Host: Jon Karl
Governor Jon Kasich (R-OH)
Sen. Colby Coash (R-NE)
Rep. Mac Thornberry (R-TX)
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Karl: OMG the Patriot Act might
expire and ISIS might have nukes!
Karl: but first let's go to Cleveland where
police shot a guy 137 times for speeding
Perez: there are protests
because a white cop was acquitted
after shooting two unarmed white people
Karl: they were white?
Perez: no just seeing if you were
paying attention – they were black
Perez: they were speeding so the
cop jumped on the hood of their car
and fired 15 shots into their windshield
Karl: admirable restraint
Perez: there have been peaceful
demonstrations ever since
Karl: welcome Governor Kasich
Kasich: nice to be here Karl
Karl: the cop was acquitted – was this justice?
Kasich: the verdict is the verdict
Karl: well put Governor
Kasich: the people of
Cleveland should be proud
Karl: of course
Kasich: we need to have a policy on
when police are permitted to kill unarmed
people who have done nothing wrong
Karl: sounds right
Kasich: we have to respond
when people think the system
doesn't work for them
Karl: very progressive of you
Kasich: we need to say to people we
hear you and understand you
Karl: you're talking like
that uppity Baltimore city attorney
Kasich: we need more
data and better training
Karl: that's boring
Kasich: I'm proud there
were protests but no violence
Karl: cops in Cleveland also
shot and killed an unarmed
twelve year old boy as well
Kasich: yeah I heard about that
Karl: it was in all the newspapers
Kasich: people need to know
that people in authority listen to them
Karl: Wall Street doesn't
seem to have that problem
Kasich: bless the people of Cleveland
for not resorting to violence
Karl: they can leave that to the cops
Karl: thanks for coming Jon
Kasich: you too Jon
[ break ]
Karl: OMG ISIS says it
wants nuclear weapons!
Marquardt: ISIS has taken
Ramadi and half of Syria!
Marquardt: the Iraqi army
is a bunch of cowards
Marquardt: ISIS took
Palmyra which is a tourist
spot for westerners
Karl: oh no!
Marquardt: Obama said we're
not losing it's merely a tactical setback
McCain: where is our decency?!
Marquardt: ISIS said its
shopping for a nuclear weapon!
[ break ]
Karl: welcome Congressman
Thornberry if that is your real name
Thornberry: good to be here Carl
Karl: ISIS says they
can get a nuclear bomb!
Thornberry: there's no
evidence they have one – yet
Karl: but that's still terrifying
Thornberry: well they're terrorists
Karl: what should we do?!?
Thornberry: we should go after ISIS
Karl: there's an original idea
Thornberry: we need
Karl: no doubt
Thornberry: then we have to act
Karl: you're full of great ideas
Thornberry: Obama didn't bomb
Assad and now we have ISIS!
Karl: bombing Assad would have
empowered ISIS even more
Thornberry: even so we should bomb
more – it's the one thing we're good at
Karl: is ISIS winning this war?
Thornberry: we're not winning
– that's for sure
Karl: you think?
Thornberry: ISIS is taking territory
and they are also more popular than ever
Karl: is that right?
Thornberry: their brand is
growing faster than their territory
Karl: they have good marketing skills
Thornberry: we should market American
Karl: how so?
Thornberry: freedom bombs!
Karl: ISIS had 10 Oklahoma City-type bombs!
Thornberry: see now they have access
to weapons of mass destruction like fertilizer
Karl: you want to invade Iraq again
Thornberry: no I want risk-free bombing
Karl: I see
Thornberry: also the Iraqi government is bad
Karl: the Patriot Act expires this week!
Thornberry: it's very scary
Karl: you're worried?
Thornberry: we need those
Lone Wolf provisions!
Karl: thanks for coming Mr Berry
[ break ]
Karl: OMG Clinton e-mails! Benghazi!
Vega: the media got to ask her
questions and all they asked
about was her e-mails
Vega: some of her e-mails
were classified this week!
Vega: omg Hillary Clinton
is on the defensive!
Reporter: do you have
a perception problem??
Reporter: she hand-selected e-mails!
Reporter: people don't trust you!
Clinton: yeah okay whatever
Karl: Rand Paul single-handedly
stopped the PATRIOT Act
Paul: it's an un-patriotic act!
Audience: I see what you did there Rand
Karl: he also filibustered droning
Americans in coffee shops
Karl: but he's also using
his speechifying to raise money
Christie: We need the Patriot Act!
We must protect the homeland!
Bush: my brother spent too much money!
[ break ]
Karl: welcome back Jon
Kasich: thanks Jon
Karl: you love New Hampshire!
Kasich: I hang out in people's
kitchens until they ask me to leave
Karl: do you stand with
Rand Paul on PATRIOT Act?
Kasich: I'm suspicious of anything big
Karl: so is that a yes?
Kasich: I care about civil liberties
but I also support surveillance
Kasich: we should expand
the power of FISA court
as a check on surveillance
Karl: that's not how any of this works
Kasich: I don't like government
holding all this data
Karl: all right
Kasich: maybe some quasi-government
agency should keep records
of all your phone calls
Karl: a pseudo-governmental institution?
Kasich: yeah like the NCAA or the NFL
Karl: what could go wrong?
Kasich: we need to find
our enemies and protect civil liberties!
Karl: you're very adamant
about taking both sides
Kasich: darn right!
Karl: what about ISIS?
