Matthews: OMG newspapers used to be romantic hotspots of sex and excitement and now they’re dying!!
Woodward: sure newspapers are dead but the kids love tv and those inter-youtubes
Brown: I could make the Beast into a Beauty if I had more money
Brown: we’re going to rely on bloggers for foreign reporting
Matthews: I miss going out to the driveway in my bathrobe and get the crack news
Borger: but I get all the news sent to my blackberry at midnight
Klein: I like to read newspapers so I can be up on stories that no one gives a shit about
Matthews: People are stealing shitty news from the WaPo!
Woodward: no one cares
Matthews: newspapers are essential to long-form stories misleading people on the economy!
Klein: actually there’s more room to write thorough stories on the Internet
Woodward: or books - where you can really pack in the lies
Matthews: but who’s going to fact-check -- not bloggers!!
Klein: we fact-check but Time.com doesn’t fact-check me, thank god
Brown: you can fact-check online stupid
Klein: our readers fact-check us - it turns out we’ve been printing lies all this time!
Borger: in ten years newspapers will be downloaded digitally into our brains
Klein: I like print papers so the elites will tell me what I need to know
Matthews: indeed bloggers live in their own little world and are never exposed to news no gives a flying fuck about
Klein: I’m going to Iran because no one in the U.S. seems to want me around
Matthews: what ever happened to Emile Zola?!
Klein: Jack Use!
Woodward: Watergate was bigger than journalism - it was about the future of the country
Matthews: could you do a story like that today?
Woodward: oh yes
Matthews: so why don’t you?
Woodward: it turns out there’s more money in being a whore for Republican liars
Matthews: ha I love it!
Matthews: the Boston Globe blew the top off the pedophile scandal and ramrod it through!
Woodward: the local newspaper needs to have moral authority
Matthews: but who will catch the bad guys - Batman?
Borger: former editors of the Wall Street Journal
Brown: individual bloggers - they’re actually pretty smart
Borger: but Tina we can’t rely on lonely shut-ins
Klein: we’re going to miss the banter in the newspaper coffee room like when people say ‘hey joe you may be a moron and liar but at least you’re not a stinking blogger’ and then we all give each other high-fives
Matthews: who will write the most interesting book to come out of the Bush administration?
Brown: Women are going to want see if Condi Rice will admit she was wrong all this time
Woodward: Bush’s memoir will be riveting - but no women will read Donald Rumsfeld
Matthews: but women will find him so sexy!
Klein: Cheney will spill his dark psychoses for all the world to see and reveal that Bush was a nazi-fascist-socialist-commie who was soft on torture like he once balked about pulling a suspect’s eyes out with an oyster fork
Matthews: well you gotta get a tough on terrorists
Klein: no, this person was suspected of wearing a Kerry shirt to a Bush town hall
Matthews: ha what a great story
Matthews: Tell me some news!
Brown: newsgathering online is better than crappy papers
Woodward: George W. Bush is going to be finally vindicated in his wonderful riveting new autobiography
Borger: the GOP will stage a resurgence I’m sure of it
Matthews: wow - how will they do it?!
Borger: I have no fucking idea
Klein: you have to see ‘Afghan Idol ‘- they have a nasty British guy, a loopy woman and an incoherent guy who says “yo”
Matthews: wow it’s like the royal family in the 19th century all over again