Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ)
Sen. Rand Paul (R-TN)
Robert Sumwalt – NTSB
Todd: omg there is a war in
Ramadi against ISIS
Todd: although the US killed an
ISIS commander and captured his wife!
Engel: that was strange because
the US usually just bombs ISIS
Engel: but this time U.S. boots invaded
Syria with soldiers' feet in them
Engel: the US attacked on Friday
evening which was smart because
all the ISIS leaders were busy
watching the Mad Men Marathon
Engel: the guy we killed was in charge
of ISIS finances including their five-year
plan for vicious beheadings and being
bombed out of existence
Engel: but he fought back and
there was hand to hand fighting
expert: first you get the money guy
then you take down the whole organization
Engel: they got his laptops and
his wife and his dog and he's
really gonna miss that dog
Engel: Delta force even freed a Yazidi
woman they were keeping as a slave!
Todd: those bastards
Engel: but we're still losing the war
Todd: was the guy Delta force
Engel: he was like Al Capone's accountant
Todd: I saw that movie with Kevin Costner
Engel: but U.S. forces went into deep
to ISIS territory which is a psychological blow
Todd: but they wanted him alive
Engel: yeah but they rattled
ISIS going into their heartland
Todd: was this a test of intelligence?
Engel: no it was the real thing
Engel: this was a snatch
and grab operation!
Todd: pretty cool
Engel: if the soldiers had been caught
they would have been burned alive on tv
Todd: well that's scary
Engel: it sure is
[ break ]
Todd: hello Mr Sumwalt
Sumwalt: morning Todd
Todd: what has the FBI found?
Sumwalt: it's not the FBI's investigation
– it's ours!
Todd: I see
Sumwalt: it's ours! all ours!!
Todd: okay okay
[ break ]
Todd: was this terrorism
or utter negligence?
Costello: hard to say – even if your
windshield it hit with a brick you don't
turn the train into that flying machine
from Back to the Future III
Todd: I suppose not
Costello: on that very spot Teddy
Roosevelt's train was hit by a bomb
Todd: well that's Philadelphia for you
Costello: they threw rocks at Santa's sleigh
Todd: so what's the solution?
Costello: Trains are adding
more speed limit signs
Todd: that should fix everything
[ break ]
Todd: welcome Senator Booker
Booker: hi Chuck
Todd: was this ISIS raid a success?
Booker: sure it was – we killed a terrorist
Todd: it would seem so
Booker: but it will take years
to take down ISIS which we already knew
Todd: Democrats are politicizing
this train crash which is terrible
Booker: just because these deaths
could have been avoided by requiring
simple safety measures
Todd: don't get snide Cory
Booker: China is investing in
infrastructure and we're not!
Todd: I hear they're building a huge wall
Booker: the fiscally conservative thing
to do if your a homeowner or a business
or a nation is to invest in yourself
Todd: but it's not fair to blame this
crash on lack of funding which liberals
are doing because they're mean
Booker: a pothole on the Pulaski
skyway swallowed up a family of four!
Todd: what with rents in New
Jersey that's not bad
Booker: it's totally unacceptable!
Todd: only elitist rich liberal
Democrats ride trains
Booker: also hobos
Todd: Republican are self sufficient
real rugged men who drive pickup
trucks to the gun range
Booker: maybe but hundreds of
millions of people live on the east and west coasts
Todd: those people are all rail-riding snobs
Booker: not to mention that's where
all the jobs and economic growth
Todd: you are a political
rock star so why are you so boring
Booker: I am working on
bipartisan law on over-incarceration
and I don't care if that's no sexy
enough for Dana Milbank
Todd: very little is for Dana
Booker: I see
Todd: you star is dimming Cory
Booker: I don't care Ted
[ break ]
Todd: so panel do we believe
the government's ISIS-killing fairy-tale?
Cooper: how did they know the
ISIS wife was a wife and not
a slave or receptionist?
Todd: good question
Cooper: but everyone loves Delta force!
Todd: we must have worked with Assad
Friedman: I seriously doubt that Todd
Todd: so they really killed this guy
Friedman: there's always a
Number Two man to kill
Friedman: also ISIS took the city of Ramadi
Todd: Democrats are the worst
by calling for more money for rail safety
after a crash caused by bad rail safety
Axelrod: yeah it's terrible
Todd: Democrats are grandstanding!
Fagan: Democrats are shameful!!
Todd: it's sickening!
Fagan: Amtrak doesn't make
a profit unlike the U.S. highways
Friedman: traveling from Hong Kong
to America is like going from the
Flintstones to the Jetsons
Todd: or like when Gilligan's Island
went from black and white to color
Friedman: Penn station is a travesty
Todd: compared to the
Port Authority it's a godamn palace
Jeb: I'm proud of my dumb brother!!
Todd: he's loyal but a bit stupid
Jeb: sure I'd invade Iraq
for no reason at all!
