Guests:
Bob Dudley (Managing Director BP)
Carol Browner - White House Energy Adviser
Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)
Fmr. Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)
David Brooks
E.J. Dionne
***************************
Gregory: so what went wrong dickhead
Dudley: the BP flower is the Mark of the Beast
Gregory: what happened to Top Kill Vol. 2 ?
Dudley: the Smoke Monster attacked us!
Gregory: so will the next step will work?
Dudley: really we have no idea - the robots are charge now
Gregory: when will we learn that your next
effort has failed?
Dudley: we should confirm our next failure in
about seven days
Gregory: how much oil are you spilling into the Gulf?
Dudley: somewhere between A Motherfucking Lot
and a Giant Shitload
Gregory: why so slow?
Dudley: we don’t want to make things worse
Gregory: worse? How could things be worse?
Dudley: our next move will crack the earth’s
crust and unleash the minions of satan from the
depths of hell
Gregory: it seems you are incompetent idiots who ruined America and had no plan at all
Dudley: no we had a plan to deny everything - it worked great until the oil washed up on shore
Gregory: did you lie to everyone
Dudley: look we’re frustrated too - did you know
oil is very slippery?!?
Gregory: I did actually
Dudley: ooh look at the big brain on Greggers
Gregory: should BP CEO Tony Heyward resign for destroying his company and a regional economy
Dudley: Tony Heyward is doing an awesome
job dodging responsibility for wrecking thousands of lives
[ break ]
Gregory: well that was a pretty fucking astonishing interview
Browner: it’s infuriating - this spill is destroying
a whole region
Gregory: what do we do now?
Browner: suck up all the oil with a giant straw
Gregory: who will do that?
Browner: Superman?
Gregory: but he’s not real
Browner: in theory maybe
Gregory: so assuming Superman is fiction the oil
will continue to spill until August of 2015
Browner: in that case the beaches will be re-designated “Free Oil National Park”
Gregory: excellent
Browner: once we capture the oil we can
put the oil on trial
Gregory: how bad is this?
Browner: this is biggest disaster in American history
Gregory: worse than the Civil War or the
Bush administration?
Browner: ok biggest environmental disaster
Gregory: so how do we fix it?
Browner: burn it and skim it
Gregory: is Team Obama making a big show
of being in charge?
Browner: make no mistake we’re calling the shots
Gregory: what about that $75 million cap
Browner: fuck that cap - they will pay for the motherfucking damages!
Gregory: the Republicans says Obama isn’t
socialist enough and doesn’t regulate businesses strongly enough
Browner: oh that’s just fucking rich
Gregory: but the spill is Emperor Obama’s fault
Browner: hey Big Business caused this fucking spill and the liberals are going to have clean this up
Gregory: why didn’t Obama tell BP to have a contingency plan when he was inaugurated?
Browner: the tales of your being a moron were
not exaggerated
Gregory: but he could have personally reviewed
every permit
Browner: look Obama broke up MMS
Gregory: but he should have planned for
a disaster when he was sworn in!
Browner: well he prevented Sarah Palin from becoming VP!
Gregory: maybe 5,000 feet is just too
deep to drill offshore
Browner: yeah maybe!
Gregory: so why don’t stop it?
Browner: we shut down 33 rigs Fluffy!
Gregory: ok
[ break ]
Gregory: let’s talk about illegal immigration
Gutierrez: we need a holistic approach - hell most so-called illegal immigrants didn’t sneak over - they just overstayed their visa
Hayworth: Soldiers changing oil is cosmetic
Gregory: righty-o
Hayworth: it’s not only about Mexicans - it’s all
those other brown people!
Gregory: it’s about American businesses needing and hiring these immigrants
Hayworth: we need soldiers to roam America demanding papers or we will all live in anarchy!!
Gutierrez: we should put employers in jail for hiring illegal immigrants - but immigrants are not going to disappear like Henriquez Potter!
Gregory: people support the Arizona law
Gutierrez: that’s because people are bunch of thick-headed fuckers
Gregory: well sure
Gregory: J.D. how do cops determine reasonable suspicion if not by race?
Hayworth: people are trying to attack Arizona just because they wrote a blatantly racist law - it’s not fair
Gutierrez: the fucking law makes demanding citizenship a requirement JD!!
Gregory: good point
Gutierrez: Latinos fought our wars and they want
to pay taxes and be good citizens!
Hayworth: All we are saying is
Give Racism a Chance
Gregory: you and McCain supported amnesty -
are you two trying to out-crazy each other to win the GOP nomination?
Hayworth: after 9/11 I realized we had to go after Hispanics with soldiers on American streets
Gregory: please bash Obama for me
Gutierrez: I worked with McCain before he went batshit insane
Gregory: well Obama sent 1,200 troops
Gutierrez: whoop de frickin’ doo!
[ break ]
Gregory: this oil spill comes down to one thing:
what does Obama’s daughter want us to do?
Dionne: the real problem is that big companies apparently have no plan in case they totally fuck up
Brooks: this disaster proves that conservatives are right - there are limits to what government can do to fix the disasters caused by conservatives
Gregory: how can Obama let this oil spill continue
to happen??
Dionne: the lesson here is we need more fucking regulation of oil companies!!
Gregory: incredibly Sestak was offered an unpaid job to leave a political race
Dionne: the lesson here is that Joe Sestak is
kind of a dickhead
Gregory: is that all?
Dionne: also that you’re a moron Fluffy
Gregory: ha ha
Gregory: Tim Pawlenty says economic growth
is phony
Dionne: that’s hilarious
Gregory: ha ha
Dionne: moron
**************************
Sunday, May 30, 2010
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9 comments:
Gregory: this oil spill comes down to one thing:
what does Obama’s daughter want us to do?
I've heard that Greggers is a moron...
~
Another classic. Gotta laugh so I don't cry. Thanks CoT.
It sounds from your translation that Fluffy didn't suck quite as much in the first half as is his norm... but he TOTALLY made up for it in the last half.
Thank you for translating so I wouldn't be tempted to watch. Much more illuminating than the real thing.
The robots are in charge.ha! Sweet! Thanks CoT!
I watched the show. This is right on target. Could have saved myself from wasting that hour.
Thank you for once again sparing me from having to watch. Very funny, too.
Heya CoT! Fishgrease here (of DKos Boomer fame). I NEVER miss me a CoT Sunday translation! Best. Thing. There. Is!
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