Meet The Press - July 1, 2007
Guests: Michael Chertoff, Senator Pat Leahy
Russert: London, Glasgow - Chertoff should we panic??
Chertoff: we have taken steps for example to protect America for example i plan to keep repeating the word "homeland"
Russert: anything else
Chertoff: yes put more men with guns on airplanes
Russert: wow you're on top of the situation
Chertoff: there is no threat that we know of but you know those willy muslims they get you to let you're guard down by not doing anything for 5 years
Russert: what’s the threat level??
Chertoff: as you can see i am wearing makeup to match the threat level which is orange
Russert: why aren't more car bombs going off in the USA
Chertoff: it’s only a matter of time we may have to ban backpacks and cars
Chertoff: just kidding just keep a lookout for cars on fire they can be spotted by the big flames
[ break ]
Russert: Senator Leahy you're against wiretapping is that because you're from Vermont and that's a gay loving french speaking liberal terror haven?
Leahy: that's a republican talking point dood
Russert: so what's you're fucking problem
Leahy: Republicans also on my committee want this White House to obey the law it's not rocket science
Russert: could they tap my phone
Leahy: they probably have
Russert: ok now i'm interested
Timmeh: are they Nixonian
Leahy: yeah they think they are little dictators and above the law
Tim: well they are rich and white
Leahy: look at Gonzalez he just sits in an empty building all day waiting for orders from karl rove
Russert: are we headed to a Constitutional crisis
Leahy: i'll be goddamned fucked if monica goodling claims executive privilege
Russert: so how far are you willing to go
Leahy: they pull a knife we pull a gun and a maple syrup bucket that's the Montpelier way
Russert: Fred Fielding sez he's offered to cooperate
Leahy: oh that's fucking rich some offer from an old Nixon crook - i'm surprised they didn't send tony soprano to meet with the Democrats at Holstens
Russert: but but but Orrin Hatch sez justice will be done when you do what the White House wants!!!
Leahy: that dickless asshole can suck it
Russert: but White House is pro-america
Leahy: you know the White House claimed e-mails were erased and then i told them don't make me fucking laugh and then they found them and still won't hand them over
Leahy: we giving them the damn questions in advance!
Russert: it’s an open-book exam!
Leahy: if these doods don't want to end up looking like assholes on John Stewart’s show they should answer the questions
Russert: so indict them for contempt?
Leahy: if we have to but this hurts everyone including cops on the beat
Russert: u voted for john Roberts
Leahy: i did but he had such a cute family -- when fascism came to American it had twinkley blue eyes and a calm affectless voice
Timmeh: bush failure on illegals
Judy Woodruff: just of many failurez including immigration, social security, iraq...
Timmy: so sad
Woodruff: sad too because he did all the right things, worked with Teddy Kennedy and presented a bill all Americans were confused by
Tavis Smiley: the GOP fucked with hispanics now
Timmy: 3-1 gap among illegal immigrants
Chuck Todd: Bush is popular among Spaniards but Bush won't be on the ticket in 2008 they could lose Florida
Timmy: GOP go BOOM!!
Obama: black community has the immune system disease drugs, guns, AIDS, etc.
Clinton: if AIDS were killing white women there would be a race for the cure every fucking weekend!
Smiley: my test group thought Hillary won hands down even with the blacks
Smiley: she's got a lot of 10 point plans but Obama is selling hope
Brody: she's got Bill people luv him
Woodruff: she's smart but can't break on throug to the other side
Tavis: everyone wants the black vote
Timmy: yeah in south carolina those pesky blacks now get to vote
Todd: Obama is raking in tens of millions he's inspiring people
Timster: 250,000 individual donors!
Todd: he's too cautious he's trying not to lose
Smiley: he's does better in big speeches but you know our idiot media
Russert: people hate Hillary
Brody: they're trying to make her seem human
Russert: using sopranos humor
Brody: she's pretending to be goofy they're hiding the 666 under her hair
Noonan: now she's paying trolls from hillaryis44 to make up weird shit about obama and post it on blogs
Russert: well certainly that will help Hillary
Todd: it's obviously an elite insider since it's from DC and they access to the Hotline!!!!
Tavis: she's a woman and he's black its fascinating we live in a patriarchal society
Timmy: i luv to break voters up into silly arbitrary categories it gives us something to talk about
Woodruff: crazy young voters with their weird ethnicities and gayness and kinky hair
Timmy: wow so whacky!!
Woodruff: they like gays, hate abortion, and luv the war
Timmy: just like Patton
Brody: evangelicals like Rudy because he's an absolutist fascist who wants to kill kill kill and they like that
Todd: Romney polls well with isolationist Republicans who want double the size of Gitmo
Woodruff: Dobson hates Rudy he wouldn't shower with him
Brody: they make mobilize against him
Tim: what if he is the nominee
Brody: can't say for sure but he's a gay loving cross dressing freak
Smiley: black voter turnout if going to be really big in 2008 i hope
Russert: blacks always vote Dem
Smiley: yeah well the Bush Presidency sure has helped with that
Russert: Congress gave itself a pay raise what's up
Todd: these are the old guys from the 60s and 70s young Democrats are pissed off
Woodruff: like immigration - young Congress Dems told Teddy Kennedy to suck it
Russert: America's Family Jewels documenting the CIAs numerous crimes
[ old tape ]
CIA Director Colby: let us not say illegal rather that it was a wrong or a misstep like overthrowing governments or having people killed that's what we in the CIA call an "oopsie"
Leslie Gelb: so you’re all crooks
Colby: oh that's sensational i want to forget about that but the media keeps bringing it up boo hoo
CIA Today: you fucked up. you trusted us