Meet The Press - February 24, 2013

Guests:

Sec. of Transportation Ray LaHood

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)

Harold Ford

Peggy Noonan

Maria Bartiromo

Jim Cramer

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Gregory: OMG the sequester 

Blame Game has begun!

Audience: I'll take Rhyme Time for $1,000

Gregory: Ray will it still be safe to fly?

LaHood: yes but every other plane

will have a student-pilot in charge

Gregory: wow

LaHood: Congress could fix this 

problem by Friday!

Gregory: will the flying public suffer aggravation?

LaHood: flying willl be an even more 

soul-crushing experience than it was before

Gregory: will security be affected?

LaHood: no but beginning next week

all passengers will have to fly nude

Gregory: it's only a 2% cut in spending

- suck it up!

LaHood: it's a billion dollars and the law

doesn't allow us to shift funds around

Gregory: oh too bad

LaHood: Congress used to compromise

and now they're just insane

Gregory: Republicans say the cuts are no

big deal and the FAA has plenty of money

LaHood: they're idiots

Gregory: the American people want you

to tighten up and fly ship shape

LaHood: we're not making this crisis up Fluffy

Gregory: you said Obama is just

like Abraham Lincoln

LaHood: yes – he has assembled a team of weevils

Gregory: Obama is cheating by being popular

LaHood: go see the movie Fluffnuts

Gregory: I did – there were no

town cars in it at all – so misleading

LaHood: hey Congress – pull your

heads out of your assess!

Gregory: even if Obama is right

isn't this all his fault?

LaHood: he tried to fix it!

Gregory: what about meaningful debt reduction?!?

LaHood: oh do shut up Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Bayou Gilligan

Jindal: thanks David

Gregory: Bobby will the sequester

budget cuts hurt Louisana?

Jindal: these cuts are no big deal although

if they are terrible they're Obama's fault

even though they are very small cuts but

Obama needs to step up because no one

wants these terrible but very mild cuts

Gregory: what's the answer?

Jindal: repeal Obamacare

Patrick: Obama already cut $2.5 trillion

and anyway we need more spending

to create more jobs

Gregory: Obama says he won the

Presidential election so he should

get what he wants which is

a functioning government

Jindal: I love America but not

the American government

Gregory: fair enough

Jindal: Obama promised to slash spending

with very small but terrible cuts 
which are really not a big deal

Gregory: well put

Jindal: now is the time to reapeal these mild

but terrible cuts and replace them with drastic

but not-so-bad spending cuts

Patrick: I'm sorry but I don't speak gibberish

Gregory: what should Obama do?

Jindal: Obama must stop betraying

democracy by reaching out to the people

Patrick: criminy

Gregory: what else?

Jindal: cut taxes for rich people

Gregory: Peggy Noonan says Republicans

keep obstructing Obama which makes it all his fault

Patrick: no one turns a phrase like that loony

Gregory: I love her

Patrick: the Republicans' number one goal

was to make Obama a one-term President

and now their new goal is to make

themselves look foolish

Gregory: Bobby you are rejecting Obamacare?

Jindal: it would cost Lousiana

taxpayers $1 billion over 10 years

Patrick: that's all – in Massachusetts we

spend a billion dollars over 10 years

polishing the Kennedy teeth!

Jindal: I offered to meet with the President

and take over for him if he resigned

and surprisingly he said no

Patrick: in Massachusetts universal

health care is very popular

Gregory: what if patients brought

a gun to their doctor?

Jindal: that's a great idea – but first

let's keep a record of every person

with mental health problems

Gregory: what could go wrong?

Jindal: but yet again we see Obama

cheating by being popular

Patrick: that is so sad for you

Gregory: where would you rather live

– Massachusetts or Louisana?

Jindal: we lead America in jobs

cleaning up disastrous oil spills

Patrick: I'm so jealous [ rolls eyes ]

Jindal: we're creating more jobs

that Chris Christie

Gregory: how nice for you

Jindal: in Louisiana we're cutting taxes 
so we're going to turn the corner any day now

Patrick: in Massachusetts we have more 
brainy graduate students and lead 
the nation in Ben Affleck film locales

Gregory: can you be elected President when

your ideas are so right-wing?

