*************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
June 22, 2008
*************************************
Matthews: John McCain is harry houdini - he has to smear Obama!!
Obama: $250,000 is rich!
Charlie Gibson: oh no the community college professors!!
Cramer: obama is right!
Matthews: but will he raise taxes on regular white people??
Cramer: Republicans ideas just don't work Chris
Sully: but the massive debt! It’s Obama's fault!
Chris: the dollar is worth one scudo
Kay: The GOP is screwed - but McCain is a mavrericky liberal
Parker: Obama is Jimmy Carter
Kay: [thought bubble] what the fuck??
Sully: you can't raise taxes when times are good or when times are bad
Tweety: is McCain fucked?
Panel: yes
Sully: he's trapped but then his innate charisma might put him over the top
Chris: really??
Sully: no just kidding - it will be fear of the black man
Chris: will Obama kill my nest egg?
Cramer: no!
Chris: wow we're making news here!!
Tweety: McCain is a creepy stalker! OMG! What a great actor he is!!
Parker: Bush oozes
Chris: wow!
Parker: but that's over now - take Bobby Jindal - he is not a Regular Guy
Chris: cause he's brown?
Parker: no he's skinny and smart
Kay: what the fuck is your argument Parker?
Parker: anyone can be a male -- skinny and smart and slightly gay or rough and tumble and dumping your first wife
Sully: alot of ladies like the idea of brute who has contempt for women
Kay: the Obamas are bad parents
Chris: unlike Joe Scarborough my hero who gave up his career
Parker: he's like Timmy Russert he will sacrifice anything -- even go on tv and spout nonsense for 5 million dollars
Sullly: VP….. Pawlenty!
Kay: Saudi Arabia will buy the White House
Cramer: they did already!
Cramer: i am guarenteeing housing will rise within 10 months
Chris: gimme a stock tip!
Cramer: O I L
Parker: Obama wants Florida so McCain will go with McCain/Christ
Chris: tim russert would have loved having the DC establishment talking about how wonderful he was -- that's just the unique, unusual person he was
Tim's funeral gave me great pride in America - and so we will look up and honor timmy, he was the Babe Ruth of Bobblespeaking
Tim Russert bought a house in Nantucket giving politicians a safe venue to set the political agenda - what a country!
**********************************************
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Sen. Hillary Clinton - Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*****************************
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Address to her Supporters
New York City
Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*******************************
Hillary:
Thank you south dakota congrats on deadwood!!!!
[ yay !! ]
I want to thank the looser barach obama for running a strong race
and i also want to call him my friend
and all Members of the Obama Cult
[ yay!! ]
Hillary:
and now i'm back in freakin New York jesus fricken christ
[ yay ]
he ladies, why didn't you vote me when it counted? This was my nomination for the asking demmit
[ yay ]
he old ladies if you love me so much visit hillaryclinton.com and throw a little love my way
[ yay ]
and by the way i would have beaten McCain and been ready on day one
[ yay ]
and only because of me Puerto Rico had a vote that counted
and i did very well in the states where i was the only name on the ballot
[ yay!!!!!!!!!]
yes i lost but i won the swing states and represent the soldier and the waitress and factory worked and all the imporverished Yale grads unlike the fancy gay black Harvard doods
[ yay ]
every time you voted for me it was a prayer to Jesus Christ to vanquish Mohammed
and so, to all white judeo-christians out there, i say, i will still fight for you!!!
[ YAY !!!!!!! ]
having said that, i will fight to take back the white house this November!!!
[ YAY }
I mean we all remember when John F Kennedy was assinated only three years into his presidency
Darfur! Climate Change! Poverty!
[ yay!]
i see all the invisible poor people i have been working for you all the time i was on the board of Wal Mart and at the Rose Law Firm
[ yay !!!!!! ]
What do I want? I want to end to war i supported and to count the votes in states i supported to denying votes in!!
[ YAY!!!}
see i'm old fashioned, i believe public service is about marrying a dude who becomes president and moving to a state i never lived in a running for the senate and and running for president
[ yay!!!]
I don't want to hear excuses i want universal health care -- except for the time i fucked up universal health care
[ yay!]
I want
I want
I want
I want
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Address to her Supporters
New York City
Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*******************************
Hillary:
Thank you south dakota congrats on deadwood!!!!
[ yay !! ]
I want to thank the looser barach obama for running a strong race
and i also want to call him my friend
and all Members of the Obama Cult
[ yay!! ]
Hillary:
and now i'm back in freakin New York jesus fricken christ
[ yay ]
he ladies, why didn't you vote me when it counted? This was my nomination for the asking demmit
[ yay ]
he old ladies if you love me so much visit hillaryclinton.com and throw a little love my way
[ yay ]
and by the way i would have beaten McCain and been ready on day one
[ yay ]
and only because of me Puerto Rico had a vote that counted
and i did very well in the states where i was the only name on the ballot
[ yay!!!!!!!!!]
yes i lost but i won the swing states and represent the soldier and the waitress and factory worked and all the imporverished Yale grads unlike the fancy gay black Harvard doods
[ yay ]
every time you voted for me it was a prayer to Jesus Christ to vanquish Mohammed
and so, to all white judeo-christians out there, i say, i will still fight for you!!!
[ YAY !!!!!!! ]
having said that, i will fight to take back the white house this November!!!
[ YAY }
I mean we all remember when John F Kennedy was assinated only three years into his presidency
Darfur! Climate Change! Poverty!
[ yay!]
i see all the invisible poor people i have been working for you all the time i was on the board of Wal Mart and at the Rose Law Firm
[ yay !!!!!! ]
What do I want? I want to end to war i supported and to count the votes in states i supported to denying votes in!!
[ YAY!!!}
see i'm old fashioned, i believe public service is about marrying a dude who becomes president and moving to a state i never lived in a running for the senate and and running for president
[ yay!!!]
I don't want to hear excuses i want universal health care -- except for the time i fucked up universal health care
[ yay!]
I want
I want
I want
I want
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - Guest: Scott McClellan - June 1, 2008
********************************************
Meet The Press
Guest: Scott McClellan
June 1, 2008
********************************************
Russert: welcome benedict arnold - Bob Dole called you a miserable creature with no courage or integrity
McClellan: i respect that old lunatic but i am indicting all of Washington
Timmeh: let me ignore all your charges and attempt to smear your character with vague charges of hypocrisy
McClellan: of course Timmster
Russert: omg you bashed Richard Clarke!!
McClellan: i got caught up in the Washington culture of smearing people with no reason just for fun
Russert: speaking of that let me attempt to trash your character
McClellan: i look forward to it Timmo
Russert: Ari Fleisher says you are weird - you seem to have a conscience
McClellan: yes i found I had one in 2007 believe me it was bizarre
Russert: no wonder the Bush administration is puzzled
Russert: you call Bush a liar -- that's very negative why would you say that??
McClellan: because it is true
Russert: what is that?
McClellan: what?
Russert: this whole “truth” thing
McClellan: it's like when something is not “false”
Russert: huh?
McClellan: you know, “reality”?
Russert: let's move on and play gotcha some more
McClellan: ok cowboy
Russert: you say Bush and all his people lied and hyped the war!!!
McClellan: they did
Russert: you say they lied about Al Qaeda and WMD and nukes
McClellan: and they did lie
Russert: but i could make the case that you were part of the propaganda machine
McClellan: i was!
Russert: but but but
McClellan: what is it Tim?
Russert: you are not fighting my gotcha game
McClellan: you are right i was part of the problem
Russert: but i got nothing else
McClellan: what's wrong Tim?
Russert: i'm a fraud!!!
[ sobs ]
Tim: it seems like a Bush is a complete moron
Scottie: at times yes
Russert: why did't you grab the President by the shoulders and shake him and "wake up motherfucker!!!"
Scottie: in retrospect i should have
Tim: you lied day after day
Scottie: because the President asked me to
Tim: well you should have stood up to him!!
McClellan: like you stood up to the head of GE and reported the truth on the war right
Russert: no fair they hold the deed to my house on Nantucket!
Tim: you misled the american people about valerie plame!
Scottie: yes i did
Tim: Rove says he used legalistic language to trick you
Scottie: oh for god's sake only a fool a Frenchman or Tim Russert could possibly believe Karl Rove
Russert: also david gregory
Scott: fine him too
Russert: but you lied to the people
Scott: no i said i asked Karl Rove if he was involved and i told the press that Karl said he was not
Russert: why use your words so carefully?
Scott: because Karl lies all the fucking time
Russert: you said that Bush is fantasist and a liar and criminal
Scott: yeah he's a right nutter
Tim: like what
Scott: he said he forgot snorting blow off Margaux Hemingway's ass at Studio 54 in 1978
Tim: is that believeable?
