Sunday, February 22, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – February 22, 2015

Martha Raddatz
Pierre Thomas
Jeh Johnson – Sec. of Homeland Security
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Bill Kristol
Joe Klein

Stephanopoulos: OMG there is a
new terror threat on the homeland!!

Thomas: al-Shabbab put out a video saying
they were going to attack the Mall of America!

Stephanopoulos: they hate us
for our cinnabons

Thomas: Mall security says
they on top of the situation

Stephanopoulos: problem solved

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome Jeh

Johnson: good morning George

Stephanopoulos: Jeh this is threat
to attack a mall is terrifying

Johnson: we are threatened by
al-qaeda, ISIS, ISIL, AQAP,
AQIM, ASAP and al-shabbab

Stephanopoulos: holy fucking shit

Johnson: we're in a new
phase of fear and terror

Stephanopoulos: home many
terrorists are in Minneapolis?

Johnson: we're doing a pretty
good job tracking them

Stephanopoulos: pretty good?

Johnson: we're doing our best Steph

Stephanopoulos: Lindsay Graham
says we are about to be attacked 
and it will be all Obama's fault

Johnson: he wasn't President on 9/11

Stephanopoulos: maybe not

Johnson: terrorists use the Internet now

Stephanopoulos: oh man we're fucked

Johnson: no one knows how
that online machine works

Stephanopoulos: President Obama
only wears one flag pin and won't
say 'islamic terrorism'

Johnson: ISIL has hijacked Islam

Stephanopoulos: bastards

Johnson: if we say they are real
muslims we are dignifying them
and giving them what they want

Stephanopoulos: what happens if
Congress keeps up their temper tantrum
and defunds homeland security?

Johnson: we may all be killed by terrorists

Stephanopoulos: so there's a downside

Johnson: also it's snowing
out so we need funding

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Jeh

[ break ]

Raddatz: why would anyone join ISIS?

Expert: whether or not to join a fanatical
medieval death cult is one of the most
important decisions a teenager can make

Raddatz: it's not just young men
schoolgirls are joining too

Expert: this is not what
we meant by leaning in

Raddatz: 150 Americans have 
tried to join ISIS!

Teen: life in America sucked so
I'm going to die in a war zone!

Expert: everyone hates high school you idiot

Raddatz: why are so many kids joining ISIS?

Expert: in Europe but not America!

Raddatz: because of assimilation?

Expert: right

Muslim-AmericanBoy Scout: 
we know what Islam really is 
- fuck ISIS!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Congressman
how can we stop an attack
on the Mall of America?

Ellison: we tell young people you
can get involved in America and
improve it or suffer and die alone and
abandoned in a desert for a false cause

Stephanopoulos: you make a persuasive case

Stephanopoulos: how did ISIS outflank us?

Havlicek: they've been persuading
young people for 25 years and we've
been offering them debt and jobs at McDonalds

Stephanopoulos: good point

Havlicek: ISIS does great public relations
they do Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat

Stephanopoulos: not Instagram?

Havlicek: no that's for old people

Stephanopoulos: how can we normal
Americans partner with Muslims?

Ellison: reach out and say hey
you're muslim but you will be
welcomed in America too

Stephanopoulos: so we should lie

Ellison: right

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg Rudy Giuliani
said Obama doesn't love America 
but said he's not racist because 
has a white momma

Stephanopoulos: Jeb Bush says
he's his own man but has hired the
idiots who advised his brother to
start a war in the middle east

Stephanopoulos: welcome Lindsay

Graham: morning George

Stephanopoulos: do you really
believe there is a chance you can
be the GOP nominee for President?

Graham: I can bash Obama 
with the best of them

Stephanopoulos: was Rudy right to
say Obama hates America because
he's a communist anti-colonialist?

Graham: Obama won't defend
America from all these attacks

Stephanopoulos: what attacks?

Graham: like 9/11

Stephanopoulos: how should
Obama defend America?

Graham: invade and occupy Iraq and Syria

Stephanopoulos: are you serious?

Graham: hells bells yes – we must send
more U.S. troops to the middle east
that will fix everything

Stephanopoulos: fix what?

Graham: all the chaos from
we caused when we invaded 
the first time

Stephanopoulos: how many troops 
should we send?

Graham: tens of thousands

 Stephanopoulos: really?

Graham: my stars yes

Stephanopoulos: what about
funding Homeland Security?

Graham: Obama's immigration
order was illegal!

Stephanopoulos: okay but is that
enough of a reason to defund the agency?

Graham: we must fund DHS –
there are many threats to the homeland

Stephanopoulos: all right

Graham: look if we don't fund it the
people will blame the Republican party

Stephanopoulos: can't imagine why

Graham: the American people
are about to be killed by terrorists
because of Obama!

Stephanopoulos: the people of
South Carolina know you best and
even they don't want you to run for President

Graham: they won't say that
when they're all killed by terrorists

Stephanopoulos: that is something 
to look forward too

Graham: radical islam is a thousand
years old and they will come here
and kill every Christian unless I stop them

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani
said Obama hates America!

Kristol [ grinning ]: he's just having fun

Klein: voters don't like angry
people and Republicans 
sound really angry lately

Kristol: how you would feel if 
you lost two national elections 
to a black guy named Hussein 

Stephanopoulos: there is a double standard - 
Democrats are never asked why 
Rudy Giuliani is a huge racist 

Ellison: what bullshit George –
the double standard is with you
and your obsession with flag pins
for Democrats

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