Sunday, February 01, 2015

Meet The Press – February 1, 2015

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Leonard Marshall – Fmr. NFL 
Super Bowl Champion
Bob Gates
Jeff Pash – NFL Counsel
DeMaurice Smith – NFL Players Association
Savannah Guthrie
Rich Lowry
Kathleen Parker
Mark Halperin

Todd: omg it's the Super Bowl!

Todd: Republicans loved Mitt Romney
until he said he might run again

Todd: Paul Ryan is the most important
Republican in Washington and even
said nice things about President Obama

Ryan: there was less demagoguery this time!

Todd: did Mitt make the right decision?

Ryan: hell yeah

Todd: would you have endorsed him?

Ryan: um yes

Todd: but it was the right decision?

Ryan: yes Mitt put the needs of
the nation first and decided he
should not be President

Todd: will you endorse your home
state Governor Scott Walker?

Ryan: no he's kind of an idiot

Todd: would you be willing to run
for Vice President again?

Ryan: sure why the hell not

Todd: you were one of the few
Republicans who didn't bash Obama's
state of the union address

Ryan: we've got to grow this
economy growing faster!

Todd: by changing the tax code?

Ryan: right

Todd: how specifically?

Ryan: raising taxes on the poor
and cutting them on the rich

Todd: what about Obama's ideas

Ryan: I agree on the earned income tax credit

Todd: what about another child care tax credit

Ryan: Obama wants to raise taxes!

Todd: what about closing
the trust fund loophole

Ryan: he's exploiting envy economics

Todd: that sounds bad

Ryan: Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Todd: will you put out your own tax plan?

Ryan: someday we might

Todd: when?

Ryan: first we want to pretend
to work with the President

Todd: you ran against Obama in 2012
saying he would ruin America but now
the Dow is up and the GDP is up
and unemployment is down to 5.6%

Ryan: see I was right he's a total failure

Todd: um okay

Ryan: Obama is full of happy talk
and we're in a deep depression

Todd: is it appropriate for Congress
to invite a world leader without
informing the President?

Ryan: look at the Constitution –
Congress is a separate branch

Todd: but you're pitting another 
nation's leader leader against 
your own President

Ryan: it's totally appropriate for
Congress to invite a foreigner to
bash the Commander-in-Chief

[ break ]

Todd: OMG Scott Walker leads in the polls!

Halperin: now he's got to get
the big money and win Iowa

Todd: now that Romney is out
we know who the candidates
are the race is on!

Parker: Romney showed you
can still be classy in politics

Todd: but the toughest ads
in 2008 were Romney's!

Parker: well now that he's 
going away he can be nice

Todd: what do rich people 
think of Scott Walker?

Cramer: well they hate unions

Todd: how about Christie?

Cramer: wealthy guys like him
because he's such an asshole

Todd: nice

Cramer: although the economy 
in New Jersey sucks

Parker: Jeb is a squish on
immigrants and common core

Parker: the base loves Walker
and yet he's not crazy

Halperin: Jeb will raise $100 million

Todd: money isn't everything

Halperin: yes it is

Todd: will Washington pass tax reform?

Cramer: no chance at all

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Bob Gates

Gates: Hi Chuck

Todd: we're not winning against ISIS are we?

Gates: that's right

Todd: oh no Obama is terrible

Gates: they're reached their natural
limits but the bombing helps too

Todd: you want ground troops but
you also said anyone who sends 
troops to the middle east should 
have their head examined

Gates: true but we can't stop ISIS without
sending U.S. troops all over the middle east

Todd: oh really?

Gates: yes but only a few hundred troops

Todd: oh good

Gates: the President's policy is unrealistic!

Todd: how do we totally destroy ISIS?

Gates: we can't – heck we haven't
destroyed al-qaeda yet

Todd: true

Gates: we have to deny them
territory so they don't have a base

Todd: it's all about the base

Gates: no trouble

Todd: but places like Yemen and Syria
and Libya and Iraq are all basket cases

Gates: there are four major wars
in the middle east right now

Todd: well sure

Gates: also the entire nation-state
system is falling apart

Todd: oh is that all

Gates: we have to step back and ask
how can the West re-make the Middle East
but get it right this time

Todd: sugar is very expensive
in Russia right now

Gates: that's what got the Czar killed

Todd: Obama has engineered an
economic crisis in Russia which 
is bad for America

Gates: Putin is going to blame the West
which makes him very popular

Todd: Obama is causing pain in
Russia proving how bad Obama is

Gates: this is all about Ukraine but
how cares about Ukraine anyway

Todd: really?