Scott: i sure wouldn't have forgotten it
Tim: your goodbye party was so happy
Scott: i got good at lying
Russert: will you donate $$$ to the troops
Scottie: will you donate you fancy house in Nantucket to wounded soldiers
Tim: heaven forfend that white pleather stains
Scott: thought so lapdog
Russert: what's the biggest lesson in all this
Scott: never ever ever trust Republicans not to commit crimes
Meet The Press
Guest: Scott McClellan
June 1, 2008
********************************************
Russert: welcome benedict arnold - Bob Dole called you a miserable creature with no courage or integrity
McClellan: i respect that old lunatic but i am indicting all of Washington
Timmeh: let me ignore all your charges and attempt to smear your character with vague charges of hypocrisy
McClellan: of course Timmster
Russert: omg you bashed Richard Clarke!!
McClellan: i got caught up in the Washington culture of smearing people with no reason just for fun
Russert: speaking of that let me attempt to trash your character
McClellan: i look forward to it Timmo
Russert: Ari Fleisher says you are weird - you seem to have a conscience
McClellan: yes i found I had one in 2007 believe me it was bizarre
Russert: no wonder the Bush administration is puzzled
Russert: you call Bush a liar -- that's very negative why would you say that??
McClellan: because it is true
Russert: what is that?
McClellan: what?
Russert: this whole “truth” thing
McClellan: it's like when something is not “false”
Russert: huh?
McClellan: you know, “reality”?
Russert: let's move on and play gotcha some more
McClellan: ok cowboy
Russert: you say Bush and all his people lied and hyped the war!!!
McClellan: they did
Russert: you say they lied about Al Qaeda and WMD and nukes
McClellan: and they did lie
Russert: but i could make the case that you were part of the propaganda machine
McClellan: i was!
Russert: but but but
McClellan: what is it Tim?
Russert: you are not fighting my gotcha game
McClellan: you are right i was part of the problem
Russert: but i got nothing else
McClellan: what's wrong Tim?
Russert: i'm a fraud!!!
[ sobs ]
Tim: it seems like a Bush is a complete moron
Scottie: at times yes
Russert: why did't you grab the President by the shoulders and shake him and "wake up motherfucker!!!"
Scottie: in retrospect i should have
Tim: you lied day after day
Scottie: because the President asked me to
Tim: well you should have stood up to him!!
McClellan: like you stood up to the head of GE and reported the truth on the war right
Russert: no fair they hold the deed to my house on Nantucket!
Tim: you misled the american people about valerie plame!
Scottie: yes i did
Tim: Rove says he used legalistic language to trick you
Scottie: oh for god's sake only a fool a Frenchman or Tim Russert could possibly believe Karl Rove
Russert: also david gregory
Scott: fine him too
Russert: but you lied to the people
Scott: no i said i asked Karl Rove if he was involved and i told the press that Karl said he was not
Russert: why use your words so carefully?
Scott: because Karl lies all the fucking time
Russert: you said that Bush is fantasist and a liar and criminal
Scott: yeah he's a right nutter
Tim: like what
Scott: he said he forgot snorting blow off Margaux Hemingway's ass at Studio 54 in 1978
Tim: is that believeable?
Scott: i sure wouldn't have forgotten it
Tim: your goodbye party was so happy
Scott: i got good at lying
Russert: will you donate $$$ to the troops
Scottie: will you donate you fancy house in Nantucket to wounded soldiers
Tim: heaven forfend that white pleather stains
Scott: thought so lapdog
Russert: what's the biggest lesson in all this
Scott: never ever ever trust Republicans not to commit crimes
The Chris Matthews Show - June 1, 2008
*************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
June 1, 2008
*************************************
Chris: how does Obama win the idiot vote?
Cynthia: he has to tie McCain to Bush and helpfully the base keeps pushing McCain to swear fealty to nazis and assorted loonies
Fineman: independent morons are the real deciders but john kerry had a really big head and that put people off
Chris: Obama is losing independents!
Kelly: he's a military guy which means he will salute bush and then call him a shithead behind his back
Chris: who is more independent?
Kelly: McCain because he believes in global warming
Chris: so does Obama
Kelly: but to be independent you have to buck your party so Obama must condemn reality
Chris: Obama is not necessarily a regular person - let's face it that's one hell of a tan
Cynthia: Obama is now an elitist with a father from kenya
Chris: when is Obama going to visit Iraq and see what's really going on
Kelly: McCain hates Obama
Fineman: yes it's shocking Obama welched and McCain is a thin-skinned nutjob
Chris: who is a good person Obama or McCain?
Cynthia: normal people don't vote that way
Matthews: i do
Cynthia: as i was saying
Chris: ha!
Cynthia: who is the real american here - Admiral McCain or Obama the dirty muslim who hates the flag
Fineman: McCain is stuck in the briar patch
Chris: oh noes the tar baby
Stengel: no one knows McCain
Chris: i had a five year love affair with john McCain i know him pretty well
Chris: OMG McClellan was hapless!!
Kelly: ha but really he hated telling all those lies
Chris: what a sweetheart he is
Kelly: i just want to take him home and cuddle him and tell him it will be all right
Chris: me too
Matthews: Scottie says Bush lied!!
Kelly: McCain is planning on smiling manically for the rest of the campaign
Matthews:: they trash Scottie but they admit they lied and committed treason
Fineman: yes they floated the idea that Scottie is a dirty hippie who works for Atrios
Stengel: yes Atrios was right all along but he has an agenda - he is in league with the Truth Lobby
Cynthia Tucker: that's old news
Chris: McClellan says if Bush had known he would have killed so many people he would not have killed so many people
Kelly: Bush is wonderful
Stengel: like Reagan wow he is great
Chris: wrap up!
Kelly: McCain Unleashed!!!
Stengel: Obama must pay fealty to Israel so say the people in Israel
Tucker: georgia is in play for Obama
Chris: he must go to Tblisi!!
Fineman: Teddy Kennedy will unite the Clintons and Obama and heal this nation and usher in a new progressive age
Chris: i had a crush on Joe The Forgotten Kennedy
Fineman: he was handsome yes
Chris: will Clinton like Joan of Arc lead her army to help Obama
Stegnel: yes to help Brand Hillary
Tucker: only reluctantly
Fineman: the key is Bill they are his people after all
Chris: make him DNC chair
Fineman: yeah that's a good idea
The Chris Matthews Show
June 1, 2008
*************************************
Chris: how does Obama win the idiot vote?
Cynthia: he has to tie McCain to Bush and helpfully the base keeps pushing McCain to swear fealty to nazis and assorted loonies
Fineman: independent morons are the real deciders but john kerry had a really big head and that put people off
Chris: Obama is losing independents!
Kelly: he's a military guy which means he will salute bush and then call him a shithead behind his back
Chris: who is more independent?
Kelly: McCain because he believes in global warming
Chris: so does Obama
Kelly: but to be independent you have to buck your party so Obama must condemn reality
Chris: Obama is not necessarily a regular person - let's face it that's one hell of a tan
Cynthia: Obama is now an elitist with a father from kenya
Chris: when is Obama going to visit Iraq and see what's really going on
Kelly: McCain hates Obama
Fineman: yes it's shocking Obama welched and McCain is a thin-skinned nutjob
Chris: who is a good person Obama or McCain?
Cynthia: normal people don't vote that way
Matthews: i do
Cynthia: as i was saying
Chris: ha!
Cynthia: who is the real american here - Admiral McCain or Obama the dirty muslim who hates the flag
Fineman: McCain is stuck in the briar patch
Chris: oh noes the tar baby
Stengel: no one knows McCain
Chris: i had a five year love affair with john McCain i know him pretty well
Chris: OMG McClellan was hapless!!
Kelly: ha but really he hated telling all those lies
Chris: what a sweetheart he is
Kelly: i just want to take him home and cuddle him and tell him it will be all right
Chris: me too
Matthews: Scottie says Bush lied!!
Kelly: McCain is planning on smiling manically for the rest of the campaign
Matthews:: they trash Scottie but they admit they lied and committed treason
Fineman: yes they floated the idea that Scottie is a dirty hippie who works for Atrios
Stengel: yes Atrios was right all along but he has an agenda - he is in league with the Truth Lobby
Cynthia Tucker: that's old news
Chris: McClellan says if Bush had known he would have killed so many people he would not have killed so many people
Kelly: Bush is wonderful
Stengel: like Reagan wow he is great
Chris: wrap up!
Kelly: McCain Unleashed!!!
