Sunday, May 31, 2015

Meet The Press – May 31, 2015

Gov. Jon Kasich (R-OH)
Rep. Tom Davis (R-CA)
Nuala O'ConnorPresident of the
Center for Democracy & Technology
Chris Matthews
Sara Fagen
Amy Walter
Manu Raju

Todd: aww Beau Biden died
from brain cancer at age 46

Todd: he was three years old
when he was injured in a car
accident and his father was sworn in

Beau Biden: my brother and I
were what all my dad cared about

Biden: he was the finest man
any of us have ever known

Todd: John Kerry broke his leg
bicycling in France

Reporter: he had just met
with the Iran foreign minister

Todd: wow stunning news – well
respected lobbyist Dennis Hastert
arrested for laundering money

Williams: he's not charged with
his old horrifying crimes –
just new unseemly ones

Todd: what did he do

Williams: the feds claim he evaded
cash withdrawal reporting requirements

Todd: they didn't even arrest
his evil blackmailer

Williams: well Hastert doesn't
claim he was extorted

Todd: so what's the offense?

Williams: withdrawing cash
and lying to the FBI

Todd: is that a crime?

Williams: Martha Stewart
went to prison for less than that

Todd: I thought that
some home fashion crime

Williams: don't lie to the FBI Chuck!

[ break ]

Todd: only shit as Alanis Morrisette
would say isn't it ironic Hastert pushed
through money-laundering laws and
only Speaker because of sex scandals!

Davis: yeah but he was a pillar of integrity

Todd: explain how shocked you are

Davis: you knock me over with a feather

[ Todd pokes with a feather ]

Davis: ow!

Todd: just checking

Davis: quit it

Todd: this is very sad for all of us

Voter: I'm not surprised at all
all members of Congress
are perverts and criminals

Todd: I defend Congress to voters
and then this happens and I look like a jackasses

Audience: that ship already sailed Todd

Davis: this isn't going to help
the reputation of Congress

Todd: everyone in Congress is a crook
is there something in the water?

Davis: Congress have always
been criminals – I blame twitter
for pointing it out

Todd: that sounds about right

Davis: in the good old days people
just didn't talk about little infractions
like child molesting

Todd: I can't defend Washington
anymore! It's outrageous!

Matthews: people can forgive an
extra-marital affair if at politicians least
they got something done but Congress
is sleazy and corrupt and useless too

Matthews: but there are some
good members of Congress too

Todd: but it sure doesn't look that way

Fagen: it's a vicious cycle – being in
Congress is such a disgusting job
only total jerks are willing to do it

Todd: here's a question – how does
Dennis Hastert end up with $12 million?

Raju: his wealth from lobbying
exposes the unseemly side of former
members of Congress openly selling
access to the government for money

Walter: we should remember the real victims here

Matthews: members of Congress who lead good lives!

Todd: yes they are victims too

Walter: [ eyeroll ]

[ break ]

Todd: should be Bernie Sanders
be written off or could he have a
real impact on who the next President
will be – let's look at history

Todd: in 1968 Gene McCarthy and
his pack of hippies engineered a
stunning repudiation of LBJ and Vietnam

Todd: it pushed Johnson out
and drew Bobby Kennedy in

Todd: RFK was killed and we got
Nixon and more war and Watergate

Todd: then upstart Gary Hart beat
Mondale in New Hampshire which
made Mondale look foolish and we
got Reagan and George H.W. Bush

Todd: then in 2012 Rick Santorum
beat Romney in Iowa – and Romney
never recovered and got Obama maybe Hillary

Audience: so challengers
equal success for the other side?

Todd: welcome Bernie Sanders

Sanders: good morning Charles!

Todd: thanks –- I know you have to
rush back to D.C. for some sort of
re-authorization of the Patriot Act which
I gather is about deflated footballs or something

Sanders: I voted against the original Patriot Act!

Todd: you one of the only ones who did

Sanders: we have to protect the Constitution!

Todd: that onld thing?

Sanders: we're losing our privacy rights!

Todd: are you comfortable with
allowing the phone company to
keep our phone records?

Sanders: they already have it Chuck

Todd: no one tells me anything

Sanders: well where did you
think the NSA got them from?

Todd: who was more progressive – Bill Clinton or Obama

Sanders: I like Obama but we
have 45 million living in poverty

Todd: aha so Clinton

Sanders: I like Obama and
history will judge him well

Todd: so you like Obama hate Bill Clinton?

Sanders: no he was pretty good President too

Todd: So you like Clinton and hate Obama?

Sanders: Clinton was not good on
NAFTA and de-regulated Wall Street
which led the 2008 Great Recession

Todd: well who do you dislike then?

Sanders right now – you

Todd: it seems like Hillary is moving
toward your positions on a lot of issues

Sanders: I know Clinton and I
respect her and I like her and you
keep trying to make me bash her

Todd: so do it

Sanders: I want this election to be
about the issues and the things
I have been warning about for 30 years

Todd: listen hippie bash Hillary
or get off my show

Sanders: I've been proven right
about everything for decades

Todd: you wrote some weird
essay on rape in 1972

Sanders: it's a 43 year-old attempt
to write '50 Shades of Grey'

Todd: well it sucks

Sanders: we need more debates
even in July! With Republicans!

