Meet The Press – February 8, 2015

Guests:

John Kerry – Secretary of State

Masoud Barzani – President of Kurdistan

Michael McFaul – Fmr. Amb. to Russia

Jon Meacham

Richard Engel

Stephen Henderson - Detroit Free Press

Katty Kay

Andrea Mitchell

David Brooks

Todd: welcome Secretary Kerry

Kerry: good morning Ted

Todd: how is the war on

ISIS coming along?

Kerry: the coalition is strong!

Todd: are you having any success?

Kerry: we've already taken twenty

percent of the land back and we

haven't even launched a major offensive yet

Todd: have they suffered

any cool losses I can report on?

Kerry: they don't travel in 

a convoy any more

Todd: 10-4 on that good buddy

Kerry: we're gonna blow

them out of the sky!

Todd: they're on the ground

Kerry: whatever

[ break ]

Engel: Obama says we have

a strategy to destroy ISIS

Barzani: it's not good enough!

Engel: but all the bombing

Barzani: we must crush ISIS

with one swift stroke!

Todd: sounds to me like 

Barzani is not a happy camper

Kerry: heck even he said it's

working just going slowly

Todd: okay but why can't we 

have a quick and easy victory 

like on tv and in the movies

Kerry: we're training the Iraqi

troops which takes time

Todd: does it take fifteen years

to teach someone to fire a gun

Kerry: well also to throw a grenade

Todd: Lindsay Graham says

you're not intimidating enough

Kerry: oh okay like he would know

Todd: oh he knows

Todd: he says you moved too slowly

and now ISIS controls all of Michigan

Kerry: with all due respect

Linsday Graham a fucking idiot

Todd: when will you finally send

heavy artillery to Ukraine?

Kerry: there is no military

solution to Ukraine Chet

Todd: is Vladimir Putin irrational?

Kerry: he's a little crazy but that's

very common among world leaders

Todd: true

Kerry: he's doing enormous

damage to Russia itself

Todd: perhaps

Kerry: it will eventually bite

him in the ass

Todd: how are the talks

with Iran coming?

Kerry: if Iran doesn't make a

agreement in the next few

weeks well then fuck them

Todd: would you run for

President in 2016?

Kerry: no

Todd: so would you say never?

Kerry: well no one ever says

never to running for President

Todd: actually most people do

Kerry: really?

Todd: thanks for coming Jim

Kerry: you too Chad

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Mr McFaul

McFaul: nice to be here Todd

Todd: is Putin rational?

McFaul: he's cold-bloodedly

rational but also highly

emotional and unstable

- he can make good decisions 

for his people but is given 

to extreme violent outbursts

Todd: just like Rick Grimes

McFaul: exactly

Todd: Sasha Baron Cohen's

cousin says Vladimir Putin

doesn't have Aspergers

McFaul: there's a sentence

I never thought I'd hear

Todd: just address the issue sir

McFaul: Putin is obsessed with

the secrets of the CIA and it

plans to control the world

Todd: he must watch the History Channel

McFaul: he thinks all the unrest in

Ukraine is because of American imperialism

Todd: he really should get a blog

McFaul: he also thinks America is a

decadent enclave of empty soulless

pleasure-seeking gossip-driven idiots

Todd: that reminds me – did you

hear the latest about Bruce Jenner

and the Kardasians?!?!

[ break ]

Todd: Democrats and Republicans

agree that Ukraine should have guns

but Angela Merkel says no

Mitchell: Americans are jonesing

for a war and this one looks like fun

plus it's got more white people

Todd: those are all pluses

Kay: the British are worried Ukrainians

can't win and more U.S. weapons will

just create foreign cannon fodder

America: fuck yeah!

Todd: is Europe appeasing Putin?

Brooks: I'm for arming Ukraine

Todd: well of course you are

Brooks: I know Ukraine can't win

but we haven't a good war in a while

Henderson: getting deeply involved

in a war between Ukraine

and Russia is a fool's errand

Brooks: that never stopped me before

McFaul: the Ukrainians want

guns so we should give it to them

Todd: so we're all agreed - 

off to another war!

[ break ]

Todd: the age old philosophical

question of government interference

versus personal freedom was raised

again with vaccines of all bullshit things

Todd: the nanny state question was

raised with seatbelts, sugary drinks

and not getting smallpox

Government: vaccinate your

fucking kids morans

Todd: measles is at a twenty-year high!

Mnookin: vaccines worked

so people think we don't need them

Todd: people are nice but

god they're stupid sometimes

Anti-Vaccine Mother: I don't 

trust the government so I've 

decided to expose my child 

to a raft of deadly diseases

Todd: she seems like kind of an idiot

Mother: if we get a cure for 

polio where does it end – 

slave labor camps on Mars?

Paul: I personally have seen kids

that were walking and talking and

were normal and then got vaccinations

and became libertarians

Todd: but even Obama and Clinton

were cautious in 2008 proving Democrats

are really to blame for all this suspicion

of government and not the party 

that runs on suspicion of government

Brooks: exactly

Todd: only Americans could ever

be this stupid right – not Europeans

Kay: actually the original

discredited study was British

Henderson: this is not a freedom

issue – it's a health and safety issue

Todd: perhaps

Henderson: the pandering is pathetic

Todd: I blame the Internet

specifically Facebook and twitter

Brooks: that sounds right

Todd: but liberals are most at fault

Brooks: we need a vaccine

for pandering

Panel: ha ha

Brooks: it's about lack of

trust in institutions

Todd: you are so wise

Brooks: but Rand Paul and

Glenn Beck know better than 

to peddle these anti-vax lies

Beck: vaccines are part of a plan

to round-up your children and 
put them in labor camps building 
paper mâché effigies to Barack Obama

Mitchell: Rand Paul is a 

doctor for god's sake

Todd: it's sad cause the 

media wants to love him so much

Mitchell: well maybe we still save 

Rand Paul by falsely arguing 

Obama and Clinton hedged in 2008

Todd: because they raised 

money in Beverly Hills!

