Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Gregory: So BP has failed yet again to stop
the worst oil spill ever - I can’t wait to see their
Obama: fuck these finger-pointing motherfuckers!
Schumer: damm cocksuckers!
Gregory: should there be a cap on their liability?
Schumer: hell fucking no!
Gregory: are you mad?
Schumer: yes we all are very angry at BP -
they wrecked the Democratic climate bill compromise pushing for more drilling!
Gregory: that’s sad
Schumer: so clearly we should do more
offshore drilling - that’s red white and blue oil!!!
Gregory: Kagan says the Senate hearings are a farce
Schumer: Dancing should not be a part of it
Schumer: She’s awesome because she’s practical - she’s not from some fancy ivory tower
Gregory: how so?
Schumer: she was Dean of Harvard Law School
Gregory: dude it’s not exactly Deadliest Catch
Schumer: hey the Dean has to work with many
weird people like the Federalist Society
Gregory: is she a liberal or a moderate?
Schumer: she’s a forceful, practical, New Yorker - she will shank Scalia if she has to!
Gregory: will she promote Executive Power?
Schumer: yes she will but Obama’s President now - suck it wingnuts!
Gregory: is she a blank slate?
Schumer: that’s the beauty of it - she can be whatever you want her to be!
Gregory: Did Obama tell New York to drop dead?
Schumer: Hey Underoos Man and Propane Boy showed us the world is trying to destroy New York!
Gregory: I thought that was the GOP
Schumer: screw the bean counters - Peter King
and Mike Bloomberg are not happy!
Gregory: Should we put KSM on trial in New York?
Schumer: no fucking way Fluffy!!
Gregory: People hate Congress which means they hate Democrats
Schumer: we’ll see in the fall how much people hate the stimulus, health care and financial reform
Gregory: you’re optimistic
Schumer: fucking right!
Gregory: What about Specter?
Schumer: he’s has no principles at all
- that’s why we need him in the U.S. Senate
[ break ]
Gregory: Mitch you supported Harriet Meirs
and she was Bush’s pet sitter!
McConnell: Meirs was a disaster which only proves we can’t have Kagan
Gregory: tell me why she is evil
McConnell: she wants to ban pamphlets
and hates soldiers
Gregory: is she qualified or not?
McConnell: we’ll decide later how we will accuse
her of being a radical anti-American
Gregory: sounds like hypocrisy
McConnell: yeah but Democrats attacked
Clarence Thomas just because he was an inexperienced pervert
Gregory: does she hate the military?
McConnell: obviously she does because Harvard Law students usually go to an ivy league law school because they want to join the Army
Gregory: are you mad at BP?
McConnell: why are we criticizing BP when Obama
is clearly to blame for allowing offshore drilling and not fixing the spill immediately?!?
Gregory: should we cap BP’s liability?
McConnell: oh no - we should allow people who can’t afford to clean up their messes to drill or it wouldn’t be far to all the mom and pop
oil-rig drilling operations
Gregory: Is noted loon Rand Paul going to seize control of the GOP?
McConnell: yes but Obama lost to a male model
Gregory: you expect Paul to be your candidate
McConnell: I will support whichever lunatic
wins the GOP nomination
Gregory: Obama says Republicans drove this country into a ditch for 8 years and you can’t
have the keys again!
McConnell: look we all know George Bush was horrible President - but Obama is helping
American car companies and he tripled the
debt in the next ten years
Gregory: but that hasn’t happened yet
McConnell: also he will take over the Internet
Gregory: also hypothetical
McConnell: the President has lost 3,000 jobs!
Gregory: is that all?
McConnell: he’s stealing from our grandchildren!
Gregory: ok thanks for coming
Gregory: Obama’s pretty popular
Murphy: Yes - the Democrats are doomed!
Shrum: that’s true but there was a poll 10 minutes ago saying pundits’ positions have shift 1 percent
Gregory: people like Obama but not his policies
Alter: it was all too much change! The US was losing 700,000 jobs and now we’re adding 200,000 jobs and that’s hard for people handle!
Noonan: He’s like Reagan - he’s likeable but presiding over a recession - so he’s doomed
Gregory: but Reagan was reelected
Noonan: true but Mondale was a doofus
Shrum: Reagan carried every state plus Canada because the economy boomed!
Gregory: Kagan will probably easily confirmed
Murphy: I’m going to cry about Robert Bork now
Shrum: take a hankie Mike
[ hands Murphy a tissue ]
Alter: this will hurt Obama because people think he hates the Army because he acts like he’s their boss and they don’t like taking orders from him
Gregory: let’s weep for Robert Bork some more
Noonan: [ sobs ]
Young people get assassinated by liberals
if they have opinions
Gregory: she’s stirred controversy by suggesting people should have civil rights but luckily not everyone
Noonan: we need to stop attacking justices for
their colorful views and instead attack them for
Shrum: let’s be clear - Robert Bork was out of his fucking mind
Noonan: yes but criticism of him came within 45 minutes of his nomination - liberals are the balsa wood drones of politics
Gregory: Arlen Specter has no principles at all -
will that hurt him?
Alter: yes but he’s against cancer
Gregory: Blanche Lincoln is finding out
Noonan: so so so so sad
Shrum: sure she’s attacked from both sides
because she does nothing for all sides
Alter: Long live the lunch-bucket Reagan Democrats!!
Gregory: Saint McCain is in trouble too even though he wants to complete the dang fence
Alter: it’s sad
Gregory: he was in favor of immigration reform and now he sounds like a cross between
Ted Nugent and Grampa Simpson
Noonan: it’s pathetic
Murphy: Obama is behind murders in Arizona!
Shrum: really that’s what you want to go with?
Gregory: ok that’s another episode of Meet the Press