Leon Panetta (Secretary of Defense)
Gen. Martin Dempsey (Chair, Joint Chiefs of Staff)
Todd: omg the very liberal Republican
Chuck Hagel faced tough questioning
from the guy who lost to Barack Obama!
Todd: Leon does Chuck Hagel hate Israel?
Panetta: Israel? Dammit we're still fighting two wars!
Todd: Israel was mentioned 130 times
which proves what is really important
Dempsey: cripes I got boys dying
in Afghanistan right now
Todd: do you support Chuck Hagel?
Dempsey: he seems smarter
than Graham or McCain
Todd: that's not saying much
Dempsey: I know that
Todd: we can't vote for a new
Secretary of Defense until we have
another hearing on Benghazi
Panetta: I love how insane
these Republicans are
Todd: but Benghazi is the most
important event since Gettysburg
Panetta: Chucky I heard you
were a moron
Dempsey: we've learned a lot
Todd: what is that?
Dempsey: next time after an attack
invade Grenada and no one will notice
Todd: was preventing an attack
in Turkey a success?
Panetta: no genius it was a failure
Todd: do defense spending cuts
hurt the economy?
Panetta: yes the Pentagon is a huge
and unncessary but useful jobs program
Todd: will sequester be bad?
Panetta: let me put it this way – America
will probably be invaded by Monaco
Todd: will the defense cuts happen or not?
Panetta: I hope not
Todd: what if the cuts happen?
Panetta: we'll all end up speaking Monacoese
Dempsey: it's worse than that – we may
have to cut the number of golf courses
the defense department has!
Todd: oh my god
Dempsey: also we have to lay
off half of Americans
Todd: please bash Obama for me
Panetta: you know chuckie
your haircut looks stupid
Todd: I know that – how bad is Obama?
Panetta: Congress must restore
our budget and cut Medicaid!
Todd: how can we kill lots of North Africa
muslims without fighting a war?
Panetta: we've killed al-qeada leaders
all over the world
Todd: but you ignored Mali
Panetta: hey dipshit the terrorists in
Yemen put bombs on planes!
Todd: like John Carter?
Panetta: gah! [ strangles Todd ]
Todd: what is our policy in North Africa –
democracy or stability –
because you can't have both
Panetta: we can have instability and no democracy
Todd: Is Iran building a nuclear bomb?
Panetta: not right now - but they are
Todd: well why else would they do that?
Panetta: maybe they're baking a delicious rich cake
Todd: a yellow cake?
Panetta: I'm gonna punch that
smirk off your face Chuckster
[ punches Todd ]
Todd: can we stop Iran from building a nuke?
Dempsey: I can do it personally if I wanted to
Todd: really – you can stop
from them building a bomb?
Dempsey: we make them decide not to want a bomb
Todd: how so?
Dempsey: threatening to send John Kerry
there until their change their minds
Todd: what's the plan in Afghanistan?
Panetta: we're never leaving
Todd: we're actually staying there
with thousands of troops?
Dempsey: we have to – after we invaded
their country we promised them we wouldn't leave
Todd: what is the mission in Afghanistan?
Panetta: a safe and secure country
Todd: but tourism there is nowhere
near as fun as Disneyland
Panetta: I wouldn't be too sure about that –
there is a war going on but
the wait times aren't as bad
Todd: will women ruin the military?
Dempsey: I'd love the chance to whip
your ass into shape Chuckles
Todd: no thanks
Demp: I'd make a real man out of you
Todd: did we use torture to get bin Laden?
Panetta: yes but we would have gotten him anyway
Todd: Clinton or Biden in 2016 ?
Panetta: Biden has been a Senator forever
and Hillary has been everywhere
and knows everything
[ break ]
Todd: Chuck Hagel seemed unprepared
at his hearing
Brooks: he should have defended himself
– he's gonna run the Pentagon!
Todd: McCain is obsessed with The Surge
– is it personal between them?
Navarro: Hagel did a terrible job –
look at how cool Hillary was
Todd: she was awesome
Navarro: I looked at Chuck Hagel
and thought I shaved my legs for this?
Todd: I grew a goatee to make me look cool
Gibbs: John McCain lost the 2008 election
and he can't get over it
Todd: so you say
Gibbs: who cares about the Surge
– it was years ago!
Todd: should Chuck Hagel resign?
Gibbs: no and you are an idiot
Todd: isn't Chuck Hagel just like Harriet Miers?
Reed: wow I agree with you!
Reed: Hagel is terrible and soft on Iran!
Todd: I know!
Reed: Hagel doesn't care about the
murder of our troops!
Todd: oh my good!
Navarro: Hagel is weak!
Brooks: It's awful!
Todd: so we all agree!
Gibbs: no – you're all idiots
Todd: you advise Marco Rubio
Navarro: yes – also he is very courageous
and wise and handsome
Todd: such a good point – but the
National Review says latinos will not
vote GOP ever and also the
Holocaust was not senseless
Reed: Republicans have lost 4 of 6 elections
– maybe the National Review should shut up
Todd: go oh Ralph
Reed: the ancient Israelites teach us
to love the immigrants, punish lawbreakers,
and never eat shellfish or wear two different fibers
Brooks: I love immigrants because they
work hard but they don't get Social Security
Todd: here is a picture of Obama
shooting a groundhog
Gibbs: holy crap you make David Gregory
look like Edward R. Murrow
Todd: Ralph can radical christians support
background checks for obtaining killing devices
Reed: no because guns are god's way
letting white people feel better about
having a black President
Navarro: of course we should support
background checks – the NRA is crazee
[ break ]
Todd: is professional football safe?
Costas: no but Roger Goddell is a good
man worried about billions in lawsuits
and parents taking their kids out of football
and having them play with something safe like guns
Todd: I have a 5 year-old son and I talk
about this with other Dads all the time
Costas: players support big hits but will
still donate their brains to trauma research
Costas: even legal hits are like
a surviving a major car accident
Todd: Alex Smith lost his job after
self-reporting a head injury
Costas: just like Rick Perry
Todd: Teddy Roosevelt created the NCAA
to reform college sports
Costas: how did that work out?
Todd: it's one of the most corrupt
organizations in America
Costas: and the Juniors Seau are all dead
Todd: does the NFL go the way of boxing?
Costas: professional football is
Todd: wow – and now –
onto the big game!!
Costas: [ palmface ]
Todd: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press