Gen. John Allen (Ret.)
Ted Cruz (R-TX)
Nasser Judeh – Foreign Minister of Jordan
Liz Spayd – Columbia Journalism Review
David Folkenflik – NPR
Kristen Soltis Anderson
Raddatz: ISIS may have gone too far
in burning a Jordanian pilot alive
Allen: this will unify our coalition!
Raddatz: did it backfire on ISIS
Allen: you're darn right it did
Raddatz: in retaliation Jordan immediately
executed two prisoners and scrambled the
jets and bombed the living shit out of ISIS
Allen: it galvanized the coalition!
Raddatz: are you destroying ISIS?
Allen: we pushed them out of Kobani!
Raddatz: Syria is a breeding
ground of terrorism
Allen: like America and the measles
Raddatz: have we trained the Iraqi troops yet?
Allen: no we're still teaching
them them to shoot and stuff
Raddatz: has ISIS adapted?
Allen: yeah they don't drive in convoys
flying that stupid black flag any more
Raddatz: do they pose a threat
to the homeland?
Allen: they just might
Stephanopoulos: do you know anything
about the American hostage?
Judeh: no and why don't you
ask American officials?
Stephanopoulos: is ISIS on the run?
Judeh: yes definitely
Stephanopoulos: oh good
Judeh: but they still have millions
of dollars and lots big weapons
Stephanopoulos: oh that's not as good
Judeh: it will take years to defeat
them if we ever do
Biden: we don't want war in Ukraine
but don't push us – Russia's invasion
is a big fucking deal!
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: good morning Ted
Cruz: good morning –
I'm at a peace conference in Munich
Stephanopoulos: those always go well
Cruz: we need to send weapons to Ukraine!
Stephanopoulos: go on
Cruz: we have a treaty obligation
to send them guns!
Stephanopoulos: you're a big supporter
of American treaty obligations I'm sure
Stephanopoulos: you want to
bomb ISIS back to the stone age
Cruz: yes – that's where my best
ideas come from anyway
Stephanopoulos: do you want to
send U.S. troops to defeat ISIS?
Cruz: no I don't support U.S.
boots on the ground
Stephanopoulos: oh no?
Cruz: no we need send guns
to the Kurds – those bastards can fight
Stephanopoulos: you suddenly
sound like a dove
Cruz: let's arm the peshmerga!
Stephanopoulos: okay then
Cruz: Obama leads from behind –
I want the peshmerga to lead!
Stephanopoulos: ISIS is about to
attack America and Speaker Boehner
says Homeland Security isn't funded
and it's all your fault
Cruz: no I fought against the Cromnibus
Stephanopoulos: you did?
Cruz: yes it's all Boehner's fault
and also he's a poopyhead
Stephanopoulos: is he really?
Cruz: Democrats are filibustering
Homeland Security money!
Cruz: illegals are killing America!
Stephanopoulos: Hillary will argue
that Republicans keep wrecking
the economy and Democrats keep fixing it
Cruz: Obama hates millionaires
and billionaires but also they've
gotten fat and happy under
Democratic crony capitalism
Stephanopoulos: that makes sense I think
Cruz: we are for the poor and not the rich!
Stephanopoulos: is Jeb Bush
a squish in the mushy middle?
Cruz: yes he doesn't want to
deport 10 million illegals
Stephanopoulos: got it
Cruz: we need a leader who
will argue for the poor and civil rights!
Cruz: I have a dream! Power to the people!
Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Ted
Cruz: Workers of the world unite!
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Brian Williams was
suspended for saying he was hit by
a rocket instead of bullets
Williams: I was hit by an RPG and a
hero soldier saved my life
Soldier: dude no way that happened
Williams: okay maybe not
Twitter: hashtag BrianWilliamsWas
Williams: but Hurricane Katrina I
almost died and was saved by a
heroic soldier making kind of heroic too
Witness: no that never happened either
Williams: damn I suck a reporting facts
– oh well
Stephanopoulos: should he be suspended?
Spayd: NBC needs to investigate
their star anchor and declare him adorable
Stephanopoulos: NBC knew he
was a serial fabulist
Folkenflik: Rather was fired not
for his mistakes but for defending himself
Stephanopoulos: just like politicians
Stephanopoulos: his exaggerations were
not on his show but on places like Letterman
Spayd: that's worse because Williams
is an unctuous preening egotistical
star with a cult of personality
Folkenflik: no one trusts NBC to
discipline their avuncular
pretentious fame whore
Stephanopoulos: perhaps not
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Hillary is the big front
runner but she was last time too
Clinton 2008: it will be over by super Tuesday!
Clinton 2016: I had no strategy!
Karl: what do you mean?
Clinton: I realize now I have
to earn your support
Karl: gender will be front and center this time
Clinton: I have that high-pro
Karl: but can she relate to the middle class?
Clinton: I think I can – what is middle class?
Karl: here's a sign she wants to win
– she's trying to be like Obama
Halperin: these Obama staffers know how to win!
Heileman: it would help her if someone
tested her in debates of some kind
Stephanopoulos: this time
she's playing up gender
Soltis Anderson: remember when
Obama said “you're likeable enough Hillary”
Stephanopoulos: no because it didn't happen
Stephanopoulos: what if Hillary stumbles?!?
Van Jones: there is thunder on the
left for action on income inequality
Stephanopoulos: hell even Ted Cruz
these days is sounding like Karl Marx