Todd: this week he botched
the Iraq war question five times
Q: would invade Iraq based on lies?
Bush: you betcha!
Todd: then the world was
all like what the fuck
Bush: I might have have invaded or not
Todd: that was bad so he tried again
Bush: of course I have
done some things different
Todd: that was a little better
Bush: okay okay I wouldn't have invaded
Cruz: the Iraq war was stupid!
Christie: what a dumbass!
Santorum: even George W. Bush said
that the was a mistake and he's the idiot
who started the war in the first place
Todd: how did Team Jeb screw this up?
Fagan: he handled this question
very well considering people thousands
of people died for no reason
Todd: he is just like Hillary Clinton
fumbling her defense of her Iraq war vote
Clinton 2007: I didn't vote for war!
Clinton 2014: I got it wrong plain and simple
Todd: what can Jeb learn from Hillary?
Axelrod: Jeb has had ten years
to get ready for this question and
he gave five bad answers
Todd: it's a problem
Axelrod: what's worse is he's still
being advised by Paul Wolfowitz
and other assorted war criminals
Fagan: You could argue that the civil
wars in Syria and Iraq and Iran
getting a nuclear bomb are a result of
Obama pulling out of Iraq
Cooper: you argue all that happened
because of the invasion in the first place
Axelrod: also Iran doesn't have a nuclear bomb
Fagan: Obama lost the Iraq war!
Friedman: the middle east is a disaster
Todd: we all know that Tom
Friedman: we're in a post-colonial era
and these mysterious people of the
orient are going to have to learn
to govern themselves
Todd: how do we get them to do that?
Friedman: no one seems to have
an answer for our post colonial era
– the primitives are running amok
Todd: truly the white man's burden is a terrible thing
[ break ]
Todd: wow 22% of people have abandoned god thanks to Obama
Todd: that's a quarter of the population
– there are as many who are anti-religion
as there are catholics
Audience: not counting overlap
Todd: it's good news for Democrats
because anti-religion crowd are
all godless liberals
[ break ]
Todd: welcome Senator Paul
Paul: when we invaded Iraq we
created chaos and emboldened Iran
Todd: that's old news Randy
Paul: but we should also ask Clinton
if we should have gone into Libya
Todd: I'll be sure to do that
Todd: Marco Rubio still says the
Iraq war may have been a bad idea
but Saddam was a bad man
Paul: well he's a fucking idiot
Todd: so you love Saddam!
Paul: no I hate ISIS
Paul: we need to have a debate if
maybe invading other countries
can sometimes be bad
Todd: well that's pretty fucking obvious
Paul: well I still need
to say it apparently
Todd: would you ever start
a war to prevent another country
from getting a nuclear weapon?
Paul: yes but I prefer negotiations
Todd: you're weak!
Paul: we negotiated with the Soviets
Todd: yeah but they beat the Japanese
Paul: look we can't fight a war with Iran
Todd: you say Iran shouldn't
trust America because we toppled Qaddafi
Paul: yes because of Hillary Clinton
Iran will build a nuclear bomb and kill
everyone in Israel and then Chattanooga
Todd: how about that Patriot Act?
Paul: bulk collection has been ruled illegal
Paul: just go to a judge
and get a warrant
Todd: they did
Paul: yeah but they should
have individualized warrants
Todd: those are so old-fashioned
Todd: would you dismantle the NSA?
Paul: the NSA spends too much time
collecting bulk information and therefore
didn't catch the Tsarnaev brothers
Todd: wait so are you for arguing
for more spying on Americans or less?
Paul: I'm for spying on the guilty Americans
Todd: which ones are they
Paul: oh I think we know
Todd: you think the best teachers
should have one million students but
you also hate national standards
– that's a contradiction!
Paul: people living in the jungle can
learn calculus off the Internet
Todd: all right
Paul: this will not come from the government
Todd: but there will be no local control
Paul: I want to see homeless kids in
Madagascar taking classes at Harvard
like Obama did when he was
living in a village in Kenya
[ break ]
Todd: Hillary won't take questions!
Axelrod: she should probably
do that at some point
Todd: Bill is the face of campaign!
Fagan: Obama campaigned on
“change” because you guys
knew Hillary was dishonest
Axelrod: actually George Bush had been
President for eight years when Obama ran
Fagan: George who?
Todd: Hillary Clinton can't talk about
the poor because she has money
Friedman: I loved Bill in 1992 because
he had a very strong message –
'I'm a triangulating Democrat'
Todd: Helene you covered
Clinton for years – what's
her vision for the world?
Cooper: I have no idea
and I'm perplexed why I don't know
Fagan: she invaded Libya!!
Todd: I love Mitt Romney for
taking his shirt off at 68 years old
Copper: he looks great!
Todd: kudos to him!
Fagan: he is so awesome!
Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press