Meet the Press - May 17, 2009

Guests:
Tim Kaine, DNC Chair
Michael Steele, RNC Chair
**************************

Gregory: Obama has created controversy by taking a popular political position and speaking at a catholic school!

Steele: speaking for all catholics, i can tell you that they should not have given this child murderer a degree - also non-catholics are also troubled because let's face it Notre Dame's football team belongs to us all

Kaine: well there you go again with your big government put-women-in-prison attitude

Gregory: is Obama backtracking on abortion?? After all he hasn't had one since he was elected

Kaine: give him time

Gregory: how pro abortion is Obama?

Steele: oh he's crazy all up and supporting abortion - I'm very concerned that he's not supporting Planned Parenthood and also he watched "Rudy" on tv the other day - dude you can't have it both ways!!

Kaine: well that's stupid

Gregory: name one pro abortion Republican

Steele: Christie Todd Whitman

Gregory: yeah i heard from her about 10 years ago

Gregory: should we have empathy in judges?

Steele: hey fucker we don't need judges with feelings - we need a robot or a lizard or a dick cheney - an unfeeling monster who hates people

Kaine: I think judges need to consider how the law affects human beings

Steele: you don't need to judges to feel sorry for people or being overly sensitive or having a bad day or going through that time of the month

Kaine: people who like people are lucky people

Steele: well i hate people and we need judges who do too

Gregrory: Pelosi apparently waterboarded lots of people

Kaine: that's a lie

Gregory: but the CIA says she knew

Kaine: that's a lie as well

Steele: the central question on torture is what did nancy pelosi know and when did she know it

Gregory: should we have a truth commission?

Steele: yeah let’s sure investigate Pelosi’s complicity on torture fucker

Kaine: so we agree it was torture and we agree it was wrong

Steele: no no no the point is Nancy Pelosi is the focus on whatever bullshit we can throw out

Gregrory: was it torture?

Steele: oh i shouldn't say after all I'm a moron

Gregory: c'mon you can tell us

Steele: no I have no opinion on boiling people in oil

Gregory: is torture wrong?

Steele: dude who can say

Gregory: Cheney is pro torture

Steele: he's just a private citizen - who cares?

Gregory: but Cheney says he prefers Rush to Powell

Steele: i like all Republicans from Rush to Schwarzenegger Reagan to Mary Bono and Gopher in the Love Boat

Kaine: except for Arlen Specter

Steele: no that's different he's never been in any bad movies

Gregory: so you embrace every Republican except those who voted for the stimulus bill

Steele: that's a dealbreaker because they worked with Obama

Gregory: your party is fucked

Steele: it's true that we have bad ideas but it's important have balance with truth and lies

Gregory: Is Obama backtracking on promises he made to liberals on torture pictures!

Kaine: no he's copyrighted those photos and he's going to put out a special commermorative coffee table book

Steele: this fucking President reversed the order banning abortions overseas

Gregory: um what?

Steele: also he stopped the GOP plan to give poor black kids a free college education

Kaine: you're a loony

Gregory: health care reform is too expensive isn't it?

Kaine: no we must have it to save money

Steele: no one is talking about the most important issue - tort reform!

Gregory: oh

Steele: also we must have a table with insurers and the drug companies at it

Kaine: well fine we can make a deal then

Steele: well fine let's do tort reform and all our problems will be solved

Gregrory: is Obama a socialist?

Steele: he's my buddy and that's all that matters

Gregrory: so he's not a socialist?

Steele: i dunno

Gregory: the president mocked your attempt to reach out to blacks!

Steele: whazzup! [ puts hat on backwards ]

Gregory: [ attempts high five, misses ]
well it works better with karl rove

[ break ]

Gregrory: what the hell is wrong with the GOP?

Brownstein: they're driving out everyone who isn't a southern conservative christian lunatic

Noonan: i like a big tent with big tent poles

Gregrory: huh?

Noonan: their epic failure is just what they need to come back better than ever

Gregrory: what else

Noonan: they need to speak the english language which the current administration doesn't do so good

Gregory: you mean "well"

Nooner: you're a gooder talker

Gregory: you spoke with Obama

Meacham: yes they are falling apart like the Democrats in 1980

Gregory: so they will come back in 12 years!

Meachem: Obama keeps getting lucky

Haas: Obama is a good guy but he may not be imperial enough

Gregory: Pelosi says she was told waterboarding did not take place which means she knew!

Brownstein: oh no!

Gregory: Panetta said that the CIA doesn't usually lie

Brownstein: this isn't about the truth about torture - it's really about blaming Obama for everything Bush did

Gregory: oh my

Brownstein: Pelosi's inflammatory and that's bad in Washington DC

Noonan: this is shocking - the end result might be that people will ask questions and the truth might come out

Gregory: the only issue we need to talk about is why didn't the Democrats stop our hero George Bush from doing evil things

Haas: Democrats were scared of looking unpatriotic - why don't Democrats save us the GOP in the face of accusations that they hate America?

Audience: ah the story of the last 30 years

Gregory: Haas you're a hawk but you're calling for limited imperial wars

Meacham: Obama's like Spock - he believes getting stuck in a land war in Asia is not logical

Gregory: but does that mean that every 7 years he invades a random nation?

Meacham: Bush is a Klingon - warlike but put much stake on honor

Haas: Cheney is romulan - tricky and evil

Gregory: Obama seems like a pragmatist who plays 3 dimensional chess

Brownstein: he's coopting insurers and drug companies

Gregory: smart

Brownstein: then he got coal makers to agree on his energy plan

Gregory: that’s great - raising the question - but is he doing too much?

Noonan: speaking for regular Americans i can say they are very concerned about the large projected deficit and that Obama is doing a million things and the people don't like that

Meacham: I agree the Presidencies of Reagan and Bush show how people fret about the debt

Noonan: see!

Meacham: i was kidding stupid - i think the American people are grown-up enough to have a smart and busy president

Noonan: oh pooh