Meet The Press - Larry Summers, August 2, 2009

Meet The Press
August 2, 2009
Guests:
Larry Summers
Harold Ford
JC Watts
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Gregory: Larry is the recession over?

Summers: remember we were looking at another great Depression and now the rate at which we are losing jobs is high but declining

Gregory: yippee?

Summers: the stimulus and cash for clunkers programs are working great and it’s all due to my and Timmy and that Obama dude

Gregory: when do I feel rich again?

Summers: most professional forecasters predict slow growth for the next few years

Gregory: when do jobs come back

Summers: that lags, so maybe 2017

Gregory: will you extend unemployment benefits?

Summers: hell we’ll hire them all if we have to

Gregory: doing what?

Summers: hosting white house beer parties

Gregory: will you make the banks start lending -
after all you gave them free billions

Summers: we will write them strongly-worded letters

Gregory: Larry you signed the stimulus in February and yet still unemployment has rose into July!

Summers: David will all due respect that is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard

Gregory: but I have a high-pitched panicky voice

Summers: you’re moron and a liar too fluffyhead

Gregory: wait is fair to call me a liar when I
have such nice hair?

[ fluffs hair ]

Summers: yes it is because you are dumb
as a stump

Gregory: you call me a liar but 2 million jobs have been lost

Summers: look we didn’t know just how bad a President Bush was - that has nothing to do with the fucking stimulus you stupid shithead

Gregory: so will the stimulus plan create four million jobs or not?

Summers: no it will save 4 million jobs that would have been lost if the plan had not been enacted so we count everyone how has a job who might have been laid off

Gregory: since I am suddenly worried abut the debt will you cut spending?

Summers: we’re going for the big money which in
this country is spending on health

Gregory: no I meant the stimulus which actually helps people

Summers: then the answer is no
you Republican shill

Greogry: but but but

Summers: no we’re not going to repeal painting schools or solar energy

Gregory: can there ever be growth with
this level of debt?

Summers: cutting the deficit in half is easy - just computerize medical records, grab money from overseas and tax blow dryers

Gregory: oh no!

Summers: just kidding there Greggers

Gregory: Do we need another stimulus bill?

Summers: hey we’re barely got the party started on the first one

Gregory: [ puts on party hat ]

Summers: we’ve got to stick the plan that’s working

Gregory: there’s growing public opposition to health care reform

Summers: oh really - prove it

Gregory: well that’s what all-American groups
like the RNC says

Summers: hey dumbass four Committees have voted out a health reform bill

Gregory: but Obama is losing the argument

Summers: [ leans over, punches Gregory
in the face ]

Gregory: Ow that hurt!

Summers: listen fool Bush passed a huge drug benefit bill
in secret and never even tried to pay for it

Gregory: but the CBO says you’re health plan doesn’t turn a profit - but what about the deficit deficit deficit

Summers: hey we’re being conservative and fiscally responsible compared to Nixon, or Regan or Bush I or Bush II - we’re being scrutinized more than President ever

Gregory: well sure you’re Democrats

Gregory: are the big banks socially responsible?

Summers: for soulless greedy destructive satanic
entities they’re doing very well

Gregory: well I feel better

Gregory: would you like to be Chair of the Federal Reserve

Summers: if I were I could roll around in giant piles of money - so yes

Gregory: wheeee

Gregory: How is Obama doing?

Ford: He’s doing fucking great!

Gregory: but all political fights have not gone away!

Watts: the American people are angry that
only 10% of the stimulus has been spent

Ford: oh bullshit JC

Gregory: the President’s poll numbers are down!

Balz: in fairness he’s trying to solve all of Bush’s problems

Gregory: well he sucks

Balz: I talked to 12 people in Maryland and they have concerns that we still have not nuked Iran

Gregory: I can’t believe we still have continuing debate about the role of government!

Johnson: I have a key insight - people want a government that works

Ford: Max Baucus has an awesome bill - we have to push this bill or the GOP wins

Watts: the people are very worried about cap and trade and also we don’t the government to come between the sacred relationship between a patient and their health insurance adjuster

Gregory: so what’s the answer?

Watts: people have to stop eating food
and drinking water

Johnson: it took the assassination of JFK, RFK, King, and Malcom X to enact Medicare

Gregory: if only Obama was more like John Edwards he might have been elected President

Balz: Obama is trying to find the right way to sell a good, efficient, money-saving life-giving, health care system

Gregory: wow who can possibly do that?

Johnson: Obama is cool but he can also be a fiery black man when he is pushed and that’s dangerous

Ford: Look people hated George W. Bush but the country is still the same - a bunch of petty greedy people who need to be told they are going to die if they don’t enact the President’s plan

Gregory: hey look I just noticed JC Wats and Harold Ford are black

Watts: yeah sure you did white man

Balz: did you know that Obama is black?

Gregory: no!

Balz: no really - the President’s choice to come out as a black man at his press conference was an interesting one

Ford: I’m not black

Gregory: really because it thought you wer-

Ford: nope

Watts: hey I was the only black man in the Republican Congress I know what uncomfortable is!

Gregory: how can I help with a Republican comeback and defeat Obama

Balz: Hopefully the GOP can win in New Jersey and then we can hope the economy is bad in 2010 and that will help - on the other hand they are leaderless and have no ideas

Gregory: why did they choose Sarah Palin

Johnson: it was a reach around that failed

Gregory: Palin / Watts 2012?

Watts: Man Dancin' Dave I heard you were a moron but I didn’t know you were crazy too
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