Meet The Press
September 6, 2009
Guests:
David Axelrod
Tom Brokaw
Tom Friedman
Harold Ford
Rudy Guiliani
****************************
Gregory: Axel R shouldn’t we just start over
with health care?
Axelrod: no we’ve had months of debate and now it’s time to set forth Obama’s ideas and what he’s willing to compromise on
Gregory: people are scared and terrified
of socialism!
Axelrod: well that’s stupid
Gregory: I’m frightened
Axelrod: look fluffy we’re going to offer people
real choices
Gregory: so is Barack going to insist on
a public option?
Axelrod: well it’s like you David Gregory
- it’s an Important Tool
Gregory: that’s not nice
Axelrod: ok a Valuable Tool
Gregory: what’s his idea?
Axelrod: wants an Insurance Exchange - it would like a Gun Show but with Chemotherapy and Vicodin instead of Glock and Smith & Wesson
Gregory: but then you lose moderate Republicans like Olympia Snowe and radical Republicans like Max Baucus
Axelrod: Public option shouldn’t define the whole debate - there’s other good ideas like a cap on out of pocket expenses so sick people would be impoverished but not actually broke
Gregory: Did Obama lose control of the health
care debate?
Axelrod: he thinks if you just do the right
thing results will come
Gregory: ha
Axelrod: we’re going to tell insurers to start
treating people better
Gregory: There is a national firestorm of controversy saying Obama wants to speak to children as a black President
Axelrod: Barack told me you were a moron
Gregory: [high pitched voice ] how did you lose control of the debate - what happened here!?
Axelrod: what happened is some lunatic
somewhere said something and you started hysterically shrieking
Gregory: did Obama fire Van Jones?
Axelrod: yes but once we fire him the wingnuts
will cease their smear campaigns thank god
Gregory: but Van Jones said controversial things!
Axelrod: like demanding the President’s
birth certificate?
Gregory: ha you funny
Gregory: what about Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we’re going to destroy al qaeda!
Gregory: isn’t Obama a hypocrite if he doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan like he called on Bush to pull out of Iraq?
Axelrod: god you’re stupid
Gregory: thanks very much
[ break ]
Gregory: tell me about health care Tommy
Brokaw: OMG TARP and TALF stimulus and auto bailouts and a trillion dollars - it’s all too expensive!
Gregory: Harold you’re the liberal here - so
please bash Obama
Ford: my liberal friends want to spend a lot just to help people - that’s crazy
Gregory: good point
Guiliani: Obama wants to kill grandma and also won’t cut costs
Gregory: right
Guiliani: the best solutions is to have 50 states competing with each other, tax cuts and ending lawsuits
Gregory: wow that’s brilliant
Friedman: once the GOP said Obama wanted to
kill old people that ended the discussion
Gregory: of course
Friedman: I was kidding Greggers - the GOP are
hate filled and evil
Guiliani: Once the President refused to limit lawsuits he basically said he wanted to murder the elderly
Brokaw: half of health care is already government-run
Guiliani: that’s right - the U.S. government is an illegal monopoly!
Audience: we’ve reached Peak Stupid
Ford: the Republicans wouldn’t work with Obama - he tried and they accused him of genocide
Guiliani: they had to say that after he wouldn’t even consider more tax cuts for the rich
Gregory: that’s only fair
Gregory: I hear Obama is going push this through with an anti-democratic majority
Brokaw: the Mayo Clinic wants to be paid for performance - like an extra $100 for life they save
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] bailouts and spending - wow suddenly when a Democrat is President this seems like a lot of money!!
Friedman: why can’t he push a bill through - half of Obama’s proposals are Republican ideas!
Guilaini: look this is very simple - all Obama had to do was propose a massive tax cut and require poor people to spend money on insurance and the GOP would love it
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] OMG Obama has created a firestorm by speaking to students!!
Brokaw: you know Greggers Tim Russert told me you were a true moron
Gregory: but I’m really freaking out here!! this reminds me of when liberals hated George W. Bush
Guiliani: I thinks it’s too bad that Obama has been so controversial it’s sad
Ford: if the President speaking to students is fucking bad I don’t want to be fucking right
Friedman: Fluffy - let me blunt. You Are Flat Out Stupid
Gregory: Anyone would say that Van Jones is
a bad man
Friedman: we live an age of Firestorms and people are held responsible for every stupid thing they twitter
Gregory: [ twittering ]
i think tom friedman sed I am stupid
Brokaw: these darn internets and bloggers - frankly we live in a great Age of Bullshit
Friedman: we’ve been in Afghanistan since 2001 and since a Democrat got elected I just realized that it’s a bad idea!
Gregory: omg that’s scary!
Friedman: we need to win hearts and minds there - and we all know that for America to try that is hopeless
Gregory: Rudy you were Mayor of NYC - tell me about Afghanistan
Guilaini: I like Obama’s plan and support it completely
Audience: dear god
Guilaini: Bush failed by focusing so much on killing people in Iraq and not killing enough people in Afghanistan
Ford: we have an obligation to stay there forever because we love those little Afghans
Brokaw: Afghanistan is a remote disconnected country of crazy tribes
Gregory: so not like the U.S. at all
Guilaini: we have to do whatever it takes to crush terror in a far off land
Gregory: what if it costs as much as health care?
Guilaini: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Friedman: misgovernance and corruption and unemployment produce radicalism
Gregory: Is this America or Afghanistan?
*******************
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6 comments:
You are my favorite part of the entire week.
At first I carefully compared your version with the transcript, in order to ensure that my precious know-everything street cred would not be endangered by reading your demented translations.
I realize now that whatever garbage these idiots may vomit up on the air, inevitably your summaries will be much better.
So now I don't pay any attention to the original shows. I am completely informed about their content, better than someone who actually tuned it, and without the enbearable agony of actually listening.
I read somewhere recently that many people like to watch TV and use the internet at the same time. If that trend continues, we could finally have live simultaneous translation as these pig-trough dialogs are taking take place.
It could be like broadcasting to the world directly from the landing of the Hindenburg. You get to convey a sense of the wanton destruction taking place before your eyes.
Oh the fucking humanity.
Peak Stupid? Not even close. It's like Peak Wingnut - every time they do something that we might dare to think it's Peak, then they do something even Peakier.
SFAW, my sentiments exactly. Naturally there will be some moment in the future when Peak Stupid strikes, but no one can predict when. Meanwhile, the Stupid Industry is drilling more Stupid wells every day, with an impressive rate of success.
We do know there is a theoretical limit. If every human being on the planet descends to the level of a "conservative Republican," we will have reached a condition known to science as Saturation of Stupid. Yet even that far-off pinnacle may not be the end of the story. As P.T. Barnum wisely pointed out, another vessel ready to be filled with Stupid is born every minute.
I'm afraid that Stupid is an essentially unlimited resource. Of course, MTP represents a tsunami in the vast ocean of Stupid that surrounds us. Poor us.
PaminBB
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