Robert Sumwalt – NTSB
Stephanopoulos: omg the Delta
force killed the Vice President of ISIS
Moran: it was incredibly brave
Stephanopoulos: who was he?
Moran: he was in charge of sales
– he was the Pete Campbell of ISIS
Stephanopoulos: wow he really was a prick
Moran: but why risk a dangerous
ground operation – when drones can
flown by one guy in Vegas in a la-z-boy
Expert: we wanted him alive!
Moran: but he fought back
which was a big surprise
Stephanopoulos: didn't see that coming
Expert: the delta force had to
resort to hand-to-hand combat
Stephanopoulos: that is fucking badass
Moran: no Americans were killed
and they captured some laptops
Stephanopoulos: that's great
Moran: but they six-month
old Dells so they don't work
Stephanopoulos: too bad
Moran: the US sent a message
to ISIS – you are not safe anywhere!
Stephanopoulos: was this mission
a failure because he wasn't taken alive?
Morell: it would have been nice to
torture him for a while but at least
we got his wife
Stephanopoulos: that's something
Stephanopoulos: welcome Michael
Morell: hi George
the deal with ISIS?
Morell: ISIS wants to unleash
bubonic plague on America
Stephanopoulos: holy shit
Morell: but we've taken
back 25% of Iraq from ISIS
Stephanopoulos: well okay then
Morell: but we're not
getting anything done in Syria
Stephanopoulos: what's you greatest fear?
Morell: spiders and the dark and clowns
Stephanopoulos: no I mean about ISIS
Morell: if ISIS detonates a nuclear
bomb on the mall of America
Stephanopoulos: aren't you a ray of sunshine
Morell: it's a dangerous world Steph
Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: holy shit that Amtrak crash!
Reporter: there's been unreliable reports
of a projectile hitting the windshield
Stephanopoulos: tell me more
Reporter: other trains may have been hit too
Reporter: but that doesn't
explain why the train suddenly
accelerated to 100 mph
Stephanopoulos: that is odd
Reporter: politicians are already
calling for more speed limit
signs on the tracks
Stephanopoulos: problem solved then
Amtrak CEO: we're installing safety
mechanisms any day between now and 2020
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: welcome Mr Sumwalt
Sumwalt: hi George
Stephanopoulos: did someone
shoot at the windshield of the train?
Sumwalt: probably not
Stephanopoulos: what caused the crash?
Sumwalt: we've called for cameras
in the cockpit in the past
Stephanopoulos: that's not what I asked
Sumwalt: we asked for the
driver's cell phone records
Stephanopoulos: you have no idea do you
Sumwalt: we will install safety
brakes some day
Stephanopoulos: well thanks
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: whats is the FBI doing?
Thomas: the FBI science lab is on the case!
Stephanopoulos: is that the same one
that lied for years about hair samples?
Thomas: that's the one
Stephanopoulos: Dan talk legal to me
Abrams: crashing a train isn't
necessarily a crime
Stephanopoulos: if you say so
Abrams: Congress passed a law capping
damages for train corporations no matter
how much people have suffered
Stephanopoulos: that sounds like them
Stephanopoulos: so will Tsarnaev
appeal this death penalty forever?
Abrams: three jurors believed he was
influenced by his brother but they didn't care
Stephanopoulos: is that legally relevant?
Abrams: technically it doesn't
matter but it's interesting
Stephanopoulos: and now I would like to
announce that I should have disclosed
that I donated to the now infamous
Clinton charity to avoid even
appearance of a conflict of interest
and I apologize to both viewers who care
Audience: and now we know
what it takes to get a political
talk show host to apologize – Clinton cooties
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: omg Jeb Bush said
he would invade Iraq for no reason
Cruz: my god that stupid
Paul: what a moron
Jeb: I misheard!
Jeb: okay maybe I wouldn't
have but maybe I would still
Jeb: you know I probably wouldn't
Karl: is Jeb too stupid to be President?
Stephanopoulos: Democrats are
fighting over trade!
Reporter: liberals are in open
rebellion against the President!
Obama: c'mon people!
Warren: what about the workers?!
Reporter: Hillary Clinton
won't take a side!
Ellison: she has to take
the side of working people!
Stephanopoulos: she made too
much money in speaking fees!
Reporter: she made $24 million which is sad
Stephanopoulos: so terrible