Thursday, September 11, 2008

Service Forum with John McCain and Barack Obama

**************************
Service Forum
September 11, 2008
Hosts:
Judy Woodruff
Rick Stengel
Guests:
Senator John McCain
Senator Barack Obama
***************************

Woodruff: how can we make sure we celebrate 9/11 every year right?

McCain: by uttering a string of banal cliches in a weak and feeble voice on national television

Stengel: what would you have done after 9/11 differently from President Stupid?

McCain: i would have proposed neighborhood watch programs to guard nuclear power plants and expanded the military

Stengel: but Stupid did expand the military

McCain: look americans are better than other people and we showed it after 9/11 by bringing democracy to the little brown countries

Woodruff: should we force people to serve?

McCain: oh no! we should underfund the ones we have that way we can always claim they are oversubscribed

Woodruff: why are the American people so eager to serve?

McCain: they are inspired to attack Russia over south ossetia

Stengel: why is Obama always bashing congress?

McCain: because Congress is so terrible they're lazy and greedy

Woodruff: but you've been in Congress for 55 years

McCain: no i fought Congress but Congress won - also i shot the sherriff and his deputy

Stengel: what are the lessons from hurricane katrina?

McCain: the private sector should take the lead FedEx or Target should have been in charge of relief efforts instead of people always relying on big borther

Stengel: what else

McCain: christian churches should build all over levees or at least pray for the hurricanes to hit the bad people

Woodruff: why is it only the rich people like me who volunteer their time

McCain: i've found that isn't true but in any case i hope businesses would give employees to take time off do work for Jimmy Carter

Stengel: what about business giving paid leave for volunteer work

McCain: i would praise them and then give them a tax break to go overseas

Stengel: you and everyone in your family served in the military

McCain: no i never talk about that

Stengel: ok let's move on

McCain: wait let me tell a 30 minute story on my incredible heroism

Woodruff: why are all the troops poor and black?

McCain: hey baby it was worse during the draft

Woodruff: what a relief

McCain: look the reason they're all black is because the military is just too small it's a wonder we haven't been invaded by Luxembourg yet

Woodruff: so we have a teeny tiny army

McCain: yes the answer is to let ivy league colleges let the ROTC recruit for officers on campus among the brave keyboarders

Woodruff: but you know why they don't it's cause the military hates gays - which incidentally could increase the size of the army-

Stengel: whoa! time for a commercial break - don't answer that General McCain

Stengel: you authored a great bill which i won't explain

McCain: [ grins creepily ]

Stengel: so why not have mandatory military service

McCain: whoa dude people are afraid of me enough if they think i'm in favor of the draft the GOP will lose a whole generation

Stengel: fair enough old man

Woodruff: Obama's plan would cost a whopping $3 billion!

McCain: yes it's crazy - let’s have the private sector handle service

Stengel: would ask Senator Obama being your Secretary of Motivatin' Teh Youngsters?

McCain: oh sure but why get the government involved do you know the Bush cabinet never meets?

Stengel: so sad

Woodruff: Sarah Palin dissed community service

McCain: look she had to do that because Obama won't go to all my little town halls

Woodruff: i'm confused

McCain: hey she was defending herself from the vicious sexist attacks on her epic Mayorship of wacka-wacka

Stengel: will you triple AmeriCorps

McCain: yes

[ applause ]

McCain: i love ted kennedy if he can recover so can i

McCain: but dammit let's make sure we encourage volunteerism with bland cheap banalities without doing anything about

Woodrufff: only on CNN folks

Woodruff: what can teh elderly or in your case the superelderly do

McCain: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Woodruff: JOHN!!!

McCain: what? Huh?

Woodruff: this glowing grammaphone hath transmitted a message

McCain: let's face it America sucks - i know that - why don't you think i don't know that?

Woodruff: you're a fucking ray of sunshine

McCain: did i mention i want a war with russia?

Woodruff: why aren't you raving at a tv in a nursing home

McCain: grrr arrr matlock!!!

Stengel: will you give every PhD a green card

McCain: um, what?

Woodruff: we all know this is Happy 9/11 Day - but what makes us superior to Canadians or Mexicans?!

McCain: well the founding fathers thought so - we are the ONLY country that believes in human rights or god -- look at what we did after WWII

Woodruff: Glory Days!

McCain: we are more generous than other nations

Woodruff: you make me feel warm inside but do you have proof of that?

McCain: yes look at our friendship with Britain

Woodruff: exactly

Stengel: why are parties and partisanship so evil?

McCain: oh that is so so so sad - i've said repeatedly that America-hating anti-female muslim nigger is good kid

Stengel: i can't understand why that boy can't accept your friendship

Stengel: OMG! By 2042 the white will be gone how can we stop this!?!

