Meet The Press
June 28, 2009
White House Advisor David Axelrod
Sen. Lindsay Graham
Fmr Gov Mitt Romney
Gregory: axel f you have a crazy energy bill
Axelrod: yeah it's awesome
Gregory: but the GOP says it's a jobs killing
Axelrod: um yeah meanwhile the polar bears are dying off faster than celebrities
Gregory: can you fail less on health care than
you have failed on energy?
Axelrod: oh we'll get a public choice plan and
we'll call it ‘competition’
Gregory: that’s what terrifies me
Gregory: Obama won't draw a line in the
sand but Dr. Dean did
Axelrod: if we don't have a public plan it won't be bad for the Democrats it will be bad for America
Gregory: to oppose a public plan because it will be both threatening and bad is not logical
Axelrod: the needs of the many outweigh the
needs of the few
Gregory: will you issue an ultimatum?
Gregory: will Obama ram it through?
Axelrod: he will fight
Gregory: but not demand it
Axelrod: jesus you are tiresome
Gregory: dood you passed a stimulus -
where are the jobs?
Axelrod: this is the worst recession in decades fool
Gregory: but you passed the stimulus
and unemployment went up
Axelrod: that's called economics 101 david look it up
Gregory: Buffet says we need more stimulus
Axelrod: well maybe we do
Gregory: so commit right now
Axelrod: you are an eminently silly person
Gregory: can you really engage with Iran since they
are acting like crazy people?
Axelrod: good point dancin dave but that's precisely why we have to talk to them
Gregory: but Members Only is all up in our face
Axelrod: who gives a fuck
Gregory: should there be consequences for
Axelrod: if we really hated them we could send them the white house press corps
Gregory: what about Gov Sanford?
Axelrod: i don't give a fig about that loon
Gregory: midterm elections?
Axelrod: we would be in trouble if the GOP weren't the biggest bunch of dicks i have ever seen
Gregory: give me an example of their dickishness
Axelrod: well to be clear we will work with them on things like immigration but they have a tendency to be a little insane
Gregory: OMG you let Nico Pitney ask a question just because he has better sources than Chuck Todd
Axelrod: oh give me a fucking break
Gregory: but that's not democracy - a truly free country has an uninformed press
Axelrod: jesus christ
Gregory: was the significance of michael
Axelrod: i heard you were a moron
Gregory: OMG after I repeatedly pressed him Axelrod said he might have another stimulus!
Graham: it’s was so very very sad - when
Obama passed a stimulus package he was just like Karl Rove
Gregory: clearly it was oversold!
Graham: I’m so upset at Obama’s failures to get Republicans to support him
[ wipes away tears ]
Gregory: so Obama has failed?
Romney: he failed to succeed to fail
Gregory: should Sanford resign?
Graham: why - just because he disappeared from the state and fled to his mistress in Argentina?
Gregory: um, yes
Graham: oh that's silly and I'm the Godfather!
Romney: whether he resigns is for
him and his family
Gregory: jesus christ he's the governor and he vanished from the state without telling anyone!
Romney: this is about a poor family suffering
Gregory: it’s not about an affair it’s about a Governor skulking around like Tim Matheson in Fletch
Romney: well that is a good point
Gregory: is the GOP still a party of values?
Graham: we're a party of sinners
Gregory: we all know that
Graham: but we're a party of good things and it's good to be good
Gregory: you voted for impeachment
Graham: yes but Clinton was very crude
Gregory: talk to me about family values
Romney: the GOP aspires to higher conduct for example we don't like it when men and women love each other
Gregory: but you sound like hypocrites
Romney: yes but must still unite in American around our hate for gay people
Graham: well Mitt I think it's stupid to say we're for families and Dems are not - I mean look at us and look at Obama
Romney: erp [ reboots self ]
Graham: the GOP would be in trouble but Obama is just like Karl Rove - so we're back in the game baby!
Gregory: Mitt you are dumb but you have big shoulders - are you running for President?
Romney: damm right - I'm going to win on school choice, increasing global warming, tax swaps and the other great ideas of Charles Krauthammer
Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?
Gregory: who are your leaders then
Graham: me, John McCain, young people who will revolt against being given health care
Gregory: when do you stage your comeback?
Graham: 20 years from now
Gregory: will Obama get a public plan?
Graham: no that will nationalize health care - we will instead have a massive subsidy for health insurers
Romney: we can insure everyone without evil government
Gregory: but you lost on climate change
Graham: only because Obama is beating people up just like Hitler
Gregory: Obama is withdrawing troops from Iraq
like he said he would
Romney: no fair Obama is just doing what Bush was going to do if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!
Gregory: is Obama no longer passive and weak?
Graham: yes - and who better to judge than me?
Gregory: good point - what about
Graham: i think Bush should get a fair trial dave
Gregory: no i mean for Gitmo detainees
Graham: oh yeah sure whatever
[ break ]
Romney: [ removes battery, powers down ]
Gregory: wow that Sanford is a real piece
of work isn't he
Brooks: this is entirely excusable i mean he works hard and he is lonely white man
Gregory: he also sounds like a bad governor
Murphy: inside baseball blah blah blah
Gregory: one could almost think that Republicans are as bad as Democrats
Dionne: being a DC pundit i hate the idea of
people having sex at all
Myers: maybe he was a having a midlife crisis Brooksie but he also seems pretty dumb
Murphy: the Presidential race should
be very interesting
Gregory: yes the upcoming election
will be fascinating
Dionne: doods we just had a presidential election!
Brooks: the road back is to be boring - so we need
to nominate Mitch Daniels
Gregory: are you serious
Brooks: we may also need to deemphasize selfishness a little
Murphy: Obama is a terrible leftist which is bad for us because we will win the next elections too easily just being jerks
Dionne: Reagan is dead doods
Brooks: is he?
Dionne: Sanford turned down the stimulus
- that's the real scandal
Gregory: Dee Dee Obama is popular and successful on the one hand but then on the other hand Lindsay Graham doesn't like him so is he a total failure?
Myers: i want access to your brain dave
Gregory: will Obama fight for a public plan?
Murphy: it's a great tragedy that we may not require people to buy insurance and then funnel government money to insurers
Gregory: indeed it is
Murphy: single payer would crush the republicans because it would be popular but it would hurt Obama because I would haz a sad
Brooks: we should just give up trying to have any health care and start again in 20 years
Dionne: the GOP is desperate but guess what it's too fucking late - we're getting a public plan and you all are going to have to suck on it
Myers: we tried to ram a plan through in 1993
and it failed
Murphy: the great tragedy of Obama is that he
could pass George Bush's legislation but he
just won't do it
Brooks: i agree it's mystifying why he is not
doing what i want
Gregory: but Obama is a failure because he keeps failing to stem baseless GOP criticism of him which i repeat endlessly
Dionne: i can't improve on that Dave
Written by Culture of Truth