Gates: yeah let's calm down and
just tell them you're just not worth it

Todd: harsh

Gates: hey Kiev we're just not that into you

Todd: what questions should I ask
candidates for 2016 to prove they
can be a good commander in chief?

Gates: are they willing to hire
me as an advisor

Todd: that's a good one

[ break ]

Todd: everyone thinks liberals are
wine-drinking snobs but did you
know liberals drink more beer

Audience: aha like regular humans

Todd: although it is craft beer like Sam Adams

Audience: elitists!

Todd: conservatives don't drink
as much beer but they do drink
regular-person beer like Budweiser

Audience: in other words crap

Todd: Liberals eat pita chips while
conservatives like pretzels and wouldn't
you know it independents like chex mix

Audience: stupid independents

Todd: Patriot fans are Democrats
and Seahawks are purple

Todd: the team with the most liberal
fan base is the Oakland Raiders and
the most conservative are the Cardinals 

Audience: well that works out well
because they both suck 

[ Koch Industries ad ]

Todd: how did you first know
you had a brain problem

Marshall: I would forget things

Todd: did that scare you

Marshall: it's scared the daylights out of me

Todd: it turns out CTE kills a lot of people
including Junior Seau who was voted in the
Hall of Fame this week and he would have
loved it if he wasn't dead

Goddell: we want to make the game as
safe as it can be for 400 lb men crashing
into each other for our amusement

Todd: should the NFL pay 
for your health care?

Marshall: yes they should

Todd: do you think they knew

Marshall: they had to know!

Todd: 4 in 10 Americans don't want
their kids playing football because
it can wreck your brain

Todd: NFL players who started
as kids have more serious brain
problems later in life

Favre: I would be leery of letting 
my son play football and my 
daughter dating a player

Todd: can it be made safe?

Marshall: it will take something
alarming – more than players
committing murder and suicidewas before

Todd: do you believe the game of
football is as safe as it can be?

Smith: of course not – are you on drugs?

Todd: like right now?

Smith: when I started the head of
the NFL's concussion committee
was a fucking rheumatologist!

Todd: players don't like
Thursday night football

Smith: yeah but we won
on not playing 18 games

Todd: what about the NFL's
personal conduct policy?

Smith: Roger Goddell is out of control
we need a arbitrator who doesn't
have his head up his ass

Todd: what about the name of
the Washington Redskins

Smith: I grew up a Redskins fan
but it's time for a change

Todd: is football safe?

Marshall: nope

[ break ]

Todd: is pro football as safe as it could be?

Pash: well it's less deadly than it used to be

Todd: how so?

Pash: crushed brains are
down a whopping 40%

Todd: should little kids be smashing
their brains into each other?

Pash: we must look at child concussions

Todd: is that all – what about stopping
kids from beating the hell out of each other

Pash: look let's not go overboard

Todd: why have a new policy
without negotiating with the union?

Pash: players like being held 
to high standards!

Todd: the NFL had a terrible year

Pash: we've learned a lot this year
like knocking women unconscious
is bad especially if you get caught

Todd: thanks for coming and
have a happy Super Bowl

[ break ]

Todd: how does Roger Goddell still have a job?

Cramer: he brought in the money

Todd: maybe but he came off like a jackass

Halperin: the NFL owners are so
tone deaf – we all want to love the NFL!

Todd: they were slow to re-act but
now they're all in on domestic violence

Parker: yes thankfully because of
the NFL breast cancer has been
cured and domestic violence will
soon no longer be a problem

Todd: Savannah parents have
some tough decisions to make

Guthrie: everyone is soul-searching
on whether oh many concussions 
are worth getting for a dangerous hobby

Todd: Marshawn Lynch is just
like Al Gore and the Birthers

Parker: I love Marshawn

Todd: shouldn't someone
auto-tune Marshawn Lynch?

Halperin: oh it's been done
google it Todd

Todd: Savannah you scored an interview
with Obama but then again so did that
girl who drinks cereal out of a bathtub

Guthrie: hey whatever I'll take it

Todd: ask him what snacks he eats

Guthrie: I'll be sure to do that

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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