McCain: Look we've had wave after wave of slaves come to america seeking freedom

Stengel: amen

McCain: look casey it's sad but we need all those Mexicans to fight our wars

Stengel: demmit it makes me mad

[ obama walks on stage ]

[ college crowd goes WILD ]

Woodruff: OMG run for your lives!!!

Stengel: what does Christmas mean to you

Obama: birth of christ

Stengel: sorry I meant 9/11

Obama: easy mistake

Casey: sure

Obama: it's a reminder of the spirit of togetherness when dick armey sang with barbara mikulski

[ audience shudders ]

Obama: how do we recreate that

Stengel: remake of South Pacific?

Obama: Hey Stupid did all the right things - he rallied the nation and got Osama

Woodruff: he did?

Obama: but then he should have admitted it was all about oil and had a bold new plan of installing those curly light bulbs in every dorm in America

[ YAYY! ]

Obama: i would have told people we all have to be at war

Stengel: we all know Americans are the laziest fucks around hell they can't be bothered to vote

Obama: that what makes America great - we believe in utter selfishness not only for ourselves but for our neighbors too

Stengel: what else

Obama: we think long term

Stengel: sorry which country are you talking about?

Woodruff: specfics pleez

Obama: i would appoint Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch in charge of scaring kids in high school into service - if they volunteer i would promise not to send them to their schools

Woodruff: brilliant!

Stengel: you are in fact in favor of national service and you are black

Obama: i know

Stengel: but how are you going to crush the unions?

Obama: hey the unions are all about coming together they love that

Stengel: but the teachers are tough

Obama: Dood. So. Am. I

Woodruff: McStupid seems kind of out of it - he didn't realize poor people are too busy waiting in line at the soup kitchen to volunteer at the soup kitchen

Obama: hey i can dig it - i graduated from Columbia and it was harder to find a community service job than it was to work on Wall Street

Judy: how odd

Obama: and then you can go to college for a little service

Judy: well ok

Stengel: but Newt Gingrich said the blacks took all the good service jobs so the government has to suck ass!!

Obama: that's just an excuse to give massive tax cuts to the rich

Stengel: what's wrong with that

Obama: FEMA should fucking work

Woodruff: so if i hear right John McCain is heartless bastard and your are a tax raising socialist

Obama: that sums it up - now make your choice America

Woodruff: how can we make our military bigger so we invade Russia?

Obama: oh yeah we need a bigger army - you know my white grandfather fought with Patton

Woodruff: i didn't know there were negroes in the army in those days

Obama: let's be honest small rural towns are fighting our wars and not the rich kids

Stengel: right places like Columbia hate America they invited Adolf Ahmedinejad but not the Uncle Sam

Obama: damm right

[ waves tiny flag ]

Woodruff: so what else

Obama: we need people who speak other languages and agricultural specialists in Afghanistan

Woodruff: like who

Obama: people who know how to grow quality weed like purple kush

Stengel: is there any reason people should the Empire more in war than in peace?

Obama: [ reaches for drink ]

holy shit they're serving kool aid

Woodruff: can we give military benefits to kids in AmeriCorps

Obama: well look with all due respect to young teachers soldiers are risking life and limb - we can only afford right now to give them electrified showers and roach-infested hospitals

Woodruff: well sure

Woodruff: will you have McCain in your cabinet

Obama: yeah i like gramps story he's inspired a generation of kids to get shot down and be a POW

Woodruff: big dreams

Obama: i met a big shot lawyer who quit his job to create a post traumatic stress group in Montana

Woodruff: it's so wonderful that a state with so few people has such a need

Stengel: following the Doctrine of False Equivalency did Democrats insult mayors like Palin did to community organizers

Obama: no

Stengel: would like to expand on that

Obama: you're a dick

Stengel: well i never hear that at teh country club

Judy: you're so mean and partisan

Obama: hey whitey Bush put a fucking horse expert in charge of FEMA and thousands died

Judy: now hold on we don't know that

Obama: cause no one bothered to count

Judy: hey one POW is tragedy, thousands death in the bayou is a statistic

Stengel: de cocqueville said America was deeply weird and special

Obama: we are both selfish and idealistic and under Republicans we have veered toward the selfish

Stengel: well that's America nothing you can do

Obama: no in my campaign as in the army we give young people big jobs

Stengel: are they [ whispers ] black??

Obama: they're whoppin’ green screen's ass

Stengel: following the Doctrine of False Equivalency did Democrats
insult mayors like Palin did to community organizers

Obama: Kennedy and Clinton inspired people

Woodruff: name a good Republican

Obama: ok teddy roosevelt

Stengel: ow that's cheating

Woodruff: thanks for coming handsome

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mayorship of wacka-wacka.