Todd: why not right here on my show?

Sanders: why not!

Todd: I love it!

[ break ]

Todd: omg Scott Walker is leading
in all the polls and poor Lindsay
Graham is stuck at 1%

Todd: welcome Rick Santorum

Santorum: hello Charles

Todd: people know you and they don't like you

Santorum: true but I have many
volunteers many of whom do not
have sexual repression issues

Todd: if the phone companies keep
our phone records will we all be killed?

Santorum: I love the Patriot Act
which violated no one's privacy ever

Todd: Mike Huckabee says if the
Supreme Court rule for the gays the
states for should ignore their godless ways

Santorum: I like the Supreme Court
but they're not gods – they're just
nine old out of touch idiots

Todd: so would you accept
a pro-gay ruling or fight it

Santorum: I'd fight it – we're not bound
by what nine perverts say about gays

Todd: but you wouldn't ignore the
ruling and declare judicial review invalid
over your boiling hatred of homosexuals

Santorum: no I wouldn't but I would
continue to fight the gays with every
boner in my body

Todd: you're working yourself into a lather

Santorum: I just get so angry about
those muscular men and their bodies
glistening with sweat touching and
sorry what were we talking about

Todd: you want to raise the minimum
wage – but most Republicans don't

Santorum: Barack Obama's liberal
policies turned around the Republican
recession but what about the poor people!

Todd: they're very nice

Santorum: Obama wants to bring in
immigrants to repress wages and
buy more votes

Todd: wow you think Democrats
just favor more immigration to
get more voters?

Santorum: liberals used to anti-immigrant
and now they're not it's so sad

Todd: but you still are

Santorum: darn right!

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Jon Kasich

Kasich: I just want to say
Joe Biden is a real stand-up guy
god bless you Joe

Todd: that's classy of you Jon

Todd: are you running for President?

Kasich: yes but only because
frankly I'm better than everyone else

Todd: that checks out

Kasich: I don't want to
run but America needs me

Todd: I put you in the “Jeb Bush Bracket”
but you hate that guy

Kasich: I like Jeb

Todd: no you don't

Kasich: I balanced the budget and reformed the military

Todd: most impressive

Kasich: I was in business for 10 years and now I'm a Governor

Todd: not too shabby

Kasich: Washington, business, Governor
I've got the best resume since
John Quincy Adams!

Todd: is the death penalty dead?

Kasich: let's not forget the victims –
grieving families need to have
someone killed to feel better

Todd: they do?
Kasich: yes without some more
killing you can't get closure

Todd: you're a deeply religious Catholic
which disapproves the death penalty

Kasich: I have a job to do in Ohio which
is to oversee executions as soon we get
our hands on the right lethal drugs

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: Panel?

Fagen: Bernie Sanders is going
to make this race very difficult
for Clinton and she's losing!

Todd: Santorum ruined Romney
will Sanders do they same to do Clinton?

Matthews: screw that – Hillary should
be authentic and be herself which is a centrist Democrat

Todd: Kasich is aiming for New Hampshire

Walter: he's got a good resume but
can he win over crazy primary voters?

Todd: good question

Walter: Scott Walker is from the midwest
too and conservatives really like him

Fagen: Walker is polling well
but he's kind of a doofus

Raju: candidates need a
billionaires to adopt them

Todd: omg the NSA can access
your telephone records which your
local police department can also
do but never mind

Todd: welcome Nuala O'Connor
from the Center for Technology and Security

O'Connor: actually it's the Center
for Democracy and Technology

Todd: whatever Nora

O'Connor: the NSA has been collecting
and storing the records of every phone
call in America which is too much

Todd: so should the phone companies
collect it all and then hand it over on an as-needed basis?

O'Connor: the government can already
use subpoenas and warrants –
we don't need wholesale mass surveillance

Todd: but what if the phone companies say 'no'?

O'Connor: we need limited
legitimate targeted searches

Todd: thanks for coming Nala

[ break ]

Todd: the death penalty
is no longer popular

Walter: right

Todd: lawmakers are actually
ahead of the public on this issue

Walter: because it's
about saving money

Raju: but there are still aggressive
pro-killing politicians

Fagen: when you have so many
people released from death row it
makes you stop and think hey
maybe this is a bad idea

Todd: in the 1990s you had to
be for the death penalty –
that's how Bill Clinton and
George Pataki both got elected

Matthews: I have no opinion but
Jon Kasich puts a tingle up my leg

Todd: what the hell is wrong
with Mitch McConnell?

Raju: he's against the USA Freedom Act
even though it's the only thing that can pass

Fagen: Republicans love invasive searches

Matthews: kids today don't pay taxes
but they live on their smart phones

Todd: today is Bob Schieffer's last day
and he's the kind of great anchor we
all aspire to be but never seem to

Schieffer: purple socks!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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