Jindal: we must shrink government 
and raise taxes on the poor and  
cut them for the rich –  if that's right-wing 
then I'm guilty!

Gregory: I like it

Jindal: also Obama caused the recession

Patrick: oh dear [ sighs ]

Gregory: if you are for small government

then why not allow gay marriage?

Jindal: we lost in 2012 because we

failed to persuade people Obama caused

the recession – but we must not give up!

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: Ron Fournier says Obama

is CEO of America Inc. therefore 
everything is his fault even if he is right

Noonan: Obama has failed to lead

Republicans to sanity again

Gregory: right

Noonan: Obama says Republicans only

care about the rich which is true but mean

Gregory: Obama did win the election

Bartiromo: I am in touch with the

American public and they all think

Obama failed to lead

Gregory: the stock market must be

freaking out over Obama's terrible sequester

Bartiromo: no actually the market is

at an all time high

Gregory: wow not so bad then

Bartiromo: anyway Obama's sequester

threatens national security

Inskeep: Obama is a big old drama queen

– but also he is right

Gregory: Bob Woodward complains that

Obama is right but whines that Obama's

alternative to the sequester is different

from the sequester

Noonan: I bet Harold Ford disagrees

with my blaming Obama

Ford: surprisingly I agree with Peggy

that Obama is all wrong

Gregory: wow what a shock

Ford: also Maria Bartiromo is right –

also let's approve the Keystone pipeline,

drill for gas and repeal broadband regulations

Noonan: oh my [ swoons ]

Ford: also I agree with Peggy that

Obama is a very disappointing leader

Noonan: you're a nice young man 

and handsome too

Ford: I should have been the first black President!!!

[ sobs ]

Noonan: there there – have a drink Harold

[ drinks martini ]

Ford: cheers Peggers

[ drinks bourbon ]

Bartiromo: [ coughing fit ]

Cramer: the market which is full of

geniuses thinks the sequester won't happen

[ swallows pills ]

Gregory: we must have Medicare reform!!

Noonan: everyone in D.C. is so childish

but the four of us wise people

Inskeep: Republicans are very reasonable

as long as they can raise taxes without

calling it a tax hike

Ford: Obama won't lead on carried interest!

Cramer: we should have no more taxes ever

– except for the carried interest loophole -

that is outrageous

Bartiromo: interest rates will skyrocket someday!!

Gregory: people like you have been warning

about this forever and have always been wrong

Bartiromo: as soon as the unwashed figure it out –

interest rates will go high – I promise!!

Gregory: Steve Case who merged  
Time Warner and AOL says 
Washington should do good stuff

Inskeep: it's true Boehner sounds like a

crazy person but in private I can assure 
he's nice but a little stupid

Gregory: Obama must cut Medicare!

Inskeep: Republicans are willing to do the

right thing as long as their base doesn't

find out about it

[ break ]

Gregory: I want to discuss dancing

Betsy: negative David!

Gregory: ok ok - can Chris Christie 

beat Hillary Clinton?

Ford: I like Bobby Jindal and not Palin

Gregory: you are so wise Harold

Noonan: a great politician emulate Reagan 
and just run offering big spending 
and tax cuts – people like that

Gregory: Peggy tell me your predictions on the Pope

Noonan: this is unknown territory –

I think Daniel Day Lewis has the inside track

Gregory: wow

Noonan: also we should try not have

a Pope involved in a worldwide

child rape conspiracy

Gregory: Oscar picks!

Bartiromo: don't forget Les Miz!

Inskeep: I like Abraham Lincoln so what the hell

Gregory: Americans learn their history from movies

like Lincoln, Argo, Zero Dark Thirty and The Help

Cramer: my ticket to Silver Linings Playbook

was covered by my mental health plan

Gregory: wow that's generous

Cramer: have you seen my show –

I need platinum coverage for the mentally disturbed

Gregory: good point Jim –

and that's another episode of

Meet The Press

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