Lol.

Taterhaid

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О, счастливчик! / 2009
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2012: Супернова / 2012: Supernova / 2009
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Крик совы / The Cry of the Owl / 2009
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Anonymous said...

Налоговики - миллионеры... БУСАРЕВ ВЯЧЕСЛАВ ВАЛЕНТИНОВИЧ Украина, АР Крым, г.Симферополь.

Не для кого не секрет, что экономика Украины в настоящее время находится в кризисе. Не смотря на это, есть специалисты, которые под ширмой государственных служащих работают против государства, которое доверило им занимать высокие должности, оплачивает достойную заработную плату, но …?!
Одним из таких деятелей, является БУСАРЕВ ВЯЧЕСЛАВ ВАЛЕНТИНОВИЧ - председатель налоговой службы АР Крым. Личность, которую можно поставить в пример многим политикам, ведь Вячеслав Бусарев получил старт в карьере государственного служащего когда у власти была Партия Регионов, однако, остался при должности и до настоящего времени, когда Партия Регионов находится в оппозиции, а все почему?! Все очень просто, В.Бусарев работает на свой карман, а не для бюджета Украины, «кормит» вышестоящее руководство ГНА Украины и остается «своим» при любой власти в стране. Перейду к конкретике, подтверждающей все выше изложенное.
Существует такое понятие «налоговая яма», это предприятие, которое создает затратную часть предприятий-контрагентов посредством предоставления им налогового кредита. Проще говоря, помогает предприятиям контрагентам завышать свои затраты, тем самым минимизируя уплату налогов в бюджет, а иногда при миллионных оборотах предприятий сводит уплату налогов в бюджет к нулю. Как Вы понимаете, деятельность таких предприятий должна быть незамедлительно пресечена налоговой службой, но, под непосредственным контролем В.Бусарева на территории АР Крым были созданы и помогали скрывать налоги предприятиям Крыма и некоторых регионов Украины следующие «налоговые ямы»:

ЧП «Зовик» (код 24504001);
ООО «Энерго-ВАН» (код 32153280);
ООО БК «Абрис-груп» (код 33608264);
ООО НТК «Энерго-тайм» (код 33898770);
ООО «Фотон 102» (код 34861343);
ЧП «Керчмет» (код 34908260);
ООО «Партенитинвест» (код 34938871);
ЧП «СЛС-груп» (код 35736934);
ООО Салтовский хлебзавод» (код 36165787);
ЧП «БУД-ТИС» (код 36165420);
ООО «Тенси» (код 36165070);
ЧП «Крым-строй-ТИС» (код 36165106);
ЧП «БУД-Т.И.С.» (код 36165394);
ЧП «ТИС» (код 36165064);
ООО «Т.И.С.-строй» (код 36165038);
ЧП «Тисстрой» (код 36165148);
ЧП «Крымтисстрой» (код 36165174);
ООО «Южсаппорт» (код 36275069);
ООО «Латем плюс» (код 36275121);
ЧП «Крым строй поставка» (код 36478440)
ООО «Консалавто» (код 36478990);
ЧП «Сервис-Крым-Сбыт» (код 36583473);
ЧП «Крым-Сервис-Сбыт» (код 36583447);
ЧП «Сбыт-Крым-Сервис» (код 36583384).

Почему то, при якобы тотальном контроле со стороны налоговой, указанные выше субъекты без проведения проверок перестают работать, а на их месте создаются в один день от трех до пяти подобных предприятий, при чем регистрируются в один день, на одних и тех же лиц, также в один день выдается свидетельство плательщика НДС, при отсутствии расчетных счетов в банках.
Все вышеуказанные предприятия «помогли» своим контрагентам скрыть от налогообложения сотни миллионов гривен, а это бюджетные деньги страны. Соответственно, за «спасибо», т.е. бесплатно, указанные предприятия не существовали бы. Поэтому предприимчивый В.Бусарев обложил данную деятельность «налогом в свой карман», а именно, ставка этого «налога» составила 0,8% от валового оборота деятельности каждого из указанных предприятий, а это в итоге миллионы гривен. Но, как Вы понимаете, без поддержки сверху, такая «деятельность» не существовала бы. Поэтому В.Бусарев должен отдавать некоторую часть денег заместителю ГНА Украины В.Кайзерману, который взамен, за это поддерживает В.Бусарева и ежемесячно либо снижает планы поступления налоговой Крыма в бюджет, либо при угрозе его невыполнения корректирует в сторону уменьшения.
На указанном примере работы В.Бусарева, становится понятно, каким образом налоговики становятся миллионерами.

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