Sunday, September 07, 2008

Meet The Press with Joe Biden - September 7, 2008

*****************************************
September 7, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Tom Friedman
******************************************

Brokaw: congrats for being Obama's flunky

Biden: merci buckets

Brokaw: Sarah Palin is great isn't she?

Biden: she's smart and tough and someday she might have to answer questions

Brokaw: we all remember where we were when men landed on the moon - who did you call 1st after Palin's historically magnificent speech?

Biden: I didn’t call anyone I fell asleep

Brokaw: the GOP has told me you are not allowed to go after Palin because she is a woman and not too bright - so it would be sexist not to hold her to a lower standard

Biden: oh brother

Brokaw: obviously women will vote for Hillary and now Sarah Palin

Biden: that seems sexist to me

Brokaw: well you know how the ladies and blacks are they just vote for each other

Biden: if you say so

Brokaw: Why does Oprah hate America and women and working class people?

Biden: you are a true idiot, aren't you?

Brokaw: well I love Sarah Palin

Biden: she never talks about the economy or the war or health care or

Brokaw: boooooooooooriiiiing!!!

Biden: oh ok

Brokaw: let's talk about polling

Biden: yeppers

Brokaw: Republicans had a massive bounce

Biden: interesting - after our convention we were 8 points ahead and after theirs they were 2 points behind

Brokaw: la la la i can't hear you

Brokaw: can you use hillary to win the lunch bucket states?

Biden: which ones are those?

Brokaw: the non-elitist states

Biden: what's an elitist state?

Brokaw: New York

Biden: yeah upstate NY is all about the snobbery

Brokaw: why not have town halls across America and give gramps McCain all the attention he needs to win

Biden: because it's stupid and we're trying to win

Brokaw: all right i guess we have to talk about the fucking issues

Biden: good

Brokaw: let me quote from Bill O'Reilly

Biden: [ smacks forehead ]

Brokaw: why can't you admit that the surge worked ??

Biden: because it didn't

Brokaw: but it has up to a point

Biden: no

Brokaw: but lindsay graham says it did

Biden: McCain says it didn't

Brokaw: admit it the surge worked!

Biden: no

Brokaw: [ pouts ]

Biden: oh now Tom don't cry

Brokaw: [ sobs ]

Biden: they're doing what Obama suggested 14 months ago!

Brokaw: oh noes!

Biden: they are going to a troop withdrawal timeline for god's sake

Brokaw: Which means the Surge Worked!

Biden: so what do we do now?

Brokaw: More surging?

Biden: criminy

Brokaw: you were in favor of partition

Biden: no i wasn't

Brokaw: i say you were and that you are a bad man

Biden: tell me about Anbar

Brokaw: the elephant?

Biden: moron

Brokaw: admit it we won the war

Biden: McCain wants to nuke iran

Brokaw: admit it nuking iran would work

Biden: gimme a break

Brokaw: 5 years from now will Iraq be peaceful and have a square named after George Bush?

Biden: they may have peace if Obama is President

Brokaw: but Maliki issued a statement through the Pentagon that he loved Bush

Biden: only an idiot would be impressed by that

Brokaw: i loved it

Biden: uh huh

Brokaw: Should we give american housing money to the Chinese

Biden: no

Brokaw: should Bush melt down Michael Phelps' medals to help pay off American debt?

Biden: only as a last resort

Brokaw: Obama is very mean to John McCain about his lobbyists and after all he was a POW

Biden: damm i love those tv ads he can really kick ass

Brokaw: but you are the Senator from MBNA

Biden: that's me

Brokaw: you supported the Bankruptcy bill

Biden: do i get to talk at all

Brokaw: no

Biden: and i thought Russert was tiresome

Brokaw: how did your son nab such a cushy gig

Biden: he went to Yale law school you idiot

Brokaw: hmmmmm

Biden: i supported women and children in that bill

Brokaw: warble warble

Biden: look i'm wearing a flag pin

Brokaw: garble garble

Brokaw: but there are people who don't agree

Biden: 95 senators voted for it dude

Brokaw: but health care causes bankruptcy

Biden: so let's have national health care then

Brokaw: Questions have been raised about your son

Biden: no they haven't

Brokaw: so what kind of reform would you have?

Biden: we would stop guys like dick cheney who had lobbyists actually writing bills!

Brokaw: well that does seem efficient

Brokaw: Cardinal Egan says democracy shouldn't have non-catholic leaders

Biden: well how nice for him - how's that pedophile scandal working for him by the way?

Brokaw: when does life begin?

Biden: i'm in favor of choice and against fascism

Brokaw: but if you think life begins at conception then how can you vote in favor of killing babies

Biden: it's not a vote in favor of killing it's voting against curtailing rights

Brokaw: you just blew my mind

Brokaw: Lieberman says Obama is too young and unqualiifed

Biden: what did he say about Palin

Brokaw: he thinks she's great

Biden: when this election is over i am going to get together with my old buddy and kick his ass

Brokaw: so let's see you do it

Biden: first i have to beat McBush and Palin

[ break ]

Brokaw: you say 9/11 made us all crazy and we lost our way

Friedman: yes we all said stupid shit like “suck on this”

Brokaw: yes we all did that

Friedman: yes we all did and it was terrible

Brokaw: so now what?

Friedman: we need ET to phone home

Brokaw: you are a born-again Greenie

Friedman: i am not nothing if a wind shifter

Brokaw: both parties are equally guilty

Friedman: oh of course

Brokaw: what about ‘drill baby drill’?

Friedman: we have to make being Green popular by targeting dark skinned people

Brokaw: i like it

Friedman: we have to promote carbon offsets

Brokaw: you sound like a liberal

Friedman: oh no!

Brokaw: you would like to be Chinese for a day

Friedman: i would like to know what it's like to live a country with economic growth and citizens who care about democracy

Brokaw: my gas is expensive

Friedman: industries should go “Texas Hold ‘Em” on inventing something new and really green and totally aweome

Brokaw: are you also in favor of curing cancer?

Friedman: ummm..... yes

Brokaw: but both parties are to blame

Friedman: and al gore is fat

Brokaw: yes

Brokaw: is al gore's solution viable?

Friedman: how should i know - he's brilliant and i need my wife to tie my shoelaces

Brokaw: it seems to me that liberals are to blame for everything and Generation Z will have to save us

Friedman: i just realized that George Bush is a short-sighted moron

Brokaw: both parties are to blame for that

Friedman: oh definitely

Brokaw: is global warming real?

Friedman: i have no idea all -- i know i can use it to sell one more stupid cliche ridden pretentious book full of obvious convention wisdom disguised and brilliant commentary with childish acronyms and observations to thrill the dully ignorant pundit set and the self congratulatory award-presenting class

Brokaw: indeed warble warble

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Biden: they are going to a troop withdrawal timeline for god's sake

Brokaw: Which means the Surge Worked!

Biden: so what do we do now?

Brokaw: More surging?

^ best ever.

Michael Fountain: Blood for Ink said...

"Brokaw: all right i guess we have to talk about the fucking issues"

Lordamercy, has the news coverage turned to shit. Even NPR is doing process and horse race stories instead of issues, having allowed themselves to be led away from the reality based community by the Republican circus.

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