Meet The Press
September 6, 2009
Gregory: Axel R shouldn’t we just start over
with health care?
Axelrod: no we’ve had months of debate and now it’s time to set forth Obama’s ideas and what he’s willing to compromise on
Gregory: people are scared and terrified
Axelrod: well that’s stupid
Gregory: I’m frightened
Axelrod: look fluffy we’re going to offer people
Gregory: so is Barack going to insist on
a public option?
Axelrod: well it’s like you David Gregory
- it’s an Important Tool
Gregory: that’s not nice
Axelrod: ok a Valuable Tool
Gregory: what’s his idea?
Axelrod: wants an Insurance Exchange - it would like a Gun Show but with Chemotherapy and Vicodin instead of Glock and Smith & Wesson
Gregory: but then you lose moderate Republicans like Olympia Snowe and radical Republicans like Max Baucus
Axelrod: Public option shouldn’t define the whole debate - there’s other good ideas like a cap on out of pocket expenses so sick people would be impoverished but not actually broke
Gregory: Did Obama lose control of the health
Axelrod: he thinks if you just do the right
thing results will come
Axelrod: we’re going to tell insurers to start
treating people better
Gregory: There is a national firestorm of controversy saying Obama wants to speak to children as a black President
Axelrod: Barack told me you were a moron
Gregory: [high pitched voice ] how did you lose control of the debate - what happened here!?
Axelrod: what happened is some lunatic
somewhere said something and you started hysterically shrieking
Gregory: did Obama fire Van Jones?
Axelrod: yes but once we fire him the wingnuts
will cease their smear campaigns thank god
Gregory: but Van Jones said controversial things!
Axelrod: like demanding the President’s
Gregory: ha you funny
Gregory: what about Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we’re going to destroy al qaeda!
Gregory: isn’t Obama a hypocrite if he doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan like he called on Bush to pull out of Iraq?
Axelrod: god you’re stupid
Gregory: thanks very much
[ break ]
Gregory: tell me about health care Tommy
Brokaw: OMG TARP and TALF stimulus and auto bailouts and a trillion dollars - it’s all too expensive!
Gregory: Harold you’re the liberal here - so
please bash Obama
Ford: my liberal friends want to spend a lot just to help people - that’s crazy
Gregory: good point
Guiliani: Obama wants to kill grandma and also won’t cut costs
Guiliani: the best solutions is to have 50 states competing with each other, tax cuts and ending lawsuits
Gregory: wow that’s brilliant
Friedman: once the GOP said Obama wanted to
kill old people that ended the discussion
Gregory: of course
Friedman: I was kidding Greggers - the GOP are
hate filled and evil
Guiliani: Once the President refused to limit lawsuits he basically said he wanted to murder the elderly
Brokaw: half of health care is already government-run
Guiliani: that’s right - the U.S. government is an illegal monopoly!
Audience: we’ve reached Peak Stupid
Ford: the Republicans wouldn’t work with Obama - he tried and they accused him of genocide
Guiliani: they had to say that after he wouldn’t even consider more tax cuts for the rich
Gregory: that’s only fair
Gregory: I hear Obama is going push this through with an anti-democratic majority
Brokaw: the Mayo Clinic wants to be paid for performance - like an extra $100 for life they save
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] bailouts and spending - wow suddenly when a Democrat is President this seems like a lot of money!!
Friedman: why can’t he push a bill through - half of Obama’s proposals are Republican ideas!
Guilaini: look this is very simple - all Obama had to do was propose a massive tax cut and require poor people to spend money on insurance and the GOP would love it
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] OMG Obama has created a firestorm by speaking to students!!
Brokaw: you know Greggers Tim Russert told me you were a true moron
Gregory: but I’m really freaking out here!! this reminds me of when liberals hated George W. Bush
Guiliani: I thinks it’s too bad that Obama has been so controversial it’s sad
Ford: if the President speaking to students is fucking bad I don’t want to be fucking right
Friedman: Fluffy - let me blunt. You Are Flat Out Stupid
Gregory: Anyone would say that Van Jones is
a bad man
Friedman: we live an age of Firestorms and people are held responsible for every stupid thing they twitter
Gregory: [ twittering ]
i think tom friedman sed I am stupid
Brokaw: these darn internets and bloggers - frankly we live in a great Age of Bullshit
Friedman: we’ve been in Afghanistan since 2001 and since a Democrat got elected I just realized that it’s a bad idea!
Gregory: omg that’s scary!
Friedman: we need to win hearts and minds there - and we all know that for America to try that is hopeless
Gregory: Rudy you were Mayor of NYC - tell me about Afghanistan
Guilaini: I like Obama’s plan and support it completely
Audience: dear god
Guilaini: Bush failed by focusing so much on killing people in Iraq and not killing enough people in Afghanistan
Ford: we have an obligation to stay there forever because we love those little Afghans
Brokaw: Afghanistan is a remote disconnected country of crazy tribes
Gregory: so not like the U.S. at all
Guilaini: we have to do whatever it takes to crush terror in a far off land
Gregory: what if it costs as much as health care?
Guilaini: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Friedman: misgovernance and corruption and unemployment produce radicalism
Gregory: Is this America or Afghanistan?