Sunday, March 17, 2013

Meet The Press - March 17, 2013

Cardinal Francis George
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA)
Kathleen Kennedy Townshend
Chris Matthews
Frank Keating
Carly Fiorina
Ana Navarro
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
Gregory: OMG we just got Francis' first Papal tweet!

Francis: ciao #thenewpope

George: the style is the substance

Gregory: what does this new pope mean
for the United States?

George: the latin guy can reach out to hispanics

Gregory: that makes sense

George: the Catholic church has gone global!

Gregory: can Francis reach out to Americans more?

George: Pope Benedict was very shy and
Francis is a pastor - also he likes baseball

Gregory: can he close the chapter
on sex abuse in the Church

George: no you don't close the chapter
because there are still victims

Gregory: fair enough

George: we've gotten rid of the perpetrators
and tried to make sure it won't happen again
but hey you never know

Gregory: Gary Bauer says the catholic church 
must stop gay marriage and abortion – 
how can you do that?

George: invoke the Holy Spirit!

Gregory: is that enough?

George: praise the lord and pass the admonition

Gregory: a lot of people use birth control you know

George: nations come and go Fluffy
the Catholic church is forever

Gregory: most impressive

Gregory: I don't care for your political 
labels there is only truth and false at 
least until the Church changes its mind

Gregory: how did you elect a Pope anyway?

George: a dance-off

Gregory: really?

George: no I'm just kidding

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Tweety can the church be reformed?

Matthews: Jesus was a nice Jewish 
boy who cared for the poor

Gregory: ha as a Jew I love it

Matthews: we're not going to slack on abortion
but sure we can have female priests

Gregory: this Pope is Latino!

Ana Navarro: we love it – we don't
even care he's Argentinian

Gregory: ha!

Navarro: he knows our history of political repression

Gregory: indeed he does

Navarro: the Vatican needs an outsider
to clean house promote women

Gregory: Kathleen you think the church
needs to worry less about abortion and
more about suffering and injustice

Townshend: he took the name Francis and
rode the bus – those are good signs for humility

Gregory: and he paid his own bar tab

Townshend: Jesuits believe you should care
about the poor and fix yourself

Matthews: RFK's middle name was Francis!

Gregory: how can the Pope use Twitter better?

Keating: it's very exciting to have a
Jesuit with my first name!

Gregory: I will call him Pope Frank

Keating: we need to reach out and 
care about the poor

Gregory: the Church is way out-of-touch 
even with Catholics

Matthews: the Church was way too slow to
respond to the abuse scandal because they
are covering up a lot of other stuff

Navarro: catholics like me just can't
get over the abuse and cover-up

Keating: I chaired the church's abuse
review board and we were horrified

Gregory: well sure

Keating: but the bishops were up-front 
and aggressive

Gregory: really?

Keating: well no

Gregory: can the Church prevent gay marriage
when they covered up child rape for decades?

Townshend: the nuns have been liberated
to take control of the church and stop
the men just focusing on sex

Gregory: that's a tall order

Navarro: the pope is just a regular human
who can make mistakes

Gregory: clearly

Matthews: American Catholics don't want
to impose their beliefs on other people

Gregory: is that right?

Matthews: there is a an American religion
and that is American is Awesome

Gregory: Amen!

[ break ]

Gregory: people think Obama doesn't like Israel
but he's visiting Theodr Herzl's grave –
what more do people want?

[ break ]

McCarthy: Obama said deficits don't matter

Gregory: actually that was Dick Cheney

Gregory: Chris is the debt a problem or not?

Van Hollen: unemployment causes the
deficit so if we grow jobs it will lower the debt

Gregory: if that's what it takes to 
lower the debt I suppose we could try it

McCarthy: no - it's a trap - Democrats are 
building up debt so they can wreck the country

Gregory: Paul Ryan can't be serious
about repealing Obamacare

McCarthy: Obama's debts caused
the recession in 2008

Gregory: they did?

McCarthy: debts hurt small business!  
Obama's debt caused the recession in 2009!

Van Hollen: this is completely insane –
they count savings from Obamacare in
their budget which repeals Obamacare!

Gregory: yes but people love lower
taxes and don't like higher taxes

Van Hollen: even Republicans would raise
taxes on the middle class to pay for tax
cuts for rich people

Gregory: is there any ratio of tax cuts
to spending cuts you would accept?

McCarthy: Obama spends too much time filling
out his March Madness brackets instead 
of cutting taxes, slashing spending 
and eliminating entitlements

Gregory: oh that's helpful

McCarthy: the democrats raise medicare!

Gregory: what the hell does that even mean?

McCarthy: the President never talks 
about cutting spending

Van Hollen: we cut $1.2 trillion!

McCarthy: that doesn't comport with my world view

Gregory: what about gun background checks?

McCarthy: the President never puts people
in jail for failing a background check!

Gregory: can we at least get bipartisan
agreement on the Keystone pipeline?

Van Hollen: no because it will make
climate change worse

McCarthy: this is common sense –
it will create 20,000 jobs!

Van Hollen: we're drilling more than
George W. Bush ever did

McCarthy: that doesn't count –
Obama isn't drilling in national parks

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama says we don't have debt crisis
and that we need to fix the economy

Walker: less spending leads to economic growth

Gregory: Democrats are not going to cut entitlements for you

Walker: yes it's a real problem –
the solution is to compromise by cutting taxes

Matthews: Republicans don't want to be
blamed for cutting Medicare

Gregory: Rand Paul says the GOP is covered
in moss and Marco Rubio says America is Awesome

Navarro: the GOP is like a dude with a split
personality having a healthy debate with himself

Keating: I don't agree with Rand Paul that  
the future of the Republican party 
is to legalize heroin and eliminate NATO

Gregory: what is it?

Keating: blaming Obama for the depression of 2008

Walker: the GOP will empower you with
the freedom to marry the person we want

Gregory: Senator Portman says gay people
should be allowed to experience the utter
soul-crushing misery of an unhappy marriage

Townshend: if you want economic growth
we should spend more money now

Walker: there are no gay people in Wisconsin

Gregory: why not – is it the cheese?

Walker: no they are too worried about
the terrible economy I preside over to have sex

Keating: the federal government should not
bludgeon states on civil rights – let them decide
who has fundamental liberties and who doesn't

Matthews: what about the pursuit of 
happiness and equal civil rights?

Walker: maybe the government shouldn't 
sanction marriage at all

Matthews: oh that's just a cop out

Navarro: bigotry is a personal choice which must be tolerated

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Tyya's dad won't fall for absorb anything tolerable at the roll up - no ice cream, no candy, no cookies. But when the saleslady puts a amount sticker on Tyya's nose, Daddy is conclusively overwhelming to pervert something uncorrupted