Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Brian Williams Inside the White House - June 3, 2009

Brian Williams Inside the Obama White House
June 3, 2009
Host: Brian Williams
Guests:
Barack Obama
Michelle Obama
********************************
Williams: Barack is crazy multitasker

Obama: damm right I am [ tweets,
reads book, pets dog ]

Williams: Rahm Emmanuel is the enforcer

Emmanuel: fuckin’ A!

[slaps Williams]

Williams: Joe Biden shares an office
with the Bo the dog

Biden: I don’t mind - I love dogs

Bo: arf arf arf

Williams: what did he say

Pixar: he said ‘remember what happened
to henry wallace’

Williams: Michelle has multiple jobs

Audience: wow for a second I thought you were
going to say something else

Williams: she’s a Harvard grad and hot MILF

Michelle: pet the dog Brian

Williams: can I play on the swing set

Michelle: first do your homework buddy

Williams: ok

Williams: she has a garden and the first
beehive since Mamie Eisenhower

Williams: Michelle will you hug me

Michelle: down boy

Williams: ok sorry

Michelle: I wuz talking to the dog

Williams: what is your message michelle

Michelle: life isn’t rocket science just
try hard and do yur best

Williams: also have a deep voice and perfect hair

Williams: speak for youself

Williams: [ deep voice ] ok

Michelle: William Hurt’s character in Broadcast
News was based on you, wasn’t he

Williams: is it that obvious?

Williams: you seem determined to raise
two well-adjusted daughters

Michelle: well of course

Williams: oh you should meet the Bush family

Michelle: I made Barack run for President
so he would be home more

Williams: naturally

Michelle: Barack and I work out together

Williams: show off

Williams: hey here’s the president and the dog

Barack: I taught him a trick - he’s a good boy!

Michelle: I caught him chewing up a
magazine but he’s a sweetie

Williams: yes he seems like a sweet dog

Barack: we weren’t talking about the dog

Williams: your daughter has epilepsy

Axelrod: just like Justice Roberts

Gibbs: we get to see our families again in 2016

Williams: wow I work 15 minutes a day

Rahm: all families must be crushed to
the agenda!! [ stabs table with knife ]

Williams: ok ok

Axelrod: yeah Rahm’s high strung

Obama: don’t talk to me about sacrifice - I campaigned non-stop for 2 fucking years

Williams: you got a swing set to be close to your kids

Obama: it’s not just for my daughters - Joe Biden can use it too

Williams: you uprooted your girls from Chicago

Obama: yes but my mother in law embodies Chicago - she was a point guard for the Bulls and was a linebacker for the Bears

Williams: wow there are kids in the White House just like when Kennedy was President

Obama: if they go on dates I for one will be relieved that the Secret Service is there

Williams: I hear you brother

Obama: men with guns guard my daughters dude

[ break ]

Williams: Dick Cheney says America is less safe because you are playing basketball instead of boiling people in oil

Obama: yes but the difference is people working in the White House now know what the fuck they are doing

Williams: General Motors is your Vietnam

Obama: well McNamara ran Ford to that makes perfect sense - if you’re a moron

Williams: you went on a date to New York City and California - why not visit America once in a while?

Obama: I’m trying to give Biden the pig flu

Williams: I sense that George Bush couldn’t
have given a speech to the muslim world

Obama: no he could have given such a speech
- it’s just that he would have sucked

Williams: true

Williams: a doctor was just shot in a church
-- what is your message to both sides - the pro murder and anti-murder side?

Obama: brian are you out of your fucking mind??

Williams: what about the gays and lesbians
and also homosexuals?

Obama: they should be able to visit each
other in the hospital - if they are lucky enough to have health insurance

Williams: what’s your economic plan?

Obama: we had to have a stimulus or we
risked a Great Depression

Williams: we already had one of those

Obama: ok another one

Williams: so what’s your long term goal?

Obama: we have to reform health care and gets costs down to France or Britain otherwise we might as well fold up the tents

Williams: you get many letters

Obama: yes from single mothers everywhere - look here’s one “I’m a Hispanic single mom and would like to be a Supreme Court Justice”

Williams: wow we deployed 35 cameras to capture this white house in full

Obama: I only saw 2

Williams: the other 33 were on the dog

************************************

4 comments:

sjelly said...

So funny and sadly accurate.

n69n said...

we need updates!!!

Anonymous said...

You are wonderful!! You always make me laugh. Wish that you would post this as a diary over at dkos.

I was going to post excerpts with a link but it's just impossible to choose just a line or two.

Thank you so much for brightening up my day

Anonymous said...

Strange as that