September 7, 2008
Sen. Joe Biden
Brokaw: congrats for being Obama's flunky
Biden: merci buckets
Brokaw: Sarah Palin is great isn't she?
Biden: she's smart and tough and someday she might have to answer questions
Brokaw: we all remember where we were when men landed on the moon - who did you call 1st after Palin's historically magnificent speech?
Biden: I didn’t call anyone I fell asleep
Brokaw: the GOP has told me you are not allowed to go after Palin because she is a woman and not too bright - so it would be sexist not to hold her to a lower standard
Biden: oh brother
Brokaw: obviously women will vote for Hillary and now Sarah Palin
Biden: that seems sexist to me
Brokaw: well you know how the ladies and blacks are they just vote for each other
Biden: if you say so
Brokaw: Why does Oprah hate America and women and working class people?
Biden: you are a true idiot, aren't you?
Brokaw: well I love Sarah Palin
Biden: she never talks about the economy or the war or health care or
Biden: oh ok
Brokaw: let's talk about polling
Brokaw: Republicans had a massive bounce
Biden: interesting - after our convention we were 8 points ahead and after theirs they were 2 points behind
Brokaw: la la la i can't hear you
Brokaw: can you use hillary to win the lunch bucket states?
Biden: which ones are those?
Brokaw: the non-elitist states
Biden: what's an elitist state?
Brokaw: New York
Biden: yeah upstate NY is all about the snobbery
Brokaw: why not have town halls across America and give gramps McCain all the attention he needs to win
Biden: because it's stupid and we're trying to win
Brokaw: all right i guess we have to talk about the fucking issues
Brokaw: let me quote from Bill O'Reilly
Biden: [ smacks forehead ]
Brokaw: why can't you admit that the surge worked ??
Biden: because it didn't
Brokaw: but it has up to a point
Brokaw: but lindsay graham says it did
Biden: McCain says it didn't
Brokaw: admit it the surge worked!
Brokaw: [ pouts ]
Biden: oh now Tom don't cry
Brokaw: [ sobs ]
Biden: they're doing what Obama suggested 14 months ago!
Brokaw: oh noes!
Biden: they are going to a troop withdrawal timeline for god's sake
Brokaw: Which means the Surge Worked!
Biden: so what do we do now?
Brokaw: More surging?
Brokaw: you were in favor of partition
Biden: no i wasn't
Brokaw: i say you were and that you are a bad man
Biden: tell me about Anbar
Brokaw: the elephant?
Brokaw: admit it we won the war
Biden: McCain wants to nuke iran
Brokaw: admit it nuking iran would work
Biden: gimme a break
Brokaw: 5 years from now will Iraq be peaceful and have a square named after George Bush?
Biden: they may have peace if Obama is President
Brokaw: but Maliki issued a statement through the Pentagon that he loved Bush
Biden: only an idiot would be impressed by that
Brokaw: i loved it
Biden: uh huh
Brokaw: Should we give american housing money to the Chinese
Brokaw: should Bush melt down Michael Phelps' medals to help pay off American debt?
Biden: only as a last resort
Brokaw: Obama is very mean to John McCain about his lobbyists and after all he was a POW
Biden: damm i love those tv ads he can really kick ass
Brokaw: but you are the Senator from MBNA
Biden: that's me
Brokaw: you supported the Bankruptcy bill
Biden: do i get to talk at all
Biden: and i thought Russert was tiresome
Brokaw: how did your son nab such a cushy gig
Biden: he went to Yale law school you idiot
Biden: i supported women and children in that bill
Brokaw: warble warble
Biden: look i'm wearing a flag pin
Brokaw: garble garble
Brokaw: but there are people who don't agree
Biden: 95 senators voted for it dude
Brokaw: but health care causes bankruptcy
Biden: so let's have national health care then
Brokaw: Questions have been raised about your son
Biden: no they haven't
Brokaw: so what kind of reform would you have?
Biden: we would stop guys like dick cheney who had lobbyists actually writing bills!
Brokaw: well that does seem efficient
Brokaw: Cardinal Egan says democracy shouldn't have non-catholic leaders
Biden: well how nice for him - how's that pedophile scandal working for him by the way?
Brokaw: when does life begin?
Biden: i'm in favor of choice and against fascism
Brokaw: but if you think life begins at conception then how can you vote in favor of killing babies
Biden: it's not a vote in favor of killing it's voting against curtailing rights
Brokaw: you just blew my mind
Brokaw: Lieberman says Obama is too young and unqualiifed
Biden: what did he say about Palin
Brokaw: he thinks she's great
Biden: when this election is over i am going to get together with my old buddy and kick his ass
Brokaw: so let's see you do it
Biden: first i have to beat McBush and Palin
[ break ]
Brokaw: you say 9/11 made us all crazy and we lost our way
Friedman: yes we all said stupid shit like “suck on this”
Brokaw: yes we all did that
Friedman: yes we all did and it was terrible
Brokaw: so now what?
Friedman: we need ET to phone home
Brokaw: you are a born-again Greenie
Friedman: i am not nothing if a wind shifter
Brokaw: both parties are equally guilty
Friedman: oh of course
Brokaw: what about ‘drill baby drill’?
Friedman: we have to make being Green popular by targeting dark skinned people
Brokaw: i like it
Friedman: we have to promote carbon offsets
Brokaw: you sound like a liberal
Friedman: oh no!
Brokaw: you would like to be Chinese for a day
Friedman: i would like to know what it's like to live a country with economic growth and citizens who care about democracy
Brokaw: my gas is expensive
Friedman: industries should go “Texas Hold ‘Em” on inventing something new and really green and totally aweome
Brokaw: are you also in favor of curing cancer?
Friedman: ummm..... yes
Brokaw: but both parties are to blame
Friedman: and al gore is fat
Brokaw: is al gore's solution viable?
Friedman: how should i know - he's brilliant and i need my wife to tie my shoelaces
Brokaw: it seems to me that liberals are to blame for everything and Generation Z will have to save us
Friedman: i just realized that George Bush is a short-sighted moron
Brokaw: both parties are to blame for that
Friedman: oh definitely
Brokaw: is global warming real?
Friedman: i have no idea all -- i know i can use it to sell one more stupid cliche ridden pretentious book full of obvious convention wisdom disguised and brilliant commentary with childish acronyms and observations to thrill the dully ignorant pundit set and the self congratulatory award-presenting class
Brokaw: indeed warble warble