when martial law comes
Sokin: Hank Paulson was right!
Burnett: recovery by 2010!
Sorkin: recovery by 2009 but you just won’t feel it
Kornblut: the Dems will fail!
Fineman: Nes! No!
Tweety: you’re all so smart!
March 15, 2009
Matthews: can Obama cure my illness?
Fineman: no he must explain how all lending works
Tweety: I love you - you’re the best! -- but you’re not bashing Obama enough
Burnett: did you know Banks are not America’s biggest lenders!
Tweety: who are?
Burnett: mafia loansharks
Tweety: Timmy Geither is confusing!!
Sorkin: Look who talking
Fineman: he’s too much of an insider - he’s a green eyeshade guy
Tweety: so who’s doing the White House public relations?
Fineman: Larry Summers
Tweety: oh no
Burnett: all we know is that it’s very important that the big bankers stay rich
Tweety: will Obama give me more money?
Sorkin: everyone thinks we should have a bigger stimulus
Fineman: it will never happen
Tweety: who will stop it?
Fienman: John Boehner and the Electric Randians
Tweety: what’s wrong with America?
Burnett: we borrowed too much money
Tweety: so let’s borrow more money?
Burnett: yes also let’s name some more airports after Ronald Reagan
Tweety: are we all bottoms now?
Burnett: not yet
Sorkin: Jon Stewart will get me for whatever I say
Tweety: don’t flatter yourself opie
Tweety: OMG Obama has abdicated all his power to Rahm Emmanuel!!!
Fineman: that’s right - Congress is writing all the spending bills!!
Tweety: I love it!!
Kornblut: it’s crazy just because Obama is trying to get things done
Tweety: but it’s not like Hillary with health care in 1993!
Tweety: Obama is scaring the money people!!
Sorkin: that’s all you ever say idiot
Tweety: Obama is doing everything which means he has given away all his power!
Fineman: he’s a stud but he needs to get on the road
Sorkin: you just complained that he was on the road too much!!
Fineman: that’s true -- but the point is that he sucks
Burnett: Wall Street thinks he’s doing a good job
Tweety: no no no!
Burnett: the good news Nebraska is hiring telemarkers and casinos in Iowa are doing well!
Fineman: If Franken finally the nasty pro-unions bill will pass
Kornblut: people love the troops which will be good when martial law comes
Sokin: Hank Paulson was right!
Burnett: recovery by 2010!
Sorkin: recovery by 2009 but you just won’t feel it
Kornblut: the Dems will fail!
Fineman: Nes! No!
Tweety: you’re all so smart!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Daily Show with guest Jim Cramer - March 12, 2009
The Daily Show
March 12, 2009
Guest: Jim Cramer
********************
Stewart: why are we fighting?
Cramer: i dunno i love you
Stewart: i wasn't attacking you personally
Cramer: well i did get a lot of things wrong
Stewart: yeah i know
Stewart: we're both selling snake oil but you're actually a snake
Cramer: hey i'm just a humble unfrozen caveman
Stewart: how did you make money on Wall Street
Cramer: i cheated by hyping worthless stocks
Stewart: are you the good jim cramer or the bad jim cramer
Cramer: which channel am i on
Stewart: tv can be a powerful force for good
Cramer: like The A-Team
Stewart: it seems like ordinary people are paying for your fucking game
Cramer: hey you've seen my show - i play a fucking lunatic - I'm exposing the craziness of wall street
Stewart: good point
Cramer: we give the people what they want
Stewart: but you lie and manipulate the market!
Cramer: it’s all in fun
Stewart: it’s not a fucking game dude!
Cramer: hey I’m revealing it all
Stewart: you knew what was going on and puffed stocks - that’s disengenous at best and criminal at worst
Cramer: hey I’m not the crook here - they lied to me!
Stewart: are you a journalist or trying to hype the market?
Cramer: I’m just a dumbass
Stewart: you sell the idea of money for nothing
Cramer: beats working for a living
Stewart: who are you responsible to - the public or the fast-trading criminals?
Cramer: our responsibility is to attack Barack Obama
Stewart: you're a fucking circus act
Cramer: i'm no edward r murrow
Stewart: you're edward r moron
Cramer: i rant for a living
Stewart: well congrats asshole cause you killed america
March 12, 2009
Guest: Jim Cramer
********************
Stewart: why are we fighting?
Cramer: i dunno i love you
Stewart: i wasn't attacking you personally
Cramer: well i did get a lot of things wrong
Stewart: yeah i know
Stewart: we're both selling snake oil but you're actually a snake
Cramer: hey i'm just a humble unfrozen caveman
Stewart: how did you make money on Wall Street
Cramer: i cheated by hyping worthless stocks
Stewart: are you the good jim cramer or the bad jim cramer
Cramer: which channel am i on
Stewart: tv can be a powerful force for good
Cramer: like The A-Team
Stewart: it seems like ordinary people are paying for your fucking game
Cramer: hey you've seen my show - i play a fucking lunatic - I'm exposing the craziness of wall street
Stewart: good point
Cramer: we give the people what they want
Stewart: but you lie and manipulate the market!
Cramer: it’s all in fun
Stewart: it’s not a fucking game dude!
Cramer: hey I’m revealing it all
Stewart: you knew what was going on and puffed stocks - that’s disengenous at best and criminal at worst
Cramer: hey I’m not the crook here - they lied to me!
Stewart: are you a journalist or trying to hype the market?
Cramer: I’m just a dumbass
Stewart: you sell the idea of money for nothing
Cramer: beats working for a living
Stewart: who are you responsible to - the public or the fast-trading criminals?
Cramer: our responsibility is to attack Barack Obama
Stewart: you're a fucking circus act
Cramer: i'm no edward r murrow
Stewart: you're edward r moron
Cramer: i rant for a living
Stewart: well congrats asshole cause you killed america
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Meet The Press - March 8, 2009
March 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Hardball - March 8, 2009
Hardball
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Meet The Press - March 1, 2009
Meet The Press
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
Face the Nation with Rahm Emmanuel - March 1, 2009
Face the Nation
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
The Chris Matthews Show - March 1, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
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