Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Brian Williams Inside the White House - June 3, 2009

Brian Williams Inside the Obama White House
June 3, 2009
Host: Brian Williams
Barack Obama
Michelle Obama
Williams: Barack is crazy multitasker

Obama: damm right I am [ tweets,
reads book, pets dog ]

Williams: Rahm Emmanuel is the enforcer

Emmanuel: fuckin’ A!

[slaps Williams]

Williams: Joe Biden shares an office
with the Bo the dog

Biden: I don’t mind - I love dogs

Bo: arf arf arf

Williams: what did he say

Pixar: he said ‘remember what happened
to henry wallace’

Williams: Michelle has multiple jobs

Audience: wow for a second I thought you were
going to say something else

Williams: she’s a Harvard grad and hot MILF

Michelle: pet the dog Brian

Williams: can I play on the swing set

Michelle: first do your homework buddy

Williams: ok

Williams: she has a garden and the first
beehive since Mamie Eisenhower

Williams: Michelle will you hug me

Michelle: down boy

Williams: ok sorry

Michelle: I wuz talking to the dog

Williams: what is your message michelle

Michelle: life isn’t rocket science just
try hard and do yur best

Williams: also have a deep voice and perfect hair

Williams: speak for youself

Williams: [ deep voice ] ok

Michelle: William Hurt’s character in Broadcast
News was based on you, wasn’t he

Williams: is it that obvious?

Williams: you seem determined to raise
two well-adjusted daughters

Michelle: well of course

Williams: oh you should meet the Bush family

Michelle: I made Barack run for President
so he would be home more

Williams: naturally

Michelle: Barack and I work out together

Williams: show off

Williams: hey here’s the president and the dog

Barack: I taught him a trick - he’s a good boy!

Michelle: I caught him chewing up a
magazine but he’s a sweetie

Williams: yes he seems like a sweet dog

Barack: we weren’t talking about the dog

Williams: your daughter has epilepsy

Axelrod: just like Justice Roberts

Gibbs: we get to see our families again in 2016

Williams: wow I work 15 minutes a day

Rahm: all families must be crushed to
the agenda!! [ stabs table with knife ]

Williams: ok ok

Axelrod: yeah Rahm’s high strung

Obama: don’t talk to me about sacrifice - I campaigned non-stop for 2 fucking years

Williams: you got a swing set to be close to your kids

Obama: it’s not just for my daughters - Joe Biden can use it too

Williams: you uprooted your girls from Chicago

Obama: yes but my mother in law embodies Chicago - she was a point guard for the Bulls and was a linebacker for the Bears

Williams: wow there are kids in the White House just like when Kennedy was President

Obama: if they go on dates I for one will be relieved that the Secret Service is there

Williams: I hear you brother

Obama: men with guns guard my daughters dude

[ break ]

Williams: Dick Cheney says America is less safe because you are playing basketball instead of boiling people in oil

Obama: yes but the difference is people working in the White House now know what the fuck they are doing

Williams: General Motors is your Vietnam

Obama: well McNamara ran Ford to that makes perfect sense - if you’re a moron

Williams: you went on a date to New York City and California - why not visit America once in a while?

Obama: I’m trying to give Biden the pig flu

Williams: I sense that George Bush couldn’t
have given a speech to the muslim world

Obama: no he could have given such a speech
- it’s just that he would have sucked

Williams: true

Williams: a doctor was just shot in a church
-- what is your message to both sides - the pro murder and anti-murder side?

Obama: brian are you out of your fucking mind??

Williams: what about the gays and lesbians
and also homosexuals?

Obama: they should be able to visit each
other in the hospital - if they are lucky enough to have health insurance

Williams: what’s your economic plan?

Obama: we had to have a stimulus or we
risked a Great Depression

Williams: we already had one of those

Obama: ok another one

Williams: so what’s your long term goal?

Obama: we have to reform health care and gets costs down to France or Britain otherwise we might as well fold up the tents

Williams: you get many letters

Obama: yes from single mothers everywhere - look here’s one “I’m a Hispanic single mom and would like to be a Supreme Court Justice”

Williams: wow we deployed 35 cameras to capture this white house in full

Obama: I only saw 2

Williams: the other 33 were on the dog



sjelly said...

So funny and sadly accurate.

n69n said...

we need updates!!!

Anonymous said...

You are wonderful!! You always make me laugh. Wish that you would post this as a diary over at dkos.

I was going to post excerpts with a link but it's just impossible to choose just a line or two.

Thank you so much for brightening up my day

Anonymous said...

Strange as that