Sunday, September 13, 2009

Meet the Press - September 13, 2009

Meet the Press
September 13, 2009
Sen. Durbin
Sen. Cornyn
Howard Dean
Newt Gingrich
Gregory: Dick what will Congress give us on
health care reform?

Durbin: we are going to enact reform and we’ll pass it over the dead rotting corpse of the GOP

Gregory: are going to go for the brass ring or
settle for tiny gains?

Durbin: the big one Greggers - believe it fucker

Gregory: will I have a free facelift by turkey day?

Durbin: pencil it in Fluffy

Cornyn: What do Obama’s plan and his birth certificate have in common?

Gregory: I don’t know

Cornyn: no has seen either one

Gregory: ha

Cornyn: Obama has only paid lip service to
GOP ideas

Gregory: he gave you everything you wanted!

Cornyn: but only in a speech!

Gregory: what if they were in the law?

Cornyn: it would still be a boon the Democratic party so no I could never support it

Dean: We are going to pass a law and it’s going to
be awesome

Gregory: by ramming it through!

Dean: ram this Fluffy

Gingrich: sure Obama said he hates illegals but where are the internment camps, I ask you?!?

Dean: I just remembered something - no one gives a shit what Newt Gingrich thinks

Gregory: let’s all have a good beltway laugh at the idea of hippies and their little public option

Durbin: I heard you are were a moron - it’s all
over town

Gingrich: that’s true

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] but it can’t pass
the senate!!

Durbin: yes it can

Gregory: but the Crazy Left!!!

Dean: can it Fluffers

Cornyn: Obama cannot guarantee you will never lose your health insurance!!!

Gregory: but that can happen now!

Cornyn: yeah but it won’t because there is no decent alternative

Gregory: Rep. Wilson had an insane outburst
- did that help or hurt?

Cornyn: this is not the time for Wilson to act crazy
or for Dems to point out that he is crazy

Gregory: Obama is going to break the deficit!!!

Dean: we’re already giving massive subsidies
to health insurers now stupid

Gingrich: elderly Americans are getting high quality government health care now - which is why we can never had government health care

Dean: we’re a great nation - of course we can do this!

Gregory: [ screaming] you’re going to raise taxes!

Dean: you want to yell dancin’ dave - let’s do it!!! Yeeeaaaah!!

Cornyn: Obama will cut health care for the elderly and raise taxes

Gregory: so will you pledge to never ever ever raise taxes?

Durbin: you know Dave Obama’s plan will permit brain transplants which is good news for you

Gregory: oh my god Obama is going to make me buy health insurance - what say you Newt Gingrich!!

Gingrich: indeed this is incredibly dangerous - when taxes go up dramatically America will perish

Gregory: middle-class Americans should be allowed to go without health insurance to prove this is great country!

Dean: well then maybe we should have a
public option

Gregory: but the Hippies!!

Durbin: Jesus Christ Gregory - sick poor people go to emergency rooms to get treatment now - what the fuck is your problem??

Cornyn: it’s easy to provide free health care in white state like Vermont but Texas has a lot of brown people and it’s difficult to provide universal care while weeding them out at the same time

Gregory: what’s the solution?

Cornyn: private for-profit health care has white bias so it works very well

[ break ]

Gregory: Todd is Obama back in control?

Todd: yes - and in fact he’s got the GOP scared

Gregory: I was so impressed by how cuddly John Cornyn was this morning

Todd: he’s one of their most articulate and best looking morons

Gregory: Rep. Wilson is crazy and is against government take-over of health insurers and their beloved bureaucrats

Todd: indeed

Gregory: this is a truly unified grass-roots bunch of bought-and-paid-for lunatics

Burnett: well the GOP needs to do something or it will kill businesses

Ramo: Obama’s got to lead and compromise at the same time

Gregory: why can’t Obama solve the problem of health care easily and without costs??

Todd: indeed they are trying

Burnett: they are going to raise taxes probably on the rich

Gregory: please tell me that public option is dead

Todd: they will put a gun to the head of the insurers to keep them in line

Gregory: Josh it turns out that unemployment is bad - it’s another 9/11 - it’s scary!!

Ramo: it’s terrifying

Gregory: oh my fucking god!!

Ramo: we’re worse than Europe!

Gregory: [ sobs ]

Burnett: Obama says we can recover with green jobs

Gregory: except for Van Jones who they fired

Ramo: those jobs are going boys and they aren’t coming back

Gregory: oh noe

Ramo: short answer: we’re fucked

Gregory: that’s bad in an election year

Todd: indeed in response to a crisis they created we must elect more Republicans

Ramo: we just hit an all-time record of people who just can’t get a job at all

Gregory: they should become talk show whores

Ramo: and the gambling on Wall Street is worse
than ever

Burnett: Housing prices are going to down another 25% with 50% under water

Gregory: [ gurgle ]

Todd: the good news is that Congress will address housing problem but the bad news is that Congress will address the housing problem

Gregory: Should Obama call Derek Jeter and ask him over for a beer ? He’s such a cool guy!

Burnett: you have a man-crush - that’s cute

Todd: fuck that shit - only the Yankees could make a national story of a Yankee breaking a Yankee record

Gregory: [ thumbs tiger beat magazine ]

Well that’s all we have for this week - Derek call me let’s hang

1 comment:

midwesthumanists said...

"Dean: I just remembered something - no one gives a shit what Newt Gingrich thinks "

Bravo Sir! Bravo!