Meet the Press - May 31, 2009

Host: David Gregory
Guests:
Sen. Patrick Leahy, Chair Judiciary Committee
Sen. Jeff Sessions, Judiciary Committee
Jim Owens - CEO Caterpiller
Anne Mulcahy - CEO Xerox
Eric Schmidt - CEO Google
********************************
Gregory: let's start our discussion of Sonia Sotomayor by adopting Republican talking
points in their entirety

Leahy: of course

Gregory: if you look at her statements about wise latinas it looks like they are quite innocuous
- so is this terrible??

Sessions: yes it's very troubling - judges are supposed to be vampires not latin queens

Gregory: let us quote Rush Limbaugh some more

Leahy: of course

Gregory: is Sotomayor is a bigot and a racist?

Leahy: um right

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh says she is like David Duke which we must take very seriously

Sessions: she said being a woman and latina would affect her view of the law which is outrageous
no white man would ever do that

Gregory: Justice Taney was actually an
alien from the planet Xenu

Leahy: let's face it - Rush Limbaugh is
the leader of the GOP

Sessions: [ sobs ]

Leahy: she went to Yale and became a prosecutor she's not a member of the Ku Klux Klan

Sessions: that's true - I never saw her at
any of the meetings

Leahy: she's had many years of experience
and is very qualified

Gregory: i don't want to talk about that -- I want
to talk about the nonsensical ravings
of Rush Limbaugh

Leahy: the stories about you being a moron
were in no way exagerrated

Gregory: Judge Alito talked about his Italian heritage

Sessions: well white men should be encouraged to have empathy for the little regular people

Gregory: if we can find any

Sessions: exactly it's so rare

Gregory: according to her decision
in the Ricci case she hates all white firefighters

Leahy: that was judicial restraint which
the GOP always says they want

Sessions: yeah but some Hispanic guy
said she was wrong

Gregory: i thought race didn't matter

Sessions: tell that to Clarence Thomas

Gregory: When he was a Senator Obama
said ideology matters - which is it?

Leahy: i can only speak for myself - but i think we should have a hearing before Newt tweets from Dachau that she wants to prevent Christians
from owning guns

Sessions: oooh good one

[ scribbles talking point down ]

Leahy: we have to work the hearings around the major hispanic holidays like the Festival of the Dead and Hate Whitey day

Sessions: I think we should give her a fair hearing before we accuse her of legislating from the bench based on the Ricci case where she let the local government actions stand

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG GM is going bankrupt
this is bad for America

Owens: they couldn't sell cars too damm bad

Gregory: is going bankrupt a bad idea?

Mulcahy: my keen business sense says yes

Gregory: aha!

Mulcahy: but unavoidable

Gregory: can the US still be the best in manufacturing?

Schmidt: yes we can lead the world
in blogging, tweeting, and LOLCATs

Gregory: have we heard from Obama when they
are going to finally adopt failed Republican policies??

Schmidt: we've got have smaller government
and have more rules to prevent businesses failing

Gregory: the government running
a car company is a scary prospect!

Owens: compete blah costs blah profits blah blah

Mulcahy: Once GM can tell its older workers to fuck off they will be on the road to prosperity

Gregory: yay!

Gregory: can we have a market bubble back??

Schmidt: this is a classic recovery -
unemployment is going to peak in 2010

Gregory: awesome

Mulcahy: the big question is can we get people
back to photocopying again!

Gregory: well people are copying lots of
resumes and bankruptcy filings

Mulcahy: thank god!

Owens: The Michael Scott Paper company
has severely cut into our business!

Gregory: can you still make money in America?

Owens: sadly no

Mulcahy: r u kidding?

Gregory: what are the top searches on Google?

Schmidt: susan boyle, funny cats and penis enlargement

Gregory: ha you read my mind!

Gregory: stimulus package?

Owens: it's awesome but we need more

Gregory: China is overstimulating!!

Mulcahy: it's all that MSG

Gregory: I'm very frightened by what's next

Owens: we're hoping to sell more earth movers to Israel

Mulcahy: we need to think about our lifestyles
and whether we are copying enough documents

Schmidt: America will recover faster than other nations because of our superior online maps

Gregory: will you be my Google Wave Friend?

Schmidt: no

Gregory: will wealth return??

Mulcahy: it’s still not safe to eat caviar it’s gauche

Owens: i'm already rich - i just want to be richer

Schmidt: California's problems are unique
- people there are selfish and short-sighted

Gregory: oh thank god that's not
like the rest of the U.S.

Gregory: what's the deal with women in business?

Mulcahy: we have a deep bench - watch out fluffyhaid!

[ break ]

Gregory: you were allowed the Obama white house!

Williams: I for one think our viewers
will welcome our new Negro Overlords

Gregory: and our Wise Latina Justices!

Williams: indeed

Gregory: Sessions is very troubled by her hispanic empathyness

Kay: i heard you were a moron

Gregory: huh?

Kay: oh pleez he praised Alito for having empathy
- this is all bullshit

Gregory: women in business?

Kay: we've moved beyond shoulder pads

Gregory: i liked the shoulder pads

Gregory: what is the Obama White House like?

Williams: he runs from room to room eating all the white M&Ms

Gregory: oh my
*********************************