Sunday, May 17, 2009

Meet the Press - May 17, 2009

Guests:
Tim Kaine, DNC Chair
Michael Steele, RNC Chair
**************************

Gregory: Obama has created controversy by taking a popular political position and speaking at a catholic school!

Steele: speaking for all catholics, i can tell you that they should not have given this child murderer a degree - also non-catholics are also troubled because let's face it Notre Dame's football team belongs to us all

Kaine: well there you go again with your big government put-women-in-prison attitude

Gregory: is Obama backtracking on abortion?? After all he hasn't had one since he was elected

Kaine: give him time

Gregory: how pro abortion is Obama?

Steele: oh he's crazy all up and supporting abortion - I'm very concerned that he's not supporting Planned Parenthood and also he watched "Rudy" on tv the other day - dude you can't have it both ways!!

Kaine: well that's stupid

Gregory: name one pro abortion Republican

Steele: Christie Todd Whitman

Gregory: yeah i heard from her about 10 years ago

Gregory: should we have empathy in judges?

Steele: hey fucker we don't need judges with feelings - we need a robot or a lizard or a dick cheney - an unfeeling monster who hates people

Kaine: I think judges need to consider how the law affects human beings

Steele: you don't need to judges to feel sorry for people or being overly sensitive or having a bad day or going through that time of the month

Kaine: people who like people are lucky people

Steele: well i hate people and we need judges who do too

Gregrory: Pelosi apparently waterboarded lots of people

Kaine: that's a lie

Gregory: but the CIA says she knew

Kaine: that's a lie as well

Steele: the central question on torture is what did nancy pelosi know and when did she know it

Gregory: should we have a truth commission?

Steele: yeah let’s sure investigate Pelosi’s complicity on torture fucker

Kaine: so we agree it was torture and we agree it was wrong

Steele: no no no the point is Nancy Pelosi is the focus on whatever bullshit we can throw out

Gregrory: was it torture?

Steele: oh i shouldn't say after all I'm a moron

Gregory: c'mon you can tell us

Steele: no I have no opinion on boiling people in oil

Gregory: is torture wrong?

Steele: dude who can say

Gregory: Cheney is pro torture

Steele: he's just a private citizen - who cares?

Gregory: but Cheney says he prefers Rush to Powell

Steele: i like all Republicans from Rush to Schwarzenegger Reagan to Mary Bono and Gopher in the Love Boat

Kaine: except for Arlen Specter

Steele: no that's different he's never been in any bad movies

Gregory: so you embrace every Republican except those who voted for the stimulus bill

Steele: that's a dealbreaker because they worked with Obama

Gregory: your party is fucked

Steele: it's true that we have bad ideas but it's important have balance with truth and lies

Gregory: Is Obama backtracking on promises he made to liberals on torture pictures!

Kaine: no he's copyrighted those photos and he's going to put out a special commermorative coffee table book

Steele: this fucking President reversed the order banning abortions overseas

Gregory: um what?

Steele: also he stopped the GOP plan to give poor black kids a free college education

Kaine: you're a loony

Gregory: health care reform is too expensive isn't it?

Kaine: no we must have it to save money

Steele: no one is talking about the most important issue - tort reform!

Gregory: oh

Steele: also we must have a table with insurers and the drug companies at it

Kaine: well fine we can make a deal then

Steele: well fine let's do tort reform and all our problems will be solved

Gregrory: is Obama a socialist?

Steele: he's my buddy and that's all that matters

Gregrory: so he's not a socialist?

Steele: i dunno

Gregory: the president mocked your attempt to reach out to blacks!

Steele: whazzup! [ puts hat on backwards ]

Gregory: [ attempts high five, misses ]
well it works better with karl rove

[ break ]

Gregrory: what the hell is wrong with the GOP?

Brownstein: they're driving out everyone who isn't a southern conservative christian lunatic

Noonan: i like a big tent with big tent poles

Gregrory: huh?

Noonan: their epic failure is just what they need to come back better than ever

Gregrory: what else

Noonan: they need to speak the english language which the current administration doesn't do so good

Gregory: you mean "well"

Nooner: you're a gooder talker

Gregory: you spoke with Obama

Meacham: yes they are falling apart like the Democrats in 1980

Gregory: so they will come back in 12 years!

Meachem: Obama keeps getting lucky

Haas: Obama is a good guy but he may not be imperial enough

Gregory: Pelosi says she was told waterboarding did not take place which means she knew!

Brownstein: oh no!

Gregory: Panetta said that the CIA doesn't usually lie

Brownstein: this isn't about the truth about torture - it's really about blaming Obama for everything Bush did

Gregory: oh my

Brownstein: Pelosi's inflammatory and that's bad in Washington DC

Noonan: this is shocking - the end result might be that people will ask questions and the truth might come out

Gregory: the only issue we need to talk about is why didn't the Democrats stop our hero George Bush from doing evil things

Haas: Democrats were scared of looking unpatriotic - why don't Democrats save us the GOP in the face of accusations that they hate America?

Audience: ah the story of the last 30 years

Gregory: Haas you're a hawk but you're calling for limited imperial wars

Meacham: Obama's like Spock - he believes getting stuck in a land war in Asia is not logical

Gregory: but does that mean that every 7 years he invades a random nation?

Meacham: Bush is a Klingon - warlike but put much stake on honor

Haas: Cheney is romulan - tricky and evil

Gregory: Obama seems like a pragmatist who plays 3 dimensional chess

Brownstein: he's coopting insurers and drug companies

Gregory: smart

Brownstein: then he got coal makers to agree on his energy plan

Gregory: that’s great - raising the question - but is he doing too much?

Noonan: speaking for regular Americans i can say they are very concerned about the large projected deficit and that Obama is doing a million things and the people don't like that

Meacham: I agree the Presidencies of Reagan and Bush show how people fret about the debt

Noonan: see!

Meacham: i was kidding stupid - i think the American people are grown-up enough to have a smart and busy president

Noonan: oh pooh

4 comments:

Igor said...

Old Russian saying...You can tell same lie 1000 time(Ms. Pelosi) but not change truth!

Difference between USSR Communist media and USA "mainstream media"

In Russia government make media say what they want - even if lie.
In USA "mainstream media" try make government what they want - even if lie..
.....eventually they become same thing?!

I Igor produce Obama Birth Certificate at www.igormaro.org

Batocchio said...

I like your version so much better. Well done!

Anonymous said...

If you go to Igormarxo, it will be 5 of the worst minutes of your life. You've been warned.

jim said...

I don't understand why a Russian guy blogs on American politics. He can't even formulate an english sentance...probably why he blogs for the right wing agenda.