Gene Sperling – White House economic advisor
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
Stephanopoulos: OMG the Sequester Has Landed!
Sperling: the President and Congress
signed these cuts into law that were
considered so awfully terrible no one
could ever possibly consider them
Stephanopoulos: that's crazy
Sperling: if Republicans hate immigrats
they should oppose these cuts because
we have to fire border patrol agents and
let lots of Mexicans into America
Stephanopoulos: Republicans say
Obama can make sequester less painful
Sperling: what if someone threatens
to cut off three fingers but you get
to choose which ones - how is that good?
Stephanopoulos: if they were someone
Sperling: Republicans said they
wanted to close tax loopholes and
now they won't do it
Stephanopoulos: Mayor Bloomberg
says Obama is just posturing
Sperling: so is he
Stephanopoulos: janitors won't actually
get less pay – isn't Obama hyping the threat?
Sperling: no it will cost 750,000 jobs
and wreck the economy
Stephanopoulos: did you really threaten
to break Bob Woodward's kneecaps?
Sperling: yes but only as a friend
and he thanked me later
Stephanopoulos: he seemed very scared
Sperling: I've know Bob for 20 years
and he's always been a weasel
Stephanopoulos: but you said he
would regret saying something stupid
which is threatening
Sperling: we both care about policy and
he also cares about playing a big
victim on Fox News
Stephanopoulos: Welcome Kelly Ayotte –
what about the sequester – is it hype or real?
Ayotte: it's real – our troops are threatened
– the rest is fake
Ayotte: the sequester was all Obama's idea!
Stephanopoulos: but it was in response
to GOP debt ceiling demands
Ayotte: Ronald Reagan would never
accept these cuts in doubled defense spending
Ayotte: we could protect our high defense spending
Ayotte: let's freeze pay for all federal
employees and cut food stamps
Stephanopoulos: Linsday Graham is
willing to raise taxes in exchange
for cutting Social Security – how about that?
Ayotte: I would be willing to cut Social
Security in exchange for lowering taxes
Stephanopoulos: so you would be willing
cut Medicare in exchange for more revenue
Ayotte: yes in exchange for lower taxes
and also lower spending and cuts in
Medicare and Medicaid
Stephanopoulos: sounds like the
makings of deal – up next Dennis Rodman!
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: OMG Dennis Rodman
stroked the dolphin with the vicious
dictator of North Korea
Rodman: it was great experience George
Stephanopoulos: you said you loved him -
but he threatens America
Rodman: he's a good friend and
lovely human being
Stephanopoulos: did you prop up his horrible regime?
Rodman: people in that country respect
Kim Jong-Un and love him
Stephanopoulos: aren't the people there
forced to love him or be tortued and killed?
Rodman: not that I saw - they just
spontaneously burst into songs
about him when he walks by
Stephanopoulos: what does he want from America?
Rodman: he just wants Obama to call him
Stephanopoulos: why doesn't he call Obama?
Rodman: he tried but Obama unfriended
him on Facebook and blocked him Twitter
Stephanopoulos: what purpose did your trip serve?
Rodman: Kim loves basketball!
Obama loves basketball! There's your
peace agreement right there!
Stephanopoulos: does he wants to nuke
an American city?
Rodman: no he wants just wants peace
love and absolute utter worship
Stephanopoulos: he said he wants to
Rodman: oh that's just his Dad talking
Stephanopoulos: so you think he's not
so bad for a vicious dictator
Rodman: no no - he's really a great guy!
Stephanopoulos: he put 200,000
people in prison camps
Rodman: oh yeah maybe - but we have
that in America too
Stephanopoulos: we do not have
massive prison camps here Dennis
Rodman: he doesn't really want to
kill his own people – he loves them –
he's just under a lot of pressure!
Stephanopoulos: he's a reluctant murderer?
Rodman: exactly - he's my bro and
bros gotta stick together
Stephanopoulos: he's an evil man
Rodman: you don't abandon a friend
just because of a little genocide –
after all Bill Clinton had sex with an intern
Stephanopoulos: that's hardly a good comparison
Rodman: it's the Guy Code dude
Stephanopoulos: will you go back?
Rodman: absolutely – I love my new psychotic friend
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: could this help
prop up Kim Jong Un
Smith: not really because people
there know he's insane
Stephanopoulos: could the trip help with diplomacy?
Smith: it might – look we need
to talk to him even if he is a dictator
Stephanopoulos: thanks for the insight