Stengel: Obama must pay fealty to Israel so say the people in Israel
Tucker: georgia is in play for Obama
Chris: he must go to Tblisi!!
Fineman: Teddy Kennedy will unite the Clintons and Obama and heal this nation and usher in a new progressive age
Chris: i had a crush on Joe The Forgotten Kennedy
Fineman: he was handsome yes
Chris: will Clinton like Joan of Arc lead her army to help Obama
Stegnel: yes to help Brand Hillary
Tucker: only reluctantly
Fineman: the key is Bill they are his people after all
Chris: make him DNC chair
Fineman: yeah that's a good idea
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Democratic Party Rules Committee Meeting - May 31, 2008
*************************************
DNC Rules Meeting
Subject: Florida and Michigan
Washington, DC
May 31, 2008
************************************
Alice Huff: i know this is against the rules but rules were made to be broken - and I know this could cause problems in 2012 but by then i could be dead
Other person: Rules are rules and rules must be followed or they're not rules
Other other person: this won't pass and that saddens me because we a party of inclusion
[ yay!! ]
Germond: When we wrote the rules we made sure they had meat and beef and force - dammit these were beauty contests and that tough because Hillary is attractive but Obama is handsome too
Germond: we believe in rules and to ignore the rules to be like George W. Bush!
[ ooooooh ]
Ickes: i wrote these fuckin' rules and even i don't what the fuck is going on - except that damm young black man is p0wng me
Pasquil: Rules are rules except when they are not rules
Herman: vote carries by 2/3 !!!
psych! just the vote to close debate
[ ooooooh ]
Herman: all in favor
[ YAYYYYYY!!! ]
Herman: where was all this enthusiasm in 2000 goddamit?
Herman: all opposed say Boooooo
[ BOOOOOOO ]
Herman: quiet please!
[ JENNIFER !!! JENNIFER!!!! ]
Herman: what the fuck are those weirdos saying?
Wolf: they are saying “Denver” -- apparently there are many Bronco fans here
Black Guy: in light of Obama's awesomeness i move that each pledged delegate can only cast 3/5 of a vote and in addition each delegate shall be made to wear a dashiki or a pink pantsuit at all times on the floor of the convention
Huff: you sneaky motherfucker!!!
Huff: what this party needs is unity
[ FUCK THAT SHIT! ]
Huff: you are about to the best of this party in action
[ cue porno music ]
Huff: hey protestors shut the goddam fuck up and act like grownups instead of little kids
[ WHAAAAAAAA ]
Ickes: i'll take half a loaf
Herman: gee i wonder if this was planned in advance
Ickes: hey i wore my 'regular guy' shirt
Herman: all in favor of Unity 08 Compromise clap your hands and say yeah
[ YEAH !! ]
Herman: seems unanimous to me
Michigan delegate: i move Michigan gets divided - hillary gets the palm and Obama gets the fingers and thumb
Fowler: my first choice was hillary clinton and i know harold ickes and i love him and that night was very special but i must move back in with my wife
Ickes: this is not my day dammitt
Ickes: we find this body's support for hillary clinton's former position inexplicable
Herman: uh huh
Ickes: this will hijack delegates just like a terrorist and this body is just a bunch of fascists and stealing votes from 600,000 - that's not democracy
Herman: no democracy is an election where only one person is on the ballot
Ickes: you bet your sweet ass
[yay]
Ickes: yeah you bet your ass the election was fucking flawed
Dawson: watch your language motherfucker
Ickes: you want a piece of me shitface?
Dawson: right now dickwad
Ickes: Hijacker!!
Fowler: i love that man
Ickes: fuck your fucking unity and shove it up your goddamm fucking ass
[ YAYYYYYY!!!!!! ]
Ickys: oh by they way if Hillary doesn't win she won't abide by your decision
Member: holy crap that guy really is a dick isn't he
Protestor: what about Iowa???
Counter-Protestor: shut up!!
Protestor: you shut up!!
[tv audience: ]
[yep this sounds like the Democratic party i know and love ]
Black Guy: Fuck harold ickes and his shitty selective amnesia and i hope he takes his lying ass back to political oblivion
Smith: i had my hand up!
Chair: didn't you see you white lady
Smith: fuck you fat man
Smith: i've been a democrat all my life by i just discovered that we have to support all the delegates in Michigan it makes me very very sad
Chair: thank you for your concern
Chair: motion carries
[ DENVER!! DENVER!!! ]
Chair: please please please
[ BOOOOO ARRRR GRRRR YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!! ]
Chair: watch me looney
[ OBAMA! ALGER HISS! THE ROSENBERGS!! FREE MUMIA!! AREA 51!!! ]
Chair: and now on to new business - all in favor of cold cuts and fruit salad at the next meeting vote yeah
DNC Rules Meeting
Subject: Florida and Michigan
Washington, DC
May 31, 2008
************************************
Alice Huff: i know this is against the rules but rules were made to be broken - and I know this could cause problems in 2012 but by then i could be dead
Other person: Rules are rules and rules must be followed or they're not rules
Other other person: this won't pass and that saddens me because we a party of inclusion
[ yay!! ]
Germond: When we wrote the rules we made sure they had meat and beef and force - dammit these were beauty contests and that tough because Hillary is attractive but Obama is handsome too
Germond: we believe in rules and to ignore the rules to be like George W. Bush!
[ ooooooh ]
Ickes: i wrote these fuckin' rules and even i don't what the fuck is going on - except that damm young black man is p0wng me
Pasquil: Rules are rules except when they are not rules
Herman: vote carries by 2/3 !!!
psych! just the vote to close debate
[ ooooooh ]
Herman: all in favor
[ YAYYYYYY!!! ]
Herman: where was all this enthusiasm in 2000 goddamit?
Herman: all opposed say Boooooo
[ BOOOOOOO ]
Herman: quiet please!
[ JENNIFER !!! JENNIFER!!!! ]
Herman: what the fuck are those weirdos saying?
Wolf: they are saying “Denver” -- apparently there are many Bronco fans here
Black Guy: in light of Obama's awesomeness i move that each pledged delegate can only cast 3/5 of a vote and in addition each delegate shall be made to wear a dashiki or a pink pantsuit at all times on the floor of the convention
Huff: you sneaky motherfucker!!!
Huff: what this party needs is unity
[ FUCK THAT SHIT! ]
Huff: you are about to the best of this party in action
[ cue porno music ]
Huff: hey protestors shut the goddam fuck up and act like grownups instead of little kids
[ WHAAAAAAAA ]
Ickes: i'll take half a loaf
Herman: gee i wonder if this was planned in advance
Ickes: hey i wore my 'regular guy' shirt
Herman: all in favor of Unity 08 Compromise clap your hands and say yeah
[ YEAH !! ]
Herman: seems unanimous to me
Michigan delegate: i move Michigan gets divided - hillary gets the palm and Obama gets the fingers and thumb
Fowler: my first choice was hillary clinton and i know harold ickes and i love him and that night was very special but i must move back in with my wife
Ickes: this is not my day dammitt
Ickes: we find this body's support for hillary clinton's former position inexplicable
Herman: uh huh
Ickes: this will hijack delegates just like a terrorist and this body is just a bunch of fascists and stealing votes from 600,000 - that's not democracy
Herman: no democracy is an election where only one person is on the ballot
Ickes: you bet your sweet ass
[yay]
Ickes: yeah you bet your ass the election was fucking flawed
Dawson: watch your language motherfucker
Ickes: you want a piece of me shitface?
Dawson: right now dickwad
Ickes: Hijacker!!
Fowler: i love that man
Ickes: fuck your fucking unity and shove it up your goddamm fucking ass
[ YAYYYYYY!!!!!! ]
Ickys: oh by they way if Hillary doesn't win she won't abide by your decision
Member: holy crap that guy really is a dick isn't he
Protestor: what about Iowa???
Counter-Protestor: shut up!!
Protestor: you shut up!!
[tv audience: ]
[yep this sounds like the Democratic party i know and love ]
Black Guy: Fuck harold ickes and his shitty selective amnesia and i hope he takes his lying ass back to political oblivion
Smith: i had my hand up!
Chair: didn't you see you white lady
Smith: fuck you fat man
Smith: i've been a democrat all my life by i just discovered that we have to support all the delegates in Michigan it makes me very very sad
Chair: thank you for your concern
Chair: motion carries
[ DENVER!! DENVER!!! ]
Chair: please please please
[ BOOOOO ARRRR GRRRR YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!! ]
Chair: watch me looney
[ OBAMA! ALGER HISS! THE ROSENBERGS!! FREE MUMIA!! AREA 51!!! ]
Chair: and now on to new business - all in favor of cold cuts and fruit salad at the next meeting vote yeah
Sunday, May 25, 2008
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - May 25, 2008
********************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
MEET THE PRESS - May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Meet The Press with Jim Webb - May 18, 2008
************************
Meet The Press
May 18, 2008
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb
************************
Russert: you are undecided that's craaaaaazy!!!
