Sunday, September 06, 2009

This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 6, 2009

This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 6, 2009
Robert Gibbs
Bob Dole
Tom Daschle
Rep. Maxine Waters
Rep. Mike Pence

Stephanolopous: Bob Van Jones rang the resign chimes at midnight - is he the victim of a smear campaign?

Gibbs: yes

Stephanolopous: so why quit?

Gibbs: he’s too fiery and black

Stephanolopous: but Obama is black

Gibbs: well that’s all the country can handle
right now

Stephanolopous: Is Obama going to give us some health care details?

Gibbs: right he will draw more lines in the sand than Tom Hanks in Castaway

Stephanolopous: will he work his Jedi magic?

Gibbs: after that speech people will realize that these are not the health insurance reforms they are looking for

Stephanolopous: public option - yes or no?

Gibbs: look even if we enact it it will only an option for a small number of people - we won’t unfairly compete against the happy little insurance companies

Stephanolopous: then it sounds somewhat useless

Gibbs: the government will take the uninsurable off the insurers hands

Stephanolopous: ooh epic win

Gibbs: we’re close to reform and public option is a valuable idea

Stephanolopous: but he won’t veto it a plan
without it

Gibbs: he might

Stephanolopous: but then Obama won’t get
any GOP votes

Gibbs: well then the GOP will be fucked in 2010

Stephanolopous: Senator you are incredibly old and not in office - please bash Obama for me

Dole: this is a nasty 1200 page law - there’s no pudding or Matlock!

Stephanolopous: so what’s the answer?

Dole: back in 1994 we used to say 5 bees for a dollar and I was wearing an onion on my belt that was the style-

Daschle: Bob makes a lot of sense - we have an opportunity to improve health care and provide Americans with a full public pudding option

Stephanolopous: How is preemptively conceding defeat working out for you?

Daschle: oh it’s going great

Stephanolopous: Maxine you are very radical - only 80% of the people support a public option

Waters: with all due respect to Senator Ancient McOldypants I’m actually in the motherfucking Congress

Stephanolopous: Pence you are trying desperately
to stop reform

Pence: not at all - it’s just that my people hate the idea of government running a health plan

Stephanolopous: but the government won’t take over the health care system

Pence: but if you offer business the chance to put their employees on a good plan of course the small business will take it

Stephanolopous: so how is that bad?

Pence: you have no health insurance if your employer can cancel it at any time!

Stephanolopous: but that could happen now!

Pence: yes but all the current options suck so bad - people are stuck with the plan they have- but if a good option is offered they will be doomed to a good government plan!

Stephanolopous: what’s you solution?

Pence: just let people shop around for health insurance like hamburgers or video games

Dashcle: so you oppose it because it would
be popular?

Dole: no we also hate it because it would
hurt insurers

Waters: oh well ok then

Dole: I think we will get a lot of Republicans voting for this bill

Stephanolopous: even with a public option?

Dole: no

Pence: look the whole world is spiraling out of control - we’ve got government taking over national defense, health care for old people, a black president-

Waters: what’s in your bill?

Pence: ending lawsuits against doctors

Stephanolopous: Grouchy - you want Petraeus
for President

Dole: I dunno he reminds me of Ike - not well informed but he looks snappy in a uniform

Stephanolopous: good enough


Rescate said...

Gibbs: he’s too fiery and black
Stephanolopous: but Obama is black
Gibbs: well that’s all the country can handle right now

Classic... You have an ability to boil down five minutes of B.S. to two or three lines of insight.

You've saved me so much time over watching this stuff the last few weeks, you should probably send me an invoice.

Dave Latchaw said...

Thank you for this valuble public service.

Alaskan Pete said...


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