Sunday, February 15, 2015

Meet The Press – February 15, 2015

Richard Engel
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Joe Scarborough
Tom Brokaw
Robert McDonald – Sec. of Veterans Affairs
April Ryan
David Axelrod
Kathleen Parker
Dana Carvey

Todd: OMG there was another
terror attack this time in Copenhagen

Engel: Danish officials say
this was a terror attack

Todd: well no shit

Engel: this was a mini Charlie Hebdo

Todd: I like a mini-danish

Engel: there was a free speech
event at a cafe with a cartoonist
and this brave soul shot at the
windows and then ran away

Todd: coward

Engel: then he killed a guard at a synagogue

Todd: bastard

Todd: so Richard what did
you see in your recent visit to Iraq

Engel: I was incredibly depressed actually

Todd: well it's Iraq what did you expect

Engel: no I was sad about
Beth and Tyrese on The Walking Dead

Todd: life goes on Richard

Engel: I know

Todd: what's wrong with Iraq

Engel: it's a total basket case –
it's like Washington D.C. with slightly
fewer murders and a little more dysfunction

Todd: that is bad

Engel: but we need to discuss
bigger issues – independence for the Kurds
and the role of Hezbollah and if while
covering the war Brian Williams
really fought off an attack from Bigfoot

Todd: those are all good questions

Engel: the Iraqi army is pathetic –
I haven't seen a team of losers this
bad since I caught this Knicks at the Garden

Todd: whoa that is bad

Engel: everything is Iraq is terrible

Todd: truly the gift that keeps on giving

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senator McCain

McCain: hi David

Todd: why do we need a
new authorization to use
force in the middle east

McCain: we don't

Todd: so why is Congress
voting for a new war then?

McCain: it's been a few years since
we authorized a new war and there's
never a bad time for a new war I say

Todd: so you agree with Obama

McCain: the President won't
declare war against Bashir Assad
which is crazy

Todd: oh really

McCain: it's an uncertain trumpet!

Todd: don't try eloquence
grampa - it's not your thing

McCain: grrrr!

Todd: Beth get him
some pudding

McCain: oooh

Todd: will you call for more authority?

McCain: we should not restrain
the President – we must unleash Obama!

Obama: you go John

Todd: Richard Engel says the Iraqi
government is a shambles oh and
also so is the rest of the Middle East

McCain: the surge worked!

Todd: we alll know you
love the surge old man

McCain: Iraq was fine and a
paradise and fell apart as
soon as U.S. troops left

Todd: that doesn't make sense

McCain: the President invents straw men
we can have a massive ground invasion
without lots of troops

Todd: good to know

McCain: we must rebuild the Iraqi military!

Todd: well the invasion was
ten years ago so why not

McCain: arm the Peshmerga!

Todd: any other ideas?

McCain: we must start
a war with Syria!

Todd: should the GOP hold
Homeland Security funding hostage
over their immigration temper tantrum

McCain: no it's fucking insane

Todd: thanks for coming

McCain: you're welcome Ned

[ break ]

Todd: are we at war with Syria or not?

Reed: look we have a big Arabic
coalition against ISIS

Todd: okay fine you get
rid of ISIS – big deal

Reed: it actually would be Todd

Todd: but we're neither allied with 
Syria nor at war with them
its very confusing

Reed: does it have to be one or the other?

Todd: oh yeah

Reed: I see

Todd: what about the three-year
limit on the President's authority?

Reed: it's a bad idea since we can't
send a signal to the world that we
might ever leave the middle east

Todd: why is this our fight?

Reed: well where else should we fight a war?

Todd: no I mean why fight a war at all?

Reed: I don't follow

Todd: what's our interest in fighting ISIS?

Reed: it became our fight
when we invaded Iraq

Todd: armed teens from America
have to put the middle east back together?

Reed: yes or radicalized terrorists
will leave the middle east and attack
us here unless we permanently pacify
the whole region until they love us
or are imprisoned there

Todd: you also want America
in a war with Russia

Reed: no I just want America a little
bit involved on behalf of Ukraine

Todd: just sort-of at war with Russia

Reed: yes also if we will send guns
to Ukraine it will send a message 
to Estonia that we like them

Todd: why not use instagram?

Reed: I'll consider that

[ break ]


Scarborough: Republicans blame Democrats
for leaving Iraq and Democrats blame
Republicans for invading Iraq

Todd: sounds about right

Scarborough: the American people
are sick of being told American teens
with guns have to fix the whole middle east

Todd: it's ironic that Obama is
starting a new war in the middle east

Ryan: he wants to leave the middle east
but a telegenic American there was
killed so of course it's more war

Todd: Obama's war resolution named
all the Americans killed by ISIS –
seems like a thin reason to start a war

Axelrod: this can't be all-American war

Todd: so we have to invade the
middle east to make it stable
which is in chaos because we
invaded the middle east

Axelrod: to give Obama credit he
promised to get us out of Iraq and
for better or worse he did

Parker: we all believed in the Iraq war
at the time and Bush is very heroic and
Obama is very grateful to Bush for
all the gifts Bush gave him

Obama: the fuck I am

[ break ]

Todd: omg Huckabee is leading in Iowa!