Webb: i'm cool but coy
Russert: do you want to be Veep?
Webb: who me, nah
Russert: but you wouldn't say no
Webb: well no
Russert: Bush says this is just like when Nazi tanks crossed into Poland when clearly ignoring Hitler worked so well
Webb: that's right doing nothing while Hitler built up his military while talking tough clearly worked wonders
Russert: bush is genius
Webb: clearly
Russert: you say people still think of the Dems as the anti-military party and teh GOP treats soldiers as political tools
Webb: i lived the military dream and the Dems treated veterans as victims and GOP treated soldiers as if they were all Rambo types who existed to support Republican fantasies
Russert: well don’t they?
Webb: well if they are how about giving them the same rights as soldiers from WWII
Russert: yeah but they were the greatest generation and the current soldiers are video game-playing slackers
Webb: that’s their best argument
Russert: but the GOP wear flag pins!!
Webb: they say it’s too expensive but they love stop-loss
Russert: President Bush says we can't let soldiers leave we must keep them trapped in the military to keep America a free country
Webb: soldiers serve because they love their country but they won't serve if they are treated like shit
Russert: yes we on Nantucket are worried about that
Russert: anyone who doesn't want to keep US soldiers in a middle east civil war is weak
Webb: that is so fucking stupid
Russert: war is peace!
Webb: asshole
Russert: you have three tats
Webb: i heard you have three tits
Russert: ah the Russert family legacy
************************
Meet The Press
May 18, 2008
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb
************************
Russert: you are undecided that's craaaaaazy!!!
Webb: i'm cool but coy
Russert: do you want to be Veep?
Webb: who me, nah
Russert: but you wouldn't say no
Webb: well no
Russert: Bush says this is just like when Nazi tanks crossed into Poland when clearly ignoring Hitler worked so well
Webb: that's right doing nothing while Hitler built up his military while talking tough clearly worked wonders
Russert: bush is genius
Webb: clearly
Russert: you say people still think of the Dems as the anti-military party and teh GOP treats soldiers as political tools
Webb: i lived the military dream and the Dems treated veterans as victims and GOP treated soldiers as if they were all Rambo types who existed to support Republican fantasies
Russert: well don’t they?
Webb: well if they are how about giving them the same rights as soldiers from WWII
Russert: yeah but they were the greatest generation and the current soldiers are video game-playing slackers
Webb: that’s their best argument
Russert: but the GOP wear flag pins!!
Webb: they say it’s too expensive but they love stop-loss
Russert: President Bush says we can't let soldiers leave we must keep them trapped in the military to keep America a free country
Webb: soldiers serve because they love their country but they won't serve if they are treated like shit
Russert: yes we on Nantucket are worried about that
Russert: anyone who doesn't want to keep US soldiers in a middle east civil war is weak
Webb: that is so fucking stupid
Russert: war is peace!
Webb: asshole
Russert: you have three tats
Webb: i heard you have three tits
Russert: ah the Russert family legacy
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous - May 18, 2008
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous
May 18, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Rep. John Boehner
************************
Stephanopolous: Bush went to the Knesset and bashed Hitler and you said the President is full of shit
Biden: lets call it what it is - demeaning to the Presidency
Steph: he says he wasn't talking about Barack
Biden: well his people says he was
Steph: who among us doesn't dislike Hitler
Biden: yes and the President in his interview with Politico says he doesn't like to go the middle east just to get cheap applause
McCain [on tape]: it's reckless to talk with Iran!
Biden: hey I met with Khaddafi and while a vicious terrorist he was actually a very charming guy
Steph: and a snappy dresser
Biden: bush went on Jeopardy with Kim Jong Il
Steph: sounds like you are calling it hypocrisy
Biden: i am trying to be polite so I will just call it horseshit
Steph: but teh Iranians are evil!
Biden: well Bush should fire Bob Gates then
Steph: but talking is weak!!
Biden: bush has failed at every level - look Iran is about to build a bomb what's he going to do about that??
Steph: grandstand until they surrender?
Biden: yeah that will work
Steph: but Obama is so naive!!
Biden: Bush is a cheap smear artist who has to hide in the Knesset
Steph: oooooh
Steph: why not endorse Obama?
Biden: hillary is the most powerful woman in politics and I’m afraid of her
Steph: what about Pelosi?
Biden: no i mean literally powerful - Hillary can bench press like 200 pounds
[break]
Steph: Boehner you guys really suck
Boner: all the people get from the Dems are broken promises but the GOP never makes promises except to fuck people over which we do
Steph: fair enough
Boner: we learned our lesson from now one we will pretend to care about people
Steph: people hate you and Bush
Boner: this isn't about our past fuck-ups it's about the fuck-ups we will make in the future
Steph: you are losers
Boner: gas prices - the Pelosi premium!
Steph: you're kidding
Boner: no i'm a liberal me and Ted Kennedy are best friends
Steph: what about George W Bush?
Boner: never heard of him
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous
May 18, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Rep. John Boehner
************************
Stephanopolous: Bush went to the Knesset and bashed Hitler and you said the President is full of shit
Biden: lets call it what it is - demeaning to the Presidency
Steph: he says he wasn't talking about Barack
Biden: well his people says he was
Steph: who among us doesn't dislike Hitler
Biden: yes and the President in his interview with Politico says he doesn't like to go the middle east just to get cheap applause
McCain [on tape]: it's reckless to talk with Iran!
Biden: hey I met with Khaddafi and while a vicious terrorist he was actually a very charming guy
Steph: and a snappy dresser
Biden: bush went on Jeopardy with Kim Jong Il
Steph: sounds like you are calling it hypocrisy
Biden: i am trying to be polite so I will just call it horseshit
Steph: but teh Iranians are evil!
Biden: well Bush should fire Bob Gates then
Steph: but talking is weak!!
Biden: bush has failed at every level - look Iran is about to build a bomb what's he going to do about that??
Steph: grandstand until they surrender?
Biden: yeah that will work
Steph: but Obama is so naive!!
Biden: Bush is a cheap smear artist who has to hide in the Knesset
Steph: oooooh
Steph: why not endorse Obama?
Biden: hillary is the most powerful woman in politics and I’m afraid of her
Steph: what about Pelosi?
Biden: no i mean literally powerful - Hillary can bench press like 200 pounds
[break]
Steph: Boehner you guys really suck
Boner: all the people get from the Dems are broken promises but the GOP never makes promises except to fuck people over which we do
Steph: fair enough
Boner: we learned our lesson from now one we will pretend to care about people
Steph: people hate you and Bush
Boner: this isn't about our past fuck-ups it's about the fuck-ups we will make in the future
Steph: you are losers
Boner: gas prices - the Pelosi premium!
Steph: you're kidding
Boner: no i'm a liberal me and Ted Kennedy are best friends
Steph: what about George W Bush?
Boner: never heard of him
************************
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Daily Show with John Stewart - Guest: Douglas Feith - May 12, 2008
*************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
Meet The Press- May 11, 2008
****************************************
Meet The Press
May 11, 2008
Guests: Sen. Chris Dodd and Terry McAuliffe
******************************************
Russert: welcome Sen. Dodd
Dodd: happy mother's day Timmy
Tim: ok dood
Russert: Obama is kicking ass Dodd
Dodd: yes it's over now and i know that Bill and Hillary love the party and this country and so will support Obama soon
Russert: but they are still running in West Virginia
Dodd: the question is does Hillary love America enough to help the Democrats win in the fall and stop sliming Obama
Russert: you once said something mildly critical about Obama
Dodd: please this dood ran circles around me and he knows all about nuclear weapons and shit
Russert: Terry McAuliffe even Rahm Emmanuel thinks Hillary Clinton is toast
McAuliffle: no no no if you count Michigan Hillary could be the nominee
Russert: you couldn't vote for Obama in Michigan if you wanted to
McAuliffe: that was his choice he did that to appease those fuckers in Iowa
Russert: like how Hillary said Michigan could go to hell
McAuliffe: that was a compliment -- after all that would be an improvement for much of Michigan
Russert: true
McAuliffe: we've been through this nightmare for 17 months - so let's keep going!!!
Russert: have you considered therapy Terry?
McAuliffe: it's not impossible! She can still win!! She's like the Buffalo Bills!!
Russert: how on earth can she possibly win??
McAuliffe: an act of God!!!
Russert: Hillary has pointed out that Obama is black and lazy
McAuliffe: no no no - she was quoting the racist Associated Press and for example i was reading the White Power web site this morning and they said because Obama is descended from mud people he can't win a general election
Russert: interesting point Terry
McAuliffe: I thought so
Russert: she implied blacks are lazy
McAuliffe: she was quoting the AP
Russert: no she wasn't
McAuliffe: she was paraphrasing
Russert: even Rangel said that she was dumb
McAuliffe: look we have to win the 2008 election if we have to play the race card then we will
Tim: I can tell
McAuliffe: within 3 weeks of the middle of June this will be over
Russert: can he win white ethnics?
McAuliffe: Tim if your father was still alive he would get drunk if was watching this on tv
Russert: Big Russ is still alive dood
McAuliffe: oh i was thinking of the Clinton campaign
Russert: terry when you were Chair you took away all of the delegates of renegade states
McAuliffe: you can't deny that millions of people voted in an election where only Hillary was on the ballot
Russert: the very height of democracy
Russert: are the Cintons willing to build a bonfire out of $11 million
McAuliffe: nothing is impossible!
Russert: will you pay all your debts??
McAuliffe: a million people with pitchforks from West Virginia and Kentucky and Puerto Rico could rise and seize the USA by force
Russert: no offense but you seem psychotic
McAuliffe: your dad said in your book that nothing is impossible and you must fight against all odds
Russert: no he didn't
McAuliffe: Yeaaaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!!!
Russert: how on earth did the skinny black muslim beat you??
McAuliffe: he won Iowa and it was smooth sailing there for Mr Cool
Russert: should you have skipped Iowa?
McAuliffe: no that would be gaming the system we want to fight everywhere
Russert: well good luck crazy person
[ Break ]
Russert: is Obama the nominee
Panel: yes yes yes yes
Clizza: the Clintons have been counted out again and again so that's one reason why they are still in it
Norris: they invented the idea of coming-in-second as winning
Russert: they could lose $11 million!
Harwood: yeah but bill and hillary could just write another book - poor Mark Penn is the one in real trouble
Russert: that's why Obama will host fundraisers for the Mark Penn charity
Harwood: yeah that'll happen
Russert: running mate??
Norris: they believe they can win Republican voters back
Russert: hillary wouldn't help?
Norris: not much
Cilizza: the dood is running on change! But you can send a strong message on change in America by putting a crazy man on the ticket like Gov. Ted Strickland
Norris: hillary says he Obama is losing among hard working americans but she has lost blacks and lazy people
Russert: how did this skinny black Kenyan win??
Timmy: it turns out America is not her place and she trashed the place
Harwood: also Obama is a once in a lifetime politician the man has mad political skillz
Cilizza: look at the gas tax - total dishonest pandering and this time people saw George W. Clinton
[clip]
McCain: Obama is a muslim terrorist
Obama: he's losing his bearings
McCain Spokesman: he's just pointing out that McCain is too old to President
Obama: i never said that - why would you?
[end clip]
Seib: this sounds crazy i know but this debate may be about actual issues -- lucky for them the Republicans have a huge advantage on national security issue
Russert: oh of course
Hardwood: the media is out to get John McCain
[ bust of laughter ]
Norris: the next President can solve all of our problems by sitting down both parties in the Roosevelt Room and telling them to agree
Harwood: John McCain is a not a flat earth looney and Obama is not a communist
Russert: that's too bad
Cilizza: also bear in mind the Republican party is completely fucked
Russert: trouble me not with such stories pretty boy
Meet The Press
May 11, 2008
Guests: Sen. Chris Dodd and Terry McAuliffe
******************************************
Russert: welcome Sen. Dodd
Dodd: happy mother's day Timmy
Tim: ok dood
Russert: Obama is kicking ass Dodd
Dodd: yes it's over now and i know that Bill and Hillary love the party and this country and so will support Obama soon
Russert: but they are still running in West Virginia
Dodd: the question is does Hillary love America enough to help the Democrats win in the fall and stop sliming Obama
Russert: you once said something mildly critical about Obama
Dodd: please this dood ran circles around me and he knows all about nuclear weapons and shit
Russert: Terry McAuliffe even Rahm Emmanuel thinks Hillary Clinton is toast
McAuliffle: no no no if you count Michigan Hillary could be the nominee
Russert: you couldn't vote for Obama in Michigan if you wanted to
McAuliffe: that was his choice he did that to appease those fuckers in Iowa
Russert: like how Hillary said Michigan could go to hell
McAuliffe: that was a compliment -- after all that would be an improvement for much of Michigan
Russert: true
McAuliffe: we've been through this nightmare for 17 months - so let's keep going!!!
Russert: have you considered therapy Terry?
McAuliffe: it's not impossible! She can still win!! She's like the Buffalo Bills!!
Russert: how on earth can she possibly win??
McAuliffe: an act of God!!!
Russert: Hillary has pointed out that Obama is black and lazy
McAuliffe: no no no - she was quoting the racist Associated Press and for example i was reading the White Power web site this morning and they said because Obama is descended from mud people he can't win a general election
Russert: interesting point Terry
McAuliffe: I thought so
Russert: she implied blacks are lazy
McAuliffe: she was quoting the AP
Russert: no she wasn't
McAuliffe: she was paraphrasing
Russert: even Rangel said that she was dumb
McAuliffe: look we have to win the 2008 election if we have to play the race card then we will
Tim: I can tell
McAuliffe: within 3 weeks of the middle of June this will be over
Russert: can he win white ethnics?
McAuliffe: Tim if your father was still alive he would get drunk if was watching this on tv
Russert: Big Russ is still alive dood
McAuliffe: oh i was thinking of the Clinton campaign
Russert: terry when you were Chair you took away all of the delegates of renegade states
McAuliffe: you can't deny that millions of people voted in an election where only Hillary was on the ballot
Russert: the very height of democracy
Russert: are the Cintons willing to build a bonfire out of $11 million
McAuliffe: nothing is impossible!
Russert: will you pay all your debts??
McAuliffe: a million people with pitchforks from West Virginia and Kentucky and Puerto Rico could rise and seize the USA by force
Russert: no offense but you seem psychotic
McAuliffe: your dad said in your book that nothing is impossible and you must fight against all odds
Russert: no he didn't
McAuliffe: Yeaaaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!!!
Russert: how on earth did the skinny black muslim beat you??
McAuliffe: he won Iowa and it was smooth sailing there for Mr Cool
Russert: should you have skipped Iowa?
McAuliffe: no that would be gaming the system we want to fight everywhere
Russert: well good luck crazy person
[ Break ]
Russert: is Obama the nominee
Panel: yes yes yes yes
Clizza: the Clintons have been counted out again and again so that's one reason why they are still in it
Norris: they invented the idea of coming-in-second as winning
Russert: they could lose $11 million!
Harwood: yeah but bill and hillary could just write another book - poor Mark Penn is the one in real trouble
Russert: that's why Obama will host fundraisers for the Mark Penn charity
Harwood: yeah that'll happen
Russert: running mate??
Norris: they believe they can win Republican voters back
Russert: hillary wouldn't help?
Norris: not much
Cilizza: the dood is running on change! But you can send a strong message on change in America by putting a crazy man on the ticket like Gov. Ted Strickland
Norris: hillary says he Obama is losing among hard working americans but she has lost blacks and lazy people
Russert: how did this skinny black Kenyan win??
Timmy: it turns out America is not her place and she trashed the place
Harwood: also Obama is a once in a lifetime politician the man has mad political skillz
Cilizza: look at the gas tax - total dishonest pandering and this time people saw George W. Clinton
[clip]
McCain: Obama is a muslim terrorist
Obama: he's losing his bearings
McCain Spokesman: he's just pointing out that McCain is too old to President
Obama: i never said that - why would you?
[end clip]
Seib: this sounds crazy i know but this debate may be about actual issues -- lucky for them the Republicans have a huge advantage on national security issue
Russert: oh of course
Hardwood: the media is out to get John McCain
[ bust of laughter ]
Norris: the next President can solve all of our problems by sitting down both parties in the Roosevelt Room and telling them to agree
Harwood: John McCain is a not a flat earth looney and Obama is not a communist
Russert: that's too bad
Cilizza: also bear in mind the Republican party is completely fucked
Russert: trouble me not with such stories pretty boy
The Chris Matthews Show - May 11, 2008
***************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
May 11, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: omg how does Obama win back whites and women?!?!?
Hillary: only lazy blacks supports him
Heileman: she can't deliver the archie bunker vote - anyway he's been classy this whole campaign so he can win people back
Mathews: but my white female friends are very bitter
Allen: hey the dood is part-white
Matthews: i agree with you Ron but you are wrong
Kay: i think she will support Obama otherwise she will look like a total crybaby
Cottle: there is no policy gap there is only the white woman, the black man, and the crazy anti abortionist
Matthews: isn't Obama responsible for the oppression of all women everywhere??
Cottle: yes but now as a woman she must stand by her man
Heileman: she needs to salvage her reputation
Tweety: but Reagan killed Gerald Ford and it helped him - nice guys finish last
Heileman: but those were Republicans -- they are happily evil
Tweety: Hillary is very popular among working class whites - can she deliver Ohio??
Cottle: no that was just against the elitist black man -- your argument is completely stupid
Tweety: i never thought of that
Heileman: do want to the Clintons inside the tent smearing out - or outside the tent sliming in?
Matthews: what will Hillary do now - does she wants to live a fancy town like Albany
Heileman: no way
Matthews: what's the downside to being Governor?
Heileman: Albany is sheer hell
Matthews: there are some nice areas
Heileman: those ARE the nice areas
Matthews: what about become another Scoop Jackson or LBJ
Kay: the friction between her and Dodd is to difficult
Allen: what about Obama hating on her
Matthews: what do you think
Allen: i don't know
Heileman: look guys she really really believes Obama is going to lose in November so that's her plan
Tweety: and she's been right about everything so far
Tweety: Tell me something I don't know
Allen: Obama claims victory after Oregon
Cottle: Cat Fight!
Heileman: your new nickname is Gossamer
Matthews: biggest mistake of the Clinton campaign
Kay: running to the right in the primary - whoops!
Allen: running an old fashioned campaign hey we have teh Internets now
Cottle: running on competence instead of change
Heileman: running a micro-campaign: men know that never works
Tweety: supporting the Iraq war
****************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
May 11, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: omg how does Obama win back whites and women?!?!?
Hillary: only lazy blacks supports him
Heileman: she can't deliver the archie bunker vote - anyway he's been classy this whole campaign so he can win people back
Mathews: but my white female friends are very bitter
Allen: hey the dood is part-white
Matthews: i agree with you Ron but you are wrong
Kay: i think she will support Obama otherwise she will look like a total crybaby
Cottle: there is no policy gap there is only the white woman, the black man, and the crazy anti abortionist
Matthews: isn't Obama responsible for the oppression of all women everywhere??
Cottle: yes but now as a woman she must stand by her man
Heileman: she needs to salvage her reputation
Tweety: but Reagan killed Gerald Ford and it helped him - nice guys finish last
Heileman: but those were Republicans -- they are happily evil
Tweety: Hillary is very popular among working class whites - can she deliver Ohio??
Cottle: no that was just against the elitist black man -- your argument is completely stupid
Tweety: i never thought of that
Heileman: do want to the Clintons inside the tent smearing out - or outside the tent sliming in?
Matthews: what will Hillary do now - does she wants to live a fancy town like Albany
Heileman: no way
Matthews: what's the downside to being Governor?
Heileman: Albany is sheer hell
Matthews: there are some nice areas
Heileman: those ARE the nice areas
Matthews: what about become another Scoop Jackson or LBJ
Kay: the friction between her and Dodd is to difficult
Allen: what about Obama hating on her
Matthews: what do you think
Allen: i don't know
Heileman: look guys she really really believes Obama is going to lose in November so that's her plan
Tweety: and she's been right about everything so far
Tweety: Tell me something I don't know
Allen: Obama claims victory after Oregon
Cottle: Cat Fight!
Heileman: your new nickname is Gossamer
Matthews: biggest mistake of the Clinton campaign
Kay: running to the right in the primary - whoops!
Allen: running an old fashioned campaign hey we have teh Internets now
Cottle: running on competence instead of change
Heileman: running a micro-campaign: men know that never works
Tweety: supporting the Iraq war
****************************************
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Meet The Press - with Barack Obama - May 4, 2008
***************************
Meet the Press
Host: Tim Russert
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***************************
Russert: talk to me about your crazy Revered
Obama: look when i joined the church i was committing to Jesus Christ not the cult of Rev Right and when he married me and michelle he didn't yell out "I nao pronuonce you man and wife now kiss the bride and goddamm America!!!!!"
Russert: why did he pop up again
Obama: he's fuckin’ crazy and craves teh spotlight
Russert: he's a looney
Obama: oh i know
Russert: but i'm confused why didn't you disown him earlier
Obama: he's like my white granny - she's crazy too
Russert: i have one like that - she's hates the irish
Obama: i though you were irish
Russert: yeah but the men in my family are a bunch of fuckwits
Russert: but Rev. Right said hate speech on 9/11 when he said our chickens came home to roost
Obama: Bush says the same thing all the time
Russert: yeah but he's like a cowboy - it's so cool
Obama: i get it fat timmy
Russert: but he attacked America
Obama: yes no one in the history of this country has ever said something critical of the USA
Russert: not while wearing a dashiki and wagging his finger
Obama: ah now we have put the proverbial finger on it
Russert: he's not a blue collar Reagan Democrat - they can bash America all they want
Obama: I have gathered as much timster
Russert: ok let's move on a New Topic - what Rev. Right said in 2007
Obama: look he's an retired old man
Russert: you knew he's crazy and yet you didn't turn him into the police
Obama: that's true Tim
Russert: are you a black supremacist
Obama: look it's in my DNA that white and black can get along
Russert: but do you believe blacks are superior
Obama: talking to you Tim i do sometimes wonder
Russert: hey!
Obama: tiger woods jackie robinson bill russell michael jordan Jackie joyner kersee carl lewis jim brown
Russert: ok ok
Russert: will you appoint Wright Secretary of Hating Whitey
Obama: no of course not tim that's my wife's job
Russert: rev right has dominated the headlines
Obama: gee can't imagine why
Russert: you hate white people
Obama: i am part-white jackass
Russert: you look black to me
Obama: oh i know mr. russert - trust me i know
Russert: Do you hate america?
Obama: look Timmy my grandfather fought in WWII and my kenyan father came seeking an opportunity to plant his muslim seed here and have a son who would grow up to destroy America from within
Russert: really??
Obama: no dumbass
Russert: white people hate you
Obama: they like Hillary after all she's famous and i'm so dood with a funny name
Russert: yur out of touch with averge people
Obama: yes hillary is worth $100 million and i'm from a single mom and michelle's dad was a factory worker
Russert: your skin reminds me a of a latte
Obama: oh christ
Russert: blasphemer
Obama: you know what's sacreligous is your nantucket home
Russert: why do hate poor people who have to pay the gas tax
Obama: i have news for Senator Pander-ton -- $28 is not going to lift America out of poverty
Russert: but you once voted for the same thing
Obama: and it didn't work
Russert: so you changed your mind
Obama: yes
Russert: well that is crazy
Obama: look even hillary's people say this is only to get her through indiana - it's unserious pure politics
Russert: but john mccain gave me a hummer!
Obama: TMI Tim
Russert: food is expensive and Timmy needs to eats!!!
Obama: don't single out Ethanol besides we can use prarie grass
Russert: when do i get a flying car??
Obama: well Bush is president so until i get sworn in your are stuck with the SUVs
Russert: should we nuke indiana
Obama: well i was in Gary recently and honestly it wouldn't change it very much
Russert: but we use too much coal
Obama: we are the Saudi Arabia of Coal
Russert: and we are the Breadbasket of Bullshit
Obama: yee haw
Russert: hypothetically if Iran was about to attack Indianapolis would you favor attacking them first
Obama: Iran or Indianapolis?
Russert: Hmmm - Indianapolis
Obama: look Iran has the won Iraq war and we're not accomplishing anything
Russert: but the threat from Iran!
Obama: we should meet with them and tell them to stop meddling with the middle east
Russert: but the hypothetical genocide!!!
Obama: so that's why we invaded - to incite a genocide we must stay to prevent from happening?
Russert: makes sense to me
Hillary [on tape] : I will obliterate Iran!!
Obama: Hillary W. Bush, geez
Russert: but will you respond to this non-existent hypothetical threat???
Obama: iran doesn't even had nukes!
Russert: in my mind they do
Russert: should we have an umbrella of space nukes hovering over saudi arabia?
Obama: i am slightly troubled by this conversation given that is it is after all insane
Russert: just pick a country you would obliterate pleez
Obama: i would re-invade Afghanistan
Russert: well now we're getting somewhere
Obama: also Pakistan
Russert: awesome!
Obama: they need food for their people and we need to catch Osama
Russert: about the election - will indiana be the tie breaker?
Obama: i am trying to tap into the of core spirit of decency of the American people
Russert: holy crap you are screwed
Russert: what if they steal the nomination from you
Obama: i hate john mccain so i would campaign for teh democrats
Russert: but the superdelegates could vote for hillary
Obama: you're assuming they all want to vote her
Russert: of course - otherwise there's no story
Obama: yes i can see that
Meet the Press
Host: Tim Russert
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***************************
Russert: talk to me about your crazy Revered
Obama: look when i joined the church i was committing to Jesus Christ not the cult of Rev Right and when he married me and michelle he didn't yell out "I nao pronuonce you man and wife now kiss the bride and goddamm America!!!!!"
Russert: why did he pop up again
Obama: he's fuckin’ crazy and craves teh spotlight
Russert: he's a looney
Obama: oh i know
Russert: but i'm confused why didn't you disown him earlier
Obama: he's like my white granny - she's crazy too
Russert: i have one like that - she's hates the irish
Obama: i though you were irish
Russert: yeah but the men in my family are a bunch of fuckwits
Russert: but Rev. Right said hate speech on 9/11 when he said our chickens came home to roost
Obama: Bush says the same thing all the time
Russert: yeah but he's like a cowboy - it's so cool
Obama: i get it fat timmy
Russert: but he attacked America
Obama: yes no one in the history of this country has ever said something critical of the USA
Russert: not while wearing a dashiki and wagging his finger
Obama: ah now we have put the proverbial finger on it
Russert: he's not a blue collar Reagan Democrat - they can bash America all they want
Obama: I have gathered as much timster
Russert: ok let's move on a New Topic - what Rev. Right said in 2007
Obama: look he's an retired old man
Russert: you knew he's crazy and yet you didn't turn him into the police
Obama: that's true Tim
Russert: are you a black supremacist
Obama: look it's in my DNA that white and black can get along
Russert: but do you believe blacks are superior
Obama: talking to you Tim i do sometimes wonder
Russert: hey!
Obama: tiger woods jackie robinson bill russell michael jordan Jackie joyner kersee carl lewis jim brown
Russert: ok ok
Russert: will you appoint Wright Secretary of Hating Whitey
Obama: no of course not tim that's my wife's job
Russert: rev right has dominated the headlines
Obama: gee can't imagine why
Russert: you hate white people
Obama: i am part-white jackass
Russert: you look black to me
Obama: oh i know mr. russert - trust me i know
Russert: Do you hate america?
Obama: look Timmy my grandfather fought in WWII and my kenyan father came seeking an opportunity to plant his muslim seed here and have a son who would grow up to destroy America from within
Russert: really??
Obama: no dumbass
Russert: white people hate you
Obama: they like Hillary after all she's famous and i'm so dood with a funny name
Russert: yur out of touch with averge people
Obama: yes hillary is worth $100 million and i'm from a single mom and michelle's dad was a factory worker
Russert: your skin reminds me a of a latte
Obama: oh christ
Russert: blasphemer
Obama: you know what's sacreligous is your nantucket home
Russert: why do hate poor people who have to pay the gas tax
Obama: i have news for Senator Pander-ton -- $28 is not going to lift America out of poverty
Russert: but you once voted for the same thing
Obama: and it didn't work
Russert: so you changed your mind
Obama: yes
Russert: well that is crazy
Obama: look even hillary's people say this is only to get her through indiana - it's unserious pure politics
Russert: but john mccain gave me a hummer!
Obama: TMI Tim
Russert: food is expensive and Timmy needs to eats!!!
Obama: don't single out Ethanol besides we can use prarie grass
Russert: when do i get a flying car??
Obama: well Bush is president so until i get sworn in your are stuck with the SUVs
Russert: should we nuke indiana
Obama: well i was in Gary recently and honestly it wouldn't change it very much
Russert: but we use too much coal
Obama: we are the Saudi Arabia of Coal
Russert: and we are the Breadbasket of Bullshit
Obama: yee haw
Russert: hypothetically if Iran was about to attack Indianapolis would you favor attacking them first
Obama: Iran or Indianapolis?
Russert: Hmmm - Indianapolis
Obama: look Iran has the won Iraq war and we're not accomplishing anything
Russert: but the threat from Iran!
Obama: we should meet with them and tell them to stop meddling with the middle east
Russert: but the hypothetical genocide!!!
Obama: so that's why we invaded - to incite a genocide we must stay to prevent from happening?
Russert: makes sense to me
Hillary [on tape] : I will obliterate Iran!!
Obama: Hillary W. Bush, geez
Russert: but will you respond to this non-existent hypothetical threat???
Obama: iran doesn't even had nukes!
Russert: in my mind they do
Russert: should we have an umbrella of space nukes hovering over saudi arabia?
Obama: i am slightly troubled by this conversation given that is it is after all insane
Russert: just pick a country you would obliterate pleez
Obama: i would re-invade Afghanistan
Russert: well now we're getting somewhere
Obama: also Pakistan
Russert: awesome!
Obama: they need food for their people and we need to catch Osama
Russert: about the election - will indiana be the tie breaker?
Obama: i am trying to tap into the of core spirit of decency of the American people
Russert: holy crap you are screwed
Russert: what if they steal the nomination from you
Obama: i hate john mccain so i would campaign for teh democrats
Russert: but the superdelegates could vote for hillary
Obama: you're assuming they all want to vote her
Russert: of course - otherwise there's no story
Obama: yes i can see that
This Week With George Stephanopoulos with Hillary Clinton - May 4, 2008
***************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Hillary Clinton
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama say you are pandering with this silly gas tax holiday idea
Clinton: no no i want the oil companies to pay the gas tax for the summer then they can go back to gouging people
Stephanopoulos: how would that work
Clinton: i would investigate OPEC and Exxon and bring the Hillary Hammer down!
Stephanopoulos: but the oil companies would make more money - that sounds stupid
Clinton: but americans in the middle class work really hard and i love them!!
Stephanopoulos: no economist thinks this a good idea
Clinton: oh sure you're ivory tower doods will say that but i will magically make the oil companies pay the extra
Stephanopoulos: is the holiday permanent?
Clinton: no just in the period while i am running against Obama
Stephanopoulos: it sounds stupid
Clinton: oh sure the latte-drinking elitists would say that
Audience: we have global warming and you want people to drive more!
Clinton: i have a long term plan and i want to have a good debate on whether Obama hates truck drivers
Stephanopoulos: 60% of people think you are dishonest
Clinton: people in NY know that i am not that honest but they are ok with that because i am a fighter
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Clinton: i know human nature
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: you can't trust men - they will cheat on you!
Audience: can you stimulate our manufacturers
Clinton: we can't bring back our lost jobs but we can stop the bleeding
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: stop rewarding companies for moving overseas
Stephanopoulos: wow that's crazy enough to work
Stephanopoulos: jobs are going to China and that was approved by the Clinton administration
Clinton: true but we had a ten year limit and we assumed Bill would be out of office by then
Stephanopoulos: but now you object
Clinton: yes but we have learned much since then
Stephanopoulos: like what
Clinton: we learned i want to be President
Stephanopoulos: but did the Clinton administration suck
Clinton: no you and i were both against NAFTA as you recall
Stephanopoulos: i can't say
Clinton: you're so adorable
Stephanopoulos: has Rev. Right donated to the Clinton Library?
Clinton: well Bill was the first black president
Stephanopoulos: you sold your donor list
Clinton: look that's all Bill - you know i can't control him
Stephanopoulos: if you could Gore would be working on his third term now
Clinton: i was born a poor black child unlike that privileged elitist Barack Obama
Audience: amen!
Clinton: my health care plan will help poor blacks and pre-schoolers and workers and white people and Hispanics and the middle class and students and-
Stephanopoulos: senator stop talking or i will be forced to use force
Clinton: please you could fit in my pocket
Stephanopoulos: if you overturn the pledged delegates and give Obama the shaft won't blacks be angry
Clinton: i'm ahead in the popular vote if you count Michigan
Stephanopoulos: his name wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan
Clinton: well that was his choice
Stephanopoulos: those were the rules
Clinton: fuck the rules
Stephanopoulos: you are a scary lady
***************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Hillary Clinton
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama say you are pandering with this silly gas tax holiday idea
Clinton: no no i want the oil companies to pay the gas tax for the summer then they can go back to gouging people
Stephanopoulos: how would that work
Clinton: i would investigate OPEC and Exxon and bring the Hillary Hammer down!
Stephanopoulos: but the oil companies would make more money - that sounds stupid
Clinton: but americans in the middle class work really hard and i love them!!
Stephanopoulos: no economist thinks this a good idea
Clinton: oh sure you're ivory tower doods will say that but i will magically make the oil companies pay the extra
Stephanopoulos: is the holiday permanent?
Clinton: no just in the period while i am running against Obama
Stephanopoulos: it sounds stupid
Clinton: oh sure the latte-drinking elitists would say that
Audience: we have global warming and you want people to drive more!
Clinton: i have a long term plan and i want to have a good debate on whether Obama hates truck drivers
Stephanopoulos: 60% of people think you are dishonest
Clinton: people in NY know that i am not that honest but they are ok with that because i am a fighter
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Clinton: i know human nature
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: you can't trust men - they will cheat on you!
Audience: can you stimulate our manufacturers
Clinton: we can't bring back our lost jobs but we can stop the bleeding
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: stop rewarding companies for moving overseas
Stephanopoulos: wow that's crazy enough to work
Stephanopoulos: jobs are going to China and that was approved by the Clinton administration
Clinton: true but we had a ten year limit and we assumed Bill would be out of office by then
Stephanopoulos: but now you object
Clinton: yes but we have learned much since then
Stephanopoulos: like what
Clinton: we learned i want to be President
Stephanopoulos: but did the Clinton administration suck
Clinton: no you and i were both against NAFTA as you recall
Stephanopoulos: i can't say
Clinton: you're so adorable
Stephanopoulos: has Rev. Right donated to the Clinton Library?
Clinton: well Bill was the first black president
Stephanopoulos: you sold your donor list
Clinton: look that's all Bill - you know i can't control him
Stephanopoulos: if you could Gore would be working on his third term now
Clinton: i was born a poor black child unlike that privileged elitist Barack Obama
Audience: amen!
Clinton: my health care plan will help poor blacks and pre-schoolers and workers and white people and Hispanics and the middle class and students and-
Stephanopoulos: senator stop talking or i will be forced to use force
Clinton: please you could fit in my pocket
Stephanopoulos: if you overturn the pledged delegates and give Obama the shaft won't blacks be angry
Clinton: i'm ahead in the popular vote if you count Michigan
Stephanopoulos: his name wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan
Clinton: well that was his choice
Stephanopoulos: those were the rules
Clinton: fuck the rules
Stephanopoulos: you are a scary lady
***************************
Sunday, April 27, 2008
60 Minutes With Justice Antonin Scalia
*****************************************************
60 Minutes
Guest: Justice Antonin Scalia
April 27, 2008
*****************************************************
Stahl: why not interpret the Constitution right?
Scalia: fuck that
Stahl: how can you know what the Founders wanted?
Scalia: oh trust me i know
Stahl: but values change
Scalia: well they shouldn't
Stahl: what is an originalist
Scalia: i am hated because i am right
Stahl: why do some people despise you and think you are evil
Scalia: i'm not against progress i just hate it
Stahl: abortion?
Scalia: let's not split the baby
Stahl: ha ha
Stahl: you hate civil rights and want to impose the Rule of Opus Dei
Scalia: i confess i'm a conservative but i don't want to impose my beliefs on other people - it's just very lucky for me that my philosophy matches my views exactly
Stahl: but you don't want to throw liberals in jail
Scalia: see how open minded i am
Stahl: but could you be wrong?
Scalia: of course not others are inferior to me
Stahl: Bader you like Scalia even though you hate logic
Ginsburg: he's a nutter
Scalia: she's nice but an idiot
Stahl: but you comes across as a jerk
Scalia: you must learn to get along with other people
Stahl: how would you know
Stahl: he called you self-righteous
Ginsburg: he's a big fat child
Stahl: do you takes his name-calling personally
Ginsburg: i am a grandmother so I’m used to it
Stahl: but he's an asshole
Ginsburg: but he's charming so it's ok
Stahl: this is how we ended up with president Stupid
Stahl: you act like a jerk but you are charming
Scalia: i am bit of an jerk
Stahl: Bush v Gore was not at all using original intent
Scalia: no we did the right thing - so there
Stahl: oh so intellectual you are
Scalia: oh fuck off
Stahl: tell me that was originalism
Scalia: get over it bitch
Stahl: you got involved in politics
Scalia: it's all Gore's fault for challenging the cheating in Florida
Stahl: but you appointed Bush President
Scalia: who gives a shit
Stahl: torture violates the 8th amendment
Scalia: no if you are crushing someone's balls or killing their child in front of them to get a confession that's not a punishment
Stahl: i am just speechless
Scalia: i win!!!
Stahl: you have 9 children
Scalia: what can i say whatever faults i have i'm not gay
Stahl: one son became a priest
Scalia: he took one for the team
Stahl: i'm not touching that one
Stahl: the other originalist is Thomas
Scalia: Thomas who?
Stahl: Justice Clarence Thomas
Scalia: never heard of him - do you have a picture
Stahl: [ shows picture ]
Scalia: oh right - the mute black guy
Stahl: you despaired for a country you didn't recognize
Scalia: but then Bush came along and fixed America
Stahl: yay!!
Scalia: i have devoted myself to persuading the next generation to hate minorities
Hateful Kids: yay!!
Stahl: why stay on the Court
Scalia: my hate and insecurity fuel me
Stahl: that doesn't sound healthy
Scalia: what can i say it's all i have
Stahl: what would you do if you retired
Scalia: Bush Secretary of Kicking Ass
60 Minutes
Guest: Justice Antonin Scalia
April 27, 2008
*****************************************************
Stahl: why not interpret the Constitution right?
Scalia: fuck that
Stahl: how can you know what the Founders wanted?
Scalia: oh trust me i know
Stahl: but values change
Scalia: well they shouldn't
Stahl: what is an originalist
Scalia: i am hated because i am right
Stahl: why do some people despise you and think you are evil
Scalia: i'm not against progress i just hate it
Stahl: abortion?
Scalia: let's not split the baby
Stahl: ha ha
Stahl: you hate civil rights and want to impose the Rule of Opus Dei
Scalia: i confess i'm a conservative but i don't want to impose my beliefs on other people - it's just very lucky for me that my philosophy matches my views exactly
Stahl: but you don't want to throw liberals in jail
Scalia: see how open minded i am
Stahl: but could you be wrong?
Scalia: of course not others are inferior to me
Stahl: Bader you like Scalia even though you hate logic
Ginsburg: he's a nutter
Scalia: she's nice but an idiot
Stahl: but you comes across as a jerk
Scalia: you must learn to get along with other people
Stahl: how would you know
Stahl: he called you self-righteous
Ginsburg: he's a big fat child
Stahl: do you takes his name-calling personally
Ginsburg: i am a grandmother so I’m used to it
Stahl: but he's an asshole
Ginsburg: but he's charming so it's ok
Stahl: this is how we ended up with president Stupid
Stahl: you act like a jerk but you are charming
Scalia: i am bit of an jerk
Stahl: Bush v Gore was not at all using original intent
Scalia: no we did the right thing - so there
Stahl: oh so intellectual you are
Scalia: oh fuck off
Stahl: tell me that was originalism
Scalia: get over it bitch
Stahl: you got involved in politics
Scalia: it's all Gore's fault for challenging the cheating in Florida
Stahl: but you appointed Bush President
Scalia: who gives a shit
Stahl: torture violates the 8th amendment
Scalia: no if you are crushing someone's balls or killing their child in front of them to get a confession that's not a punishment
Stahl: i am just speechless
Scalia: i win!!!
Stahl: you have 9 children
Scalia: what can i say whatever faults i have i'm not gay
Stahl: one son became a priest
Scalia: he took one for the team
Stahl: i'm not touching that one
Stahl: the other originalist is Thomas
Scalia: Thomas who?
Stahl: Justice Clarence Thomas
Scalia: never heard of him - do you have a picture
Stahl: [ shows picture ]
Scalia: oh right - the mute black guy
Stahl: you despaired for a country you didn't recognize
Scalia: but then Bush came along and fixed America
Stahl: yay!!
Scalia: i have devoted myself to persuading the next generation to hate minorities
Hateful Kids: yay!!
Stahl: why stay on the Court
Scalia: my hate and insecurity fuel me
Stahl: that doesn't sound healthy
Scalia: what can i say it's all i have
Stahl: what would you do if you retired
Scalia: Bush Secretary of Kicking Ass
Meet The Press with Howard Dean - April 27, 2008
*****************************************
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Democratic Debate - ABC - April 16, 2008
****************************************
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Sunday, April 06, 2008
60 Minutes with Doug Feith - April 6, 2008
*******************************************
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
Meet The Press - with Bob Casey and Ed Rendell - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Hardball with Chris Matthews with guest Senator Barack Obama
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)