Sunday, February 22, 2015

Meet the Press – February 22, 2015

Richard Engel
Haley Barbour
Amy Walter
Michael Gerson
Nia-Malika Henderson
Robert Gibbs
Jeh Johnson – Sec. Dept of Homeland Security
Alan Kuperman
Rep. Charlie Dent (D-PA)
Sherrilyn Ifill, President NAACP Legal Defense Fund
Cynthia McFadden
Beau Willimon – Exec. Producer,
House of Cards

Todd: OMG President Obama
won't say radical islam

Audience: that's rad

Todd: Republicans say they are
mad at Obama but Bush and
Cheney also said terrorism
was not true islam

Bush: Islam is Peace!

Todd: omg it's cable catnip –
Rudy Giuliani said Obama
doesn't love America

Todd: Americans hate politics and
the media because of what Rudy said
and also obsessing over what Rudy said

Todd: he's desperate to stay relevant
but the media are to blame

Rudy: Obama criticizes America
but I'm not racist because he
went to white schools

Todd: I'm not sure it works that way

Rudy: Obama is a Commie!

Todd: Democrats are equally to
blame because they are enjoying this

Todd: Rubio took the high road but
Scott Walker ducked the issue and
Bobby Jindal said Obama is a
foreigner with a funny name

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Mr Barbour

Barbour: good morning Charles

Todd: is Rudy not polite enough?

Barbour: Obama caused the
recession in 2007!

Todd: okay but what about
calling the President of the
United States un-American

Barbour: Democrats are to
blame for what Rudy said!

Todd: should we care even what
Giuliani says about anything –
after all his father was an 
un-American criminal

Barbour: Democrats want to change
the subject from Obama's failed
decision to invade Iraq in 2003!

Todd: Scott Walker won't say
if Obama is a Christian

Barbour: Chris Christie is a great American!

Todd: but did Walker mess up?

Barbour: Scott Walker was
just saying that Obama is lying
about being a Christian

Todd: wait what?

Barbour: exactly

Todd: no one else gets asked
whether they love America or if
they are a genuine Christian
except the first black President
is this racist?

Barbour: I don't get that because
of a lot of black people are Christians
more than whites probably who
may be Hebrews

Todd: so saying the twice-elected
African-American President
secretly hates the country and
wants to destroy it is not racial

Barbour: we want to talk about
Obama's failed policies – ten years
ago the economy was booming
and Obama wrecked it

Todd: should Rudy Giuliani apologize

Barbour: Giuliani is a war hero!

[ break ]

Todd: panel I hate this story and it
brings out the worst in the press
and politicians and so let's talk
about it some more

Walter: welcome to
the NFL Mr. Walker!

Gerson: you can't talk in public
like the voices your hear in
your head or on talk radio

Todd: right

Gerson: Walker is not
ready for prime time

Todd: Ron Fournier says the Internet
turned Republicans into assholes

Henderson: for pete's sake
Haley Barbour just said Obama
has faked his Christianity for 25 years

Todd: the Internet makes liberals
called conservatives fascists
which makes me sad

Gibbs: this is campaigning 101 –
if someone asks you if the Christian
President is a Christian then you say yes

Todd: that makes sense

Gibbs: Rudy blew so many
dog whistles he ended
up winning best in show at
the Westminster Dog Show

Todd: good one Bob

Gibbs: if you can't answer the
easy questions you not ready
to run for President

Walter: Governor Walker is still learning

Gibbs: Chuck assume you love
the country since you have so
many flags on this set

Todd: I do I really do

[ break ]

Todd: OMG ISIS has spread to Egypt!

Engel: Libya is much like Italy –
it has a Mediterranean climate,
nice beaches, and is a totally lawless land

Kuperman: just like Bush in Iraq
Obama took a stable ally in Libya
and attacked and wrecked it

Todd: oops

Engel: Obama fucked up by
overthrowing Gaddaffi allowing
radicals to overrun Libya

Engel: then he screwed up again
by not overthrowing Assad allowing
radicals to overrun Syria

Todd: I think I follow

Engel: now the US has to invade and
occupy Iraq against because the U.S.
overthrew Hussein and ISIS
overran that country

Todd: I'm sensing a pattern

Engel: what is Obama's plan
to stabilize Iraq and Syria and
Libya and Yemen and
Egypt and Afghanistan?

Todd: coast guard?

Engel: Obama seems to have
no plan to fix the whole world
it's very frustrating

Todd: thanks for coming Richard

[ break ]

Todd: OMG you said the
Mall of America is about
to be attacked today!

Johnson: that's right Todd

Todd: that's crazy and scary

Johnson: ISIS is on the internet
now causing American teenagers
to want to attack a mall

Todd: so are there more
mall cops at the mall?