Mitchell: my parents had polio!

Kay: third world countries have

higher vaccination rates that the U.S.

Todd: because of pointy-headed liberals!

Henderson: it's emotional beliefs

Todd: it's intellectual elites!

Brooks: young people don't trust

important institutions like the Government

or the New York Times

Todd: it's truly shocking

[ break ]

Todd: ever since Obama was elected

President the National Prayer Breakfast

became suddenly controversial 
like everything else

Obama: the Crusades and slavery

and Jim Crow laws were justified 
by Christianity!

Santorum: Obama insulted all faiths

which is fine but then he insulted my faith

by bashing the Crusades which were

necessary because Jesus' home was

ruled by people who view this guy

Abraham the same but differently

Jindal: Muslims are bad!

Giuliani: the Crusades never happened

but if they did they were necessary

because the Arabs were stockpiling

Weapons of Different Religion

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Parson Meacham

Meacham: blessing unto

you brother Charles

Todd: please fact-check the President

Meacham: the Crusades did in fact happen

Todd: okay are you sure

Meachem: they were Christian

and atrocities indeed took place

Todd: wait let me write this down

Meachem: but the President didn't

mention when Dante was born and

how Christians made up for that

little incident and saved civilization 

by creating the Renaissance  

and inventing capitalism

Todd: this is all fascinating

Meacham: then Leonardo wrote 

the first computer program proving 

the Jesus was real called the Da Vinci 

code and Galileo built a space 

satellite so the Pope could 

get a closer look at god and 

then Steve Gutenburg made the 

first movie about the Bible thus 

bringing religion to the masses

Todd: I have a theory that Obama

hates the Prayer Breakfast and

just likes trolling religious nuts

Meacham: Christianity reformed itself

and we all hope that Islam can someday

do the same and Muslims can be good

like all Christians are now

Todd: conservatives want a religious war

and coincidentally so does ISIS

Meacham: yes but Obama is bad

because he made it seems like

Christians think they are good and

on a high horse and they are not

Todd: you just said Christians

reformed themselves and Muslims haven't

Meacham: I only said that because

Christians are good and Muslims are bad

Brooks: I'm totally pro-Obama on this

– I thought it was great speech

Todd: really?

Brooks: we all need humility –

especially in Washington

Mitchell: you don't talk bad

about Christianity – you just don't!

Todd: first rule of Jesus Club

is don't talk about Jesus club

Kay: exactly – Americans can't hear that!

Henderson: also Americans aren't

big on hearing about slavery and Jim Crow

Todd: oh you think Americans don't

like to hear about how they might

be less than perfect?

Henderson: damn right they don't

Brooks: it was a beautiful speech

and we need to hear it

Todd: but he bashed Pope Urban

who I believe ruled before white

people fled to Pope Suburban

Brooks: Americans get caught

up in our own self-righteousness

Todd: Andrea help me out –

you hated this speech right

Mitchell: it was the Prayer Breakfast –

that's no place to talk about religion

Kay: I'm British – we all stopped

talking about god a hundred years ago

Mitchell: well no wonder you suck

Todd: the most important

domestic political issue is radical islam

Henderson: Obama is basically

the only adult in the room right now

Todd: it's like he thinks this big leader and all

[ break ]

Todd: on a personal note my good

friend Brian Williams has suspended

himself to let a real journalist like

Lester Holt take over reading stale

news off a teleprompter

Vinny In His Basement: oh the irony

Todd: Obama was younger than 22

years younger than George H.W. Bush

but the biggest age gap was the jump

from the elderly Dwight Eisenhower to

youngest ever elected John Kennedy

Todd: some 2016 candidates like

Rubio are younger than Obama 

while Kasich and Biden and 

Warren are older than Obama

Todd: and Jeb and Clinton are also

both older than Obama and Clinton

would the second-oldest elected

to her first term after Reagan

Todd: do we want to go backward 

or do we elect our first Generation X 

President like Scott Walker and what 

would happen if a nation were led by 

a slacker raised on H.R. Pufnstuf

Todd: OMG Hillary is hiring Obama's team

Mitchell: it's so on right now

Todd: Scott Walker is the It Guy!

Brooks: it's like spring training –

Christie has wild pitches and

Walker is hitting the strike zone

and Jeb's daddy owns the team

Mitchell: we can't have two nominees

Todd: you are so smart Andrea

Mitchell: thanks Chuck

Todd: why are all these guys

going to London?

Kay: if you go to London to burnish

your foreign policy credentials and refuse

to answer questions about foreign policy

you're doing it wrong

Henderson: Clinton needs

better press relations

Todd: so you think she has

bad press relations?

Henderson did I say that?

Mitchell: she's needs to do better

Todd: she's not distancing

herself from Obama is she?

Brooks: she's moving left 

but then so is Obama

Todd: even Larry Summers 

sounds like a populist now!

Henderson: Jeb says he wants to

help poor people what policies

does he propose to do about it

Todd: Vox published nine secrets

from Congress including they spend

all their time begging rich people

for money and most members

of Congress only see it as a

stepping stone to getting a lobbying job

Mitchell: it's a revolving door

– everyone knows that

Todd: and that's another

episode of Meet The Press