Richard Besser, CDC
Kathleen Sebelius, HHS
Janet Napolitano, DHS
Sen. Arlen Specter, (D-PA)
Gregory: talk swine flu to me
Besser: as deadly plagues go it's not that bad
Gregory: what the fuck is going on in mexico - why are people dying?
Besser: people get the flu and then get kidnapped and get shot
Gregory: oh that's a problem
Besser: also more people could die here
Gregory: Katy am i overreacting by duct taping my children?
Sibelius: no that's a wise move
Gregory: ok then
Sibelius: we are ready for this problem - unlike Bush's FEMA
Gregory: how do you scare people without panicking them?
Biden: Don't leave your house!!!
Gregory: i hate it when the media scares people so let's blame Joe Biden for everything!!!
Napolitano: god you are a moron
Gregory: the plague is like a walk on a Slippery Rock - is the Nod of Peace just going make god angrier at us??
Besser: could be that's why we tell people to use the Fist Bump of Friendliness
Gregory: i'm terrified
Besser: you're an idiot
Gregory: bottom line - are we all going to die?
Besser: some day we all will fluffyhead
Gregory: why not seal the border until we know more??
Napolitano: is there someone less stupid we can talk to?
Tim Russert's Corpse: i'm not dead
Besser: jackass we have more cases than they do
Gregory: if my children cough what should i do
Besser: first get out the hazmat suit you bought on 9/11
Gregory: great - then what?
Besser: take them to a fucking doctor
Gregory: well only the important kids not my spare ones
Besser: naturally not those
[ break ]
Gregory: Arlen who should Barack put on the Court?
Specter: a wise cranky old woman
Gregory: my mother?
Specter: or maybe a hispanic or one of those other dark ones
Gregory: that will make mark halperin cry
Specter: fuck him
Gregory: well who specifically?
Specter: not touching that
Gregory: is ‘empathy’ just code for favoring the gaiis and minorities?
Specter: well what if it was?
Gregory: but white men!!
Specter: we had a good run dude but it's over now
Gregory: but you supported crazies
Specter: but not Bork
Gregory: i said crazy - not psychotic
Gregory: why did you switch parties ?
Specter: i have great ambition but no principles
Gregory: i see
Specter: the people of PA need my ancient wanking skillz
Gregory: bash Obama for me
Specter: not the Jedi!
Gregory: gawd even David Broder thinks you're untrustworthy
Specter: no fair the GOP has become the party of crazy
Gregory: since when?
Specter: since 1980 but i only just realized it
Gregory: how are you different from teh modern GOP
Specter: i'm against cancer
Gregory: why do hate baby Jesus?
Specter: hey he was jewish like me
Gregory: did you make a deal with Reid?
Specter: I only asked them to fix the election for me which the GOP refused to do
Gregory: what the hell do you believe in
Specter: no nukes, abortion, anti-cancer, social security, and paying WWI veterans their fucking bonuses
Gregory: good news for steve simels
Specter: what did he do in the war
Gregroy: he wrote snarky reviews of the Battle of Verdun
Gregory: health care reform?
Specter: what better way to reduce costs then use technology and research disease?
Gregory: it won't help at all?
Specter: grumble mumble
Gregory: what the fuck is wrong the Republicans
Specter: The Club for Growth are a bunch of lunatics and they have taken over the party
Gregory: strong words
Specter: they are destroying the party whaaaaaaa whaaaaaaa
Gregory: you are a democrat now - so do you support democratic ideas
Specter: fuck no
Gregory: you were misquoted
Specter: i never said single bullet i said single pullet
Gregory: a chicken killed Kennedy?
Specter: why not
Gregory: why are wearing an onion on your belt Arlen?
Specter: don't you like it?
[ break ]
Gregory: what's wrong with teh GOP
Gillespie: we suck
Gregory: we all know that
Gillespie: but hey we've been declared dead before
Scarborough: we always rise again
Gregory: why is that?
Scarborough: because selfishness has a universal appeal
Gregory: what went wrong
Scarborough: we spent too much and invaded Iraq
Gregory: i thought that was the best thing ever
Scarborough: well that was before
Gillespie: let's not bicker about who killed who
Gregory: how do you get the Presidency?
Gillespie: persuade Barack Obama to switch parties
Gillespie: we have independents who oppose Borrow and Spending
Scarborough: we did that every year from 1980 to 2008
Gillespie: oh pish posh
Scarborough: we haven't been really conservative for 30 years
Gregory: well what the fuck are you then?
Scarborough: we need to look internally
Scarborough: oh noe
Scarborough: ronald reagan was very very conservative
Gregory: but he ran up the debt too!
Scarborough: but that was all the Democrats fault
Gregory: maybe your problem is total hypocrisy
Gillespie: no we're too ideologically rigid
Scarborough: true we should have both the insane and non-insane
Gillespie: any qualified Scotus nominee should be approved except if they advocate empathy which is just crazy
Scarborough: we should promote total hate and lunacy but only in 2010
Gregory: thank you for appearing on Meet the Republicans - i mean Meet the Press
[ whiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrr ]
Gregory: what's that sound?
Stagehand: tim russert spinning in his grave
Kemp: we need racial reconciliation and have GOP reach out to blacks
rush limbaugh: who is this negro loving nut?