Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK)
Stephanopoulos: OMG it snowed in Boston!
Stephanopoulos: what about the
State of the Union Address?
Karl: it will be about jobs, the middle class,
guns and solar panels
Stephanopoulos: ever since Obama won
re-election he's become an arrogant bastard
Karl: Obama will call for cutting
entitlements by arguring they crowd out
spending on education and other
things hippies like
Ellison: we will invite victims of
gun violence to the Capitol
Stephanopoulos: can they bring their guns?
Cole: we may be able to get a law
requiring background checks on
mental health – but no national registry
or any limits on the right to buy a gun
Stephanopoulos: then what's the point
of the background check?
Cole: we just want to know who in
America is crazy and not already in Congress
Ellison: even NRA members
want background checks!
Stephanopoulos: Obama is not as popular
as Ronald Reagan or Honey Boo Boo
Cutter: Obama can finally tell the whole
nation we need to make tough choices
Wallace: Obama gave a mean nasty
combative Inaugural Address and
Republicans are finally ready to stop
being so nice and accomodating to Obama
Karl: ha ha
Wallace: Marco Rubio will engage in
an epic battle of idea by also saying
he loves the middle class
Cutter: the inaugural address was a
bunch of popular and necessary ideas
Stephanopoulos: people don't care
about guns or climate change
Stephanopoulos: the sequester was
considered totally unacceptable
so of course now it will happen
Cole: the sequester was all Obama's idea
and he won't offer an alternative
Stephanopoulos: you are not willing
to compromise at all
Cole: true because that would
Ellison: dude you voted for
sequester and I voted against it
Cole: Ralph you can use facts
to prove anything
Ellison: the sequester will put 600,000
people out of work, raise the debt,
hurt businesses, and increase uncertainty
Cole: a small price to pay for cutting the debt
Ellison: it will increase the debt!
Cole: a small price to pay
Karl: there is no chance of a deal
at all because the GOP loves the
sequester because they are finally
getting spending cuts after all these years
Wallace: the American people are
sick of big spending in Washington
– even the Pentagon!
Karl: amazingly even Republicans
admit the defense budget can be cut
Wallace: that's true as long as we
have enough guns
Stephanopoulos: but won't sequester
cause a recession?
Cutter: yes - it's insane
Stephanopoulos: what's Obama's plan?
Cutter: he proposed a budget plan
two years ago – it's balanced
Cole: Obama does not have a
proposal on the table
Cutter: yes he does
Cole: no he doesn't
Ellison: this will cops firefighters
and teachers to lose their jobs
Cutter: no sane person wants these
cuts to actually happen
Cole: I do
Cutter: 10,000 teachers will lose their jobs
Wallace: stop crying you crybabies
Stephanopoulos: also the U.S.
Government is about to run out of money
Karl: that's the real battle – should
we even have a government??
Stephanopoulos: Who is the Republican
savior – Marco Rubio, Rand Paul
or Bobby Jindal?
Cole: Republicans did really
well in 2012 elections!
Stephanopoulos: well not really
Cole: we have to stop being
the Party of Morons and become
the Party of Dead Rap Stars
Wallace: Marco Rubio knows
George H.W. Bush and he is is a working dad
who is also in touch with Tupac
Ellison: I don't care if he wrote
Ambitionz as a Ridah
Wallace: Obama stole his immigration
plan from Rubio
Cole: Rubio is leading at great
risk to himself – Obama is not leading!
Cutter: that's another lie
Cutter: will the GOP endorse
Rubio's brave immigration bill?
Cole: don't talk crazy
Stephanopoulos: is Chris Christie
too fat to be President?
Karl: Chris Christie is the greatest
Governor in America
Karl: but he should lose weight –
he could America's next
adorable biggest loser
Wallace: he should stop yelling at
people to shut up – that sort of thing
may fly in New Jersey but not in
Washington where people say
they respect you then stab you in the back
Stephanopoulos: but not literally
Wallce: well no
Stephanopoulos: so it's even more
different from New Jersey
Wallace: touche George