Kasich: we should form a
coalition to destroy ISIS
Karl: problem solved
Kasich: if we have to put boots
on the ground to defeat ISIS so be it!
Karl: wow finally some news
Kasich: we should have invaded
Syria and deposed Assad
Kasich: Obama didn't bomb Assad! Red line!
Karl: please proceed Governor
Kasich: Obama hates Israel!
Karl: you wife and daughters
want you to run for President
Kasich: you talked to them?
Karl: sure – you know we're best buds
Kasich: you little scamp
Karl: so are you running?
Kasich: yes but right now I'm
looking for a billionaire to adopt me
Karl: you should create a
facebook page like those shelter cats
Kasich: I'm the most
experienced in the field
Karl: aha so you are running!
Kasich: I balanced budgets
and was on the defense committee
Karl: maybe you're the most
qualified but you're an underdog
Kasich: it all depends on
how much money I have
Karl: the New York Times says
Rubio is the future but you're
stuck in the past
Kasich: I've got experience in
Washington and executive experience
Karl: no one gives a shit about
your experience – what have you
done to stop Obama?
Kasich: America is weak around
the world and that leaves us open
to terror attacks here at homeland
Karl: would you run for Vice President?
Kasich: forget it!
Kasich: no way!
Karl: we'll see
Kasich: don't count me out!
[ break ]
Karl: so panel it looks like
Kasich is running for President
Kristol: I don't like him – he favors
common core and scary immigrants
and Medicaid other communist ideas
Kristol: but he is a serious candidate
Karl: no doubt
Kristol: it's insane that he right now
he wouldn't qualify for a Fox News
debate with ten candidates
Karl: but Donald Trump would!
Kristol: that's nuts!
Karl: Rand Paul killed the Patriot Act
Cupp: Republicans on both sides
of this issue are all right and all
Democrats are wrong
Ellison: liberals have been talking
about civil liberties for 50 years
and have been bashed for it by Republicans
Karl: you hate Rand Paul
just because he's crazy
Ellison: not at all – we're working
together on issues like prison reform
and civil forfeiture and if in fact
video killed the radio star
Kristol: he's right – Democrats have
long championed criminal rights
– those thug-loving fuckers
Brazile: we need to follow the Constitution
Kristol: the Patriot Act protects us
from terrorists who are coming to kill us all!
Ellison: the government is all
up in our business
Karl: Bill Kristol you say Hillary
won't be the nominee
Kristol: yes it will either be
Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren!
Karl: you are so wise
Kristol: I is smart
Karl: omg the Clinton e-mails!
Cupp: it's clear that Hillary
Clinton doesn't follow the rules
Cupp: Clinton won't be the nominee
because Democrats voted for Obama in 2008
Brazile: no one is scared of Hillary Clinton
Brazile: she's the only candidate
talking about big issues
Kristol: she isn't talking about anything!
Brazile: sure she is
Kristol: okay what's her
position on the trade bill?
Brazile: she supports it as long
as there are provisions on things
like currency manipulation
Kristol: oh I didn't know that
Brazile: that's because you're
an idiot who doesn't listen
Karl: oh wow the Nebraska
legislature banned death penalty
Thomas: if it goes through
Nebraska will be the first
red state to ban the death penalty
Thomas: but Governor said
he will veto the ban
Governor: some people just need killing
Thomas: Illinois stopped killing
people and Oklahoma can't find
enough lethal drugs
Thomas: most Americans oppose
the death penalty but some crime
victims still demand killing
Thomas: both sides are passionate
Karl: welcome Nebraska Senator Coash
Coash: good to be here Karl
Karl: you are a conservative –
why do you oppose the death penalty?
Coash: it's too expensive
Karl: I see
Coash: also it's inefficient
Karl: so it's just about saving money?
Coash: some pro-lifers
do feel there is a moral aspect to it
Karl: but for you it's just dollars and cents
Karl: the governor says the
death penalty is essential to stop crime
which is out of control in Nebraska
Coash: I hadn't noticed that
Karl: but crime victims still
want someone killed
Coash: it's not justice or fair
when a criminal appeals for
20 years without being killed
Karl: I suppose not
Coash: it's so frustrating watching
someone languish in prison without
being killed for their crime
Karl: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Karl: conservatives love the death penalty
Cupp: I know but I oppose it –
it's expensive and pointless
Cupp: even some Boston bombing
victims opposed the death penalty
Brazile: it costs too much and is
prone to error and is immoral –
see Republican and Democrats finally
agree on something
Kristol: I fucking love the death penalty!
Karl: of course you do
Kristol: Hillary Clinton's
husband executed people!
Karl: here's a look at some
George W. Bush: you can fail in
school and still succeed – I'm living proof!
Denzel Washington: dream big!
Colbert: you parents sacrificed
much – mostly money
Obama: your greatest moments
are ahead of you!
[ break ]
Karl: will the Indy 500 be excited this year?
Reporter: yes there will be lots of
crashes and gruesome deaths –
be sure to tune in!
Karl: why will there so many
fun crashes this year?
Reporter: the cars go very fast and
have been rigged to fly like kites
at 220 miles per hour
Karl: well it sounds great!
Raddatz: look at these soldiers' letters home
Raddatz: this historian has collected
100,000 letters soldier's sent home
talking about how war isn't as much
fun as advertised
Historian: we have letters written
from Lexington and Concord to Iraq
and Afghanistan and the common
theme is soldiers write amazing letters home
Raddatz: wow – something to
think about on Memorial Day
Karl: indeed – and that's the show this week