Meet the Press - with Mullen, Eikenberry, Smiley and Scarborough - August 23, 2009

August 23, 2009
Guests:
General Mullen
Ambassador Eikenberry
Tavis Smiley
Joe Scarborough
******************

Gregory: General I love your epaulets

Mullen: thanks Greggy

Gregory: have the American people lost the
stomach to conquer Afghanistan?

Mullen: maybe but lets not forget the guys in the caves still want to kill lots of Americans

Gregory: do we need more troops to defeat these crafty Afghans?

Mullen: could be

Gregory: but President McCain says we do

Mullen: actually Obama won the election

Gregory: what?!? [ starts sobbing ]

Mullen: calm down fluffy

Gregory: [ wipes tears ] so is General McCain right?

Mullen: if you mean is Matlock a great show -- then no

Gregory: Ambassador Eikenberry I love your cereal

Eikenberry: thanks

Gregory: Ambassador how did Pat Buchanan manage to come in third in the Afghan election?

Eikenberry: I don’t know - it’s weird

Gregory: just out of curiosity are we ever going
to defeat the Taliban

Eikenberry: Afghanistan just had series of civil debates, peaceful rallies and respectful discussions

Gregory: wow if they really want to be
a model democracy they should bring guns to public policy debates

Eikenberry: indeed

Gregory: General we’re rebuilding Afghanistan - I can’t believe President Obama invaded this country and supports all this nation-building!!

Mullen: yeah Greggers keep telling yourself it’s just like Somalia with that all liberal nation-building

Gregory: but you’re trying to reach out to the Afghan people and get them to like America - isn’t that
a recipe for disaster?

Mullen: hell I’ve been there years and this is the first time we’ve had a plan at all

Gregory: what kind of solace is that for the America people who have to live a with quagmire and
a black President???

Mullen: essentially in Afghanistan we’re starting
from scratch

Eikenberry: we’re making progress

Gregory: but not victory - why do hate
the American Empire?

Mullen: I heard in remote Afghanistan that
you were a moron

Gregory: Iraq is violent - what’s up with that?

Mullen: I don’t know - but we’re getting the
hell out of there

Gregory: Should Americans be terrified of Al Qaeda?

Mullen: oh yes they could strike at any moment

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator Schumer do we really need a public option or can I persuade you to compromise and drop it

Schumer: we really need it because health care costs are rising and the private insurance industry
is a blood-sucking profit-seeking monopoly

Gregory: but people will lose their insurance!

Schumer: no they won’t

Gregory: but Rupert Murdoch had a headline
BAM FAILED

Schumer: Truly your sources are impeccable

Gregory: Obama is going to cave on the public option isn’t he

Schumer: no and I really don’t give a fuck if any Republicans vote for it or not

Hatch: Government plans are very expensive
- for example they pay doctors 20% less

Gregory: that makes no sense

Hatch: Medicaid and Medicare don’t work so why would we want another one?

Gregory: so what’s your best argument?

Hatch: I don’t think the government should control everything all the time

Gregory: ok

Hatch: the government shouldn’t take over
the health care system

Gregory: interesting

Hatch: if Ted Kennedy were able to he would call me up and say let's save grandma and reject Obama's plan

Kennedy: [ from hospital ] fuck you you goddam ninny

Hatch: 119 million people will lose their
health insurance

Gregory: that’s a lie

Hatch: well the truth varies all over the place


Gregory: is Obama caving or not?

Schumer: no fluffybrain

Hatch: New York is not Wyoming!

Gregory: what about co-ops

Schumer: they suck

Hatch: we have 300 million people in this country and only a few who don’t have health insurance and most of them are illegal aliens or rich people who refuse to buy health insurance

Gregory: that’s an interesting argument

Hatch: If we get the government involved in the United States we will bankrupt the country

Gregory: Chucky will you push this through
with only 60 votes?

Schumer: well no Republican will vote for health reform - they said so

Gregory: is health care Obama’s Waterloo or
his Mamma Mia?

Hatch: if we make employers give health insurance then we will kill all poor people

Gregory: what is the Republican approach?

Hatch: to send old men on tv and rant and
rave about Germany and France

Gregory: and what else

Hatch: to whine about passing laws undemocratically with only 51 votes

Gregory: that sounds like a great strategy

Schumer: some say we should have single-payer and others say there should be no reform - let’s compromise and have a robust public option

Gregory: Talk health care to me

Scarborough: The Dems own this is city
- why don’t they just enact what they want?!

Smiley: Dancing Dave you would cry if Obama
did not reach across the aisle and be all bipartisan and shit

Scarborough: Obama has not reached
out to conservatives enough

Smiley: Obama is caving sadly

Scarborough: he owns the team and the arena!

Gregory: supporters of the President say crack some Democratic skulls and get it done

Smiley: sure but David Broder would have him impeached if he didn’t reach out to Republicans

Gregory: I’m concerned that Obama hasn’t reached out to Republicans enough

Smiley: we should hold all Democrats responsible for the conservatism of Blue Dogs

Gregory: I asked Tom Coburn if killing the President was a good idea and he said oh sure if he proposes a flawed health care plan

Smiley: that’s fucking crazy

Scarborough: both sides are screaming at each about things most people don’t understand like public option, evolution or gravity

Gregory: right

Scarborough: people should not be carrying guns to rallies - the fringe makes us all look nuts

Gregory: fringe lunatics like US Senator Coburn

Scarborough: right

Gregory: Obama seems to be failing
- what should he be doing?

Scarborough: go LBJ on their asses

Smiley: Martin Luther King wouldn’t have wobbled and Obama is fucking wobbling

Gregory: and thanks for fucking watching
********