The Chris Matthews Show - August 23, 2009

Matthews: OMG newspapers used to be romantic hotspots of sex and excitement and now they’re dying!!

Woodward: sure newspapers are dead but the kids love tv and those inter-youtubes

Brown: I could make the Beast into a Beauty if I had more money

Matthews: awesome

Brown: we’re going to rely on bloggers for foreign reporting

Matthews: I miss going out to the driveway in my bathrobe and get the crack news

Borger: but I get all the news sent to my blackberry at midnight

Klein: I like to read newspapers so I can be up on stories that no one gives a shit about

Matthews: People are stealing shitty news from the WaPo!

Woodward: no one cares

Matthews: newspapers are essential to long-form stories misleading people on the economy!

Klein: actually there’s more room to write thorough stories on the Internet

Woodward: or books - where you can really pack in the lies

Matthews: but who’s going to fact-check -- not bloggers!!

Klein: we fact-check but Time.com doesn’t fact-check me, thank god

Brown: you can fact-check online stupid

Klein: our readers fact-check us - it turns out we’ve been printing lies all this time!

Borger: in ten years newspapers will be downloaded digitally into our brains

Klein: I like print papers so the elites will tell me what I need to know

Matthews: indeed bloggers live in their own little world and are never exposed to news no gives a flying fuck about

Klein: I’m going to Iran because no one in the U.S. seems to want me around

Matthews: what ever happened to Emile Zola?!

Klein: Jack Use!

Woodward: Watergate was bigger than journalism - it was about the future of the country

Matthews: could you do a story like that today?

Woodward: oh yes

Matthews: so why don’t you?

Woodward: it turns out there’s more money in being a whore for Republican liars

Matthews: ha I love it!

Matthews: the Boston Globe blew the top off the pedophile scandal and ramrod it through!

Woodward: the local newspaper needs to have moral authority

Matthews: but who will catch the bad guys - Batman?

Borger: former editors of the Wall Street Journal

Brown: individual bloggers - they’re actually pretty smart

Borger: but Tina we can’t rely on lonely shut-ins

Klein: we’re going to miss the banter in the newspaper coffee room like when people say ‘hey joe you may be a moron and liar but at least you’re not a stinking blogger’ and then we all give each other high-fives

Matthews: who will write the most interesting book to come out of the Bush administration?

Brown: Women are going to want see if Condi Rice will admit she was wrong all this time

Woodward: Bush’s memoir will be riveting - but no women will read Donald Rumsfeld

Matthews: but women will find him so sexy!

Klein: Cheney will spill his dark psychoses for all the world to see and reveal that Bush was a nazi-fascist-socialist-commie who was soft on torture like he once balked about pulling a suspect’s eyes out with an oyster fork

Matthews: well you gotta get a tough on terrorists

Klein: no, this person was suspected of wearing a Kerry shirt to a Bush town hall

Matthews: ha what a great story

Matthews: Tell me some news!

Brown: newsgathering online is better than crappy papers

Woodward: George W. Bush is going to be finally vindicated in his wonderful riveting new autobiography

Borger: the GOP will stage a resurgence I’m sure of it

Matthews: wow - how will they do it?!

Borger: I have no fucking idea

Klein: you have to see ‘Afghan Idol ‘- they have a nasty British guy, a loopy woman and an incoherent guy who says “yo”

Matthews: wow it’s like the royal family in the 19th century all over again