Sunday, August 16, 2009

Meet The Press - August 16, 2009

Meet The Press
August 16, 2009
Fmr Sen. Tom Daschle
Sen. Tom Coburn
Frm Rep. Dick Armey
Rachel Maddow
Gov. Bill Ritter
Rep. Charles Rangel

Gregory: welcome panelists - did any of you
bring a gun this morning?

Armey: don’t leave home without it

Coburn: lock and load [ slides chamber ]

Gregory: ok ok

Gregory: Nazi references, swastikas, death threats, guns - this is all a bit disturbing

Coburn: indeed the fact that Obama is out of
control is very disturbing

Gregory: but these protestors are acting
utterly crazy

Coburn: but their actions are justified
- after all Obama is clearly a fascist

Gregory: you’re kidding right

Coburn: no

Gregory: oh my

Armey: look colorful people like Tim McVeigh
will always show up at town hall meetings

Gregory: good god

Armey: Besides Move On ran ads comparing
Bush to Hitler

Maddow: no they didn’t - that’s a lie

Armey: there’s nothing wrong with urging unhinged lunatics to think of the President of a tyrant who needs to be killed

Maddow: I can’t believe what I am hearing

Coburn: It’s all Obama’s fault for being the
first black Nazi President

Gregory: don’t you think this is appalling

Armey: well anyway this is all Nancy Pelosi’s fault

Maddow: Freedomworks is promoting violence

Armey: yes but when people are falsely accused
of promoting violence it makes them so angry they get violent

Maddow: right

Gregory: Chuck Grassley says the health reform
bill will murder old people

Coburn: the idea that government would have
any role in medical care is basically totalitarian

Gregory: I find your world view fascinating

Coburn: we need real health reform based
on the Bible

Greogry: you say you want a civil debate
- so you start off

Coburn: the Democrat’s health reform plan
will kill people

Daschle: I plan on writing a strongly worded letter
to Coburn about this

Gregory: Governor is Obama a failure?

Ritter: Obama is out there telling the truth and
it’s working

Gregory: but isn’t the real concern about deficit
and debt and raising taxes on wealthy anchors of Sunday tv talk shows?

Ritter: no, and the rumors have reached Colorado that you’re a moron

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] Rachel, Obama
can’t guarantee that people will never lose their private insurance!

Maddow: even for you Greggers that’s stupid

Armey: I was reading this bill last night around a campfire with a flashlight under my chin and then as I was talking Obama called a patient
and he demanded $21,000 for a new liver!

Daschle: well since we haven’t passed the bill
yet that's the system you created Dick

Coburn: the health care system is awesome

Dashcle: not in life expectancy

Coburn: oh you can’t the success of a health
care system by how long people live

Gregory: 50 million have no insurance and it will
cost $1 trillion!

Rangel: I know!

Gregory: Charlie isn’t the crank in Montana right about raising taxes on poor tv anchors?

Rangel: jesus christ - fuck you Greggers

Gregory: ok but what about the plan

Rangel: I hope we do raise taxes on your
pasty white ass

Gregory: you scare me

Rangel: I’m glad because I don’t like you fluffyhead

Gregory: will Obama raises taxes on poor people?

Rangel: I’m sick of the hatred being churned up - why don’t the churches and mosques condemn it??

Gregory: that’s who you expect to calm people down?

Rangel: well they started it

Gregory: Tom Obama’s plan will bankrupt us
won’t it?

Daschle: if we don’t change we will spend $35 trillion

Maddow: or we could just save money by using
a public health plan

Armey: I’m scared to death of Medicare concentration camps

Maddow: you think seniors really want to get out
of medicare?

Armey: no they love it - but the idea of good health plan for the elderly is tyranny

Maddow: so just to be clear - you are fucking insane

Armey: there are secret internal memos which imprison poor people if they refuse free health care

Gregory: aren’t the insurance companies innocent victims of greedy hospitals with their fancy clean surgical instruments?

Daschle: um no

Gregory: speaking of which - isn’t the real problem lazy Americans getting free gold plated health care and therefore demanding a new needle for each person - why not just wash them?

Coburn: that’s right - we need to be more efficient
by privatizing Medicaid and letting people choose to die on their own

Gregory: a Death Panel of the Mind

Coburn: exactly

Gregory: isn’t a public option inherently unfair?

Armey: that’s right, it is - we need to let people from New Jersey buy insurance in Texas which is better because it covers gunshot wounds including if you are in debt to the mob

Gregory: wait til BlueCross finds out the mafia
is cutting in on their action

Maddow: hey dick, there is no state with secretly awesome health insurance

Armey: but this would hurt private insurance businesses

Maddow: good - they’ve failed

Insurance guy: but people might leave private insurers for the public option

Daschle: well that’s freedom

Coburn: look even if Obama’s plan is terrific in everyway it requires hiring new government employees which we cannot accept

Gregory: who’s ‘we’?

Coburn: me and the other people in my
apocalyptic cult

Gregory: Rachel, what will liberals accept?

Maddow: if Obama accepts less than a public option he will have riled up public anger and spent political capital for nothing

Gregory: Dick will Obama succeed?

Armey: no I don’t think he will

Gregory: and who would know better about
failing that Dick Armey?

Armey: right

Gregory: thank for watching


Rescate said...

Just tried to leave a long comment, but Blogger burped and dropped it. Anyway, the jist was that I can't catch MTP since I've been out of the country for a while, and I've been reading your version the last few weeks.

I made the mistake of trying to watch the video over at the MTP site tonight, just to see how horrible Dick Armey came across... Couldn't handle more than a few minutes, had to shut it down. Will stick to your version from now on. Thanks for this valuable service.

M31 said...

Can I just say you are fucking brilliant?

Will Cooley Fan Club said...

This is pretty much dead on. I was amazed at the end when Coburn switched to the old "big, bad bureaucracy" chestnut and decried the creation of thousands of jobs to facilitate reform. In the process he made the health care bill sound like a form of job stimulus, which, it appears, he is against.

Nice work.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It's far better to read the CoT transcripts than to watch the actual horror shows.

And until Dances with Rove is outta that seat, I don't want to give them any money. Also.
~ said...

Any activists here? Please get as many people as you can to sign these health care petitions.

Batocchio said...

One of your best. Bravo.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious and so true. I'm book marking this, partly because it discerns the "arguments" and the simple, factual responses to how dumb they are (e.g. in the form of your "shorter" Maddow responses).

Good stuff. fighting for single payer in California.

Anonymous said...

If Racheal was host of MTP, i might actually watch!

Anonymous said...

You need think about it. Despite the emails, the overwhelming evidence showing global warming is happening hasn't changed.
"The e-mails do nothing to undermine the very strong scientific consensus . . . that tells us the Earth is warming, that warming is largely a result of human activity," Jane Lubchenco, who heads the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, told a House committee. She said that the e-mails don't cover data from NOAA and NASA, whose independent climate records show dramatic warming.

Anonymous said...

What you think about news - GOPers Hold 'Prayercast' to Ask God to Stop Health Reform ?
Wanna hear your opinion

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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