Sunday, May 16, 2010

Meet The Press - May 16, 2010

Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Jonathan Alter
Peggy Noonan
Bob Shrum
Mike Murphy
******************************
Gregory: So BP has failed yet again to stop
the worst oil spill ever - I can’t wait to see their
junk shot

Obama: fuck these finger-pointing motherfuckers!

Schumer: damm cocksuckers!

Gregory: should there be a cap on their liability?

Schumer: hell fucking no!

Gregory: are you mad?

Schumer: yes we all are very angry at BP -
they wrecked the Democratic climate bill compromise pushing for more drilling!

Gregory: that’s sad

Schumer: so clearly we should do more
offshore drilling - that’s red white and blue oil!!!

Gregory: Kagan says the Senate hearings are a farce

Schumer: Dancing should not be a part of it

Gregory: dammit

Schumer: She’s awesome because she’s practical - she’s not from some fancy ivory tower

Gregory: how so?

Schumer: she was Dean of Harvard Law School

Gregory: dude it’s not exactly Deadliest Catch

Schumer: hey the Dean has to work with many
weird people like the Federalist Society

Gregory: is she a liberal or a moderate?

Schumer: she’s a forceful, practical, New Yorker - she will shank Scalia if she has to!

Gregory: will she promote Executive Power?

Schumer: yes she will but Obama’s President now - suck it wingnuts!

Gregory: is she a blank slate?

Schumer: that’s the beauty of it - she can be whatever you want her to be!

Gregory: Did Obama tell New York to drop dead?

Schumer: Hey Underoos Man and Propane Boy showed us the world is trying to destroy New York!

Gregory: I thought that was the GOP

Schumer: screw the bean counters - Peter King
and Mike Bloomberg are not happy!

Gregory: Should we put KSM on trial in New York?

Schumer: no fucking way Fluffy!!

Gregory: People hate Congress which means they hate Democrats

Schumer: we’ll see in the fall how much people hate the stimulus, health care and financial reform

Gregory: you’re optimistic

Schumer: fucking right!

Gregory: What about Specter?

Schumer: he’s has no principles at all
- that’s why we need him in the U.S. Senate

[ break ]

Gregory: Mitch you supported Harriet Meirs
and she was Bush’s pet sitter!

McConnell: Meirs was a disaster which only proves we can’t have Kagan

Gregory: tell me why she is evil

McConnell: she wants to ban pamphlets
and hates soldiers

Gregory: is she qualified or not?

McConnell: we’ll decide later how we will accuse
her of being a radical anti-American

Gregory: sounds like hypocrisy

McConnell: yeah but Democrats attacked
Clarence Thomas just because he was an inexperienced pervert

Gregory: does she hate the military?

McConnell: obviously she does because Harvard Law students usually go to an ivy league law school because they want to join the Army

Gregory: are you mad at BP?

McConnell: why are we criticizing BP when Obama
is clearly to blame for allowing offshore drilling and not fixing the spill immediately?!?

Gregory: should we cap BP’s liability?

McConnell: oh no - we should allow people who can’t afford to clean up their messes to drill or it wouldn’t be far to all the mom and pop
oil-rig drilling operations

Gregory: Is noted loon Rand Paul going to seize control of the GOP?

McConnell: yes but Obama lost to a male model

Gregory: you expect Paul to be your candidate

McConnell: I will support whichever lunatic
wins the GOP nomination

Gregory: Obama says Republicans drove this country into a ditch for 8 years and you can’t
have the keys again!

McConnell: look we all know George Bush was horrible President - but Obama is helping
American car companies and he tripled the
debt in the next ten years

Gregory: but that hasn’t happened yet

McConnell: also he will take over the Internet

Gregory: also hypothetical

McConnell: the President has lost 3,000 jobs!

Gregory: is that all?

McConnell: he’s stealing from our grandchildren!

Gregory: ok thanks for coming

[ break]

Gregory: Obama’s pretty popular

Murphy: Yes - the Democrats are doomed!

Shrum: that’s true but there was a poll 10 minutes ago saying pundits’ positions have shift 1 percent

Gregory: people like Obama but not his policies

Alter: it was all too much change! The US was losing 700,000 jobs and now we’re adding 200,000 jobs and that’s hard for people handle!

Noonan: He’s like Reagan - he’s likeable but presiding over a recession - so he’s doomed

Gregory: but Reagan was reelected

Noonan: true but Mondale was a doofus

Shrum: Reagan carried every state plus Canada because the economy boomed!

Gregory: Kagan will probably easily confirmed

Murphy: I’m going to cry about Robert Bork now

Shrum: take a hankie Mike
[ hands Murphy a tissue ]

Alter: this will hurt Obama because people think he hates the Army because he acts like he’s their boss and they don’t like taking orders from him

Gregory: let’s weep for Robert Bork some more

Noonan: [ sobs ]
Young people get assassinated by liberals
if they have opinions

Gregory: she’s stirred controversy by suggesting people should have civil rights but luckily not everyone

Noonan: we need to stop attacking justices for
their colorful views and instead attack them for
being Latina

Shrum: let’s be clear - Robert Bork was out of his fucking mind

Noonan: yes but criticism of him came within 45 minutes of his nomination - liberals are the balsa wood drones of politics

Gregory: Arlen Specter has no principles at all -
will that hurt him?

Alter: yes but he’s against cancer

Gregory: Blanche Lincoln is finding out
centrism sucks

Noonan: so so so so sad

Shrum: sure she’s attacked from both sides
because she does nothing for all sides

Alter: Long live the lunch-bucket Reagan Democrats!!

Gregory: Saint McCain is in trouble too even though he wants to complete the dang fence

Alter: it’s sad

Gregory: he was in favor of immigration reform and now he sounds like a cross between
Ted Nugent and Grampa Simpson

Noonan: it’s pathetic

Murphy: Obama is behind murders in Arizona!

Shrum: really that’s what you want to go with?

Murphy: Muuuurrder!!!!!

Gregory: ok that’s another episode of Meet the Press

****************************

3 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: Saint McCain is in trouble too even though he wants to complete the dang fence

Alter: it’s sad

Gregory: he was in favor of immigration reform and now he sounds like a cross between Ted Nugent and Grampa Simpson


I'd say one part Nuge, two parts Grandpa.

Gregory: Blanche Lincoln is finding out centrism sucks

Keep fcuking that chicken, Blanche. I'm not going to miss you.
~

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