Meet the Press
September 13, 2009
Gregory: Dick what will Congress give us on
health care reform?
Durbin: we are going to enact reform and we’ll pass it over the dead rotting corpse of the GOP
Gregory: are going to go for the brass ring or
settle for tiny gains?
Durbin: the big one Greggers - believe it fucker
Gregory: will I have a free facelift by turkey day?
Durbin: pencil it in Fluffy
Cornyn: What do Obama’s plan and his birth certificate have in common?
Gregory: I don’t know
Cornyn: no has seen either one
Cornyn: Obama has only paid lip service to
Gregory: he gave you everything you wanted!
Cornyn: but only in a speech!
Gregory: what if they were in the law?
Cornyn: it would still be a boon the Democratic party so no I could never support it
Dean: We are going to pass a law and it’s going to
Gregory: by ramming it through!
Dean: ram this Fluffy
Gingrich: sure Obama said he hates illegals but where are the internment camps, I ask you?!?
Dean: I just remembered something - no one gives a shit what Newt Gingrich thinks
Gregory: let’s all have a good beltway laugh at the idea of hippies and their little public option
Durbin: I heard you are were a moron - it’s all
Gingrich: that’s true
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] but it can’t pass
Durbin: yes it can
Gregory: but the Crazy Left!!!
Dean: can it Fluffers
Cornyn: Obama cannot guarantee you will never lose your health insurance!!!
Gregory: but that can happen now!
Cornyn: yeah but it won’t because there is no decent alternative
Gregory: Rep. Wilson had an insane outburst
- did that help or hurt?
Cornyn: this is not the time for Wilson to act crazy
or for Dems to point out that he is crazy
Gregory: Obama is going to break the deficit!!!
Dean: we’re already giving massive subsidies
to health insurers now stupid
Gingrich: elderly Americans are getting high quality government health care now - which is why we can never had government health care
Dean: we’re a great nation - of course we can do this!
Gregory: [ screaming] you’re going to raise taxes!
Dean: you want to yell dancin’ dave - let’s do it!!! Yeeeaaaah!!
Cornyn: Obama will cut health care for the elderly and raise taxes
Gregory: so will you pledge to never ever ever raise taxes?
Durbin: you know Dave Obama’s plan will permit brain transplants which is good news for you
Gregory: oh my god Obama is going to make me buy health insurance - what say you Newt Gingrich!!
Gingrich: indeed this is incredibly dangerous - when taxes go up dramatically America will perish
Gregory: middle-class Americans should be allowed to go without health insurance to prove this is great country!
Dean: well then maybe we should have a
Gregory: but the Hippies!!
Durbin: Jesus Christ Gregory - sick poor people go to emergency rooms to get treatment now - what the fuck is your problem??
Cornyn: it’s easy to provide free health care in white state like Vermont but Texas has a lot of brown people and it’s difficult to provide universal care while weeding them out at the same time
Gregory: what’s the solution?
Cornyn: private for-profit health care has white bias so it works very well
[ break ]
Gregory: Todd is Obama back in control?
Todd: yes - and in fact he’s got the GOP scared
Gregory: I was so impressed by how cuddly John Cornyn was this morning
Todd: he’s one of their most articulate and best looking morons
Gregory: Rep. Wilson is crazy and is against government take-over of health insurers and their beloved bureaucrats
Gregory: this is a truly unified grass-roots bunch of bought-and-paid-for lunatics
Burnett: well the GOP needs to do something or it will kill businesses
Ramo: Obama’s got to lead and compromise at the same time
Gregory: why can’t Obama solve the problem of health care easily and without costs??
Todd: indeed they are trying
Burnett: they are going to raise taxes probably on the rich
Gregory: please tell me that public option is dead
Todd: they will put a gun to the head of the insurers to keep them in line
Gregory: Josh it turns out that unemployment is bad - it’s another 9/11 - it’s scary!!
Ramo: it’s terrifying
Gregory: oh my fucking god!!
Ramo: we’re worse than Europe!
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Burnett: Obama says we can recover with green jobs
Gregory: except for Van Jones who they fired
Ramo: those jobs are going boys and they aren’t coming back
Gregory: oh noe
Ramo: short answer: we’re fucked
Gregory: that’s bad in an election year
Todd: indeed in response to a crisis they created we must elect more Republicans
Ramo: we just hit an all-time record of people who just can’t get a job at all
Gregory: they should become talk show whores
Ramo: and the gambling on Wall Street is worse
Burnett: Housing prices are going to down another 25% with 50% under water
Gregory: [ gurgle ]
Todd: the good news is that Congress will address housing problem but the bad news is that Congress will address the housing problem
Gregory: Should Obama call Derek Jeter and ask him over for a beer ? He’s such a cool guy!
Burnett: you have a man-crush - that’s cute
Todd: fuck that shit - only the Yankees could make a national story of a Yankee breaking a Yankee record
Gregory: [ thumbs tiger beat magazine ]
Well that’s all we have for this week - Derek call me let’s hang