Sunday, February 08, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – February 8, 2015

Jon Karl
Gen. John Allen (Ret.)
Ted Cruz (R-TX)
Nasser Judeh – Foreign Minister of Jordan
Liz Spayd – Columbia Journalism Review
David Folkenflik – NPR
Mark Halperin
Jon Heileman
Kristen Soltis Anderson
Van Jones

Raddatz: ISIS may have gone too far
in burning a Jordanian pilot alive

Allen: this will unify our coalition!

Raddatz: did it backfire on ISIS

Allen: you're darn right it did

Raddatz: in retaliation Jordan immediately
executed two prisoners and scrambled the
jets and bombed the living shit out of ISIS

Allen: it galvanized the coalition!

Raddatz: are you destroying ISIS?

Allen: we pushed them out of Kobani!

Raddatz: Syria is a breeding 
ground of terrorism

Allen: like America and the measles

Raddatz: have we trained the Iraqi troops yet?

Allen: no we're still teaching
them them to shoot and stuff

Raddatz: has ISIS adapted?

Allen: yeah they don't drive in convoys
flying that stupid black flag any more

Raddatz: do they pose a threat 
to the homeland?

Allen: they just might

Raddatz: eek!

Stephanopoulos: do you know anything
about the American hostage?

Judeh: no and why don't you 
ask American officials?

Stephanopoulos: is ISIS on the run?

Judeh: yes definitely

Stephanopoulos: oh good

Judeh: but they still have millions
of dollars and lots big weapons

Stephanopoulos: oh that's not as good

Judeh: it will take years to defeat 
them if we ever do

Biden: we don't want war in Ukraine
but don't push us – Russia's invasion
is a big fucking deal!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: good morning Ted

Cruz: good morning –
I'm at a peace conference in Munich

Stephanopoulos: those always go well

Cruz: we need to send weapons to Ukraine!

Stephanopoulos: go on

Cruz: we have a treaty obligation
to send them guns!

Stephanopoulos: you're a big supporter
of American treaty obligations I'm sure

Cruz: sometimes

Stephanopoulos: you want to
bomb ISIS back to the stone age

Cruz: yes – that's where my best 
ideas come from anyway

Stephanopoulos: do you want to
send U.S. troops to defeat ISIS?

Cruz: no I don't support U.S.
boots on the ground

Stephanopoulos: oh no?

Cruz: no we need send guns
to the Kurds – those bastards can fight

Stephanopoulos: you suddenly 
sound like a dove

Cruz: let's arm the peshmerga!

Stephanopoulos: okay then

Cruz: Obama leads from behind –
I want the peshmerga to lead!

Stephanopoulos: ISIS is about to
attack America and Speaker Boehner
says Homeland Security isn't funded
and it's all your fault

Cruz: no I fought against the Cromnibus

Stephanopoulos: you did?

Cruz: yes it's all Boehner's fault
and also he's a poopyhead

Stephanopoulos: is he really?

Cruz: Democrats are filibustering
Homeland Security money!

Stephanopoulos: wow

Cruz: illegals are killing America!

Stephanopoulos: Hillary will argue
that Republicans keep wrecking
the economy and Democrats keep fixing it

Cruz: Obama hates millionaires 
and billionaires but also they've 
gotten fat and happy under 
Democratic crony capitalism

Stephanopoulos: that makes sense I think

Cruz: we are for the poor and not the rich!

Stephanopoulos: is Jeb Bush 
a squish in the mushy middle?

Cruz: yes he doesn't want to 
deport 10 million illegals

Stephanopoulos: got it

Cruz: we need a leader who
will argue for the poor and civil rights!

Stephanopoulos: right

Cruz: I have a dream! Power to the people!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Ted

Cruz: Workers of the world unite!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Brian Williams was
suspended for saying he was hit by
a rocket instead of bullets

Williams: I was hit by an RPG and a
hero soldier saved my life

Soldier: dude no way that happened

Williams: okay maybe not

Twitter: hashtag BrianWilliamsWas 

Williams: but Hurricane Katrina
almost died and was saved by a 
heroic soldier making kind of heroic too

Witness: no that never happened either

Williams: damn I suck a reporting facts 
– oh well

Stephanopoulos: should he be suspended?

Spayd: NBC needs to investigate
their star anchor and declare him adorable

Stephanopoulos: NBC knew he 
was a serial fabulist

Folkenflik: Rather was fired not
for his mistakes but for defending himself

Stephanopoulos: just like politicians

Folkenflik: exactly

Stephanopoulos: his exaggerations were
not on his show but on places like Letterman

Spayd: that's worse because Williams
is an unctuous preening egotistical
star with a cult of personality

Folkenflik: no one trusts NBC to
discipline their avuncular
pretentious fame whore

Stephanopoulos: perhaps not

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Hillary is the big front
runner but she was last time too

Clinton 2008: it will be over by super Tuesday!

Clinton 2016: I had no strategy!

Karl: what do you mean?

Clinton: I realize now I have
to earn your support

Karl: gender will be front and center this time

Clinton: I have that high-pro 
grandmother glow

Karl: but can she relate to the middle class?

Clinton: I think I can – what is middle class?

Karl: here's a sign she wants to win
she's trying to be like Obama

Halperin: these Obama staffers know how to win!

Heileman: it would help her if someone
tested her in debates of some kind

Stephanopoulos: this time 
she's playing up gender

Soltis Anderson: remember when
Obama said “you're likeable enough Hillary”

Stephanopoulos: no because it didn't happen

Anderson: whatever

Stephanopoulos: what if Hillary stumbles?!?

Van Jones: there is thunder on the
left for action on income inequality

Stephanopoulos: hell even Ted Cruz
these days is sounding like Karl Marx

No comments: