Meet the Press
Host: Tim Russert
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
Russert: talk to me about your crazy Revered
Obama: look when i joined the church i was committing to Jesus Christ not the cult of Rev Right and when he married me and michelle he didn't yell out "I nao pronuonce you man and wife now kiss the bride and goddamm America!!!!!"
Russert: why did he pop up again
Obama: he's fuckin’ crazy and craves teh spotlight
Russert: he's a looney
Obama: oh i know
Russert: but i'm confused why didn't you disown him earlier
Obama: he's like my white granny - she's crazy too
Russert: i have one like that - she's hates the irish
Obama: i though you were irish
Russert: yeah but the men in my family are a bunch of fuckwits
Russert: but Rev. Right said hate speech on 9/11 when he said our chickens came home to roost
Obama: Bush says the same thing all the time
Russert: yeah but he's like a cowboy - it's so cool
Obama: i get it fat timmy
Russert: but he attacked America
Obama: yes no one in the history of this country has ever said something critical of the USA
Russert: not while wearing a dashiki and wagging his finger
Obama: ah now we have put the proverbial finger on it
Russert: he's not a blue collar Reagan Democrat - they can bash America all they want
Obama: I have gathered as much timster
Russert: ok let's move on a New Topic - what Rev. Right said in 2007
Obama: look he's an retired old man
Russert: you knew he's crazy and yet you didn't turn him into the police
Obama: that's true Tim
Russert: are you a black supremacist
Obama: look it's in my DNA that white and black can get along
Russert: but do you believe blacks are superior
Obama: talking to you Tim i do sometimes wonder
Obama: tiger woods jackie robinson bill russell michael jordan Jackie joyner kersee carl lewis jim brown
Russert: ok ok
Russert: will you appoint Wright Secretary of Hating Whitey
Obama: no of course not tim that's my wife's job
Russert: rev right has dominated the headlines
Obama: gee can't imagine why
Russert: you hate white people
Obama: i am part-white jackass
Russert: you look black to me
Obama: oh i know mr. russert - trust me i know
Russert: Do you hate america?
Obama: look Timmy my grandfather fought in WWII and my kenyan father came seeking an opportunity to plant his muslim seed here and have a son who would grow up to destroy America from within
Obama: no dumbass
Russert: white people hate you
Obama: they like Hillary after all she's famous and i'm so dood with a funny name
Russert: yur out of touch with averge people
Obama: yes hillary is worth $100 million and i'm from a single mom and michelle's dad was a factory worker
Russert: your skin reminds me a of a latte
Obama: oh christ
Obama: you know what's sacreligous is your nantucket home
Russert: why do hate poor people who have to pay the gas tax
Obama: i have news for Senator Pander-ton -- $28 is not going to lift America out of poverty
Russert: but you once voted for the same thing
Obama: and it didn't work
Russert: so you changed your mind
Russert: well that is crazy
Obama: look even hillary's people say this is only to get her through indiana - it's unserious pure politics
Russert: but john mccain gave me a hummer!
Obama: TMI Tim
Russert: food is expensive and Timmy needs to eats!!!
Obama: don't single out Ethanol besides we can use prarie grass
Russert: when do i get a flying car??
Obama: well Bush is president so until i get sworn in your are stuck with the SUVs
Russert: should we nuke indiana
Obama: well i was in Gary recently and honestly it wouldn't change it very much
Russert: but we use too much coal
Obama: we are the Saudi Arabia of Coal
Russert: and we are the Breadbasket of Bullshit
Obama: yee haw
Russert: hypothetically if Iran was about to attack Indianapolis would you favor attacking them first
Obama: Iran or Indianapolis?
Russert: Hmmm - Indianapolis
Obama: look Iran has the won Iraq war and we're not accomplishing anything
Russert: but the threat from Iran!
Obama: we should meet with them and tell them to stop meddling with the middle east
Russert: but the hypothetical genocide!!!
Obama: so that's why we invaded - to incite a genocide we must stay to prevent from happening?
Russert: makes sense to me
Hillary [on tape] : I will obliterate Iran!!
Obama: Hillary W. Bush, geez
Russert: but will you respond to this non-existent hypothetical threat???
Obama: iran doesn't even had nukes!
Russert: in my mind they do
Russert: should we have an umbrella of space nukes hovering over saudi arabia?
Obama: i am slightly troubled by this conversation given that is it is after all insane
Russert: just pick a country you would obliterate pleez
Obama: i would re-invade Afghanistan
Russert: well now we're getting somewhere
Obama: also Pakistan
Obama: they need food for their people and we need to catch Osama
Russert: about the election - will indiana be the tie breaker?
Obama: i am trying to tap into the of core spirit of decency of the American people
Russert: holy crap you are screwed
Russert: what if they steal the nomination from you
Obama: i hate john mccain so i would campaign for teh democrats
Russert: but the superdelegates could vote for hillary
Obama: you're assuming they all want to vote her
Russert: of course - otherwise there's no story
Obama: yes i can see that