Gov. Martin O'Malley (D-MD)
Michael Eric Dyson
Stephanopoulos: omg John Kerry
broke in his leg in a bike accident
MacDonald: he was biking
in the French Alps taking a
break from nuclear negotiations
Stephanopoulos: of course
MacDonald: he is often seen
out and about in his lycra spandex
Stephanopoulos: there's a visual for you
MacDonald: he's going to be fine
– just no more bike riding for a while
Stephanopoulos: well that's good
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: also very sad news
Beau Biden died of brain cancer
Stephanopoulos: he got the Bronze star
and was going to run for Governor
Stephanopoulos: when he was
only three years old Beau was hurt
in the car accident wher his mother
and sister were killed
Stephanopoulos: there was such a
strong bond between father and son
Biden: if you're a success if your kids
turned out better than you did –
well then I'm a success
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: omg the
Patriot Act is going to expire!
Obama: we're trying to prevent
terror attacks and Ron Paul is
acting like a jackass
Stephanopoulos: is Obama being
Clarke: no he's not – while it's true
the bulk collection is not that useful
all the other necessary provisions
of the Patriot Act also expire tonight
Stephanopoulos: how scary is that?
Clarke: it depends how long a
window we have where we let
terrorists make all the phone calls they want
Stephanopoulos: so terrorists will
have a week to make unmonitored
phone calls where they plan attacks on us?
Clarke: well the FBI can still get
a search warrant if they really want
Stephanopoulos: a search warrant?
What is this - the middle ages?
Clarke: indeed – we might as well
ask the NSA to use manual typewriters
and work by whale oil lamps and heat
their offices with fires they build themselves
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: so it turns we hired
a predator to clean up Congress
Thomas: Denny Hastert was
considered squeaky clean!
Friend: he'll be vindicated!
Thomas: but now there are
allegedly there two victims
Former Student: I will be in his
back pocket til the end!
Thomas: Hastert said the U.S.
banking system can't be trusted
Stephanopoulos: holy crap
Thomas: don't worry he didn't mean it
Stephanopoulos: how did they get him?
Abrams: it's anti-money
laundering law George
Stephanopoulos: it's a crime to
withdraw $10,000 – thats like petty cash!
Abrams: purposefully avoiding
the law is a crime
Stephanopoulos: so he should have
just written a check to his blackmailer
Abrams: it would have helped
Stephanopoulos: what should he have done?
Abrams: well he could have obeyed
the law and been honest and told the truth
Stephanopoulos: oh come on be realistic
Abrams: he should have shut
up and hired a lawyer
Stephanopoulos: he didn't do that?
Abrams: no he did the dumb thing
– he lied to the FBI
Stephanopoulos: shouldn't the FBI be
going after real criminals like terrorists
or welfare cheats or shoplifters
Abrams: you wouldn't normally
go after disclosure requirements
without a worse crime
Stephanopoulos: and we don't have that here
Abrams: yeah like drug dealing
– not something minor like child molesting
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: omg Martin
O'Malley is running for President!
Stephanopoulos: welcome Marty O
O'Malley: good morning George
Stephanopoulos: why you and why now?
O'Malley: I want the U.S.
economy to work again
Stephanopoulos: how would your
Presidency be different from Barack
Obama or Hillary Clinton?
O'Malley: Obama got us out of the
recession but now we have more work to do
Stephanopoulos: all right
O'Malley: I have more executive
experience that Obama did when
he took office
Stephanopoulos: you locked up at lot
of poor African-Americans in Baltimore
O'Malley: hey look back in 1999
Baltimore was city of crime and
drug addicts and walking dead
zombies on every street corner
Stephanopoulos: sounds pleasant
O'Malley: I was re-elected so
I must have been doing something right
Stephanopoulos: maybe so but you
left behind a legacy of inequality
discrimination and riots
O'Malley: it's true that unemployment
is still high in some areas of the city
– jeepers I'd be angry too
Stephanopoulos: you said Goldman
Sachs wants Hillary Clinton as President
O'Malley: well that's what the
CEO of Goldman Sachs said
Stephanopoulos: is she that bad?
O'Malley: she's up to her eyeballs
in Wall Street money
Stephanopoulos: is she as bad as Jeb?
O'Malley: she might be
Stephanopoulos: are you down with TPP?
O'Malley: I'm opposed to it
– it's a race to the bottom
Stephanopoulos: what about
the notorious Clinton charity
O'Malley: it's pretty shady George
Stephanopoulos: can you possibly win?
O'Malley: Obama pulled it off back in 2008
Stephanopoulos: yeah but back
then he was up against a candidate
who was way ahead in all the
polls named Hillary Clinton
Stephanopoulos: I see what you did there
Stephanopoulos: Bernie Sanders
is outflanking you on the left
O'Malley: good – that means liberals
want someone else
Stephanopoulos: so why not vote
for him and not for you?
O'Malley: because I have a track
record of getting things done
Stephanopoulos: good luck Walter
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: greetings panelists –
what's your headline of the week?
Soltis-Anderson: Clinton took
FIFA money – such a scandal!!
Dyson: the Cleveland police
department is a criminal syndicate
Halperin: Scott Walker is the
man to beat in Iowa
Heileman: everyone hates
Rand Paul – and he loves it!!