Meet The Press
June 14, 2009
Vice President Joe Biden
Gregory: welcome back Jack
Biden: my name is Joe
Gregory: so did Members Only win the election in Iran or not
Biden: yeah he won like Bush won Florida in 2000
Gregory: so you’re saying he did win?
Biden: no you idiot
Gregory: but Ahmadinejad says he won
Biden: I find it unlikely he won Palm Beach considering he wasn’t even running in
the United States
Gregory: some would call that odd
Biden: The Supreme Leader has the final say
Gregory: the Ayatollah?
Biden: no buddy - Barack Obama
Gregory: Members Only seems emboldened
Biden: he protests a little too much I think
Gregory: Obama reached out and the Iranians
still voted for the Crazy guy
Biden: if you believe the so-called results
Gregory: well I do
Biden: yes I saw you dancing with Ahmadinejad
Gregory: just on “Iran’s Got Talent”
Biden: good luck on that by the way
Gregory: should Iran have nuclear power?
Biden: P5 + 1
Gregory: you sank may battleship!
Biden: you will stop their nukes?
Biden: God and Obama willing
Gregory: in that order?
Biden: not necessarily
Gregory: what about the lunatics in North Korea?
Biden: hell even the Chinese recognize
this guy is a total wacko
Gregory: what does he want?
Biden: who knows - we offered to
send him Madonna and A-Rod
Gregory: how did that go?
Biden: he asked for Angelina Jolie and
either Jon or Kate
Gregory: oh my
Biden: he’s a very tough negotiator
Gregory: you’re in charge of the
$800 million stimulus
Biden: frawsome baby!
Gregory: did you really create 100,000 jobs?
Biden: yes but they were all spades
Gregory: um what
Biden: but clean and articulate
Gregory: defend your job losses
Biden: hey we lost 300,000 jobs and
Bush lost 700,000
Gregory: but you’re still losing jobs
Biden: but losing them at a slower rate!
Gregory: so did you oversell the plan?
Biden: what if we did? it still worked
Gregory: but there are still
unemployed people in America!
Biden: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: regardless I still don’t like you
Biden: things are getting better
Gregory: that’s true - look at my hair
[ fluffs hair ]
Biden: we saved the fucking auto
industry for god’s sake
Gregory: but you haven’t spend enough
Biden: here Dave here’s 100 bucks
[ hands Dave a one hundred dollar bill ]
Gregory: wow a bennie gosh thanks jack
Biden: the spades are in the ground!
Gregory: oh dear
Gregory: OMG I just remembered
that the deficit matters!!
Biden: after 8 years this occurred to you
Biden: you are such a whore
Gregory: but the Washington Post
called for less spending!
Biden: what about the wars that
Fred Hiatt loves so much?
Gregory: well naturally not those wars
Biden: we’re going to repeal the Bush tax cuts
Gregory: which will make the debt worse!
Biden: are you huffing glue flufflyhead?
[ stops in mid-huffing ]
Gregory: um what?
Biden: get the hook on this clown
Gregory: how do you pay for
$1 trillion in health care??
Biden: we already pay for it dipshit
Gregory: but the taxes!
Biden: let the Democrats in Congress raise taxes
Gregory: we must save the insurance of course
Biden: fuck that shit
Gregory: do you want a public plan?
Biden: why not?
Gregory: Republicans say they can’t accept it
Biden: so what those fuckers in the minority
Gregory: but they have a majority of my heart
Biden: I think you are suffused
with Republican mitochlorians
Gregory: speaking of that it’s outrageous that you are increasing government and not giving free money to executives on welfare and regulating energy
Biden: so sad
Gregory: what achievements do you have to show?
Biden: we saved a million jobs fool
Gregory: what’s the exit strategy?
Biden: NOW you fucking ask that question!
Gregory: you gave money to AIG
Biden: no Bush did that
Gregory: no that’s different
- he gave me a funny nickname
Biden: of course
Gregory: you’re meddling in the natural
order of legal bankruptcy
Biden: which is pure of course
Gregory: Chapter 11 is God’s Law
Gregory: you are only making unconditional demands on Israel
Biden: that’s total bullshit
Gregory: nevertheless I say it
Biden: what a silly person you are
Gregory: ok name me a demand
you made on the muslims
Biden: they have to stop bombing innocent Israelis
Gregory: tell me - is the President a bad man?
Biden: shut the fuck up stupid
Gregory: do you have President’s ear?
Biden: yes and they huge
Gregory: um what?
Biden: and clean
Gregory: ha ha
Biden: I used to say stupid things to Supreme Court nominees in Committee and now I get to say them in the Oval Office
Gregory: that’s better for us all
Gregory: what’s up with the GOP
Biden: a bigger bunch of idiots I have never seen
Gregory: George McGovern?
Biden: fair point but it’s not even close dood
Gregory: what is the deal with Dick
Cheney - does he wish America was attacked?
Biden: he’s not wrong just evil
Gregory: your son is in Iraq
Biden: it’s good for politics
Gregory: should he run for office
Biden: hell I ran when I was 29 why not
Gregory: please offer your paens to Saint Timmy
Biden: it was bittersweet because you are stupid but then again it’s easier to debate you
Gregory: thank you
Biden: god you’re dumb
Gregory: me am smart
Biden: Timmy was a blue collar guy
Gregory: with a 7 million dollar house on Nantucket
Biden: the awesome
Gregory: I miss him so much - he stood for all of us
Gregory: and next to debate Obama’s
policies - two Republicans
Biden: [ sobs]
Gregory: I miss Tim too
Gregory: talk to me about the Democrats
Scarborough: I thought George Bush was a reckless spender but paying for health care is crazee!!!
Murphy: sounds to me like he opened to the door to surrendering to Republicans on health care
Scarborough: wow Biden thinks the
Iran election was fixed!
Murphy: so why engage - we should bomb them
Gregory: good idea
Scarborough: this fixed election is all Obama’s fault for promoting freedom in Cairo
Gregory: we were sold this hideous stimulus but Obama has only saved 300,000 jobs
Scarborough: even I think
you’re full of shit David
Murphy: Obama is responsible for
mortgage rates adjusting
Scarborough: nancy pelosi!
Gregory: ok, how can the three of us rescue the Republican party?
Scarborough: I wrote a book called “Bush Was a Fucking Idiot”
Gregory: sounds good to me
Scarborough: Bush was a big liberal you know
Scarborough: conservatives believe in less
debt and less government power
Gregory: since when?
Scarborough: George Herbert Walker Bush was that kind of conservative
Gregory: no, he had record debt
and mocked the ACLU
Scarborough: Ok Reagan then
Gregory: no he was big spender, taxer
and grew government
Gregory: Nope socially we he was a
big spending liberal
Gregory: Try again
Gregory: that’s your model?
Murphy: right - we need to emulate
Gregory: and what else
Murphy: accuse Democrats of being almost as bad as Republicans
Gregory: someone at my kid’s soccer game called me a GOP whore
Murphy: wow who was it?
Gregory: sadly it was my son!
Scarborough: sharp kid
Murphy: in retrospect Republicans shouldn’t have spent three decades being lying,
incompetent and racist
Gregory: how interesting
Scarborough: we should probably stop
[strokes ratty beard ]
Scarborough: look our only real problem is that Republicans are acting fucking crazy
Gregory: well good luck with that
Posted by Culture of Truth