Johnson: that's right – they've
formed a ring of steel around
the food court

Todd: wow what else

Johnson: we've stationed trained
german shepards in front of the Gap,
the Apple store, and Yankee Candle

Todd: not Auntie Anne's?

Johnson: the dogs keep eating the pretzels

Todd: they are addictive

Johnson: I personally will be
guarding the Cinnabon

Todd: sounds like you've
got all the bases covered

Johnson: we're professionals David

Todd: should people just not
go to the mall and maybe go
outside or read a book or
spend time with their families

Johnson: now who's un-American?

Todd: if the President used
the phrase 'radical islam'
would the war be over?

Johnson: ISIL is hijacking Islam!

Todd: that's not very nice

Johnson: if we call them Muslims
it dignifies ISIS which is what they want

Todd: if Homeland Security runs
out of money what happens

Johnson: 30,000 Americans protecting
you from terrorists will be furloughed
and you will probably be killed

Todd: oh shit

Johnson: also immigrants
will flood across the border!

Todd: well that does it

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senator Corker

Corker: hi Chuck

Todd: does it matter what we call terrorists?

Corker: they are islamic extremists
and they are about to attack America

Todd: we all know that

Corker: we must reluctantly invade
and occupy Iraq again but this
time in sober and sensible way

Todd: Kayla Mueller's parents
understand why the U.S. doesn't
pay ransom but say that policy
shouldn't apply if an American
is actually kidnapped

Corker: if the U.S. paid ransom it
would encourage more kidnappings
and involve a lot of paperwork

Todd: ISIS is enslaving people

Corker: yes they are – it's
one of many evil things they do

Todd: they really are up there
on the scale of being really evil

Corker: the American people
have to understand that invading
and occupying Iraq is going to be difficult

Todd: oh you think so?

Corker: I have it on good authority

Todd: and you have a plan to
end slavery around the world

Corker: yes I have a bill to
end slavery by businesses

Todd: the free market hasn't
solved this problem?

Corker: incredibly no

Todd: do Republicans hate immigrants
so much they will shut down Homeland Security?

Corker: that's a tough call

[ break ]

Todd: the Supreme Court said
there is no more racism and
gutted the Voting Rights Act

Ifill: the court provide a guide
to fix the law but of course
Congress has done nothing

Todd: you're one of the only
Republicans who wants to fix it

Dent: I believe there are many
Republicans who secretly care
about voting rights

Todd: they're hiding it well

Dent: our bill strikes the right balance
between support the right to vote
and totally suppressing it

Todd: voter ID is the sticking point

Ifill: a Texas judge ruled that voter ID
was passed for the purpose of
discriminating against minority voters

Todd: that sounds about right

Ifill: if we want to honor the civil
rights movement we need fix the law

Todd: Congressman
what about voter ID

Dent: voter fraud is a huge problem –
Republicans are going to insist on
voter ID to prevent all this fraud!

Ifill: if you care so much about
fraud and voting rights why
not expand early voting?

Dent: lol that's funny

[ break ]

Todd: American Sniper is Red State
and Birdman is Blue State

Todd: ooh a behind-the-scenes
look at House of Cards

McFadden: like many Americans
Kevin Spacey is frustrated with
Washington because both sides do it

Spacey: no it's one side –
the Republican party is blocking
everything the President is doing

McFadden: derp

McFadden: are you a cynic?

Willimon: no Frank Underwood is an optimist

McFadden: oh come one

Willimon: he get things done!

[ break ]

Todd: Republicans are attacking
Obama for saying we are not at
war with Islam when Bush and
Cheney said the same thing

Gerson: that's right

Todd: so Obama is right?

Gerson: ISIS want a holy war –
you'd being playing right into their hands!

Todd: wow

Gerson: we need muslim allies
in the war on terror – you can't alienate them!

Todd: Bill Kristol wrote something interesting

Walter: I find that hard to believe

Todd: he says the GOP is
sleepwalking to defeat in 2016

Walter: the election is 600 days away

Todd: Iowa is only 300 days!

Walter: we've spent your
whole show on irrelevant stuff

Todd: true

Walter: but there are some
good GOP candidates out there

Todd: really?

Walter: it's possible

Todd: Hillary works with Saudi Arabia!

Gibbs: they are a U.S. ally

Todd: but they're muslim foreigners

Gibbs: Giuliani works for Qatar
and you didn't mention that

Todd: like I have time to list
every bad thing Rudy does
in a one-hour show

Gibbs: fair point

Todd: who's your favorite fictional President?

Gerson: Arnold Schwarzenegger
from the Simpsons

Henderson: Selena Meyer from Veep

Walter: Lisa Simpson

Gibbs: President Josiah Bartlett!

Todd: Harrison Ford

Henderson: get off my plane!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press