Todd: and in New Hampshire
it's Bush and Christie

Todd: in fact there are seven
different GOP front-runners

Todd: the four leaders are Bush and
Walker and Huckabee and Paul

Todd: oh and Clinton is blowing
away the Democratic field

Todd: so panelists it looks
like the leaders are Bush and Walker

Parker: I'm amazed
Bush is doing so well

Todd: really?

Parker: Huckabee is insane
so I don't see him winning

Todd: okay what about Paul?

Scar: don't count out Chris Christie!

Todd: I can and I do

Scarborough: Scott Walker
ticks off the boxes although
he looks like a office manager
at Dunder Mifflin

Todd: Clinton is going to be the nominee

Ryan: Democrats need to find a rock star

Todd: isn't that Hillary?

Ryan: yes but anything can happen

Todd: is Walker for real?

Axelrod: running for President 
has a high bar and it's an open 
question for Scott Walker
Bush will give him a tough run!

Scarborough: Walker has been
through three tough elections
don't count him out!

[ break ]

Todd: Tom Brokaw is investigating
homeless veterans in Los Angeles

Brokaw: the government built a 
nice VA facility in Los Angeles then 
leased it to private business because 
it was too valuable to be wasted on 
a bunch of war heroes

Lawyer: the politicians are all hypocrites!

Brokaw: were you surprised people
didn't want homeless veterans
in their neighborhood?

Shriver: yes but I'm naive

Brokaw: but then the VA reached
an agreement to end homelessness in LA

Todd: why did it take a lawsuit to
address homeless vets in LA?

McDonald: I don't know since it
predates my tenure – back then
I was CEO of P&G

Todd: fair enough

McDonald: but I'm friends of the
Shrivers so we made it happen

Todd: well that's good I guess

McDonald: we are moving forward
but we have to make sure the buildings
won't fall down in an earthquake

Todd: so they live in tents

McDonald: for now

Todd: how is the VA call center
does it still suck?

MacDonald: 900 people have been fired

Todd: wow

McDonald: the GAO says the
VA is still a hot mess

Todd: it is but we're getting better

McDonald: well okay

MacDonald: we provide health care
this is an emergency!

Todd: do you have any good news?

MacDonald: homelessness is down 33%

Todd: a Republican politician accused
you of glossing over problems at the VA

McDonald: I ran a big company sir
what have you done?!?

Coffman: I never killed people like you did!

McDonald: oh really?

Coffman: except for that one
guy but that just to watch him die

Todd: was that an appropriate
conversation at a Capitol Hill hearing?

McDonald: look we all are for veterans

Todd: you thought he was being unfair

McDonald: we're making progress
and he's been in government
longer than I have

Todd: can you run an
agency like a business?

McDonald: we can try

Todd: you're determined to
apply P&G practices at the VA

McDonald: more or less

Todd: what else do we need to know?

McDonald: at the VA we're
the canary in the coal mine

Todd: those canaries always die

McDonald: true

[ break ]

Todd: did you know there are 150
counties named after Presidents and
many of them were not criminals

Todd: if you've been watching NBC
at all you know we've been promoting
the hell out of this 40th anniversary of SNL

Todd: but my favorite part of SNL
has always been their skewering Presidents

Todd: you took your Bush
character to a new level

Carvey: being the President on SNL
is very cool but it took me a while
to get the Bush impression down

Todd: in real life Bush ever only
used the word “prudent” once

Carvey: yeah but it just fit so well

Todd: after he lost George Bush
invited you to the White House to
play pranks on people

Carvey: yeah and I slept over at the
White House and everything – it was great

Todd: was Perot easy to do?

Carvey: yeah he was a fully formed character

Todd: he's like a living caricature

Carvey: can I finish?! CAN I FINISH?!

Todd: Bush liked your impression
of him – what did Perot think?

Carvey: yeah he even invited me
to hang out with him on election night in 1992

Todd: what about the 2016 elections
anyone jump out at you?

Carvey: actually I'm working
on an impression of you

Todd: omg

Todd: panel liberals are in
mourning at losing Jon Stewart

Axelrod: well he's the best

Todd: satire is owned by liberals
while conservatives have radio

Axelrod: it's always been that way
Will Rogers was a Democrat and
Father Coughlin was a tea partier

Scarborough: it's conservative
because business people listen to the radio

Axelrod: oh right

Scarborough: and conservatives
aren't allowed in entertainment
because Hollywood is all liberal

Todd: oh come on that's your excuse

Scarborough: although I have to admit
Jon Stewart did go after Obama calling
him an emperor and on BENGHAZI

Parker: liberals put funny first and
conservatives policy first

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm glad you watched it for me.