Meet The Press with David Axelrod, Lindsay Graham & Mitt Romney

Meet The Press
June 28, 2009
Guests:
White House Advisor David Axelrod
Sen. Lindsay Graham
Fmr Gov Mitt Romney
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Gregory: axel f you have a crazy energy bill

Axelrod: yeah it's awesome

Gregory: but the GOP says it's a jobs killing
jobs killer

Axelrod: um yeah meanwhile the polar bears are dying off faster than celebrities

Gregory: can you fail less on health care than
you have failed on energy?

Axelrod: oh we'll get a public choice plan and
we'll call it ‘competition’

Gregory: that’s what terrifies me

Gregory: Obama won't draw a line in the
sand but Dr. Dean did

Axelrod: if we don't have a public plan it won't be bad for the Democrats it will be bad for America

Gregory: to oppose a public plan because it will be both threatening and bad is not logical

Axelrod: the needs of the many outweigh the
needs of the few

Gregory: will you issue an ultimatum?

Axelrod: maybe

Gregory: will Obama ram it through?

Axelrod: he will fight

Gregory: but not demand it

Axelrod: jesus you are tiresome

Gregory: dood you passed a stimulus -
where are the jobs?

Axelrod: this is the worst recession in decades fool

Gregory: but you passed the stimulus
and unemployment went up

Axelrod: that's called economics 101 david look it up

Gregory: Buffet says we need more stimulus

Axelrod: well maybe we do

Gregory: so commit right now

Axelrod: you are an eminently silly person

Gregory: can you really engage with Iran since they
are acting like crazy people?

Axelrod: good point dancin dave but that's precisely why we have to talk to them

Gregory: but Members Only is all up in our face

Axelrod: who gives a fuck

Gregory: should there be consequences for
beating protestors?

Axelrod: if we really hated them we could send them the white house press corps

Gregory: what about Gov Sanford?

Axelrod: i don't give a fig about that loon

Gregory: midterm elections?

Axelrod: we would be in trouble if the GOP weren't the biggest bunch of dicks i have ever seen

Gregory: give me an example of their dickishness

Axelrod: well to be clear we will work with them on things like immigration but they have a tendency to be a little insane

Gregory: OMG you let Nico Pitney ask a question just because he has better sources than Chuck Todd

Axelrod: oh give me a fucking break

Gregory: but that's not democracy - a truly free country has an uninformed press

Axelrod: jesus christ

Gregory: was the significance of michael
jackson significant?

Axelrod: i heard you were a moron

[break]

Gregory: OMG after I repeatedly pressed him Axelrod said he might have another stimulus!

Graham: it’s was so very very sad - when
Obama passed a stimulus package he was just like Karl Rove

Gregory: clearly it was oversold!

Graham: I’m so upset at Obama’s failures to get Republicans to support him

[ wipes away tears ]

Gregory: so Obama has failed?

Romney: he failed to succeed to fail

Gregory: should Sanford resign?

Graham: why - just because he disappeared from the state and fled to his mistress in Argentina?

Gregory: um, yes

Graham: oh that's silly and I'm the Godfather!

Romney: whether he resigns is for
him and his family

Gregory: jesus christ he's the governor and he vanished from the state without telling anyone!

Romney: this is about a poor family suffering

Gregory: it’s not about an affair it’s about a Governor skulking around like Tim Matheson in Fletch

Romney: well that is a good point

Gregory: is the GOP still a party of values?

Graham: we're a party of sinners

Gregory: we all know that

Graham: but we're a party of good things and it's good to be good

Gregory: you voted for impeachment

Graham: yes but Clinton was very crude

Gregory: talk to me about family values

Romney: the GOP aspires to higher conduct for example we don't like it when men and women love each other

Gregory: but you sound like hypocrites

Romney: yes but must still unite in American around our hate for gay people

Graham: well Mitt I think it's stupid to say we're for families and Dems are not - I mean look at us and look at Obama

Romney: erp [ reboots self ]

Graham: the GOP would be in trouble but Obama is just like Karl Rove - so we're back in the game baby!

Gregory: Mitt you are dumb but you have big shoulders - are you running for President?

Romney: damm right - I'm going to win on school choice, increasing global warming, tax swaps and the other great ideas of Charles Krauthammer

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Graham: who?

Gregory: who are your leaders then

Graham: me, John McCain, young people who will revolt against being given health care

Gregory: when do you stage your comeback?

Graham: 20 years from now

Gregory: will Obama get a public plan?

Graham: no that will nationalize health care - we will instead have a massive subsidy for health insurers

Romney: we can insure everyone without evil government

Gregory: but you lost on climate change

Graham: only because Obama is beating people up just like Hitler

Gregory: Obama is withdrawing troops from Iraq
like he said he would

Romney: no fair Obama is just doing what Bush was going to do if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

Gregory: is Obama no longer passive and weak?

Graham: yes - and who better to judge than me?

Gregory: good point - what about
prolonged detention?

Graham: i think Bush should get a fair trial dave

Gregory: no i mean for Gitmo detainees

Graham: oh yeah sure whatever

[ break ]

Romney: [ removes battery, powers down ]

Gregory: wow that Sanford is a real piece
of work isn't he

Brooks: this is entirely excusable i mean he works hard and he is lonely white man

Gregory: he also sounds like a bad governor

Murphy: inside baseball blah blah blah

Gregory: one could almost think that Republicans are as bad as Democrats

Dionne: being a DC pundit i hate the idea of
people having sex at all

Myers: maybe he was a having a midlife crisis Brooksie but he also seems pretty dumb

Murphy: the Presidential race should
be very interesting

Gregory: yes the upcoming election
will be fascinating

Dionne: doods we just had a presidential election!

Brooks: the road back is to be boring - so we need
to nominate Mitch Daniels

Gregory: are you serious

Brooks: we may also need to deemphasize selfishness a little

Murphy: Obama is a terrible leftist which is bad for us because we will win the next elections too easily just being jerks

Dionne: Reagan is dead doods

Brooks: is he?

Dionne: Sanford turned down the stimulus
- that's the real scandal

Gregory: Dee Dee Obama is popular and successful on the one hand but then on the other hand Lindsay Graham doesn't like him so is he a total failure?

Myers: i want access to your brain dave

Gregory: will Obama fight for a public plan?

Murphy: it's a great tragedy that we may not require people to buy insurance and then funnel government money to insurers

Gregory: indeed it is

Murphy: single payer would crush the republicans because it would be popular but it would hurt Obama because I would haz a sad

Brooks: we should just give up trying to have any health care and start again in 20 years

Dionne: the GOP is desperate but guess what it's too fucking late - we're getting a public plan and you all are going to have to suck on it

Myers: we tried to ram a plan through in 1993
and it failed

Murphy: the great tragedy of Obama is that he
could pass George Bush's legislation but he
just won't do it

Brooks: i agree it's mystifying why he is not
doing what i want

Gregory: but Obama is a failure because he keeps failing to stem baseless GOP criticism of him which i repeat endlessly

Dionne: i can't improve on that Dave
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Written by Culture of Truth